I have to swallow the emotions climbing up my throat and pricking behind my eyes. I stare out Prissy’s car window and struggle to keep myself restrained.
“So, all that balloon stuff was crazy. Where did you learn that anyway? Did you work birthdays and Bar Mitzvahs too?” Prissy smiles over at me, but I don’t return it.
“No, my brother, Logan, back when he was pre-med, he put in a ton of hours at this hospital. He’d drag me along on weekends when I wasn’t doing tournaments and stuff.”
“Okay, that explains how you knew your way around and all that, but what about the balloon animals?”
“That was Logan too.” The lump in my throat threatens to break my voice. “Before the beard and several tattoos ago, I was a dorky kid with a very brief interest in making stuff with balloons. Not animals, like swords and shields. Anyway, my brother found me a bunch of YouTube videos, and the rest is history.”
“Ohhh, sounds like he's the good brother.” She teases me. “Is that why you’re the bad one? Black sheep gets more attention, right?” She smirks at me.
“Well, the white sheep is dead. So, no.”
Her smirk wilts and her eyes grow wide. “Seriously? Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I feel awful.”
That was a dick move. Prissy wasn’t trying to hurt me. She had no way of knowing Logan died.
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just get pissed off about it sometimes. You know? You’re right, I’ve always been the black sheep of the family, but not for attention. It’s because Logan was nearly fucking perfect. Like, he was the best guy. All that time he spent trying to be the best student, brother, doctor, person… it was all for nothing. He’s gone.”
Prissy drops one hand from the steering wheel and grabs mine. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Blaze.”
“It’s not something I talk about. It hurts too much.” My voice cracks. I swallow hard and stare out the window.
The car is silent. Prissy turns up some roads, but other than the indicator ticking, there’s no noise.
“Maybe he was doing it for himself,” she whispers.
“What?”
“It’s just, I didn’t know Logan, but he sounds like he was really great.”
“He was.”
“Maybe he liked being that great. Maybe he didn’t do it because he was trying to live up to anything other than his own potential. Maybe it made him happy.”
I don’t want to think about Logan. I don’t want to remember what I lost.
“Maybe,” I answer.
Prissy pulls up her street and then into her driveway. From the car, I can see the cat is waiting like an expectant turd at the front door. I don’t know why I follow her out of the car. It doesn’t feel like a choice. When she stepped out, so did my stability. She’s got her key in the lock, and I turn her around. I hold her, gripping her tightly, and kiss her harder than I should.
I rest my forehead against hers. “Can I come in?”
17
Sneaking Around & Out
Priscilla
“Yes.” My heart makes it to my mouth before my brain does.
I guess, since it’s about to beat out of my chest, heart gets priority. I open the door and Mr. Bojangles leaps over my feet, not the least bit grateful for my help. Blaze has been so open and honest with me about his brother. I saw something real in him. It makes me want to cry the tears he won’t spill. I wish I could help ease the burden of his grief.
I follow the cat inside, and Blaze follows me. He shuts the door with a soft click. Blaze cups my jaw, he drops his head until our foreheads touch.
I know there are reasons I shouldn't kiss him, but I can’t remember any.
His eyes are normally smirking, even when his lips aren’t. Not now. Their honesty pulls me in. Their hunger keeps me captive. The vulnerability in his eyes, that swallows me whole.
“I need you, right now.” His voice is hoarse. The emotions he struggles with, the hurt he keeps inside, it tints his voice. It taints his life. Blaze can’t face the chaos that death brought, so he absorbed it. He became it.
His fingertips press into my face and his lips softly open mine. His kiss coaxes my doubts to surrender. He lifts my hand above my head, pinning it to the wall and steps into me. His weight pressing into me, holding me in place while our kiss deepens, it feels familiar. Comforting.
And so sexy.
I want to feel the hot puff of his breath on my skin, his naked body pressed against mine, and his cock stretching me around him. He starts to slide his hand down, the edges of his fingers easing under the waistband of my jeans, and a shiver of anticipation travels through every single nerve in my body.
