by Kate Hardy
‘I don’t have to. I’ve seen it before.’ The way he said it, Luce knew that whatever he’d witnessed it had been up close and far too personal.
Frowning, she made an educated guess. ‘Your parents?’
‘Yeah.’ Ben topped up their wine glasses, even though neither of them had drunk very much. ‘Dad...his life was the business. Everything came second to Hampton & Sons. Even the sons.’
How must that have felt? Knowing he was less important than a building? Luce couldn’t imagine. Her family might expect a lot from her, but at least she always knew they needed her.
‘And your mum?’ she asked.
Ben blew out a long breath. ‘Mum would follow him around from business opportunity to networking dinner, smiling when he wanted her to smile, wearing what he wanted her to wear. She gave up her whole life to satisfy him, until finally she realised she’d given up herself.’
‘She left?’
‘When I was eight.’ Ben stared into the fire. ‘She just...she couldn’t do it any more. We didn’t see her much after that. And then she died two years later.’
Luce swallowed, her heart heavy in her chest. ‘I’m sorry. I never knew.’ She could almost imagine him, ten years old, perfectly turned out in a suit at his mother’s graveside. His heart must have broken. Was that when he’d given up on family?
Ben shrugged. ‘No reason you should. Anyway, that’s why. My life—it’s all about fixing things and moving on. Just like Dad. And I won’t subject a wife or a child to that.’
‘So you just don’t let anyone get close enough to want it?’ Couldn’t he see how bleak that existence was?
‘Seems easiest.’ He drained his wine and poured himself another glass. ‘So, what about you? What is it that makes you believe that bricks and mortar are important? I mean, I’m all for lucrative property opportunities. But your house is more than that to you, isn’t it?’
‘It’s home,’ Luce agreed. ‘It always will be.’
‘So tell me. What makes it home?’
Luce glanced over and saw that Ben’s eyes were closed, as if by not being able to see her he was distancing himself from the question he was asking. But if he wanted to understand what made a house a home, she wasn’t going to deny him.
‘It was my grandfather’s house, originally. I told you that, right?’ She trailed her finger around the stem of her glass, trying to find the words to explain what the house meant to her. ‘He bought it after he moved to Cardiff with Grandma and made a little money, back in the fifties. It’s not in a great area, but it’s still more than I could afford to buy today. And it’s close to the university.’
‘He left it to you?’
Luce nodded. ‘When he died, yeah. We grew up there, you see. My father left when Dolly was a baby, and my Mum...that’s when she retreated to her own bubble. Grandad moved us in, helped bring us up. Grandma had been dead for years, and the house was too big for just him, he always said.’
‘You were his favourite, though,’ Ben said. ‘If he left you the house instead of your mum or your brother and sister.’
The unfairness of that act caught in Luce’s chest every time she thought about it. ‘It wasn’t that, exactly. He relied on me to take care of them. The house needs a lot of work, and I don’t think he thought they’d manage it. They all know it’s still their home, too.’
‘So you even give them your house?’ Ben’s eyes opened wide to stare at her. ‘You really do give up everything for them, don’t you?’
The cosy warmth of the fire started to cool and Luce pulled away a little. ‘I don’t expect you to understand,’ she said, leaning back against the arm of the sofa.
Ben shrugged. ‘Like I told you, home for me was hotels, after Mum left and Dad gave up the house. I used to think maybe I’d missed out, when I was a kid away at boarding school. But I like moving on—finding new things, new places.’
‘But you bought this cottage,’ Luce pointed out. ‘You did it up, made it a home. You brought me here.’
She regretted the words as soon as they were spoken. She knew she shouldn’t read more into that than a whim, an emergency pit stop in the snow. But it was so hard not to.
When she looked up his face was closed, his eyes staring over her head. ‘The cottage is an investment. I’ll probably sell it soon.’
The thought of Ben giving up his escape, the closest thing he’d had to a home in years, without even realising what it meant, was too depressing to contemplate.
Looking away into the fire, she said, ‘Doesn’t look like the power’s going to come back on tonight.’
‘Yeah, I doubt it.’ Ben gave her a look she couldn’t quite read, then added, ‘We’ll have to see how the roads look in the morning.’
No. No way. Maybe she understood him a little better now, but that didn’t mean she could stay here any longer and not go crazy. ‘I’m sure they’ll be fine.’ Getting to her feet, she added, ‘And a good night’s sleep will do us both some good before the drive. I’ll see you in the morning.’
She didn’t look back, didn’t check his expression, didn’t wait for him to wish her goodnight. Even so, she barely made it to the door before the sound of his voice stopped her in her tracks.
‘What if I said you were worth breaking my rule for?’ he asked, so low she almost thought she must have misheard.
She turned back to face him, her heart thumping against her ribcage. ‘But I’m not. I’m just the same Lucinda Myles you made fun of at university.’
Ben shook his head. ‘You’re so much more than I ever saw.’
Luce gave him a half-smile. ‘So are you.’
