by Mary Manners
He reached for the glass of Mountain Dew he’d set on the deck rail and took a swig. The cold liquid soothed his parched throat. “Five minutes ’til dinner,” he called across the yard. “Run in and wash up, Susie.”
“One more push,” she begged.
“OK. Just one more.” Bryce obliged before stilling the swing enough for her to leap into the horizon and skip toward the house. The new sandals Shane had bought her yesterday slapped the wooden deck stairs. She paused to hug his leg and peer over the top of the grill. “Smells yummy.”
“Don’t get too close. It’s hot.” He set down his soda and lifted her into his arms to study her smudged cheeks. “Have you been rolling in the dirt? You sure are gonna need a bath tonight.” He sniffed her neck and she giggled. “How can you be so filthy and still smell so sweet?”
“I dunno.” She wiggled in his arms. “Is Jade comin’ to eat with us?”
“Not tonight, honey.” He’d asked, but she already had plans. Aside from stopping by briefly each day to check on Susie, she’d been avoiding him. And the brief moments he saw her working in the church office only fueled his desire to spend more time with her. The feel of her lips pressed against his turned him to butter inside. He was no innocent. He’d had his share of touch football between the sheets during reckless college days. The memories shamed him. Jade was nothing like any of those women. Though the emotional distance pained him, he gave her the space she so desperately needed to work things out. He tried not to think about her leaving, but the idea kept him tossing and turning late into the night.
He turned his attention back to Susie. “Maybe she’ll come by tomorrow. Now, go wash your hands.” He set her down and patted her on the bottom. “Scoot.”
Bryce’s heavy steps creaked along the wood decking. He swiped perspiration from his brow with the back of his hand. “She’s quite the little ball of energy.” His warm chocolate eyes followed Susie as she scampered into the house.
“Tell me about it. She wears me out. But it’s all good.”
“It was great to see your mom come by to play with her earlier today.” Bryce sniffed the steaks and nodded his approval. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in jeans.”
“Third day this week she’s come by. And I don’t know who had more fun—her or Susie.”
“I’d say it’s a draw.” He took the soda Shane offered. “The castle they built was pretty cool.”
Maybe the winds of change had finally swirled into motion. Not only had his mother come, but she’d shared a simple lunch of tomato soup and grilled cheese, one of Susie’s favorites, with them. And she’d read Susie a small library’s worth of books and huddled on the living room floor to build a beauty shop for the Barbie dolls with Lego blocks.
“She brought some photos of Reid that I don’t remember ever seeing. She thought Susie might like to have them.”
Bryce leaned against the porch rail and rubbed his left thigh. Shane knew his legs still hurt when he overexerted. “I think your Mom’s mellowing with age. She seems more content in a way that only grows from the inside out.”
“Change? It’s a complete metamorphosis. Now, if I can only get my dad to jump on board...” Shane checked the steaks. Satisfied they were done to perfection, he gathered them onto a plate and headed through the screen door and into the kitchen. “Let’s eat.”
“Did you talk to Jade today?” The question was casual, but Shane understood Bryce’s deeper meaning.
“For just a minute. She rushed from work, said she was on her way into Knoxville to take care of some business.”
“Is she still planning to come out for the Celebrate Recovery service tomorrow night?”
“She didn’t say.”
“Hmm...” Bryce stabbed a steak with his fork and slid it onto his plate. He doused it in steak sauce. “I think its Susie’s turn to say grace.”
“Yeah, my turn.” Her chair scraped against the tile floor as she scrambled into the seat. The clean scent of soap told Shane she’d done a good job washing her hands. “Hold my hand, Daddy.”
Her tiny fingers twined with his, and they bowed heads in unison. “Go ahead, honey.”
Susie’s sweet voice filled the air. “Dear God, thank You for our food and for Daddy’s good cookin’. Thanks for no lima beans tonight, too. And thanks for Bryce pushin’ me so high on the swing today. It felt like I was flyin’. Oh, and, God, please talk to Jade, and tell her to stay here with us. I don’t want her to leave. I’ll miss her so much. Amen.”