People talk about their souls meeting or meshing or melting. I’ve never experienced anything like that. I’m not sure if it’s my soul craving this connection, but whatever it is, it’s deep inside me. It’s more than thoughts and feelings. It feels like I’ve been holding my breath, and my lungs might burst if I don’t gasp for the air I so desperately need. It’s the same ache of starvation I’d feel if I didn’t eat for ten days. Except in my heart.
“Not here.” I put my hands on his chest and he steps back.
He nods, unzipping his jacket and stepping out of his boots. We don’t bother hanging up our things. We dump it all on the floor, my shoes included, and quickly make our way up the stairs to my room. As soon as my bedroom door clicks shut behind us, Blaze kisses me again, but this time there’s no wall to hold me against. This time, he slowly walks me back toward my bed, but I stop in front of my dresser.
“We can’t.” I breathe the words. Hating that they formed in my mind, that they forced themselves from my mouth, that they filled the space between us and made all of this grind to a sudden stop.
Even when every single part of me is begging for me to let go, there’s that little nagging voice in the back of my mind. I hate that stupid voice. “You’re high.” I meet his eyes.
“How is that any different from last time?” Blaze doesn’t sound defensive or angry, just genuinely confused.
“Last time we were drinking together. We were both tipsy, and neither one of us was drunk.” If this is logic, I wish logic would shut the fuck up. “You’re not thinking clearly, and I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re high.” It didn’t shut up.
Blaze laughs, but stops when I don’t. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
“Do you have any idea how much tolerance I have? Trust me, I’m not high.”
He backs up a bit, giving me some space. I immediately regret my words, even though I know they’re the right ones.
“Listen, what I told you before, about Logan being the white sheep…”
“Yeah?” I cringe, wishing I never made that joke about him and his brother.
“Hey, don’t feel bad. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I’m sorry, okay?” Blaze puts his hand flat on the top of my dresser and leans leans against it.
“Okay.” I nod. It doesn’t erase the awful feeling, but it helps numb it a bit.
“Even though he was Mr. Walk-on-Water, it never bothered me. Like, I wasn’t jealous of Logan. It sounds cheesy I guess, but he was actually my hero.” His voice drops and so does his head.
“That’s not cheesy at all. I think that’s beautiful.” I step forward and put my hands on his shoulders. I’m trying to extend the comfort through my touch because I have no words to soothe him. There’s no combination of words I can string together that will ease his hurt or end his grief. He’s spent so much time hiding his open wound, and I don’t know how to fix any of it.
Blaze wraps his hands around mine, giving them a squeeze. When he lifts his head, his face changes. “I’ve had a lot of crazy nights, you know? Like, nights just filled with so many drugs, so much drinking, just drowning in pussy…”
I can’t hide my disappointment. I pull my hands back and sigh. I know what he’s doing, and I hate it. I hate that he wants to go back to hiding. Even if hid
ing means he’ll bleed out. Even if hiding will kill him. “Where is this going, Blaze?”
He curls his hands around the top edge of my dresser until his knuckles bleach. Blaze swallows hard. Seriousness settles back into his face. I’m not sure how long it will last, but I welcome it.
“I have a point. It’s that I’ve been telling myself that all those parties and all the shit that went with them, that was for Logan. Like, I was living it up because he couldn’t. I told myself it was because he didn’t, even when he was here. I couldn’t admit I needed the distraction. The distraction was the first addiction. All the other stuff came later. Finding something to forget that pain, it’s hard to turn down.”
“I get that.” I search his face, and all I see is the truth.
“But this, with you, it’s different. You’re not a distraction, or even an addiction. When I’m with you, I don’t need to forget. When I’m with you, I can’t think of anything else.” Blaze reaches for me, and I step into him. His arms pull me in, but his lips make me stay. I sink into the softness of his kiss. He is deliberate and delicate and it is entirely unexpected.
He slides his hands under the edge of my shirt, gathering the fabric on his hands as he pulls it off my body.
