“Nope,” Paisley denied quickly, her brown curls bouncing against her shoulders as she shook her head. “I said the babies had to get pushed out. Everybody knows that human babies can’t fly anywhere.”
Millie buried her head in her hands and groaned as she listened to her own mother laugh out loud. “I’m glad you find this funny,” she growled when she lifted her head to glare at her mother. “It isn’t you that’s gonna have to face the principal for the second time inside of a week. The only thing I can say is that at least she didn’t punch Billy Ray this time.”
“I woulda ‘gain,” Paisley muttered. “He ducked.”
“Paisley!” Millie chastised, her own green eyes narrowing on her daughter. Jeez, at this rate, she’d be homeschooling her kid until she graduated. There was no way the school was going to tolerate her daughter’s informative lessons on human anatomy.
“Personally, I don’t see how the Principal can say anything at all to you, Millicent. Paisley didn’t say a single thing that was untrue this morning,” Darby claimed, lifting her chin stubbornly as she offered her granddaughter a supportive nod.
Shooting her mother a frustrated look, Millicent shook her head. “Are you insane? I cannot believe you are taking the five-year-old’s side here. Mother, the words vagina, penis, testicles and episiotomy are NOT appropriate words to speak in the presence of a bunch of five-year-olds – even if it’s another five-year-old saying them. She attends kindergarten, not gross anatomy classes at Paradise Community College.” Frowning when she heard someone clear their throat behind her, she turned in her sat and grimaced when she saw all six-feet-four-inches of the bane of her existence standing over her.
“Dr. Mack!” Paisley squealed excitedly, bolting out of her chair and around the table to hug the man’s lean legs. “I am soooo happy to see you. You tell ‘em! Tell ‘em that ‘gina and penis ain’t bad words.”
“Aren’t bad words, Paisley” Millie corrected absently as she rubbed her aching temple with one hand while she eyed her boss. Damn, but the man looked like a tall drink of water on a hot summer’s day. Unfortunately, she knew that a single sip of that water would probably send her headlong into the local ER with a bad case of cholera or something equally hideous. Besides, she wasn’t good at relationships. Her own failed marriage proved that much.
Shifting his eyes from the agitated child to her equally irritated mother, Dr. Mackenzie Daniels shook his head. “No,” he began carefully, “Vagina and penis are not bad words. They can both be said on broadcast networks.”
“See, Momma. I AM being framed!” Paisley shouted loudly, jumping up and down.
“Paisley, keep your voice down,” Millie ordered sharply before turning her attention to the man her kid was currently trying to climb like a tree. “And thank you so much for all your help, Dr. Daniels,” she ground out sarcastically as she skewered her boss with one look.
“Oh, no,” Mack denied with a frown at Millie. “You don’t get to be mad at me. Not after the wheels you’ve set in motion. Wheels that are going to run right over my back, I might add,” he accused heatedly.
Millie’s eyebrows lifted in surprise as she noted the flush climbing over her very handsome employer’s face. Shaking her head to clear all thoughts of his attractiveness, Millie clenched her teeth and reminded herself to concentrate on her kid – the one that was determined to become an elementary school dropout at the ripe old age of freakin’ FIVE years old. “I’m sorry, sir, but I really don’t have time to address whatever your current crisis happens to be. I’m a little busy trying to not drown in my daughter’s drama. We’re facing a potential expulsion from Kindergarten at this table. Unless you can top that, move along, please.”
Mack ignored her scowl and leaned across Millie’s seat to hold his hand out to the other woman sitting at the table. “Dr. Mackenzie Daniels,” he introduced himself to the older lady with a polite smile.
Darby Robbins took the man’s hand in hers. “Darby Robbins,” the elderly woman stated with a sweet smile. “Please excuse my Millie’s poor manners,” she apologized, shooting her annoyed daughter a dark look. “I’m Millicent’s mother and Paisley’s grandmother, Dr. Daniels. You know, I thought you were a woman for the longest time. When Paisley kept talking about her friend, Mackenzie, all summer long, I just assumed it was another girl….”
