Natalie looked at Lindsey, whose face was now mottled red.
“Please, Natalie, I don’t have anywhere to go. Can we just talk about it?”
“You’ve had three months to talk about it.” Bitterness made camp inside her. “I’m going out back with the boys. In five minutes I’m coming back in. You’d better be gone.”
Kyle had been disquieted all evening, and he knew it had nothing to do with the paper he’d forgotten to have Natalie fill out. He couldn’t get Linn off his mind. And Natalie. And Jillian. It all just spun around in his mind until he was dizzy.
He could hardly believe Jilly’s little sister was old enough to be pregnant, but, of course, she was nearly twenty. Still, he’d always think of her as the little fresh-faced kid who followed Jilly around on spindly legs.
He sank into a booth at the Shady Nook Café and looked over the menu he knew by heart. Betty waved at him as she passed with a tray of food. “Be right with ya, Kyle.”
“Take your time.”
He had nowhere to go. Home was a dark, empty building that held no appeal. That’s why he ate out for dinner too much. He looked at his watch and wondered what Natalie was doing. She was probably still celebrating with Linn and her boys.
A grin tugged his lips. What a woman. Who else would adopt a stranger’s child just because that child needed a mother? And her a single mother. Just when he’d lost all hope in the world, a woman like Natalie presented herself and made him think the world wasn’t such a bad place.
Natalie would have her hands full once the baby came, but that didn’t stop her from doing what she felt was right. For the first time he’d really noticed her wide brown eyes tonight. She had a natural beauty that was very different from Jillian’s put-together appearance. Yes, Natalie had caught his attention today in a way that disturbed him. He wasn’t ready
for a relationship. Didn’t know that he ever would be after what Jillian had done. How could he ever trust someone again after his best friend and lover betrayed him? He’d never gotten to talk it out with her, to figure out why she’d done it. He’d never gotten to tell her how angry he was for what she’d done. She’d deserved to hear how much pain she’d caused him.
But she hadn’t deserved to die. No, he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Wasn’t even sure he deserved a happy ending.
A new waitress took his order before returning to the kitchen. A few minutes later she brought out his Coke and tried to make small talk, a flirtatious sparkle in her eyes. He responded politely, offering no encouragement, and finally she went away.
The Friday night crowd was streaming in the door in groups of two and threes. He opened his briefcase and pulled out the paperwork he’d brought with him.
When his food arrived, he put the work away and ate, then paid his bill. As he drove home, he wondered why he felt so restless. This evening was like so many others since Jillian’s death. It had never bothered him to be alone before.
He pulled into his drive and went through the garage, flipping on the kitchen light as he passed through. He set his briefcase on the floor next to the end table with every intention of working on the stack of papers. When he sat in his favorite recliner chair, though, he didn’t feel like working. Not even thoughts of the Graber’s adoption finalization spurred his desire to complete the paperwork.
He flipped on the TV and surfed. He found a legal thriller but changed the channel when it failed to hold his attention. The same held true for a drama involving a crime scene investigation and for a sitcom. What was wrong with him tonight? He flipped off the TV and glanced at the wall clock.
He wondered if Natalie and Linn were finished with dinner. He supposed he could call and tell Natalie she needed to stop by the office and fill out that paper. He jumped at the excuse and went to retrieve the cordless from the kitchen cradle. For a moment, he thought he didn’t have her number, then he remembered the paperwork in his briefcase. After rifling through it, he pulled out one that had her number on it.
He had a strange stirring in his gut as he dialed the number, and he told himself to get real. He was only calling to tell her about the paperwork, not to ask her out.
A busy signal bleeped in his ear, and he told himself it wasn’t disappointment fanning through him. He clicked the off button and resigned himself to a quiet night at home. Somehow, it didn’t hold the same promise it used to.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
The next morning, Natalie checked the clock, realizing that Keith would be arriving any minute. She’d sent the boys to their rooms to clean up their toys and make their beds and made herself a second pot of coffee. She needed caffeine like she needed air.
Last night had been the second worse night of her life. Only her discovery of Keith’s affair had been worse, and it didn’t escape her that last night’s event was a direct result of that. The sin her husband had committed had created an avalanche of suffering. Would it ever stop?
Upstairs she heard Alex complaining that Taylor had made the mess of blocks and demanding that his brother pick them up. She sipped from her Jackson Hole mug and ignored the argument. They’d argued last night, too, but it had been with her.
Why did Linn leave? Where’d she go? But we’re having a party …
She only told them that Linn had to leave for a while. Still, they’d kept after her until she wanted to scream, and finally she’d pulled out the much-coveted tub of Play-Doh. That had distracted them for a while. She’d locked herself in her room while the food congealed on the table.
She lay on her bed, seething and shaking, but strangely, there were no tears. Not then, and not in all the hours she’d lain awake in the night.
The doorbell rang, and Natalie’s heart kicked into gear. The boys came clambering down the stairs and flung the door open, hugging their father.
She got up and approached warily. Keith’s eyes had a half-moon circle beneath them, and she knew he’d had a rough night, too.
Tough luck. Wasn’t this his doing? His and his precious Lindsey’s?
