by Claire Vale
Fresh air and exercise always cheered me up. That’s what I told myself when I called to Mom that I was going out for a bit and wheeled my bicycle out the garage. In truth, it was more of a misery-likes-company sort of thing. I was going in search of Jessie.
I started out rather wobbly, my good foot doing the hard work and the other just spinning with the pedal, but the ride smoothed out quickly. I coasted the couple of blocks to the Drakensburg residence, the wind in my face, and for a few precious minutes I felt like a school girl again, cycling to Jessie’s, nothing more important than an afternoon of idle chatter pressing on my mind.
The illusion was shattered before I’d parked the bike against the hedge out front. The door opened and Mrs. Drakensburg rushed out, “Georga, how delightful. You’ve just missed Jessie, but please, come in. I’m dying to hear everything.”
Everything, as it turned out, went by the name of Roman West. Mrs. Drakensburg plied me with herbal tea and freshly baked cookies and fired questions I was ill-equipped to answer.
It must be quite frightening, my dear, married to a warden. Um, no, not really.
But it’s true he grew up outside the wall, isn’t it? I guess.
What did he do out there? I’d love to know.
Is he at all civilized? Shrug.
He is a rather good looking young man, if somewhat daunting. Wouldn’t you say? Hmm, I suppose.
I wasn’t trying to be evasive, but I honestly knew as much, if not less, about Roman West than just about everyone else in town.
Mrs. Drakensburg persevered in her quest for gossip, however, and it was a good, long while before I managed to escape—not empty-handed. I had Jessie’s new address and name. Mrs. Jessica Ellis. She’d married Henry Ellis. I couldn’t put a face to him, but I vaguely recalled the name. Jessie had gone on about him after the first ball, and she was supposed to point him out to me and Brenda at the second ball, except he never put in an appearance and she lost interest. Apparently he hadn’t.
I cycled to the corner, then deliberated a left or right turn. Wedding days were intended for couples to bond and settle and visits were not considered appropriate, but this was Jessie and I’d just pop in for a quick hi. Decision made, I turned left toward the town square.
The green lawns and stately trees gave way to smaller homes packed closer to the road as I approached the more densely populated hub of our zone. It was a warm, sunny day and plenty people were about, mainly women walking and chatting in groups of three or four, some young mothers pushing strollers or clutching a child’s hand.
Jessie’s new address was down a street that spiraled off just before the road forked to wrap around the square, slap bang in the middle of a neat row of white-washed terraces. Each frontage was sectioned off with a small garden, although Jessie’s was actually just a patch of gravel cordoned off on each side by a low picket fence. Exactly the sort of starter home I would have expected for myself if I hadn’t aspired to Daniel Edgar and a council family estate. Funny how I’d ended up in Parklands after all. Talk about life throwing you a curveball.
I pushed my bike around the silver car pulled up to the curb, propped it against the fence and, feet crunching gravel, walked up to rap on the door. The curtains were drawn across the front window, otherwise I’d have been tempted to peek in while I waited. A door opened farther down and a harassed looking woman stepped out, toddler bouncing on her hip. She saw me and stared unabashedly, curious or suspicious, I couldn’t tell.
“Johnnie!” she called, still staring at me. “Right now! Or we’re not stopping at the park.”
A boy bolted out and she slammed the door behind her, her attention directed from me to the little firecracker as she had to hurry off after him, shouting at him to wait for her. A shriek of laughter came from an open window across the street and I had to admit, I was starting to think rather favorably toward my secluded cabin in the woods.
I was about to lift my knuckles to the door again when it was opened by a tall, scrawny guy with mussed red curls and wearing black-framed spectacles.
“Oh, hi,” I said, taken somewhat aback as my eyes raked in every detail. There was nothing wrong with him, he had a pleasant face and seemed perfectly ordinary. But Jessie was so beautiful and graceful and dynamic and I’d pictured her with someone spectacularly unordinary inside and out. “You must be Henry?”
“Most people just call me Harry,” he said, stepping back to pull the door wider open. “And you…” His green eyes lit with warmth “…must be Jessie’s friend, Georga, married to Roman West, right?”
“Yeah, you remember from last night?”
“The only thing I remember from last night is trying not to hurl my guts while I waited for Jessie’s answer,” he said with a chuckle.
Jessie must have mentioned me then, maybe when they were getting to know each other and talking about their former lives, the kind of conversation I couldn’t imagine having with Roman.
“I don’t want to intrude,” I said. “I won’t stay long, I just wanted to—”
“You’re not intruding,” Harry cut me short, grabbing me by the hand and practically dragging me inside. “Jessie!” he called over his shoulder, “come see who I’ve found for you.” Lowering his voice, he winked at me, “I had strict instructions to find out where Roman West lives before the end of the day and trust me, I had no idea where to start looking. You’ve saved me a major headache.”
A smile tucked my mouth, I couldn’t help it. I looked into Harry’s teasing green eyes and felt as if I’d just made a brand new friend for life. Suddenly I had no trouble seeing what had drawn Jessie to this guy. He was far from ordinary.