A lump filled Shane’s throat and threatened to choke him. A wrecking ball swept through his stomach, and the steak drowning in juices on his plate lost its appeal. He loved Jade. He knew it with every fiber in his soul.
What if she did leave? What then?
****
“You hated Mama, didn’t you?” Jade sat on the edge of the sofa, her back ramrod straight. Mrs. Calkin might try to soothe her into submission with herbal tea and an amicable tone, but she saw through the manipulation. She was tougher than she looked. Twenty years dealing with the loss of her dad had hardened her ability to forgive and forget.
“Yes. For a long time.” Mrs. Calkin studied her. She eased into a wing chair and sipped her tea. “I’ll never forget what she did to me. It was the beginning of a dark time in my life. But I have learned to forgive. Can you forgive, Jade?”
She clenched her hands into fists so tight her fingernails bit into her palms. The room darkened slightly as the waning sun dipped beneath the horizon over the lake beyond. Somewhere deep in the pools of this woman’s eyes, she found a glimpse of remorse. Despite her best efforts, her heart softened. “I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry.” Mrs. Calkin drew in a shuddered breath. “Oh, those two words come with such difficulty. But they are heartfelt, my dear. I have wronged you.”
“You drove my father from a job he loved, and he was innocent of any crime. Why did you do it?”
“I despised your mother. Though she begged my forgiveness, I refused to grant it. I held it like a prisoner.”
“Do you know what Daddy’s death did to my family, to me?” Tears sprang to Jade’s eyes. She clutched the empty teacup with a force that might have crushed the delicate china. “I grew up an outcast, and I never understood why. Mama never told me what she did...or what you did to us. Not while she was alive, at least.”
“And then?”
“She left me a letter. She took full responsibility. And yet, I can’t help but think...”
“Please, Jade, don’t torment yourself with what ifs. None of us can go back. We cannot undo what’s done. But with God’s help and guidance, we can move forward. I have learned that the hard way, believe me.”
“You know God? You believe in His goodness? His grace?”
Mrs. Calkin smiled through her own tears. “Yes.”
“But Shane said—”
“His heart is still hardened toward his father and me. That will ease with time.” She took the teacup from Jade and set it on the coffee table. “He loves you, you know.”
“He can’t.” She gasped. Her lungs tightened and her face flamed. “How do you know?”
“I see it in his eyes when he talks about you. A mother knows these things, no matter how estranged she may be from her son.”
Jade lowered her gaze and grasped her hands tight in her lap. “I’m thinking of leaving. The memories hold too much pain.”
“The future holds love, too.”
“No. It holds heartache.” She wrung her hands. “I have to go. I have no choice.”
“There’s always a choice.” Mrs. Calkin took Jade’s hands in hers. Her fingers were delicate and bony, but the thin flesh was warm and comforting. “Have faith, dear, and patience. My son is a good man.”
“But he kept the truth from me. He knew about all this...” She pulled back and swept her hand through the air to emphasize. “And he didn’t tell me.”
“He hasn’t realized the strength of your heart yet or your love
. He desired only to protect you.” Her eyes pierced and pled. “Forgive him, Jade.”
“I’ll think about it. I need time to think.” When she stood her knees nearly buckled. “I have to go now.”
“Certainly, dear.” Mrs. Calkin stood to face her. “I’m so glad you came. It has been a gift for me to talk with you...truly a precious gift.”
Jade’s throat tightened. She nodded curtly and rushed toward the door. The sandals Mama had bought her clicked like gunfire over the polished wood. She grasped the brushed brass handle on the front door and paused.
“Mrs. Calkin?” Her voice echoed in the expansive foyer.
“Yes, dear?”
She turned, her vision blurred by tears. “I forgive you.”