“No, ma’am,” Mack said with a quick shake of his head. “I’m very definitely a man.”
“Yes. Yes, you are,” Darby declared, eyeing the man’s body appreciatively. “You know…I’ve been having a little problem,” she began, leaning forward in her chair. “You know, downstairs,” she went on in a loud whisper, pointing at her lap.
“Mom!” Millie clipped sharply, unamused by her mother’s antics. “I hate to cut your visit with the good doctor who happens to be my boss short, but we’ve got a meeting to keep. The school, remember?” she prompted when her mother remained motionless in her seat.
“Oh, that,” the older woman grumbled, her lips turned down in a frown.
“I’m afraid that I’ll be late getting back to the office, Dr. Daniels. I left a message with Doris at the front desk earlier when I had to run and pick up Paisley, but since you’re here now, I thought I’d let you know. We don’t have another patient until 2:30 so I should be back in plenty of time.”
Confused, Mack’s gaze went from Darby to Millicent to Paisley and back again. “Wait. What happened?” he asked, momentarily forgetting his own irritation with his nurse and focusing his attention on his nurse’s child. “What did Paisley do at school that was so bad that she could be expelled?”
“She told the truth; that’s what she did,” Darby answered bluntly, glaring at her daughter.
“Mom,” Millie began tiredly, “Some truths have no business being told by a five year old to a classroom full of other five year olds. We’ve already been over this. Paisley is going to apologize and that’s all there is to it.”
“No, I’m not!” Paisley staunchly refused.
“No, she’s not!” Darby retorted harshly.
Looking from her kid to her mother, Millie gave in to the urge to thunk her head against the table. “Why me, Lord? Why me? I already work for the world’s biggest grump. Why must I also be forced to have both a daughter and a mother that are determined to be activists that would make Planned Parenthood proud?”
“I think Momma’s lost it, Dr. Mack,” Paisley remarked with a shrug. “Can we go get ice cream after I get ‘spelled from school?”
“The word is expelled,” Mack corrected with a wink down at the cute kid hanging off his arm, “And that’s not going to happen.”
“Oh, it is gonna happen. Y’all didn’t hear the phone call I got earlier from the school. This is bad,” Millie argued without lifting her head from the table. “They warned me the last time they had to call me into a meeting about Paisley’s conduct that she’d be suspended from school if her behavior wasn’t modified appropriately.”
“Oh, bullfoot!” Darby growled. “There’s nothing wrong with her behavior. They can’t throw a kid out for tellin’ the truth. It’s in the constitution. Even five-year-old girls have certain inalienable rights.”
“Okay, Norma Rae, settle down,” Millie begged, finally lifting her head from the table. “I’ll take care of this. Somehow,” she muttered.
Taking Paisley’s hand in his, Mack asked Millie, “Did you drive here?”
“No, I rode with Mom,” she replied, jerking her head toward where her fuming mother sat fiddling with her phone. “She came in and grabbed us a table while I interrogated my daughter in the parking lot.”
“Good.” He nodded, reaching for his wallet and throwing down a couple of twenties on the table to cover their meals. “Your mom can go home. I’ll take you and Paisley to school and then you can ride to the office with me.”
“And what exactly will we do with Paisley this afternoon? She’ll be with us…probably for at least three days,” Millie asked, hoping that it was onl
y three days that her kid would be banned from school. “Why do you wanna go with us, anyway? This isn’t your problem, Dr. Daniels.”
“If my head nurse has a problem, then I have a problem. If you’re worried about what’s going on at home, you won’t be focused on what’s happening at work. So, I’m going to fix it for you with these numbskulls at the school. Just because they aren’t comfortable hearing a word, that doesn’t make it a bad word. Paisley shouldn’t be expelled for using the appropriate terms when describing the human body, male or female,” he defended Paisley as he dragged both mother and daughter out of the café by their hands.
“But this isn’t your problem,” Millie contended resolutely, trying to pull her slender hand from his inflexible grip.
