by Fiona Harper
He turned to look at her. ‘You’re really going to make me do this, aren’t you?’
‘If there’s one thing the last few years have taught me it’s that you can’t run from the tough times—you have to turn and fight.’
‘Who says I’m running?’ he asked, his voice light and unconcerned.
She moved closer and he felt her husky voice warm on his chest. ‘Aren’t you?’
He put his free hand back behind his head and stared at the ceiling. His mouth began to move, tell the facts. He was surprised how level his tone sounded, like a newscaster delivering a broadcast. ‘I was in a foul mood that day. We were on holiday at our villa in Malibu. We’d been there less than a day but my father had me doing laps in the pool, timing me. I really needed a rest, but he started hounding me, lecturing me about my latest race time. I could do better, he said. I just needed to try harder instead of horsing around.’
He heard the smile in her voice. ‘Were you horsing around?’
The careless demeanour cracked a little when one corner of his mouth lifted. ‘I did sometimes, but I think what really got me mad was that I was trying my hardest and he just couldn’t see it. If anything, I think my training schedule had been too intense, especially as I’d just finished college and I’d worked really hard at my finals. I guess what I really needed was to take a couple of weeks to blow off some steam then come back to it fresh.’
‘I suppose he didn’t like that idea much?’
‘No …’ he said slowly. ‘Not much. Now that college was done and I wasn’t juggling studies with swimming, we were supposed to be moving the professional career up a notch. I’d done well at the world championships that year. No medals or anything, but I was moving slowly up the table and we knew I still had untapped potential. So … my father and I had a huge fight. The biggest we’d probably ever had. And I decided that if he wanted to accuse me of horsing around, I’d show him how it was really done.’
Kelly let out a gasp and covered her mouth with a hand. He guessed she knew him well enough to know just what a dangerous idea that had been.
‘We’d vacationed at that villa for years, so I had plenty of similar-minded friends to go and cause trouble with, if I had a mind to. Which I did. Brad begged to come too and, knowing it would make my father mad if I took him along for the ride, I let him. There was a cliff over the sea and we used to dare each other to dive off it—like those guys in Acapulco. There was one spot we used to jump from regularly and no one ever got hurt, but that day my buddies dared me to climb higher to a part of the cliff we’d never had the guts to jump from before.’
He stopped and turned his head to give her a morbid smile. He could just about make out her features in the gloom as she lifted her chin and rested it on his chest, staring back at him.
‘You might not believe this, but back then I had a reputation …’
She laughed softly. ‘No, really?’
He returned his gaze to the ceiling, unable to maintain eye contact. ‘So I did it. I jumped. Guess I was trying to prove something.’
The rhythmic rise and fall of her torso against his paused and he pressed on quickly while he still could. He hadn’t told this story in years, but each tiny detail came searing back into his mind like hot metal pins.
‘I dislocated my shoulder, tore a bunch of ligaments, but I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of my friends so I lied, said I wasn’t hurt too bad when really it was all I could do to stay afloat. But then I saw Brad getting ready to jump. I tried to put him off, told him it wasn’t for little girls, but he just made rude hand gestures back at me.’
‘He jumped anyway?’
Jason nodded. ‘He hit the water at an awkward angle and fractured his spine in three places. He was paralysed below the waist.’ He shook his head. ‘I should have been honest about how badly I’d hurt myself instead of pretending everything was okay. I should have told him the real reason not to jump instead of being a smartass.’
‘It was an accident, Jason.’
‘Try telling my father that.’
‘He blamed you?’
Jason closed his eyes, blocked the darkened room out. ‘He had every right to.’
‘You didn’t make Brad jump.’
‘I kinda did. I was always teasing him, telling him he’d never live up to his big brother. I should have known he wouldn’t have backed down from a challenge.’ There was something else he needed to say. Something he’d never admitted to anyone. The words came out hoarse and rusty. ‘I blame myself.’
He felt Kelly’s hair tickle his chest and he realised it was because she’d lifted her head to press her lips there. A moment later he felt a warm bead of moisture drop onto his skin. He pulled the hand from behind his head and tilted her face upwards with it. He took a moment to stare into her eyes. He could see them glistening in the dull light.
‘Don’t cry for me,’ he told her. ‘I don’t deserve it.’
He didn’t tell her the rest, how he’d sunk into self-pity, dealt with the tragedy as only a spoilt rich kid could—wasting a couple of years and a whole lot of money wandering, doing nothing but getting good and drunk occasionally.
‘I’m sorry … I’ve been angry for too long. Angry at the disease that invaded my body. Angry at my rat of an ex for not being the man I’d believed—no, that I’d hoped—he was. The only way I knew how to survive it all was to come out fighting. Sometimes I forget it’s okay to stop, and that fight makes me say things, do things …’ she swallowed ‘… especially when I care about something. I didn’t mean to push you … I just didn’t want you to give up.’
‘Why?’ he asked softly. Why should it matter so much to her?
