“Life in a small town, right? This’ll turn into a weird rumor that my mom will hear about soon enough.” Caleb shrugged with a breathy chuckle.
“Some things definitely haven’t changed,” I said as I held up the GoPro, remembering how well he and Mer were recognized. “And I’m not deleting any of that.”
“Great. I’m sure Mer’s fans will enjoy that small-town break from their usual content immensely, thanks. Actually, they might find it to be the best part of my exceptional commentary.”
I scrunched my brows and my lips. “Caleb Samuels, did you just say something that lacked confidence? I’m shocked.”
With a sly smile, he raised his brows dramatically. “Oh? Was I really that bad? Wait, no, don’t answer that. I’d hate to open the floodgates.”
I rolled my eyes before letting out a soft giggle.
His eyes remained locked with mine as the humor faded, the brief moment of levity dying quickly under the weight of grief, pain, and maybe longing for what could have been. And that last part was a floodgate that absolutely needed to stay closed. Chains. Deadbolts. That adhesive on product stickers that required a gallon of turpentine and a blowtorch to remove. Whatever it took.
I cleared my throat. “Okay, should we get back to this?”
“Right. Yes. They’ll take care of it, whether to edit or to track her down to sign a release, so let’s keep going.” He adjusted his stance, ran a hand down his polo, and began speaking again when I waved a hand.
As much as I tried to remain focused, I couldn’t help but study him, observing all the ways he’d changed. He’d relaxed a little with age, holding a calmer presence than his rowdy high-school self. While he talked with Mrs. Katz, there was a flash of the teenager I remembered, full of amusement and entertainment. And when he’d smiled fully at her, something in the back of my mind triggered, making me want to be on the receiving end. But this situation wasn’t exactly calling for that, and for all I knew, there could be no interest at all. An apology was just an apology. He also hadn’t mentioned whether he and the girl at the wake had split. One kiss might not have been a deal-breaker for her. Then again, I doubt anyone would allow their boyfriend to hang out with the girl he kissed the following week, even if it were to honor his dead sister’s final request.
I closed my eyes tightly. There was no reason for me to even think that way. Why should I care? Why would I want to know?
For chrissake. I coughed and nearly choked on my spit. Why would I even try to lie to myself? He was attractive. Strong hands and tight arms with those sexy veins that caught the eye. Broad chest and shoulders, pleasant and not overly stacked from an obsessive amount of gym time. Yeah … so damn attractive. But I would not go there. No, I wouldn’t.
“You all right?” Caleb asked, staring at me.
Shit. “I’m fine. Yes, fine, sorry. The hangover is having another go.” Liar, liar, not the cause of my pants nearly catching fire.
“You need anything? I can take you for some food or—”
“No, no. But I think after this, I should go home for the rest of the day. I’m sure I’ll be better tomorrow to get more done.”
“All right,” he said with a nod. “I think I said all that was needed here. I’ll finish with the ashes.”
I nodded and continued filming him, feeling even worse for causing issues with Mer’s final request. I needed to get my focus back on her and off Caleb. It would be a struggle, yet possible as long as we moved through the tasks quickly. And though it wasn’t the full reason I needed to leave early, the hangover’s leftover sluggishness wasn’t helping. Tomorrow would be better. I hoped.
9
______________
Caleb
-then-
The Ellville Lions didn’t make the playoffs, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a party to go to. With his parents out of town for the weekend, our QB Murphy threw the final post-gamer of the season, the absolute final for seniors who wouldn’t go on to play college ball. Invite only, mostly the team and cheerleaders. I thought I was feeling it. At first, I was. It had only been a few days since I’d called it off with Marie, but Rosalina made her move right after the game. Her offer to take me to the party was hard to turn down, especially since Celia was staying the night with Mer when they finished work. I had to get away from the house for a while.