“I already described to you how it very much is my problem, Millicent,” Mack returned evenly, opening the door to his SUV and holding it so that Paisley could climb into the back seat and strap her seat belt. “Up you go, Millie,” he ordered in a tone that brooked no argument. “The quicker we get this done, the faster you can explain to me how you thought it was a good idea to invite my sister for Christmas.”
~**~
Half an hour later found all three of them lined up in front of Principal Carter’s massive oak desk. Shifting nervously from foot to foot, Millie ordered herself to be calm. Like her daughter, she thought as she looked down at the seemingly serene little girl that was currently plastered against Dr. Mackenzie Daniels’ legs. She might be less anxious herself it she could borrow some of the giant man’s strength. Unfortunately, grown women couldn’t go around leaning on strong men without being in some kind of intimate relationship with them. And there was no way she could ever see Dr. Daniels going down that road with her, no matter how many smoldering looks he tossed her way during the day.
“So, I think we can all agree that we have a rather… sensitive issue to deal with this afternoon, can’t we?” the principal asked, pulling Millie’s attention back to the matter at hand.
“Yes, sir,” Millicent agreed quickly. “I feel confident, however, that we can all reach a disciplinary action that we can both accept.”
“As you know, Ms. Robbins, we’ve overlooked Paisley’s outbursts in the past. We know how hard it must be for you to be a single, working mother and are aware that Paisley doesn’t really have any male influences in her life right now.”
“Excuse me?” Mack growled.
“Doc, don’t interrupt,” Millie warned under her breath, shooting her boss a sidelong look of censure.
Mack shot Millie a look of disbelief. “I most certainly will interrupt if he’s saying something untrue. And what he just said? Patently untrue,” he growled, glaring at the Principal. “I happen to have spent nearly every day of the summer with this child,” he shared, dropping his hand on Paisley’s head. “Believe me, she’s had a male influence. ME!”
“And you are?” the Principal asked with a raised eyebrow, looking over his glasses at the man that stood in front of his desk. “Ms. Robbins? Who exactly is this gentleman and what is his relationship to Paisley?”
“My name is Dr. Mackenzie Daniels. I’m the only OB-GYN in this town, so I suspect you know full well just who I am. I also happen to be, among other things, Ms. Robbins’ employer and friend.”
Millie’s eyes dilated at that statement. They were friends? Since when? Where had she been when that upgrade in their relationship had been made? At best, she figured she was just someone he tolerated in order to do his job productively.
“I’m also the guy that spent the better part of the summer helping Millie watch over Paisley. But most importantly, I’m the person that explained the birds and the bees to our little student here,” he continued, ruffling Paisley’s hair and pulling a giggle from her lips. “If there’s a problem with something she said this morning, then the problem you have is ultimately with me, not the five-year-old child that was only parroting what an adult told her.”
“Sir, I don’t know if you or Paisley’s mother are aware of just what words were coming out of this little girl’s young mouth. Ms. Simmons here, however, was there,” he stated, gesturing at the rail thin older woman in the corner. “She can tell you that the vocabulary was certainly not something we can tolerate here at Taft Elementary School.
Millie tried not to flinch as she observed Paisley’s very judgmental teacher sitting in a straight back chair in the corner. The teacher hadn’t liked her from the very first day of class; she’d made it clear that she preferred dealing with students that were from two-parent homes. And honestly, the woman looked like she’d been sucking on a lemon for the last decade or so, and she was fairly certain that if Miss Simmons bent over, they’d find a stick lodged firmly between her butt cheeks.
“Principal Carter is absolutely right,” Ms. Simmons’ nasally voice concurred. “Paisley’s vocabulary was atrocious this morning. And the things she was sharing with our class were entirely inappropriate,” the woman condemned, her gaze cold as it fell on the child.
Millie moved a step closer to her baby as she saw the other woman glare at her kid. “Paisley told the truth. Based on what she’s told me she said, none of the words she uttered can be categorized as either vulgar or obscene as was indicated to me this morning on the phone by Ms. Simmons,” she declared, staring the principal in the eye as she spoke. Honestly, she hadn’t intended to defend Paisley’s behavior when she’d walked through the door, but that nasty look that the teacher had given her child had changed her mind. Nobody was going to crucify her child for telling the truth – especially not a Kindergarten teacher that appeared to be carrying a grudge against her student.
