Mended Heart

by Mary Manners

  Shane fought to clear the lump from his throat. He gripped the steering wheel with clenched hands and thought about Reid. “I don’t know if I can.”

  ****

  A crowd gathered around Bryce as he stepped from behind a podium at the front of the church. His talk at this Celebrate Recovery service had been nothing less than inspiring. Jade felt a hope rise within her, warming her to the bone. Maybe there was hope in the future. For now, at least, in this moment in time, she believed.

  Shane stood beside her. His presence comforted, and she touched his hand. Encouraged, he twined his calloused fingers with hers and squeezed gently.

  “What a wonderful message.” Jade smiled at the long line of visitors waiting to shake Bryce’s hand. “Apparently they all think so, too.”

  “He has a God-given gift, that’s for sure. Too bad he nearly died to find out.”

  “What happened?”

  “I almost killed him. Technically, he died on the operating table, but a team of expert doctors revived him. He came back with crushed legs and a heart like a lion. The rest is history.”

  “What happened?”

  Shane hesitated. “Feel like walking? We can catch up with Bryce later. It’s hot in here, and my legs are stiff from sitting.”

  “Can we stop by your Jeep to grab my sweater?”

  “Sure. Let’s go.”

  She followed him through double doors and down a short flight of concrete steps. Dusk fell, and the air was cool with the scent of impending rain. A blanket of clouds covered the western sky like muddied cotton candy.

  Shane crossed the blacktopped parking lot to his Jeep. He unlocked the driver’s door and reached inside. “Here’s your sweater.”

  “Thanks.” She shrugged into the sleeves and reached for his hand. “Do you mind?”

  “Are you kidding?” He twined fingers with hers and studied her, his sea-blue eyes swept with tempests. “This way OK? We can head down to the river.”

  “Sounds good.” Her sandals brushed against the concrete. “I like the water at night.”

  “Me, too.” As they walked, he popped a peppermint into his mouth and hummed a tune she’d never heard. The sound eased over her like melted butter, calming frayed nerves. She walked beside him, her feet taking two steps to match each of his long strides. They watched the graceful flight of blue jays making their way back to nests along the tree-lined street to settle down for the night.

  Shane’s hand sheltered hers and it felt good, no denying. Yet, she wasn’t sure she could trust the feeling. Old fears swept through the depths of her heart like a riptide.

  Ahead, the cool river water beckoned. Moonlight shimmered and rippled as rivulets gently lapped against the shores of the river walk. Shane finished his tune and segued into one that was vaguely familiar. Jade found the melody and hummed along. Their voices blended into one.

  The concrete sidewalk turned into cobblestone farther along the river. They walked for a bit before Shane paused at a wrought iron bench overlooking the Henley Street Bridge as it crossed the sleeping river. “Mind if we sit?”

  Jade nodded. The water sang to them beneath a darkening sky. Cars whispered as they crossed the bridge in the distance and the scent of lilacs in bloom hung on the air. “It’s pretty here.”

  “I’ve always thought so.” Shane motioned to the bridge. “I jumped from there once, with Bryce.”

  “No way.” She gazed up at the bridge. Lights glowed along its rails, illuminating the darkness. “The height could easily kill you.”

  “It nearly did. Bryce, too. That was our first brush with death.”

  “What were you thinking?”

  “We weren’t, obviously. It was a night much like this. We’d been drinking, and we thought we were invincible.”

  “No kidding.” Reluctantly, she took her hand from his and slid back on the bench.

  “It gets worse.” He leaned forward and studied the water. In the distance, a canoe hurried back toward shore through the growing darkness. “We got into some trouble, the two of us. It started in college and went on from there. Even though when we graduated he got drafted into the NFL and I went on to work for my dad’s firm for awhile, we kept in touch.” He shook his head. “Man, back in the day we were unchained, wild.”

  “What happened?” she murmured.

  Muscles that spanned the length of his back grew taut through a cotton T-shirt. “I told you. I nearly killed him.”

  “How?”

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “I’m asking.”

  “It’s ugly.”

  “I don’t care. It’s in the past. Done.”