“Are you sure you’re not high?” I whimper. I need to make sure before I can continue. I need to be certain before I can surrender.
“I’ve never felt more clear-headed.” He drops my shirt to the floor and is quick to tug his off and toss it down alongside mine.
“I know what I’m doing, and I know what I want,” he murmurs. Blaze grabs both my arms and flips me around, holding him against me tight. I can feel the ridge of his hard cock through our pants. It presses against my ass. Then he turns us both around, together, until we become a reflection in my mirror. One that I can’t stop watching.
“Look at you.” The heat of his breath teases my ear as he whispers into it. “Only one thing could make you more fucking sexy,” Blaze slides his hand down over my shoulder, across my breast and around my body. He holds me against him, his tattooed arm a piece of art against the blank canvas of my skin.
“What’s that?”
“If I was making you cum.” The rasp in his voice tingles my body like a static charge.
With his free hand, he slides his fingers down over my quivering lower belly and underneath the waistband of my jeans. They slip beneath my underwear, pressing into my slick slit.
“You’re so wet for me.” His fingers press into my pussy until they find my clit.
“Oh!” The word is a whisper wrapped in my puff of breath.
I am wet, and it’s entirely because of him. He holds me against him tight with one arm and even as his fingertip teases my clit, even as I squirm from the little shivers that make my lungs squeeze harder, my heart beat faster and my thighs clench tighter, he keeps me firm in his grasp. I keep avoiding the mirror. A shyness creeps over my body every time I glance at our reflections.
“Don’t hide from this.” His voice sends tremors through me. “Look at us. Look at that flush on your cheeks, the way you’re biting on your lip. I want you to see what you look like when I make you cum.”
My eyes flicker down to the top of my dresser first. Like it’s some kind of safe neutral zone that I can focus on until I build up my nerve to look. Blinking, I lift my head and finally force myself to focus on us. I lean my head back against his chest, letting my body sink back against him.
I love the contrast between us. He is, in every way, my opposite. It’s not just his wild jumble of tattoos contrasted against my unmarked skin. It’s his crazy hair and beard next to my neatly styled locks. All the ways that he’s wild, I’m mild, and there’s beauty in that.
“There you go.” He smiles at me in the mirror.
He opens me with his finger, sliding it up inside me, pressing the heel of his hand down into my clit. The way he holds me, like I’m his possession, a favorite toy he’ll never give up, it makes my pussy clench around his finger, and the throbbing pulse builds even more inside me. I surprise myself when I grab his hand from around my waist and guide it up my body until it’s resting on my throat.
“Just like that. Don’t squeeze, I just want to feel the weight.” I meet his reflection’s eyes. A fire burns behind his. He holds my throat, firm but not restricting my breathing.
“Mmmm,” I close my eyes again, but not because I’m feeling shy. My entire body is flooding with a strong, building sensation that takes over. I can’t force my eyes to stay open. I’m not sure that my ears are working either.
My pussy quivers against his finger, and the buzz that’s been building up inside me becomes an explosion as my orgasm shivers through me, weakening my legs, collapsing me against him. Blaze drops his hand from my neck and slides the other one out from inside my pants, holding me. Until my knees remember how to do their job. Until my breath isn’t coming out in little gasps. Until I can finally open my eyes again.
“See? Look at how sexy you are.” His mouth is beside my ear. I notice a deeper shade of pink staining my lips and a rosy color brushed over my cheeks, but not for long. When he pulls my earlobe into his mouth, slides his hands down my stomach and unbuttons my jeans, my own face isn’t my main focus.
Blaze opens my pants and pulls them and my underwear down over my hips, down over my glistening pussy, down my thighs. I want to surrender to him, but I tense up a bit. All my sexual experiences have been the most vanilla ever. I’m not sure I’m ready to be fucked from behind. It feels dirtier and crazier, especially in front of a mirror.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” He senses my hesitation and pauses.