She sniffed and laid her head back on his chest. ‘Boys need their fathers… . I think of my two, how their dad damages them without even realising it when he changes plans at the last minute or when he gets his mum to babysit so he can go out on the weekend instead of spending that precious time with them. I suppose I hoped that if you could mend things with your father that it meant there was always hope… .’
He didn’t want to tell her the truth—that he didn’t think his father would ever forgive him—but it was a different situation with Kelly’s ex and his sons. ‘Maybe there is.’ He even managed to sound convincing, but something else was worrying him, something her gabbled admission had made him think about.
He curled his arm around her and pulled her closer. ‘You’re okay now, right? All clear?’ He kept his voice light, but a chilly whirlpool started up in his stomach.
She nodded. He could feel her cheek moving against his chest and hear her hair swishing faintly.
‘Is that how you got through it all? You just kept fighting no matter what?’
‘Simple, but it worked. My sister-in-law says the Bradford stubbornness served me well. She says the cancer won’t dare to come back.’
There was that word. Cancer. Not something a person could hide from easily. It sent a shudder right through Jason to know it had invaded the warm body curled up against his. It made him think how fragile life was. And how strong Kelly must have been to defeat it. However, despite all her fighting talk, he’d heard the way her voice had wavered ever so slightly when she’d said it.
‘What would you do if it did?’
She didn’t hesitate. ‘Fight it some more. I don’t have a choice. I can’t leave my boys on their own.’
She yawned against his chest.
‘They’re lucky to have someone like you,’ he told her. ‘Someone who’s in their corner no matter what,’ he whispered, almost so quietly that she couldn’t hear it. ‘Anybody would be lucky to have you on their side.’
He was lucky to have her on his side. Because she was. She might tell him when he was being an idiot, but she didn’t judge him. She accepted him for who he was, good and bad.
She mumbled something and shifted her weight a little. It wasn’t long before the rhythm of her breathing slowed and her limbs, where they were d
raped across his, grew heavy.
So much for a night of fun.
But Jason realised he didn’t mind. The fun could come later. Right now he was content to have her warm body tucked up against his. For the first time in years he didn’t feel lonely, and he hadn’t even known he’d felt that way until she’d come along and shown him how empty his life had been.
Without her.
Not just plain empty, but empty without her.
If a thought like that had rattled round Jason’s head a couple of months ago, he’d have drowned it out with a rowdy night out or a hundred laps of the pool. But tonight he didn’t feel the usual chill that came when he feared a woman was getting too close, too serious.
Serious. That was an interesting word.
Hadn’t Kelly once told him that life sometimes made you take it seriously? At the time he’d thought she’d just been on a rant, but after her revelations tonight he understood exactly what she meant. It came back to that C word. Cancer was not a thing that could be played with.
He sighed. Despite his promises to his HR manager, to Kelly and even to himself, a part of him had still been making a play for her. As the attraction between them had intensified, he hadn’t been able to help trying to win her round.
But now that he had her, he didn’t know what he was going to do about it.
Usually, he’d have just had the fling, let it run its course, no harm done. But what they were starting to feel for one another definitely went deeper than that, and he knew she felt it too—this sense of connection, this feeling that they didn’t need to hide from each other.
He also knew that he didn’t want to hurt her. She’d had too much of that already.
The problem was, he didn’t know if he had it in him to not hurt her, even if he tried. He seemed to have a gift for destroying anyone who came close. Which meant this thing between him and Kelly—it wasn’t a game anymore. And he had no idea what his next move should be.
CHAPTER TWELVE
IT HAD BEEN a long time since Kelly had been wrapped up in a man. Years. She’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to have all that strength curled protectively around her, how safe it made her feel, how … not alone. She lifted her head and pressed a silent kiss to Jason’s shoulder, careful not to wake him.
She took a moment to study him in the soft morning light. His lashes were long and dark against his cheeks and his mouth was relaxed out of that habitual naughty smirk. Somehow, instead of looking younger and more boyish while he slept, he seemed more solemn, more serious.
She found a huge smile creeping across her face and her insides lifted high and began to soar.
This wasn’t going to be just a fling, whatever she and Jason were starting, and she probably should be worried about that. A fling meant short, hot and walking away unscathed. More …? Well, that was a whole different kettle of fish. They wouldn’t be able to go back to the office and pretend it was business as usual, that was for sure. Even so, she hesitated to put a proper label on her feelings.
She laid her head back down on his chest and wriggled nearer to him. He made a small sleepy noise and pulled her closer, held her tighter. Kelly closed her eyes and prayed.
What in the world was she going to do?
She knew Jason was far more than the playboy, bad-boy face he showed to the world. He was stronger, more determined. He cared. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have a lot of baggage that was going to make it difficult for him to settle down and commit. Until he worked through all of that, he’d always be tempted to blow everything off and walk away when times got tough. Just as he’d almost done with the Mercury shoes. Just as he’d done with his family.
Just as her ex-husband had done.
And she had two small boys at home who desperately needed stability, who she wouldn’t put through the trauma of seeing another man walk out of their life.