“Boys, grab your stuff and take it to the truck,” Keith said. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
They obeyed, eager to spend the day at Jenny Lake with their dad. Natalie called out a good-bye as they slid out the door.
She crossed her arms, unable to summon a smile or even a greeting for Keith.
He stood awkwardly in the same spot he’d stood the night before. He glanced outside, probably making sure the boys had made it into the truck.
“Is she gone?” he asked.
What business was it of his? He’d caused more pain and damage in her life than any person had a right.
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s not my fault what she did. I didn’t even know she was pregnant.”
“It’s your fault she’s pregnant, Keith. That’s the problem.”
“Like I wanted a baby?”
She narrowed her eyes, hoping some of the venom poisoning her in-sides would infect Keith. “There are ways to prevent it, you know. Abstinence, for instance.”
He ran his hand through his hair. “Look. We don’t even need to have this conversation. This has nothing to do with you now.”
Could he really be so clueless? “Nothing to do with me? I was going to adopt this baby for heaven’s sake. I was expecting—the boys were expecting—to have that baby in this house in a matter of weeks! This changes everything. I feel like I’ve been—”
Betrayed all over again. That was how she felt. But he didn’t need to know it.
“You just need to leave, Keith.” Her voice shook.
After a moment, he pulled the door closed. She sagged against it and closed her eyes. Her heart was pumping madly, her insides twisting like a wild roller coaster. She’d wanted to be alone, wanted the boys to be gone so she could sort out her thoughts. But now she was afraid. She didn’t want to think about Linn or the baby.
The baby. A heavy weight sunk in her belly. She felt almost as if she’d had a miscarriage. She’d wante
d that baby. Loved that baby. And now the child had been ripped from her.
She considered whose child it was and felt a stab of revulsion toward it. She shook her head. How could she feel that way about a baby? Mothers and babies were her life’s work.
She went up the stairs, seeking the solitude of her bedroom. She didn’t bother turning the light on, just slipped under the covers and bur-rowed into her pillow.
Just yesterday she’d been starting the adoption process. She’d been looking forward to adopting a baby into their family. She’d been feeling so good about helping Linn by giving her a place to stay. Today all that was gone. How had so much changed in one day?
The phone rang beside her bed, and she groaned. She didn’t want to talk to her mom or Paula or Hanna. She just wanted to stay under these covers and pretend last night never happened.
But it could be something about the boys. They’d only just left, but maybe they’d forgotten something. She forced herself to reach over and pick up the extension.
“Hello.” Her efforts to disguise her feelings fell flat. “Natalie?”
The sound of Kyle’s voice brought relief. “Hi, Kyle.”
“I just called to let you know there was a form I forgot to have you fill out.” His voice was guarded and questioning, as if he could tell something was amiss. “I discovered it after you left. It can wait until Monday, of course.”
It hit her what he was saying. Forms. Paperwork. The adoption. Should she just tell him OK and wait until later to explain?
“Or maybe I can drop them by and save you the trip.”
He probably took her silence as irritation that she’d be inconvenienced. “No, no need.” If only he knew. Maybe she should tell him now instead of waiting.
“Are you OK? I thought you’d be pretty excited after yesterday.”
She let the silence hang as she tried to figure out what to say. This was Linn’s brother-in-law, after all. Even Kyle was related to this whole mess between her ex-husband and his mistress. Was there any part of her life that had gone untouched?
“The adoption is off,” she said.
“What?”
She could hear the surprise in his voice.
“What happened?” he asked.
Suddenly, the weight of the situation bore down on her until she felt she had to unload it on someone. Why not Kyle?
“It happened last night. I found out who Linn is.” Did Kyle know Keith was the baby’s father and her ex-husband. Was it possible he had kept it from her, too? The thought brought another stab of fear.
“What do you mean?”
“I have to ask if you knew. Did you know about Linn and my ex-husband, Kyle?” Her voice held a hint of accusation. But it would make sense if he knew. Maybe he’d even seen Linn and Keith together at some point. It was a small town, after all. While everyone didn’t know everyone’s names, you certainly knew all the locals’ faces.
She rolled over on her back, holding the phone tight to her ear. She didn’t think she could bear one more deception.
“Natalie, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I promise.”
She sighed. She didn’t know why, but she believed him. Maybe it was desperation.
“Look, do you want to meet somewhere and talk tonight? I know this isn’t any of my business, but I’m a good listener.”
The thought of going out held no appeal, but maybe a listening ear would offer some relief. “Could you come over here?”
“Sure. I have to help a friend move into his house this afternoon, but I’m free tonight. I’ll bring something for dinner if you like.”
Natalie gave him directions to her house, then they settled on takeout from the Mangy Moose, set a time, and said good-bye.
All day Natalie’s thoughts tossed about like a rowboat on open seas. She didn’t understand why this had to happen. Why, when she’d been doing the right thing, did she get a knife stuck in her back?
Why, God? I was only trying to help a girl in trouble. I was only trying to do what You’d asked of me. I was really taking a step of faith, a step of obedience in adopting this baby. Of all the women in Jackson Hole, of all the unborn babies, why did it have to be Linn?