For about two hours I’d gotten her out of my head, trying my damnedest to enjoy my life without being near her. Rosalina was helping, with her long Brazilian legs, dress nearly as short as her cheer skirt, and a curly black mane that reached the top of her apple bottom. I still wasn’t getting my hopes up. Marie had felt the same at first too, a good distraction, one I’d hoped would take over all my thoughts eventually. That hadn’t been the case, though, and somehow I felt Rosalina would be the same. Another Caleb casualty.
“Caleb! Caleb! Caleb!”
Chanting.
What was I doing again? Right. The dare.
“All bets are off if you take a header on the deck, Samuels,” Murph yelled up to me as he climbed out of his backyard pool. He’d made the jump himself a minute before—from the roof, over the corner of the deck, and into the water.
Shit, it was cold. Not wanting to sit around the rest of the night soaking wet, I’d stripped to my Calvin’s. The goose bumps on my bare body felt more like speed bumps, and my dick and balls had pulled a turtle retreat, seeking shelter as far inside as they could go. The first snowfall of the year made the roof tiles outside of Murph’s bedroom window slicker than a Slip ’N Slide. My buzz didn’t help my footing either.
“If I die, you win it all!” I yelled, and the small crowd below lifted their Solo cups or their phones with a cheer. This was going on Snapchat and maybe YouTube. Not that I cared.
Rosalina beamed a smile up to me, biting her lip as one of her friends leaned close and spoke into her ear. She was another senior who didn’t mind hookin’ up with someone younger, I realized. Was that some new subconscious thing for me? Dating seniors? Was I trying to prove something, to myself? Or to Celia? Age didn’t matter. A single year didn’t matter. Had that been her reason? I really didn’t know. She’d said we wouldn’t work. Maybe it was more than that. Maybe it was the “my best friend’s brother” thing. Either way, I wouldn’t know unless I asked, and that shit wasn’t happening. We hadn’t spoken alone since that night.
And then, like the magic karma fairy had plucked the thoughts right out of my head, Celia appeared in the backyard with Mer, walking close to the pool where Rosalina stood with her flirty smile still only for me. Fuck me. Celia had gotten changed after work, ditching The Shack’s black pants and green and white striped T-shirt work uniform for a pair of shredded jeans and a wide-neck sweater that had a lace tie up on the upper half. Was it new? The top threading was loose, and I could almost see down inside from my angle with the back patio lights casting over her. Her hair was loose too, hanging down her back in the soft waves likely made from her work bun.
My dick twitched, suddenly deciding that maybe it wasn’t so cold after all. Shit. I cupped myself, knowing I needed to jump before I was standing over most of the party being filmed with a hard-on.
“Go!” someone shouted as I backed up a few steps then pushed forward.
It was all going well until I hit the edge. One foot slipped as I leapt, tilting me off balance, sending me into a twist. I heard the gasps as I went with the spin. There had been no sense in fighting it. If I had, my momentum would have crapped out and Murph would have been peeling me off the deck after collecting those bills.
I didn’t see the water until I hit it, spinning perfectly into position to smack the surface with a full frontal flop. Motherfucker. The stinging pain stretched across every inch of affected skin and even wrapped around to my backside, as if those nerves were acting out of commiseration, taking some of the hit so my front would be able to feel again within a month or so. Part of me wanted to suck in a breath, but then my foggy thoughts reminded me I was still bene
ath the surface. The muffled screams were also a reminder. They had gotten a show all right.
After a few more breathless moments of shame, I pushed up to face the music.
“Holy shit, white boy!” Murph hollered, smacking his bare stomach before he doubled over in a fit of laughter, his hot breath blowing smoke into the cold air.
I wiped my hand over my face, clearing away some water. “What’s my score?”
“Ten, fucker. Ten!” His swim shorts were still dripping, though he didn’t look cold. A good laugh and a few beers will take it all away.
So will a full slap to the body and the ego, apparently, because I was roasty toasty despite the unheated water. I swam to the edge, pulled myself up, then shook off like a dog to wet anyone within proximity.