My gaze lifted to the stairs as Jessie came tripping down, bare-footed, her favorite red sundress swirling her thighs.
“Georga!” she squealed, slapping Harry with a fleeting scowl, “Why didn’t you tell me Georga was here!” Back to me, “How on earth did you find me?”
“Your mom,” I said as we wrapped each other in a hug.
“Thank goodness, I was so worried.”
“Worried?”
“A warden? Seriously?” She pulled apart, tugging me deeper into the living room. “For all I knew, he’d keep you locked in a basement or something.”
A laugh bubbled up my throat. Poor Roman, everyone was jumping to the worst conclusions. Of course, it would help if he cracked a smile now and then.
“And that’s me out of here,” Harry said.
“You don’t have to go,” I told him. “I promise I won’t stay long.”
“I need to return my uncle’s car anyway,” he said. “Jessie, you good?”
“Yeah, fine.” She waved him off with a smile. “Tell him thanks from me, okay?” To me, she added, “Harry’s uncle let him use his car to bring my stuff over.”
The door closed behind Harry and we were alone.
“He’s really nice,” I said to Jessie. “And I don’t mean nice nice, I mean freaking amazing nice.”
“I know, right?” Her nose scrunched up. “I completely forgot how much I liked him until I saw him again in the hall last night. My mom’s not impressed, though.”
“Why ever not?”
“He’s a junior clerk at Trade & Compliance and she reckons the most he can aspire to is a senior clerk at Trade & Compliance, but who cares? I’d rather be with— Oh, my God!” Her eyes went wide. “I’m going on and on about myself but what the hell happened with Daniel?”
My stomach knotted at the reminder of how wrong everything had gone. “I wish I knew. I don’t know, Jess, maybe I just deluded myself.”
“No,” Jessie said fiercely. “No, you didn’t. We all saw it, he acted like he was devoted to you at the last two balls. He totally set you up.”
“You think he did it deliberately?”
Jessie shrugged. “Does it matter? He set up your expectations and then dropped you. There’s no excuse. And Brenda? Can you believe it?”
“That was a shock,” I said uneasily. “I�
�m still processing and I don’t know what I feel.”
That was a lie. I knew exactly what I felt, but I wasn’t entirely sure why and I wasn’t comfortable feeling it.
“Yeah, let me help you process that,” Jessie said dryly. “She betrayed us.”
Yes! Thank you! But I pulled myself back from the edge. “Did she? Daniel let me down hugely, but that’s not Brenda’s fault. And she has to think about the rest of her life. I mean, seriously, what would you have done with an offer from the most eligible bachelor in town?”
“You need to ask?” Jessie’s brow rose sky high. “I would have shredded his offer and thrown it at his feet. It would have served him right, to be rejected in front of everyone like he did to you. Brenda should have had your back.”
“That’s kind of how I feel,” I admitted.
“So, do we hate her?”
“We don’t hate Brenda,” I sighed. “But I’m going to need some space from her for a while.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Jessie said. “She’s barricaded behind the Parklands wall. I suppose that’s one good thing about you—”
“No, it isn’t,” I cut in. “Guess where Roman lives.”
Jessie caught on quick. “Parklands? You’re kidding.”
“Not some grand council home either,” I said. “But there is good news. Whenever you want to visit, the guard on duty just has to buzz me and I can clear you to enter.”
“Not exactly free access,” Jessie grumbled. “I knew that warden would be trouble.”
“Tell me about it.”
Some of Jessie’s spark returned. A smile lit her eyes. “Roman West, huh? He looked kind of scary.”
“He’s a teddy bear.”
“Really?”
I laughed at her gullibility. “No, he really isn’t. But he’s mostly civil and we don’t have a basement, so you can stop worrying.” I grew serious. “But what about Jenna, huh?”
“Can you believe it?” Jessie gasped. “Like I’ve always said, that girl is certifiably crazy.”
“That stunt was rather brave, though, wasn’t it? I mean, if you’re going to stick your nose to everything, that’s the way to do it. I hope she’s okay, wherever she is.”
“Did Roman say anything?” asked Jessie. “He’d know, surely.”
“I intend to try and find out,” I said. “We didn’t get around to talking much last night.”
Her eyes glittered mischievously. “Oh, really?”
The way she said it, I couldn’t even pretend to misunderstand where her mind had gone. Oh, nothing, nothing at all, I almost said. I knew Jessie would keep my secret, all my secrets, but for the second time in my life I had a secret that wasn’t mine to share, not even with my best friend.
I rolled my eyes dramatically to lighten the tone. “Next topic…”
9
The afternoon spent with Jessie brightened my mood considerably. I was feeling much less edgy as I cycled home.
Until I saw the black truck pulled up outside.
Crap.
I pushed my bike into the garage and entered directly into the kitchen. Mom was there, alone, basting vegetables in a roasting pan.
“Sorry I was out so long,” I said, walking around the table. “I planned to be back before Roman arrived.”