  “OK, then. Reid was in the hospital, waiting to die. That’s not an excuse. It just is what it is.” His throat was tight, his voice like sandpaper. Even now, after more than five years, the memory still ripped his heart to shreds. “Bryce had come down from New York to hang out for a few days. The Giants had an open weekend in their season, and I was a mess. Reid wanted me to take Susie home with me—she was estranged from my parents, you see—and I wasn’t ready. I thought I couldn’t manage. And back then, it would have taken an act of God, literally, to kick me into shape.”

  “But now...you and Susie...you’re so close.”

  “It wasn’t always that way. For a long time, I had tunnel vision. All I ever considered was my own needs. And to be honest, the idea of raising Susie, of being completely responsible for her, scared me to death. What if I messed up? What if she ended up despising me the way I despised my parents? From the time I could walk I was handed everything money could buy—the coolest sports cars, loads of spending money—freedom to go wherever I wanted, with whomever I wanted, as long as they ran in our circle. But what I really wanted, money couldn’t buy.”

  “And what was that?”

  “For my dad to say, ‘Good job.’ For him to just...love me.” He grew very quiet, and darkness fell like a blanket around them. “I’m not making excuses. It was just...hard.” He laughed bitterly. “I guess you find that amusing—the rich kid whining because his parents were aloof...distant.”

  “No.” She reached for his hand, but he pulled away. He didn’t deserve her comfort, not now. “I understand. I really do. Some problems are blind to money, you know.”

  “I was filled with bitterness, and now I was losing Reid. She was the only one who understood me, who I could count on besides Bryce. So I was a jerk. And, I could be a real jerk. You saw that with your own eyes, in high school.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Reid knew my heart, though. She wanted me to take Susie anyway. She saw something more in me, I guess. For the life of me, I don’t know why.”

  “I do. I...see it too.”

  “Don’t.” His voice cracked. “Just listen, OK. I need to get this out.”

  She placed her hands in her lap and slid forward on the bench. “Go ahead.”

  “Bryce came to the hospital with me one night. Reid was taking a bag of platelets, and we both knew it was close to the end. The doctors had begun to up the painkillers to keep the pain to a bearable level. It tore me up to see her like that—so weak, so fragile. I snapped. Like a coward, I ran. I can still hear Bryce chasing me down the hallway, the sound of his shoes as they slapped the tile. He nearly tackled me at the door, but I slipped from his grasp. If he’d caught me, who knows...?”

  “He wasn’t meant to catch you, Shane. You know that now, don’t you?”

  “I do.” He drew a breath and popped another peppermint into his mouth. “I hustled to my Porsche. It had begun to snow earlier, and a blanket covered the car and swept over the ground. I nearly wiped out on a sheet of ice that covered the parking lot. I should have, but somehow I managed to get to the car. I jammed the key into the ignition before Bryce wrestled it from my hands. You see, he’d leapt into the car, too.”

  Bryce’s pleading voice filled Shane’s ears. Shut off the ignition, man. You’re in no condition to drive. Let me. I’ll take you wherever you w
ant to go. Just hand me the key.

  “I had a head like a rock back then. He couldn’t talk sense into me. I slammed on the gas and flew out of there with Bryce protesting the whole time. I blew through a red light, then two.” He shook his head, the memory dreamlike. His recklessness was unbelievable now, even to him. “We made it to the Henley Street exit before I plowed into a retaining wall and flipped the car.”

  He glanced up at the bridge, remembering. The car, flipped onto its back like an injured turtle, smoked more furiously than a bonfire that had just been extinguished. Unbearable heat scorched his skin despite snow that covered the pavement like a blanket. The smell of burning rubber filled his nose. He’d never forget the horrible odor or the sound of Bryce’s screams as they pierced the still, cold night.

  “I nearly impaled myself on the gearshift and cracked my head wide open crashing through the windshield. And Bryce, well, he was pinned under the smoking car with both his legs crushed. I passed out before the paramedics arrived, and when I woke up everything had changed.”

  “Changed how?”

  “Bryce lost his football contract. It took steel rods and a half-pound of screws to piece his bones back together. The docs didn’t think he’d ever walk again, and running was definitely out. He lost everything he’d lived for and it nearly broke him.”