Rosalina was on me in no time with a full beer in hand. “Caleb, are you okay? Your whole chest is red,” she said, leaning in close and running her fingers over the ridges of my abs. I nearly hissed from the contact, my nerves not numb at all. After handing off the beer and letting me take down half, her hands traced up my body then hooked around my neck, bringing my face down for a kiss. Soft, warm lips worked mine smoothly, giving me a taste of whatever fruity drink she’d had. “Let’s go inside and get you warmed up.”
I glanced at the house, spotting Mer and Celia. Mer smiled and shook her head at my idiocy. Celia’s large eyes cut away quickly, as if she were embarrassed to be caught staring.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I agreed, grabbing Rosalina’s hand and leading the way. Mer and Celia were right in front of us, and I felt keyed up enough to start something.
“Real smooth,” Mer said with a laugh and tipped her drink back.
Celia still wasn’t looking. She scanned the party, drink clutched in hand.
“What are you doing here?” I asked both of them, struggling to peel my eyes from Celia as Rosalina tucked herself under my arm. “You weren’t invited.”
“Exactly the point,” Mer said, nudging Celia with an elbow.
“We’re crashing,” Celia confirmed, with a hint of a giggle as her eyes continued to roam. “It’s on the list.”
Mer took another long gulp from her Solo cup. “Plus, we’ve already been here for an hour and no one’s cared.”
An hour? I hadn’t seen them. Then again, I had been making out in the hallway upstairs for a while before getting dared to take the roof jump.
Murph sidled up with two beers, already changed into dry clothes. “Ladies,” he greeted them. Having caught the convo, he added, “Feel free to crash my parties anytime.”
“Thanks, Murph,” Mer said with a wink. “Caleb’s acting like we aren’t in class with you and haven’t partied here before. Pfft.”
Celia smiled at Murph, and he stepped in and dipped his head down closer to hers. “You need another?”
Fuck me. Another?
Celia looked up at him, her eyes wide and inviting, though not entirely focused as her body swayed. She was buzzed all right. “Yes, please.” She gulped down what was left in her cup then grabbed the extra drink he offered.
“Let me guess, another check off the list?” I asked, sliding the hand around Rosalina down to her ass. “Get drunk?”
“As a matter of fact …” Mer lifted her cup to Celia, who lifted hers in return. “Cheers!” They bashed them together a little too hard and started to laugh when beer sloshed out.
“Cheers!” a lot of other voices called out.
But my mind refused to focus on anyone else. Even with my hand full of ass. Dammit.
“List?” Murph asked, casually sliding an arm around Celia’s shoulders. “I need to know what this is.”
“Senior year bucket list,” Celia replied, not brushing him off. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Oh, right. You two are doing that, huh? I heard someone mention the abandoned house the other day,” Murph said, more to Celia than Mer. “What else is on the list besides crashing my party?”
“Caleb, you’re shaking,” Rosalina said, her voice barely registering.
And I was shaking. My arms, my legs—it all was on vibrate. But I wasn’t exactly sure if it was from the cold.
“We’ve got plenty of stuff to do still,” Mer added before taking a drink.
“Like jumping off Eagle’s Nest,” I chimed in, my eyes tracking Celia, waiting for her typical cringe over something dangerous. It didn’t come.
“Oh shit! At the old limestone quarry? I want in on that. A little more challenging than my pool. Better not flop from that high, though.” Murph reached out and clipped my still-sensitive chest with open knuckles.
“That’ll be springtime so we don’t freeze to death,” Celia said, drawing all of my attention back to her. Had she not approved of our roof jumps in the thirty-degree temp?
“Yeah,” I agreed, catching her eyes finally and having to pause to prevent myself from reacting. “Because we wouldn’t want to chance freezing to death after we break our necks.”
Annnd that got the cringe.
I smirked at her.
“Caleb?” Rosalina said, her hands snaking up my back and my stomach, leaning closer. “You really should get dressed.”
“Yeah, man. Shit. You’re looking a little blue,” Murph added.
“Wasn’t there something on the list about a pool, too?” I asked, not even listening to them.
That got Celia’s and Mer’s full attention.
Celia shook her head and crossed her arms. “No. Nope.”