Later that evening, Natalie walked into the great room but felt too restless to sit down. Dusk was settling outside, and it was nearly time for Kyle to arrive. She was still in her denim shorts and T-shirt. She hadn’t looked in the mirror since she’d run a comb through her hair this morning, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
All she could think about was Linn. Why had Linn done this to her? Hadn’t she hurt her enough with the affair? Did she have any idea of the pain she had caused Natalie’s family?
It occurred to her that Linn was only nineteen, hardly even an adult, but that sickened her more. How old had she been when her husband had been having the affair? Seventeen?
She’d lost her husband to a seventeen-year-old girl?
The thought set a lump in her gut the size of Grand Teton. What kind of man turns to a mere child for love?
What kind of woman loses her husband to a girl that age?
A knock came at the door, rescuing her from the uncomfortable thought. When she opened the door, Kyle stood in a pair of jeans and red shirt. A delicious aroma escaped from the Mangy Moose bag in his arm, and she realized she hadn’t eaten yet today.
“Hi, come on in.”
He eyed her warily as he stepped inside.
They made small talk as they set the food and plates on the table. It surprised her that Kyle found the silverware drawer and poured drinks. A man that helped without being asked was a rare find in her experience.
They made it through the meal without bringing up the subject of the adoption. Natalie didn’t want to think about it until she finished eating and Kyle seemed to sense that. Instead, they talked about the tourists and the Jackson Hole Moose, their local hockey team. She was pleasantly surprised how natural it seemed to have Kyle in the house. She hadn’t had a man at her dinner table since Keith had left.
When the food was gone, they cleared the table together, and Natalie led them to the great room, where she sat on the sofa. Kyle sat at the opposite end and turned toward her, propping one knee on the seat.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
She noticed how gentle his voice was. It warmed her from the inside out. She shook her head. “I still can’t believe it.” She relived the moment when Keith and Linn saw each other, and shivered. “While we were having our celebration last night, Keith stopped by. He and Linn saw each other, and I found out that”—she looked at Kyle—“Linn is the one who broke up my marriage. She’s the one my husband had an affair with. The one my husband left me for.”
Natalie saw the emotions work on Kyle’s face. Confusion, shock, all the things she’d felt yesterday. Finally, his gaze turned downward. “I’m so sorry. That must’ve been a terrible discovery.”
She breathed a laugh. “That’s not all, I’m afraid. I also found out the baby Linn’s carrying is Keith’s.”
His eyes darted up to hers. “What?”
“So you can see why I’m wanting to back out of the adoption.”
His jaw worked. “This is insane.”
No one needed to tell her that. She was still reeling, and she had to admit, there was something satisfying in seeing Kyle’s reaction. Almost protective toward her. How long had it been since someone had protected her, even cared for her?
“No one would expect you to follow through on an adoption like that. It’s unthinkable—” He stopped abruptly and looked at her. “Linn—she didn’t know about this, did she? About who you are?”
Natalie felt the hard lump inside her swell. “Yes, she did.” She didn’t want to say too much. Kyle might sympathize with Linn. She was his sister-in-law, after all. Natalie didn’t think she could stand that.
“She knew?” Unbelief was etched on his face.
“She’s known for three months.”
Kyl
e reared back as if smacked. It seemed to take a moment to formulate his thoughts. “What in heaven’s name was she thinking? How could she—I’m so sorry, Natalie.”
“Stop apologizing. It’s not your fault.”
“You must be a wreck.”
She gave a wry laugh. “That’s a pretty accurate description.” Silence hung as the weight of what had happened sank in further. Her future had changed so drastically in just one moment. The thought of losing the baby was unbearable. The thought of raising Linn and Keith’s child was even more so.
“Where’s Linn now?”
She looked at Kyle and felt a moment of dread at having to tell him the truth. Would he hate her for kicking Linn out? She wet her lips. “I told her to go.”
Mixed emotions swam on his face. He was torn, and Natalie hated that. She wanted him to take her side. She was the one who’d been wronged. Linn had fixed her own mess. Why should she feel bad about that?
“You think I should’ve let her stay in my home, eat my food, and pretend she isn’t the person who wrecked my life?” Her voice shook, she couldn’t help it.
Kyle rubbed his fingers over his mouth. “No. Of course not.”
“But you’re wondering how I could just kick her out on the street, aren’t you?”
“Natalie, I don’t want to argue.”
“I know she was your sister-in-law, Kyle, but I don’t give a fig where she is. What she did was inexcusable. She’s young, but she’s old enough to know better. She deserves whatever she gets, and if my saying that makes you hate me, then that’s too bad.” Her eyes stung, burning deep in the sockets, then her vision blurred. Cursed tears. She didn’t want to cry. She wanted to hit someone.
He reached out and put his hand on hers. “I don’t hate you.” He squeezed her hand. “I could never hate you.”
She felt her face crumpling and covered it with her hands. Then he was there, close to her, holding her. She buried her face in his shirt, inhaling his musky cologne, drawing comfort. Her hands balled into fists, clutching the material of his shirt.
Saving Grace Page 21