“No problem.” She shot me a smile as she turned to slip the pan into the oven. “He’s quite a serious young man, isn’t he? I suppose it comes with the job. But he’s very polite and cordial.”
“A real charmer,” I muttered beneath my breath.
Mom straightened. “What’s that, darling?”
I smiled, too wide, too plastic. “Where is he?”
“He went for a stroll by the lake. Oh, and he’s happy to stay for dinner,” she said. “I asked.”
Happy? I suspected that might be an exaggeration. “I’ll go fetch him.”
“There’s no hurry,” Mom called after as I headed out through the back door. “Your father won’t be home for another half hour.”
I found Roman sitting on a bulge of green grass at the bottom of the garden, one leg pulled up to rest an elbow on. He sensed me coming and glanced over his shoulder with a distant look in his eye.
“Hi.” I flopped down near him, not too close. “Everything okay?”
He nodded, swinging his gaze back over the glassy lake. “It’s beautiful here.”
“Yeah, I was fortunate, growing up with this for my back yard.” I nibbled my lower lip, sneaking a look at his harsh features in profile.
The valley of his jaw was shaded with a day’s growth of bristles. He was dressed in black, heavy cargo pants and a long-sleeved, supple top that defined the ropy muscles of his arms. Everything about him was so masculine and dark and strong, so foreign.
“What about you?” I said. “Is it true you grew up outside the walls? What was it like?”
He ran a hand over his jaw, slowly turning to me. “Georga, you need to understand something. As a warden, I get to travel freely but there’s a strict code of conduct. When I’m out there, I’m not allowed to talk about anything inside these walls. And when I’m in town, I can’t talk about anything out there.”
“You’re also my husband,” I said. “How am I supposed to get to know you if you’re not allowed to say anything about who you are or what you do?”
His gaze drifted from mine, stretching into a silence that lasted an age before he spoke. “I never knew my parents. I was raised in care.”
“You grew up at WOE?” I said, referring to the Widows and Orphans Establishment. “Roman, I am so sorry.”
“At the age of thirteen,” he continued without looking at me, without acknowledging my interruption, “I tested into the warden program and transferred to the Warden Training Facility.”
“That’s when you were moved out of town?”
“I graduated five years ago with the rank of officer and about a year and half ago I was promoted to head quarters in town.” His eyes slid to me, cool and indifferent like a slab of grey stone. “That’s it, all I’m going to say on the subject, and it would be easier on both of us if you stopped asking.”
That wasn’t going to happen. I’d never stop asking until I had my answers. But now that he was finally dribbling out information, I saw my chance to find out about Jenna. His personal story could wait.
“Do you know where they sent Jenna?” I said. “Jenna Simmons? She’s the girl that refused to graduate last night. The guards led her out.”
“Was she a friend of yours?”
I didn’t appreciate the past tense. “Yeah, she’s a friend. All they ever tell us is that we’ll be removed from society if we don’t graduate. Removed to where? The Smoke? What will happen to her?”
Some of the coolness leaked from his gaze, but still, he shook his head. “You know I can’t say.”
“But, you do know?”
“Georga…”
“You’d tell me, right, if it was bad?” Nothing. “You’d tell me if it was good?”
He pushed to his feet. “We should go inside.”
I glared up at him, into a face chiseled in stubborn arrogance. “What’s the point of all this clandestine bull crap? The unknown is far less scary than the known. If we could see Hell with our own eyes, we’d all be goddamn puritans.”
Roman’s features remained stoic, indomitable like a mental warrior who could not be defeated. “You should guard your tongue.”
“Or what?” I snapped, picking myself up from the grass, dusting off the seat of my jeans. “You’ll wash my mouth out with mustard? Horsewhip me? Send me to rehab?”
All possibilities, I warned myself. The volcano that had been simmering in me for so long was about to blow its top and I had to cap it, pull back into myself.
“Of course not,” he growled, a deep rumble that seemed to roll from his barely moving lips and down my spine. “But I’m not your father, either.”
Even though I was on my feet now, I still had to look up to meet
his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He indulges you.” Roman folded his arms across his chest, his gaze assessing me, as if he could read my every thought, catch every memory, toss is all together and spit out an accurate judgement. “I saw the way he looked at you when he walked you down the aisle. As if he’d call down a star to make you happy. You’re accustomed to getting your way with complete disregard to the cost to others.”
“And this expert opinion is based on what?” I snorted. “The handful of minutes you’ve actually spent in my company between last night and now?”
“That was more than enough,” Roman said. “You lash out at attempts to correct your behavior. You think ‘No’ is just an invitation to challenge and defy.”
He was so right, and so wrong.
It was Mom who taught me to be wise and strong. To show a face of obedience to get a foothold of power. To never forget my duty to mankind. But she also lit this fire of defiance deep inside me. The day she inducted me into the Sisters of Capra was the day I understood how hope could transform my past, present and future. Everything I’d been and done was the groundwork, a solid foundation to put me in a place now where one day I could help change the future for all of us.