Mended Heart
14
“Let me get those for you.” Shane took the black plastic bags Jade struggled to lift from her mother’s bedroom floor. They were stuffed with blouses and pants, purses, shoes. Mama had a lot of things she wanted placed into the hands of her friends, and Jade meant to see that everything got where it was supposed to go. It was the least she could do to honor Mama’s memory.
“Thanks.” She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes and smoothed the peach-colored rayon blouse she’d paired with khaki shorts and low-heeled sandals. “They’re heavier than I thought.”
“No problem.” He hoisted them onto his back with little effort and carried them through the living room to the Jeep that was parked out front at the top of the drive. The scent of spearmint mingled with clean aftershave when he left. Jade breathed it in and sighed.
How she longed for him to kiss her once more. She was no innocent. She knew what kissing might lead to. Mama had dragged enough men through the trailer during her teenage years for her to know. But Shane was different. Beneath his tall, muscular form she found gentleness deep in his soul.
She’d seen him reprimand Susie when she played at the kitchen table and spilled a full glass of milk, and when she left the water running in the bathroom sink after brushing her teeth, causing a minor flood. Shouting and threats weren’t a prelude to pounding fists. Instead, a quiet rebuke peppered with humor guided the child back to the right path. His touch never failed to be gentle, and his tone rang firm yet kind.
She reached for the jewelry box and lifted the lid. Inside was the letter Mama had left for her. Shane must have smoothed the wrinkled paper and tucked it back in before he’d rushed from the house the day she’d locked herself in the bathroom. The memory of losing her temper and locking herself in the bathroom like a spoiled child shamed her. Mama’s confession had hurt her, and she’d lashed out at Shane in turn.
The screen door rapped against its frame, and the slap of footsteps across the marred wood floor signaled Shane’s return. Jade dropped the lid on the jewelry box, and it slammed with a muffled thud.
Shane paused in the doorway and surveyed the barren room. “What else needs to go?”
“Those books.” She pointed to a box on the bed. “Mama wanted to donate them to the church library.”
“OK. Anything else?”
“I think you got it all.” Jade surveyed the room. The bed had been stripped of its coverings. Mama wanted the comforter to go to the local women’s shelter, and Shane had folded it carefully and wrapped it in plastic before taking it to his Jeep.
The closet was bare except for a few misshapen wire hangers scattered across the clothing bar. The dresser drawers stood open, void of sweaters and T-shirts they’d tucked into the big plastic bags. Mama’s jewelry box and battered Bible were all that graced the night table. “It looks so empty in here.”
“I know.” Shane’s eyes scanned the room. “But I think this is just the way your mom imagined it would be. She was very specific about who she wanted to have her things.”
Jade fingered the locket around her neck. The delicate silver had been Mama’s gift to her, as well as the Bible she read from each day and the jewelry box Daddy had given her on their first anniversary.
And the house with the pretty front porch and overflowing vegetable garden in the back. But Jade wasn’t sure she’d stay. She could sell the house and take the money to Chicago. That would buy her some time to settle back into teaching at Elmwood Elementary. She could find a new apartment—one where the kitchen faced east so she could watch the sun rise while she sipped a cup of morning tea. July was easing into August. She’d need to make up her mind soon.
“I’ll wait for you in the Jeep,” Shane said. “We’ll need to get into Knoxville soon.”
“I’ll be right out.”
He’d drive her to the Celebrate Recovery service where Bryce was scheduled to speak in an hour. Jade could have driven herself, but she wanted to get Mama’s things where they needed to go, and it would have taken several trips in her small Honda. So when Shane volunteered to swing by and get her, she’d accepted his offer.
Besides, she had missed him the past week. Sure, she’d stopped by his house to see Susie nearly every day, to check on her progress with healing and to read her a story or two. But the visits were brief, and she and Shane had barely exchanged more than pleasantries about the weather. He walked on egg shells around her, like she was a wounded animal who’d run at the first opportunity.
