by Laci Maskell
“So how are we doing today?” he asks her.
“Do you mean we in the plural sense because I am pregnant or we in the sense of the plural pronoun when you actually mean you in the singular pronoun and are just trying to make a joke?”
“Um, however you want to take it, I guess,” Mr. Rush says as he chuckles at her.
I can hear the smile in Lux’s voice as she says, “Well we, me and the baby, are good. And I am good, I guess.”
My head slams back into the door unconsciously. I hold my breath to see if Lux or Mr. Rush paid any attention. When neither of them walk into the hallway I release my breath.
“If you every need anything, anything,” Mr. Rush says and I swear I can hear him put his hand on her arm, “don’t hesitate to ask. Know that I am here for you.”
Again, barf.
“Thank you,” Lux says.
I listen for more. Anything. Maybe they’ll start making out. Unlikely. The door is open. Lux hasn’t walked out the door yet. Maybe they are talking more quietly. I put my ear closer to the open doorway and listen.
“What’s up, man?”
I jump when Jesse talks to me. I didn’t notice him walk up to me.
My heart beats rapidly in my chest. I look around the hallway, trying to see if anyone noticed me listening. Or rather, making a fool of myself. Then I turn back to Jesse.
“Nothing. Uh, nothing. You?” I ask, trying to get my bearings straight.
“Nothing,” Jesse says slowly. “Are you alright, man? You don’t seem yourself. Are you sick?”
“Uh, yeah. I think I’m coming down with something,” I say as Lux walks beside me into the hallway.
“She’s in your class?” Jesse asks.
“Yup.”
“How is that?”
“Well, you said she is smart.”
“Listen, can you just forget I told you all that stuff about her? I don’t really want people to know I don’t hate her. You know? Leah’s going to do what she’s going to do, but I like my status. You feel me?”
I slap Jesse on the arm and say, “You got it, buddy. No one will know.”
“Thanks. So you coming or you going home sick?”
“Coming where?”
Jesse gives me a blank look and says, “To lunch.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m coming.”
I understand Jesse not wanting other people to know that he is okay with Lux as a person. I understand it as much as he would understand me not wanting people to know I had sex with her. Our group, Hell, our whole school would forgive him for not hating her. I’m not convinced anyone would forgive me for sleeping with her. Especially not Amelia.
Amelia got the upper hand this summer by breaking up with me. I will have the upper hand at the end of the year breaking up with her.
Jesse and I have been friends since kindergarten. We tell each other everything. We spent all of our free time together until we discovered girls. And then we spent as much time together as we could. There has never been any secrets between the two of us. I told him when I was going after Amelia. He told me he didn’t like it, but that he wasn’t going to stand in my way. We’ve always told each other everything. We’ve always kept each other’s secrets. There has always been an unspoken trust between us.
There has been so many times I have wanted to tell him about Lux. The night we spent together. And the baby she is carrying. There have been times the words have nearly spilled from my mouth. But I have this deep seated feeling that I can’t tell him. I know he still likes Amelia and I feel like he would use it as his way to get her back.
The remainder of the day passes by in a blur until I get to football practice. Jesse and I walk down the hall towards the locker room.
I stop in the middle of the hallway and say, “Jesse.”
He stops and turns to me with a question on his face.
Maybe I could tell him. He is my best friend after all. He’s always had my back. I’ve always had his back. I could really use him in my corner right now. A sickness grows in the pit of my stomach from the guilt, from the secret, from the looks Lux gives me. I need a way to get this off my shoulders.
Maybe he’ll understand. Maybe he’ll have an idea about how to handle the situation. His sister is Lux’s best friend. Maybe together, Jesse and Leah will have a solution to all of this.
Who am I kidding? We are teenagers who couldn’t figure out how to make cereal without assistance. I can’t tell him.
“Never mind,” I say. “I forgot what I was going to say.”
“Are you sure you want to go to practice? You don’t look too hot.”
“I’m fine.”
