The Replacement Bridesmaid

by Laurie Ralston

  The surgeon chuckled. “You’ll be heading up to surgery in a few minutes and the anesthesiologist will give you something to put you to sleep. When you wake up, it’ll be all over with. Piece of cake.”

  Mary smiled at him. “Thanks, Mike.” She suddenly saw Jill, who had been standing a bit behind the surgeon. “Jill, you made it.”

  Jill sidled up to the bed. “How are you feeling? Sounds like maybe those pain killers are starting to wear off.”

  “Yeah, they don’t want to give me any more before I go up to surgery,” Mary smiled at Jill ruefully. “Just my luck. Stupid dog,” she said, looked down at her leg, which was temporarily wrapped in a large blue brace. Jill could see it was already bruising. Mary also had a black eye forming on her right eye.

  “And you look so pretty,” Jill joked. They both laughed. “Nice looking surgeon.”

  Mary grinned. “Isn’t he? Ah, but he’s married and has two adorable little kids.”

  “Married with kids? No justice in life, is there? Besides, he doesn’t look old enough to have his own kids,” Jill said.

  “Jill, he’s a surgeon,” Mary said. “Unless he went to med school when he was 15, he’s not as young as he looks. Plenty old enough to have his own kids.”

  Jill sat down on the chair next to Mary’s bed.

  “I guess. Man, that makes me feel old,” she said.

  Mary turned her head sideways on her pillow to look directly at Jill.

  “Jill, honey, you look better than you did when I first met you some twenty years ago. You definitely do not look old.”

  “Really?” Jill asked. No one had said anything about her looks lately. Well, except for her son, Ryan, but he was always complimentary, so Jill always took his comments with a grain of salt. Scott certainly had not said anything about her looks for years, unless it was to question her choice of outfits to his law firm events.

  Two nurses came in and started unhooking lines and unlocking the wheels on Mary’s bed.

  “Okay, Mary, they’re ready for you up there,” one of them said.

  Jill took Mary’s hand as they wheeled her down the hall. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  They approached a set of double doors. One of the nurses turned to Jill and said, “End of the road for you, I’m afraid.”

  Jill released Mary’s hand and the nurses started wheeling her through the doors.

  “Wait!” Mary exclaimed before they got all the way through the doorway. She craned her head back to see Jill. “What about Ireland?”

  Jill stood in the stark hall looking at her very best friend about to undergo surgery. In that instant, she made up her mind.

  “I’ll take your trip to Ireland.”

  Chapter 4

  Jill felt elated. It was crazy, she told herself, but she was going to go to Ireland for this wedding. She just had to figure out how to swing it.

  As she saw it, she had three options. She could tell Scott about the trip and ask his permission to go. She could tell him that she was going and not solicit any permission. Or she could just go.

  The first option was probably the best option if she wanted to stay married. But did she want to stay married? She had not asked herself that question, not seriously anyway. There were plenty of times when she wanted to flee out the door and never look back. However, she had never really considered doing it. What would she do? How would she do it? She never got past those questions and to the one about her marriage to Scott. Mostly, it had seemed impossible, particularly when the kids were younger and still in the house. Even until today, it had seemed impossible.

  She stood up and went into the family room. The room was one of her favorites, where she and the kids had spent many hours watching television, playing games, working on class projects, and hanging out. She had her best conversations with them in this room. There was a large screen television on one wall, with two large comfortable and unstylish couches facing it. A dark wooden bookcase ran the length of one of the sidewalls. Scott had made it when they had first moved into the house when the twins were small.

  She rummaged around on the bottom shelf of the bookcase, finding her wedding album. Sitting on one of the couches, she opened the album to the first page, which was an 8x10 print of them running back up the aisle at the church right after being declared husband and wife. They were laughing, her head thrown back and her short veil trailing in the air behind her.