And maybe she would. Running seemed to be in her blood. Daddy had run from his problems by taking his own life, and Mama had run by drinking her way through men. Maybe she’d just pick up and run, too, like she had after high school.
She sighed and ran her hand over Mama’s jewelry box—her jewelry box, now. Outside she heard Shane slam the back door of the Jeep. He had finished loading everything and waited for her.
He’d taken the week off from most of his duties at the church to care for Susie, but she knew from speaking with Carly that he still checked in with Mrs. D’atello each morning to see how things were going with her treatments. She was slowly regaining her strength, and the oncologist’s prognosis was more encouraging with each passing day. She’d never run at full steam again, but she’d come close, God willing. The knowledge seemed to calm Carly, and she was beginning to develop a new outlook on life. Just this morning when Jade called to speak with her, she was on her way to the bookstore with a friend. Her goal was to study all the picture books she could get her hands on. Apparently, she’d decided to be a writer and illustrator. Why not?
Jade spritzed on a bit of perfume, gathered her purse over her shoulder, and headed for the front door. She stepped onto the front porch and a warm, gentle breeze kissed her cheek. She lifted her chin and tilted her head back to breathe in the scent of lilacs that bloomed near the steps. Mama’s favorite mug sat on the wicker table beside the rocking chair. Jade had filled it with tea this morning and come out to sit on the porch and watch the sun rise.
She smiled at the sight of Mama’s wave petunias as she turned to lock the front door. They washed over the mound at the foot of the driveway, blanketing the front yard in purples and pinks like a burst of fireworks.
The memory of Mama was everywhere.
****
The scent on her skin was driving him crazy. What was it? Flowers and spice and something powdery clean. Shane drew his gaze, like magnets, to the road. He had to focus. If he let the scent of her overwhelm him they were bound to end up in a ditch before they ever got close to the church.
“Thanks for driving me.” The sound of her voice startled him back to reality, and he remembered she would most likely leave town within the next few days. She’d told him as much, so there was no getting around it. She was going back to Chicago in time to interview for other teaching jobs in case her position teaching kindergarten at Elmwood Elementary didn’t come through.
“No problem.” Shane kept his focus on the road. No point in getting himself worked up by seeing those vibrant green eyes and plump, pouty lips. No point moving south to find a trim waist and long, tanned legs. No point in that at all. “Glad to help.”
“Where’s Susie?”
“Mo
m came by. They’re going to spend a little time together, have some ice cream and play at the park.”
“That’s nice. I’m glad. She’s missed out on enough of Susie’s life.”
“Yeah. The change in her is way beyond my imagination. It’s a miracle.”
“Your mom’s not so bad. I find her quite likeable, actually.”
“Oh?” His eyebrows rose as he took the bait. “And you know this because...?”
“I spoke with her on Monday.”
“So that’s where you went the night I grilled steaks. I wondered...”
“You did? Oh.”
“Forget it. That’s off the subject. Where’d you talk?”
“Your house. I mean, your parents’ house. The lake is beautiful in the evening, by the way.”
“You mean...?” His gaze found hers. “You went into the lion’s den and survived.”
Jade laughed. “Watch the road. You’re going to slam into a tree.”
“Sorry.” With great difficulty he drew his gaze back to the double yellow line. “Tell me.”
“We just talked things out. I wanted to know about Mama and she...told me. I wish Mama had talked to me more. It might have made things easier, better for us.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Your mom’s really sorry, you know, about what happened. She apologized to me.”
Shock welled up in him like the rush of water through a fire hose. “That’s impossible. No way. My mother never apologizes. She just wounds with words and leaves people scattered on the ground like fallen soldiers.”
“Well, she did. I think she’s changed. Maybe you should give her a chance, Shane. Don’t let the hurt drive an irreparable wedge between you. You only get so many chances to fix things. She loves you.”
“World’s best kept secret.”
“Maybe so. But secrets have a way of coming into the light. We both know that, now. Give her a chance. Forgive her, if you can.”