She closed her eyes, as if by doing so she could shut the truth out, and then she stole a few more moments in the warmth of Jason’s arms. Then, although it felt as if she were peeling herself away from him both physically and emotionally, she slid out of bed and went back to her own room to get dressed.
Jason stretched his palm and reached out, but all he found were cool sheets and an empty space. Kelly had gone. He rolled over and opened his eyes, took a few minutes to stare at the ceiling.
Well, that was a first. Spending the whole night curled around a woman and no one had gotten naked.
But he seemed to be doing a lot of things for the first time with Kelly. Like talking about things he normally kept buried. Like looking at how much he’d accomplished in the last few years instead of how little. Like not caring that he hadn’t made love to her while he’d had the chance.
Not that he didn’t want to. Hell, he really wanted to. But there was something different going on there too.
For the first time this wasn’t about winning or losing, the ultimate prize being to get a woman into his bed and keep her there as long as he liked—and not much beyond. He wanted that for Kelly instead. He wanted to be with her when she was ready.
He threw the sheet back and got out of bed, then wandered, still in just his pyjama bottoms, into the living room of the suite. Kelly was already there in the tiny but luxurious kitchenette, humming to herself, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee curled towards him and filled his nostrils. She was dressed in her smartest office attire, ready to kick some business butt, but he couldn’t help seeing her with her hair loose and slightly tangled and that darn T-shirt slipping off one shoulder.
‘Coffee?’ she said and smiled at him.
‘Please.’
She turned and poured some into a cup. He crossed the room and slid his arms round her middle just as she was replacing the carafe. She paused for a moment, made sure it was securely back in place then turned in the circle of his arms to face him.
She didn’t need to say anything. It was written all over her face—the same twisting feeling that was turning him inside out. Was this real or just a strange dream? Perfect or just plain crazy? The beginning of something amazing or just another horrible mistake?
Neither of them knew.
And he understood where the problem lay. With him.
He leant in and kissed her. Softly at first, but it was impossible to keep it that way. Soon all thoughts of coffee while it was still hot were completely forgotten. But he couldn’t quite ignore the horrible sense of sadness building inside.
Kelly believed in him—professionally, at least. But she didn’t trust him not to break her heart.
And he didn’t judge her for that, because neither did he. He wished he could be the man she needed, but he wasn’t sure if he had it in him. Maybe one day, but now? That was a tall order. And it wouldn’t be fair to her to make her wait, or use her as a guinea pig to see if he was ready yet.
The beeping of her phone on the counter interrupted them. Kelly gave him an apologetic smile. ‘I set a reminder for nine o’clock so we wouldn’t forget to call McGrath’s office the moment it opened.’
That was the reason for the trip, of course. So why did he resent that little electronic intrusion?
Kelly stepped out of his embrace and picked up her phone. Jason decided that he’d probably better go and get some clothes on. It was only fair if they were both properly dressed or properly undressed and, with things in their current limbo and a possible business meeting on the horizon, he regretfully acknowledged that the former was the sensible option.
When he emerged from the bedroom, straightening his tie, Kelly was off the phone and wearing a concerned expression.
‘What’s up? Wasn’t McGrath good to his word?’
She shook her head. ‘No, it’s not that … He’s asked us to meet him for brunch tomorrow.’
Jason grinned. ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she replied.
He turned and headed back towards his room, loosening his tie. ‘Better get out of these clothes, then
… .’
He could feel the static electricity bristling from her, even though his back was turned.
‘Look, I know things got a little … friendly … last night, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to strip and come running whenever you call! I have a little pride, you know.’ Jason smiled to himself and tugged his tie from round his neck. His grin widened when he heard her mutter, ‘I hope… .’
He spun round and continued walking backwards in the direction of his room. ‘I meant that those aren’t the most practical clothes for sightseeing,’ he said. ‘Your feet will be a mass of blisters if you try it in those shoes.’
‘Sightseeing,’ she said, frowning, as if she’d never heard of the concept before.
‘You said you wanted to see New York. You said you wanted to catch up on lost fun. Now’s your chance—and with the most charming and knowledgeable guide in the five boroughs.’
She smiled despite herself. ‘You’re really big-headed, you know.’
‘So I’ve been told,’ he replied. ‘But it’s not being big-headed if it’s true.’
She just shook her head and headed off in the direction of her room. ‘Be back in five … no, make that ten,’ she yelled over her shoulder.
Jason just smiled and watched her go. They had one day. One day to live in the moment. They could suspend the issues facing them for that long, couldn’t they? No promises needed to be made in the next twenty-four hours.
Because there wasn’t anything else he wanted to do with this day but be with Kelly and give her the New York adventure she craved.
Breakfast consisted of the fluffiest pancakes imaginable, along with crispy bacon and maple syrup, all washed down with a couple of cups of hot, strong coffee in an old-fashioned diner that was everything she’d imagined a New York diner would be, including the waitress in the apron with her gum and notepad. She must have wondered why Kelly kept smiling at her, as if she was someone famous she’d always wanted to meet. And, in a way, she was. She’d been part of Kelly’s unspoken New York dream, and she’d been very happy to know that part had come true.