Jesse regards me for a long moment.
To assure him I’m fine I say, “Let’s go kick some ass.
Football is another avenue that cemented our relationship. I am the quarterback of our team. Jesse is the receiver. We have to be in sync at all times. He has to anticipate where I want to throw the ball, as I have to anticipate where on the field he will be. We are a great team. We do not lose often.
I stand on the field after I have changed into my pads and cannot stop thinking about my English class. Listening to Lux talk was fascinating. She was talking about a book and she made it sound like she was solving the problems of the Middle East. It was hypnotizing. I couldn’t understand, I still can’t understand, how she could possibly get me to listen. How could this girl, who I have spent the last eleven years ignoring, get me, of all people, to listen, and to want to listen.
It is because of my contemplation that I don’t notice the football hurtling towards my face. It smokes my on the side of the helmet and causes me to stumble several feet.
“Fletcher,” my coach yells, “pay attention.”
“Sure thing, coach,” I yell back at him.
“Then get in formation. I don’t want to have to tell you again,” he says, causing me to wonder how many times he’s said it.
I get in line behind my center, call out the play, and say, “Hut, hut, hike.”
The center hikes me the ball. I take a few steps back, find Jesse down field, line up my throw, and see Lux exit the school building. I’m tackled from the side and go down hard. The wind is knocked out of me and I see stars. I haven’t been tackled in a long time.
“Fletcher!” Coach yells. “What the Hell was that?”
Teachers and coaches aren’t supposed to swear in front of students, but coach doesn’t really care. Neither do any of us. As long as he doesn’t do it in front of another teacher, the principal, or any of the parents, all is fare in coaching and football.
“I don’t know, Coach,” I yell. We get in less trouble when we don’t have an excuse.
“Could you figure it out? The game is tomorrow. We are not losing our first game because you can’t keep it together.”
“Got it, Coach.”
We line up again. The center hikes. I fall back. Jesse lines up. I throw. Jesse catches. Touchdown. The play goes off without a hitch.
And so do the next three of them.
But I can still see Lux.
I watch her walk down the sidewalk towards her house. I didn’t know she walked to and from school. Maybe she doesn’t live that far away. Maybe her parents can’t afford to buy her a car. Why wouldn’t Leah give her a ride? What is she going to do when her belly gets bigger and heavier?
Again I’m tackled hard. Only this time, it’s by two bodies instead of one. I’m slow to get up. And when I do, Coach is walking my way. Not good.
He starts yelling before he is to me. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, Fletcher, but it sure isn’t football. I suggest you get your head out of your ass and decide whether or not you want to play for me Friday night.”
“Yes, Coach,” I say, breathing heavy.
“Yes, Coach, what?” Coach says.
“I will figure it out, Coach. I will play Friday, Coach. We will not lose, Coach.”
“Damn skippy,” he says and walks away.
&nb
sp; Lux and that wretched baby are really screwing things up for me.
If I don’t play Friday, UNL will see the stats and wonder if they are making the right decision by letting me play for their team. I have the scholarship, but I’m not yet attending the college. They could strip it away from me at any moment.
I get back on the line and do as Coach says. I figure my shit out.
Chapter Five
12 Weeks
Greyson
Lux really messed up my game yesterday. Literally and figuratively.
I’m not going to let that happen again. The game is tonight. I am not going to let her get inside my head. I need to play better tonight than I have before. This is my senior year. This is my team. And I will lead us to the State Championship at the end of the year. I will keep my full ride to UNL and I will not think of that girl and her baby until the season is over.
I need to refocus my head. Really I need to refocus my life. I haven’t spent that much time with my friends lately. Jesse has begun to worry about me, for good reason. And Amelia has let me know she feels neglected. I’m going to spend today making it up to her. Then I can spend tonight making Jesse feel better about our friendship. And then I may even throw a party after the game tonight. I really need to get back to being Greyson Fletcher. Starting quarterback. Most popular guy in school. And all around bad ass.
I am Greyson Fletcher.