  Oh, they’d been so young and in love. Really in love. She had tied her star to his because Scott Owens was so smart, so handsome, so loving. Their future had stretched out in front of them and it seemed sparklingly promising. She turned the page and looked at the picture of them sharing their wedding cake. No smashing cake into each other’s face at this wedding; they had loved and respected each other too much for that.

  She gotten pregnant so quickly and Scott had been very good to her during that time. He babied her, giving her nightly back rubs and fixing her BLTs in the middle of the night. When the twins came, he helped out as much as he could, changing diapers, walking with a fussy baby that wouldn’t sleep, singing lullabies.

  But time had passed and he had become more and more invested in his career and slowly it all changed. Scott began treating her as one of his clients or even worse, one of the people that he loved to get on the stand to cross-examine, losers who got confused, forgot what they had said in the deposition or to the police officer, were easily tricked into saying something damning. Yes, that’s how he treated her.

  Another album contained pictures of the twins at birth, then eating, then walking, then running. Scott was in many of these early pictures. Slowly, though, he was in less and less of them, and finally the pictures were only of the twins and occasionally her. One thing was for sure, she sure loved those kids. She loved going to Martie’s volleyball games and Ryan’s band concerts. She loved the large birthday parties she threw for them, large because the twins always celebrated together and each had their own invitation list.

  But they were gone now, off living their own exciting lives. While both Ryan and Martie stilled lived in Phoenix, Jill did not see much of them. Martie traveled extensively, garnering new customers for her marketing business. She usually only dropped by when she needed something and sometimes on holidays. Ryan was around more and Jill often joined him for lunch down at one of the little open air cafés near his studio. Between her children, Ryan was the one that understood her better, something that never failed to surprise Jill. She was able to talk to him about nearly everything. She had even told him about her secret life, about the classes. She needed to talk to him now.

  Picking up the phone again, she dialed her son’s number.

  “Blue Sky Studio. How can I help you today?” a pleasant female voice answered.

  Jill recognized the high lilting voice of Leslie, Ryan’s receptionist.

  “Hello, Leslie. It’s Jill… Is Ryan around?”

  “Oh, hello! He is – hold on,” she quickly put Jill on hold and a moment later came back on the line. “He’s helping Josh mount some paintings for a show they have later this month, but he’ll be available in a minute.”

  “Thanks, Leslie.” She waited on the phone, wondering what she wanted to say to Ryan. Should she burden one of her kids with this? But she needed to talk to someone who would understand. Her son had witnessed his father’s poor treatment of his mother and also knew about her sneaking out to the classes.

  “Mom, how are you?” Ryan’s soft, deep voice came on the line.

  “I’m fine. I’d like to see you today. Do you have time for lunch today?”

  “Is everything alright?” he asked.

  “Yes, yes, I’m alright. I just need to talk to you. I have something I need to decide and I want to bounce it off you,” Jill reassured him.

  “Hold on a minute,” he said. Jill could still hear him, even though he had lowered the phone.

  “Leslie, hey, Leslie!”

  She heard a voice in the background, but could
n’t discern what it was saying.

  “Do I have anything going on for lunch?”

  More distant words.

  “Great,” he said, to Jill, “Sure, Mom. How about I meet you at Julio’s at one p.m.? It looks like my afternoon is pretty quiet and Josh is around today, too, so I won’t have to rush back and we can take in some sun and margaritas.”

  Jill loved this boy. He knew just what she needed.

  She told the hostess at Julio’s she was meeting her son and the young woman immediately knew who she meant.

  “Ryan’s already on the patio. I think he’s got a margarita waiting for you,” she said, smiling.

  Jill thanked her and went on through the restaurant and out the patio door. There was her son, lounging in the patio chair underneath a bright umbrella decorated with Mexican beer logos. He was such a handsome young man, with her dark hair and Scott’s blue eyes. The waitress lingering at the table chatting with him obviously agreed. Ryan didn’t have a girlfriend right now. His studio was his love for the time being, but Jill figured he’d get around to it soon enough. He was only twenty-four, after all. Just a baby. Her baby.