And then, before she could change her mind, she shut the bedroom door behind her and climbed, fully clothed, into the freezing bed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
BEN HAD PASSED a fitful night on the sofa, his dreams filled with dark hair and brick walls. But at least he’d been warm, he reasoned. Luce must have been half frozen in her lonely bed, if the way she’d appeared in front of the freshly banked fire before the sun had risen was any indication.
‘Happy Christmas Eve,’ she murmured as she held her hands out to the flames. Her suitcase leant beside the front door, just as it had in Chester, waiting to leave.
He sat up, blankets falling to his waist, and motioned at the case. ‘You’re still hoping to make it back to Cardiff today, then?’
‘I have to.’
‘To cook dinner for your family,’ he said, a little disbelievingly.
‘To spend Christmas with them,’ she corrected. ‘Don’t you want to get back to London to spend it with your brother?’
‘I think Seb wants me there for a business meeting rather than to sing carols round the piano.’ Come to think of it, what did Seb want him there for? He’d been so preoccupied with Luce he’d barely given the strange conversation with his brother another thought.
‘Fine. Maybe you don’t care about family, or home, or Christmas. But I need to get back. Will you drive me?’
She looked down at him, eyes wide and dark, her hair curling around her face, and Ben knew he couldn’t say no to her.
‘If the roads are clear.’ It wasn’t a promise, but it felt like one all the same.
Luce nodded. ‘I’ll pack up the car.’
The roads weren’t clear, not by anyone’s definition. But the snow had stopped, and by lunchtime the tractors were out clearing some of the local thoroughfares. Once Ben had spent another hour digging his four-by-four out of the snow that had built up around it, and reversed onto the track, the journey looked manageable.
Still, it wasn’t until they got out of the Brecon Beacons National Park and onto larger roads that Ben finally felt his shoulders start to relax as he settled into the drive. He’d driven through worse weather, especially up in the hills in F
rance, by the château, but that didn’t mean it was his preferred time to travel. Didn’t mean he wasn’t still annoyed with Luce for making him.
That’s why. That’s the only reason. Nothing to do with her leaving me.
Something he wasn’t going to think about until this drive was over.
As they entered Cardiff Luce gave quiet, monotone directions to her house and Ben could feel his time with her slipping away. Being wasted. But what was the point? Her family would always be more important than him. And he would never be able to give her enough to make her stay. Neither one of them was going to change now, if they hadn’t already. Why put himself through that?
Eventually he pulled up outside a row of townhouses, most of them converted into flats. Luce had the car door open almost before he’d switched the engine off, so he got out and went to open the boot for her.
‘Want me to carry this in for you?’ He hefted her suitcase out of the car and rested it on the pavement, his fingers still on the handle.
Luce shook her head. ‘I can manage.’
And wasn’t that her all over? ‘Fine,’ he said, relinquishing his hold.
She paused, biting down on her lip again, and Ben tried to ignore the heat that flooded through him at the sight.
‘Thank you,’ she said, finally. ‘For this week.’
‘I know it wasn’t what you planned. But I hope you found the time away...useful.’
‘I did, actually.’ She sounded surprised.
‘Good.’
What else was there left to say?
Awkward silence stretched between them until Luce motioned towards her front door and said, ‘I’d better go and get ready.’
‘The dinner party.’ Ben nodded, his neck feeling stiff. ‘Of course.’
‘I know it doesn’t seem like—’
‘It’s your life,’ he interrupted, too tired to have the argument again. ‘Do whatever you want, Luce.’
As he got back into the car he could have sworn he heard her say, ‘That’s the problem.’ But by the time he turned round she’d already gone inside.
He thought about going straight back to the cottage, but he knew the memory of her would linger there. He’d call his usual cleaning lady, get her to clear the place out so that all reminders would be gone by his next visit.
He could check into a hotel, he supposed, if any had a spare room on Christmas Eve. But suddenly he wanted to see his brother. He wanted to know what Seb had planned next for the business. Something about this time with Luce had left him unsettled, unsure. And he needed something to throw himself into.
Decision made, he climbed back into the car and headed east, watching the snow that had disrupted his life thin and finally disappear as he sped along the M4.
He drove straight to Seb’s office, figuring—correctly—that even late on Christmas Eve his brother would still be hard at work.
‘You look terrible,’ Seb said, as Ben sprawled in the visitor’s chair on the opposite side of their dad’s antique desk.
The usual unease and uncertainty rose up in Ben, just as it always had when Dad had been in residence behind the desk, but he clamped down on it, folded his ankle up on one knee and leant back, arms spread along the arms of the chair. Disrespectful and uncaring. Because Seb didn’t need good posture to know he had his respect, and his dad wasn’t there to care any more.
Neither is Luce.
‘Hell of a drive in,’ Ben said. ‘Hills are practically snowbound.’
Seb’s eyebrows pulled down into a frown. ‘This could have waited, you know. Until the weather cleared, at least.’
Ben shrugged. ‘Needed to get back anyway.’
With a knowing look, Seb settled back in his chair. ‘Ah. Time to let the latest girlfriend know she was only temporary, right? I’m just amazed you managed more than one night. Time to retire your rule at last?’
‘No,’ Ben said, shortly. ‘The rule stays. And it’s Christmas Eve. She had some family thing she had to get back for.’