“Hell yeah!” Mer yelled, tossing her drink and tugging her shirt up.
I wrenched my neck back, prepared to turn my head, not willing to see … Oh, thank God she’s wearing a bra. It’s basically a bikini. No big.
“Mer! What the hell are you doing?” Celia said, her eyes wide, looking around as all the people started to notice my sister stripping.
Mer kicked off her boots and yanked down her pants faster than a dude about to get some. “Adding it to the list!”
“No, no,” Celia said, shaking her head. “You can’t just add on a whim. We agreed. It has to be in the book.”
“Okay, you’re right … but I’m doing it anyway!” Mer let a warrior scream rip and dashed toward the pool, her blond hair flying freely behind her.
“Yes!” Murph laughed and took off after her.
The rest of us followed at a walk, watching as Mer launched herself into the air and cannonballed the water, sending a giant splash outward, nailing several people who hadn’t looked up from their phones.
I stopped at the edge of the pool’s surrounding walkway beside Celia with Rosalina still attached to my body—though she was preoccupied, her head turned toward a cheer friend, laughing at Mer’s performance. Mer broke through the surface, greeted by cheers. I watched Celia’s lips pull into a smile, happy her friend was having fun. The sight stunned me for a moment. The smile was peaceful, honest, and so beautiful. And it wasn’t for me.
“You sure it wasn’t in the book? I thought I saw something about a pool. Jumping. Or being thrown.”
I didn’t give Celia’s tipsy head time to process my words before I twisted away from Rosalina’s grip, dipped in front of her, and hauled her over my shoulder.
“Caleb!” she shrieked, dropping her beer and bracing her hands on my lower back.
“Better toss your phone if you don’t want it wet,” I said, then lunged forward to sprint the final few feet to the pool, squeezing her thighs hard to my body.
More voices screamed around us, noticing what was about to happen.
I felt alive for that minute, holding her, running, ready to crack another piece of the shell, dig down deep under her skin. I didn’t care about what followed. Repercussions be damned. I wanted to see her wet, get her pissed, shove her outside that comfortable box.
Maybe that made me an ass. And maybe she’d hate me for a day or more. We were barely speaking as it was, so what more could I hurt? I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and she hardly acknowledged me because I’d changed everything a
nd made it all awkward.
Hating me would be better. It was a stronger emotion, one filled with fire and passion. I would rather that than nothing at all.
As the cheers and screams filled the cold night air, I leapt off the edge of the pool and felt the frigid water rush up on us.
Beneath the surface, her knee collided with my shoulder and her hand clipped my chin in her swim for the surface. When my face hit the air, she was already at the pool’s edge. Most of the party had gathered around, laughing and joking and pushing. Then came other splashes as people followed suit.
I waded my way over to the shallow end, watching as a wet Mer and dry Murph helped pull Celia out.
“Caleb, what the hell were you thinking?” Mer yelled while a few more people splashed into the pool behind me. Evidently, the cold water had taken her buzz away.
I hauled myself out and followed them. “I was thinking it was fun.”
“Not fun,” Mer spat over her shoulder, huddling close to Celia as they walked. “She has no other clothes, ass.”
“She can have mine. They’re in the house.”
“Fuck your clothes, Caleb.” Celia’s voice was soft and shaky.
“I’ve got you, ladies. I’ll grab your gear, then get some towels and something Celia can wear home,” Murph said. The smile that had been on his face after we’d emerged had fallen right the fuck off as if he hadn’t thought it was funny too.
Rosalina had rejoined a few of her cheer friends on the deck. As I passed to enter the house, she stopped me. “I’m not sure what’s happening there, but I’m no hanger chick.” Smart girl. When I nodded my understanding, she added, “We’re leaving. I told you I’d take you home, so if you still need a ride …”
“Nah. Thanks, though.”
I pulled a quick change and was out in time to see Murph leading Mer and Celia to the front door. Her hair was still wet, but she looked warm in a pair of gold and white sweats, the Ellville lion logo on both. None of them noticed me.
Senior Year Bucket List Page 6