  “Mom!” he exclaimed when he saw her come out the patio door. He jumped out of his chair and hugged her heartily. The waitress smiled at them, maybe even more smitten with Ryan than before. She put down the bowl of salsa and basket of chips she’d been holding, promising to be back to take their order.

  Jill and Ryan chatted aimlessly for a while, getting their food order in, while laughing at Ryan’s stories of his sister trying to get him to join her marketing firm as a graphic designer – “she doesn’t have a clue about what I do, Mom!” – and at Jill’s admission about the chocolate brownie frenzy a few weeks before. While it was a pathetic story, she didn’t mind Ryan laughing at her, and she embellished the story a bit to make it even funnier. She always could tell a good story.

  After they’d gotten their lunches, Ryan picked up his fork and pointed it at Jill.

  “Okay, Mom. What’s going on? I can tell there’s something different percolating in that head of yours.” He smiled encouragingly at her.

  She told him about Mary going to Ireland for her cousin’s wedding and how she’d fractured her leg.

  “And since she can’t go and everything for the trip has been paid for, she wants me to go.” Jill snuck a look at her son, who stopped eating and looked up at her.

  “Go to Ireland? By yourself?” He asked, surprised.

  “Yes, but most of the time I’d be with her family. Her sister, who I know pretty well, will be there, too. I’d really like to go.” She said, then paused, finally looking fully at her son. “In fact, I’ve decided I am going.”

  “Well, that’s great, Mom!” Ryan was sincerely happy to hear her news, but Jill wasn’t so sure he’d be happy about the next part.

  “Here’s the problem. I haven’t told your dad.”

  Ryan put his fork down and took a big swig of his frozen margarita.

  “Ahh,” he said, knowingly nodding.

  “I can’t decide what or when I should tell him.” Jill said as she sat back, taking her margarita with her.

  Ryan looked at her for a long time. She wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Finally, he leaned forward, putting his hand on her arm.

  “Mom, is Dad still treating you badly?” he asked.

  Jill looked down, embarrassed.

  “Yes.”

  He squeezed her arm with his hand, so she’d look up at him.

  “I think you should just go. Don’t tell him, just go.” He released her arm, leaning back into his chair. “He probably won’t even notice for a few days.”

  Jill stared at her son. She couldn’t believe her ears. Ryan started smiling, then grinning hugely at her. She burst out laughing and he quickly joined her.

  He did understand her. Thoroughly. At least she would always have that.

  “Hey, Kimberly,” he called over to the waitress standing by the patio bar. “Bring us a pitcher of margaritas. Mom and I have a lot to talk about. She’s going to Ireland!”

  Chapter 5

  While Jill was used to sneaking around to do things without Scott finding out, she worried preparing for her trip in less than a week would make him suspicious. Fortunately, Scott was deep in a huge case that kept him busier than usual, so she was able to do the shopping and other tasks she had.

  First off, she needed some clothes. While it was warm in Phoenix in April, it was downright chilly in Ireland – at least to a “desert rat” such as herself. Sixty-five degrees in Ireland was a balmy Irish day, but in Arizona it was a winter day. She invested in some sweaters and long sleeved t-shirts, planning to layer her clothes to protect her from the cold. She also needed something to wear to the wedding. For this she chose a pale pink straight skirt that hit right below her knees and an ivory cashmere twin set, with an ivory knee-length coat to wear outside. Mary had said the wedding ceremony and reception would be held at a grand hotel on a lake. Jill wasn’t sure how much would be outside and she wanted to be prepared.

  Packing had been tricky, too. Jill was leaving Phoenix on Monday morning and needed to be at the airport early, so she couldn’t be waiting to pack until after Scott left for work that morning. She was going to take one medium sized roller bag and a small carry on. Hiding the roller bag in Martie’s old room, she packed it over a few days, adding a sweater here and a pair of boots there. After putting something in the bag, she zipped it up and shoved it back under Martie’s bed. Scott would never go in there. He hadn’t gone in there when Martie actually lived here, why would he go in there now?