“I do, I just…” how do I tell him that this is wildly pushing my boundaries? I’m sure Blaze has done crazy things I’ve never even heard of in bed, but that’s not me.
Blaze turns me to face him and walks me back until my butt bumps into the top edge of my dresser. “Is this better?” It’s like he can read my mind. Or at least the expression on my face. I feel the tension melt from me as I sit on the cold edge.
“It’s perfect.” I grab his hands and tug him into me. He covers my lips with his, kissing me slowly while his hands slide around my back and he unclips my bra. I don’t stop it from sliding down my arms and falling to the floor. He grabs each side of my pants and underwear in his fists and I lift myself up a bit, helping him as he yanks them the rest of the way from my legs, adding them to the growing pile.
Blaze steps between my legs and curls over my body, kissing down the side of my neck. I lean back on both hands, arching my back, and he cups my breasts taking his time sucking and twirling his tongue over my nipples until that buzz builds up inside me again.
I don’t even realize I have my feet hooked around the back of his legs until I lean forward, fingers trembling as I open his fly.
“I do want you to fuck me.” I look up at him. “I need you to.” There’s a desperation in my voice that I don’t like because it’s just too honest. It gives me nowhere to hide. You can be cool, or you can be sincere, it’s hard to be both.
“Just a second.” He stops me from pushing his pants down and grabs his wallet from his back pocket. “Condom,” he explains, tugging out the foil wrapper. He tosses his wallet onto my dresser and rips open the packet.
I pull his pants and underwear down over his very round and very sexy hockey butt, and then push them all down further with my feet, but I only get it down to his knees. Blaze rolls the condom down his shaft and steps out of his clothes the rest of the way. His hands are warm as he circles them around my thighs and pries my legs open for him. His body fits perfectly between them, especially when I circle my legs around his lower back. Blaze guides his cock to my entrance, and I’m so wet he easily fills me, stretching me around him as he buries his cock inside.
I slide my hands over his shoulders, and he fills me completely. Blaze looks down at me, an unasked question in his eyes.
“What?” I tilt my head.
“Why is i
t so different with you?” He growls, frowning.
“What do you mean?”
Blaze thrusts into me, making me gasp and lose focus. The buzz builds stronger. It travels through my body and makes me squeeze my eyes shut and roll back my head.
“I can’t explain it. It’s just different. I can’t stop coming back to you. I don’t want to stop.” His voice is hoarse, and he slides his hands down my back, edging me forward on my dresser.
“I don’t want you to stop either.” I hang onto him tightly, teetering on the edge. I have to trust him to hold me here. I do.
Blaze fucks me slowly, fully. He kisses me softly but thrusts into me harder. I cling to his shoulders, and his cock fills me over and over again until that buzz is teetering on the edge, and I’m right along with it.
“Oh, Blaze. Oh my God. Mmmm,” I cry out. My second orgasm pulses through me. My pussy clenches his cock as he keeps fucking me deep and hard.
Blaze twitches before his cock does. It throbs inside me, and he leans his head back, groaning as he fills the condom with his cum. He holds me tight, neither of us moving. His cock still inside me, little tremors travel across his body.
“Fuck.” He’s raspy. He grabs the base of the condom and kisses me while he pulls out. It doesn’t take him long to tie it off and grab a bunch of tissues from the box next to me and toss it in my trash.
“Get the fuck over here.” He slides his hands under my ass and lifts me from my dresser, walking me over to the bed. He tosses me down on it, his eyes twinkling, that smirk back where it belongs on his lips. “How was that for an upgrade?”
I laugh, remembering how I teased him about the bed toss last time. “Shut up and get in here.” I hold up my hands and we both get in under my covers.
It feels nice, being held against his chest. There’s a comfort I never expected to find in him. Blaze runs his hand down over my hair until his breathing deepens and his fingers press against the back of my head. I can’t blame him for falling asleep; I’m pretty tired myself. It’s been a long and emotional day.
BLAZE: Enemies to Lovers College Hockey Romance Page 11