“Perhaps I’m a bit out of the loop,” the principal suggested, his gaze shifting from teacher to parent. “In the interest of fairness, maybe one of you could tell me what language was used.”
“Look, the kid used the word vagina, penis, and testicles when she explained how babies were made. She heard a kid blowing smoke about finding Jesus under a leaf and decided she’d tell him how it really happens. Nothing she said was incorrect or offensive. It was factual. If people can’t handle the truth, that’s hardly Paisley’s problem, is it?”
“Those are not words that any good young child would know,” Ms. Simmons charged shrilly.
Jerking her head toward the other woman, Millie stiffened. “Excuse me! Are you implying that I have a bad child?”
“Well, the absence of a father in her life isn’t doing her any favors,” Ms. Simmons returned snidely.
“That will be enough, Ms. Simmons,” the Principal thundered before either Millie or Dr. Daniels could blast the woman. “You will apologize for that remark. Now! Because I can assure you that it is certainly not the position of anyone else at this school.”
Millie watched as the old bat blushed. “My apologies,” she mumbled, refusing to look toward Millie or Paisley.
“I can assure you that your half-hearted apology is not accepted and that your unwanted opinion of Ms. Robbins personal life will be addressed with the Board of Education and the Superintendent of Schools,” Mack bit out, his low voice eerily quiet in the otherwise silent office. “But because I’m curious, Ms. Simmons, what words do you find acceptable for five-year-old children to call either their penis or vagina? Surely the children you instruct have used these kind of words with you before when they needed to use the restroom. What do you teach them to call their reproductive organs?”
Millie watched Ms. Simmons offer her and Mack a haughty look. “There are lots of acceptable terms that I allow the children to use. For girls, many call that area their woohoos or their precious. I’ve heard some call it a kitty cat or a hoohah. For boys, they call their…part,” she said, stumbling over her words, “Well, sometimes the boys will call it a tallywacker or a ding-a-ling…”
“So, nonsense words, then?” Millie interrupted the other woman. “You teach your children to call their parts, as you call them, nonsense words rather than what they actually are.”
> “W-well, yes.”
Dr. Daniels made a derisive noise as he glared at both the teacher and the principal. “No wonder America’s kids are falling behind educationally when they are compared to kids in other countries. Their so-called educators are terrified of teaching the truth. Listen, lady,” he said, addressing Ms. Simmons, “I’ve been a doctor for a long time, and never once have I heard a vagina say meow! For the love of God, don’t teach these girls that their vagina is a kitty cat! And with the boys…a ding-a-ling? Seriously? Get a clue. These kids need to be unashamed of their bodies, and they need to know what the hell they’ve got between their legs!”
Millie nodded decisively, her anger levels rising exponentially. “The bottom line here is that while Paisley probably shouldn’t have divulged so many details about the male and female body and childbirth to her peers, she didn’t technically violate any code of conduct. I’ve already admonished her for being overly honest. For the school to expel her for simply using terminology that a teacher isn’t comfortable with… well, let’s just say that if you pursue such an expulsion, Principal Carter, I will be forced to take this issue before the school board and contact our attorney.”
“And while she’s doing that, I’ll be hitting up Paradise’s newspaper and giving them a heads up on how things are run over here at the elementary school,” Dr. Daniels added threateningly. “I can’t imagine the public will be very understanding when they learn that you’ve got teachers trying to bully both students and parents with their skewed views of morality.”
The Principal held up his hands and shook his head quickly. “No! No, that won’t be necessary at all. I think we’re all on the same page now. This was simply a misunderstanding. Paisley was just a little over eager to share details on a subject best discussed at home. Ms. Simmons, you and Paisley can return to your class. I’m sure they’re missing you both by now.”
“Yay!” Paisley cheered, clapping her hands together. “I can go see my friends now!”
The Homespun Holiday Page 3