  “But he seems so content.”

  “Peace was a long time coming. We didn’t talk for nearly a year.” The thought pained him. He’d lost Reid and Bryce in the same week, his best friends in the whole world—his only true friends. “It was the longest year of my life. I was alone, trying to raise Susie. And my parents were no help at all. They wanted to take Susie away, raise her like they’d raised Reid and me, in wealth. But I knew where that road led, and I knew Reid’s wishes. We fought bitterly, my mother and me. I knew I had to keep my life straight or they’d have grounds to take her. Over time, it just came natural to do the right thing. Susie needed me. No way was I going to let her down.”

  “And Bryce?”

  “He just showed up at the house one day. We talked and found things had changed. We had changed. He said what happened that horrible night was actually a gift. Can you believe that? He said it was a gift.”

  “I believe it. Look at him now, Shane.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And look at you.”

  “Yeah, look at me.” His hand found hers now, and his fingers twined with hers. “I’m the guy who just seems to keep on hurting people.”

  “You’re the guy who loves his niece more than the breath that fills his own lungs. You’re the guy who cares about teenagers with broken hearts and bruised self-esteem. You’re the guy I...love.”

  His gut clenched. She loved him. “But not enough to stay.”

  She fell silent for a moment. When she spoke, tears filled her eyes and glistened in the moonlight. “I...don’t know.”

  Mended Heart

  15

  “When do you think you’ll make it back here again?” Shane asked as Bryce loaded a battered suitcase into his car. How many miles the suitcase had seen, he couldn’t begin to guess. Bryce never flew if he could avoid it. The metal in his legs made security checks a time-consuming nightmare.

  “Sometime this fall would be nice. We’ll see how things go.”

  “Susie starts first grade next month.” Shane leaned against the car. “Things are gonna change around here.”

  “They already have.” Bryce glanced toward the yard, where Susie ran squealing through the sprinkler while Shane’s mother looked on. “Ever imagined your mom would be doing that?” She held a glass of iced tea in one hand. Her laughter rang through the air.

  “Uh-uh. But it sure is nice.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “We’re working on it. He’s coming around.” They planned to play a round of golf Saturday afternoon while his mom took Susie to a popular kids’ pizza joint.

  “Good.” Bryce closed the trunk. “It was good to meet Jade. Will I be seeing her again when I come back this fall?”

  Shane’s stomach lurched. “I don’t know. She’ll probably be back in Chicago by then.”

  Bryce’s chocolate eyes shone. “Don’t borrow trouble.”

  “I know, I know—I have enough of my own.” Shane clapped him on the back. “Be safe, my friend. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Like a bad penny that keeps coming back, huh?”

  “More like a warped boomerang.”

  “You got that right.” Bryce slipped his huge frame into the car. His bulk made the SUV look like a compact car. “Take care.”

  Shane watched as Bryce tooled down the drive and out onto the road. No telling which town he’d land in next. Bryce went wherever the Good Lord told him to go. And he always landed on his feet, no matter what.

  Susie scampered up onto the porch, leaving a puddle of water in her wake. “Daddy, look. Jade’s coming!”

  Sure enough, Jade’s beat-up Honda passed Bryce’s at the corner. She came down the street, slowed, and turned into the drive. Shane searched for signs of suitcases piled along the back seat. Maybe this would be the final goodbye. His lungs contracted sharply at the thought.

  His mother crossed the grass and came onto the porch to stand beside him. She drew a sip of tea, smacked her lips, and smiled. “Ah, there’s Jade. I knew she’d come.”

  ****

  Gravel crunched beneath the tires as the car rumbled up the drive. Her heart pounded so hard she heard the rush of blood deep in her ears. Her hands shook on the wheel, and her knuckles turned white from the pressure of steadying them.

  I can do this...I can.

  Susie ran toward her, blonde hair flying in the breeze, but Shane just stared from the porch as if he was paralyzed. His mother lifted a hand in greeting. Her smiled warmed Jade and calmed frazzled nerves.

  Susie yanked open the car door. “Jade, come and push me on the swing. Bryce had to leave, and Grandma’s talking to Daddy.”