Ben stared out of the window, trying to ignore the sense of wrongness that filled him when Seb talked about Luce as one of his girlfriends. Why did it feel so different? Hadn’t it followed the exact same pattern it always did? A bit of fun, discovering they were entirely different people, and then going their separate ways. Except this time they’d known just how different they were before they even went out to dinner. They’d wanted each other anyway.
Seb hadn’t said anything, Ben realised. When he drew his attention back to his brother he found Seb watching him, a contemplative look in his eye.
‘What?’ Ben asked, shifting to sit properly on the chair.
‘Nothing. Just...she was different? This girl?’
‘Luce,’ Ben said, automatically. ‘And I don’t know what you mean.’
‘You said she was an old friend,’ Seb clarified, and a sense of relief came over Ben.
‘Yeah. We knew each other in university. So what?’
‘Nothing,’ Seb said again.
Ben didn’t believe him. Time to change the subject. ‘So—come on. I’ve driven through snowstorms and London traffic to get here. What did you want to meet with me about?’
Seb blinked, tapping a pen against his desk as if trying to remember. Finally he said, ‘I’ve got a new job for you. If you’re interested.’
‘A “your mission, should you choose to accept it” type thing?’ He hoped so. Preferably something far away, completely absorbing and with no reminders of Luce. That sounded pretty much perfect.
‘Sort of.’ Seb sighed. ‘Look. I’m trying to find the right way to say this.’
‘Sounds ominous.’
‘I don’t want you thinking you’re not good at your job.’
‘I am excellent at my job,’ Ben said. ‘And since when do you worry about my ego?’
‘Since when do you take women to your cottage?’ Seb countered.
‘Just say it. Whatever it is.’
‘Okay. So... Although you are passably good at your job—’
‘Excellent at, I think I said.’
‘You don’t love it.’
Ben looked at his brother in surprise. ‘It’s a job, Seb. I don’t have to love it. I just have to do it.’
‘Maybe not. But I think you could love it.’
Things started to fall into place for Ben. ‘I know what this is. You’re worried that I’m still angry Dad left control of the business to you. I told you—I don’t want it. Too much responsibility for me. I like the travel. I like the money. I like making things happen. I don’t want to be stuck behind that desk for the rest of my life.’
‘Like you think I will be?’ Seb looked at him. ‘You think I’m going to turn into Dad.’
‘Not if you choose not to.’ Ben shrugged. ‘Besides, it’s different. You haven’t got a wife and kids like Dad did.’
‘Maybe I’d like to have those things, though. One day.’
‘Really?’ Ben shook his head. ‘Nah—can’t see it. You’ll sit there and manage the business, I’ll go out and about and make things happen, and neither of us will drag any kids from boarding school to hotel for their entire childhood. It’s all good.’
‘And that would be enough for you?’
‘Yeah. Of course it would. What are you thinking? That I need a private jet to make my life complete?’
‘Honestly? I think you need a home. I think you need someone to come home to. I know everything with Mum screwed up that ideal for you, and maybe it was easier for me, being away at boarding school already. But it wasn’t your problem to fix. You can’t fix problems, only situations. And, Ben, it’s time to move on. Time to grow up at last.’
But Seb hadn’t seen it. Hadn’t seen their mother falling apart day by day. He’d already been aw
ay, engrossed in school and friends and sport. He’d already moved on before Mum had.
Ben had been the only one there to try to make things right for her. And he hadn’t been able to.
‘I think you’re crazy.’ Pushing against the arms of the chair, Ben stood up. ‘And if that’s all you wanted to talk to me about—’
‘I haven’t finished.’ When Ben remained standing, Seb sighed. ‘Just sit down, Ben. I promise to stay on topic. Business only. Your shambles of a private life is your own.’
‘Yeah, like yours is any better,’ Ben grumbled. But he sat.
‘I’m working on it,’ Seb said with a lopsided smile.
‘Really? Am I missing something here? Did something happen while I was away?’
‘Business only, right?’ Seb grabbed a folder from the corner of his desk and handed it across to Ben.
Opening the file, Ben felt his heart lurch against his ribcage at the sight of the reception desk at the Royal Court Hotel, Chester. So much for a distraction from Luce. Slamming the folder shut, he said, ‘Been there. Done that. What’s next?’
‘I want you to go back.’
‘Why? It’s fine. It’s running well. I’ve made my recommendations for streamlining some processes, making things more effective. Other than that...’ He shrugged.
‘I want to try something new.’
Against his better judgement, curiosity welled up in Ben. Something new. Something different. That was something they’d never been able to do while their father was alive. He’d had an unalterable system. Buy the hotel, make it look and run like all the others in the chain, move on to the next project. Every time.
‘New how, exactly?’
Seb gave him a slow smile. ‘Knew that would catch your attention. Trust me, you’re going to like this plan.’
Ben wasn’t so sure about that. But he was willing to give his brother the benefit of the doubt. ‘Okay. I’m listening.’
* * *
Luce barely had time to toss her suitcase in her room before her phone rang. Glancing at the display, she saw it was her mother and let it go to voicemail. Sorry, Mum, but if you want dinner tonight you’ll have to wait for me to call you back.