  The carry on bag was shoved in a corner of her walk-in closet. She and Scott each had their own closets, his very neat and orderly, hers not so much. Scott always gave her a hard time about her messy closet and periodically cleaned it up when she wasn’t looking. But it was a good disguise and she knew he didn’t have time for a cleaning binge now. Even if he did, the bag contained only a change of clothes, some paperback books, a small empty pad of paper, a pen, and some lotion. Nothing incriminating.

  Once she’d made up her mind to go and after her discussion with Ryan, she bought several books on Ireland. Those she was worried about Scott finding. Jill was sure she could excuse them away, maybe she could say she bought them for Mary. Still, it was easier not to have any conversation with Scott, so she hid them deep in one of her clothes drawers, planning to put them in the carry on back right before she left for the airport.

  Scott, for the most part, didn’t notice anything going on. He did call the house once while she was out shopping, left a message, then called her on her cell phone.

  “Where are you?” he asked. It was a friendly enough question. Scott had never tried to keep tabs on her. It was one of the blessings brought on by the hours he had to work.

  “Shopping.” Jill tried to sound nonchalant, knowing that she could accidentally give him too many details. When they had been younger and still close, Jill had a hard time keeping secrets from him. She’d tell herself she didn’t need to tell Scott about every little detail about her life away from him, but she would invariably tell him anyway. In the beginning, it was a sign of trust, but as he became more and more critical of her, she began regretting confessing every little thing. As time passed, it was easier to resist spilling the beans.

  “Shopping for what?”

  “Well, um, there’s some birthdays coming up and I needed a few things for myself… you know, underwear, socks, that type of thing,” she replied.

  “Ah…” he said, and she could see him in her mind, talking to her on his office speakerphone, shuffling through papers on his desk. In fact, she could hear the papers rustling over the phone. She hated when he talked to her on the speakerphone. He always sounded so far away. Distant and far away.

  “Listen,” he said. “I’m going to have to work most of the weekend. Did we have anything planned?”

  Jill smiled. This would make finalizing her preparations a lit
tle easier without having him roaming around the house all weekend.

  “No, nothing that I know of,” she said.

  “Good, good.” Scott’s voice was actually somewhat sweet, reminding her of how he’d been when they were freshly married. “I know you get bored hanging around the house by yourself all weekend. Why don’t you go get a manicure or something?”

  Damn. Why is he being so nice? Jill felt a pang of guilt. Here he was, being kind for once and she was going to reward him by running off. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea, going to Ireland. Maybe, at least, she ought to tell him. She started to open her mouth to say something about it, when he abruptly cut in.

  “Jill, I need to go – a client just showed up unexpectedly. I’ll talk to you tonight. I’ll be late, though. Bye.” The phone clicked and he was gone before she had a chance to respond. Oh, well. Maybe she’d tell him over the weekend.

  The weekend arrived and Jill could hardly hide her excitement about the trip. The only two people who knew she was going were Mary and Ryan. She didn’t tell Martie, at Ryan’s warning, because Martie would have told Scott for sure. Ryan said that he loved his twin, but he knew that she would always side with their dad. As for Scott, he did say something about her seeming happier this week.

  Sunday morning rolled around and Scott was up early to go to the office. Jill planned to tell him about leaving the next day; the guilt of not telling him was eating at her and she decided it would be better for him to know. When Scott came out of the shower, she was sitting on the side of the bed, waiting for him.

  “Where are my new jeans?” he’d asked her as he passed the bed on the way to his closet.

  “In your dresser.” She was waiting for this exchange to be over so that she could tell him about the trip.

  “In my dresser?” He snapped at her. “You know I like them hung up. Why can’t you just do it the way I like? I want them hung up.”