  “OK.” She clutched the steering wheel with both hands and drew a deep breath. She could do this. She had to.

  “Are you cryin’?” Susie leaned into the car and patted her cheek. Water from her tangled, soaked hair dripped onto Jade’s lap. A sprinkler fanned the grass along flowerbeds that lined the front porch.

  “No.” She swiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. “Just give me a minute.” She squeezed her eyes tight and drew a breath. Maybe she was dreaming, and when she opened her eyes this would all be gone—Shane’s questioning blue eyes, Mrs. Calkin smiling at her, Susie’s sweet hand stroking her cheek, the gentle sunshine and warmth on her face.

  No, it’s still here. Everyone’s still here. Look at Shane...oh, the sight of him!

  She swallowed a sob and slid from the car to sweep Susie into her arms. The scent of apricots filled her nose. A dollop of peanut butter stuck to Susie’s upper lip. “I need to talk to your daddy. Can I do that first?”

  “OK.” She sighed. “I’ll play with Maggie. She likes me to throw a tennis ball to her. Daddy just bought a new one. I’ll go get it.”

  “You do that. I’ll come around back when I’m finished.”

  “Hurry, OK?” Susie wiggled from her arms and skipped toward the back yard. Slowly, Jade made her way to the porch. Maggie’s barks rang out. Susie must have found the ball.

  “Hi, Mrs. Calkin. It’s good to see you.”

  “Good to see you, too, dear. You look lovely.”

  “Thank you.” She glanced down at the khaki shorts and blouse she’d slipped into. She hadn’t thought to put on make-up, but had rushed right over when she realized what she needed to do...what she needed to say. “I’m glad you’re here. I have something for you.”

  She pulled an envelope from her purse. On the outside, Mama had scrawled Mrs. Calkin’s name. She’d found the letter tucked neatly beneath Mama’s jewelry box just this morning as she cleaned and sorted. “Mama wanted you to have this.”

  “What is it, dear?” Mrs. Calkin ask
ed as she took it. Her eyes shimmered while she turned it over in her hands.

  “I’m not sure.” Though she’d itched to rip open the envelope and devour the contents, she refrained. No good could come from that. The letter wasn’t meant for her eyes.

  “Do you mind?” Mrs. Calkin slid a finger beneath the seal. “No more secrets?”

  “None.” Jade drew a breath. Whatever the contents, there was no point in fretting. God would take care of things. Of that, she was sure now.

  Flowered paper fluttered in the breeze as Mrs. Calkin scanned the words Mama had scripted. Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Jade.”

  “What?” Her heart missed a beat.

  “It’s good. God has answered my prayers, every one of them. Oh, I can let go now—let go of all of it.” She reached for Jade’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Can you let go, too?”

  “I...um...” She glanced at Shane, whose shoulders had grown taut and eyes dark with questions.

  Mrs. Calkin released her hand. “You two have a lot to talk about, and I was just leaving. I’ll see you again soon?”

  Jade nodded. “I’d like that.” She turned to Shane. Her throat felt stuffed with cotton. “May I have a glass of tea or some water?”

  “I think I can scare one up.” He glanced over the back fence to check on Susie. “Come in and we’ll see.”

  She watched while he gave his mother a parting kiss, and then she followed him through the open front door and into the living room. The familiar scent of popcorn greeted her, and an open DVD case was lying on the coffee table. Maggie had been up on the couch recently. Throw pillows were scattered across the floor.

  They settled in the kitchen, where Shane could keep an eye on Susie.

  “Water’s fine, if you don’t have tea.” She surveyed a montage of drawings and schoolwork Shane had plastered to the refrigerator with colorful magnets. Across the double doors and wrapped around one side was a display of Susie’s kindergarten year. In the center, framed with Popsicle sticks Susie had painted red, and decorated with foam stickers, the child smiled into the camera, proudly wearing her first-day-of-school outfit and carrying a lunchbox. Jade recognized the front yard and the flower beds Shane tended, and she imagined him holding the camera and encouraging Susie to say cheese as a late August sun beat down on them. A photo of him and Susie at the park during her kindergarten graduation celebration, dressed in Tennessee Titans jerseys and blue jeans, completed the display.