I walk up behind Amelia in the hallway, turn her around, and kiss her hard on the mouth. She breathes into the kiss and gasps. A moan escapes her throat when I grasp her waist. A smile spreads across my face as I pull away, knowing I have achieved my desired goal.
“Mm,” Amelia says. “What was that for?”
“I’ve missed you,” I tell her.
“I missed you too.”
Amelia nudges me between the legs with a knee. I jump a little but know what she is doing. She leans her chest into mine and looks up at me innocently, like she doesn’t know her cheerleading uniform shows off her cleavage perfectly. I want to give a metal to whoever invented cheerleading uniforms. The deep v-necks. The short skirts. And the ass hugging spanks. I have to keep myself from looking to the sidelines during the games so I don’t get a hard on. I made that mistake before.
One windy night the cheerleaders did a pyramid for the crowd. A chill lifted there skirts and the whole team had a perfect view of twelve cheerleaders asses. It was a beautiful sight. And it cost us a touchdown. Now, if coach catches us looking in the direction of the cheerleaders, we get an extra set of drills in practice.
“I just remembered,” she says, “I left something in the locker room. I’ll have to go get it.”
I smile at her mischievousness.
My eyebrow cocks up and I say, “But you’ll miss class.”
“But I really need that thing.”
“Then you better go get it.”
I watch Amelia’s backside sway as she walks away from me. She certainly has a nice one. I fiddle with the books inside my locker and pretend to get the one for the next class while giving her a head start. I grab the book for the class after this one, then head down the hallway.
I find Amelia lying on a bench in the girls’ locker room wearing nothing but a towel.
The locker room isn’t the most romantic place to get it on with your girlfriend. But when you are both in need of a little action, anything will do. Amelia and I have had sex in the janitor’s closet, underneath the stage, under a set of bleachers, in the nurse’s office, even on the principal’s desk. The locker room may not be the cleanest, or the most prestigious, but it is better than some of the other places we could choose. The benches are covered in carpet of all things. I’m not sure why. I burned Amelia’s ass on this very carpet once when I got a little too excited. She didn’t like me after that. But the benches aren’t rickety so we don’t get in trouble. There is a large mirror that covers most of one of the walls. The first few times we came here seeing myself in that mirror gave me the creeps, but now I can gauge my performance using it. Once, my footing slipped on the painted cement floor sending both of us sprawling over the bench and down. We had bruises for two weeks. Needless to say, I have worked out the kinks to the locker room and have perfected my art down here.
“I thought you might need help, you know, finding that thing,” I say, unzipping my pants as I walk over to her.
“Oh, I need lots of help,” she says.
She meets me in the middle of the floor, her towel falling away. I look down to appreciate my girlfriend in all of her glory. I grab for her chest as she grabs for the bottom of my t-shirt. My pants and boxers wrap around my ankles and threaten to take the two of us down as I waddle us back over to the bench.
Amelia pulls me forward by my ass cheeks, her eyes hungry. She really did need it.
“Wait,” I say.
“What?” she cries out.
I lean down, fish my wallet out of my back pocket, and grab a condom. I will not be without one or seven of these again. Actually, I wasn’t without one before. It just failed me.
I shake my head to snap myself out of my thoughts, slide the condom over me and move into my smoking hot girlfriend.
“You know,” I say into her throat. “I could get in real trouble if my teacher tells coach I skipped class.”
Amelia drags her tongue behind my ear then blows on it, effectively ending whatever conversation I tried to have.
“Don’t worry,” she says. “Your coach likes me. I’ll just tell him I needed my big, strong boyfriend’s help.”
I chuckle then resume giving it to her.
***
When we are finished and the bell rings, Amelia and I walk to class, hand in hand.
I kiss her before we have to part. She nudges me again, then walks away, that damn skirt making me wish we were still in the locker room.
English. The last class before lunch, an hour where I can relax with my friends and kick back.
Lux sits in the front row. Her head falls as I walk by her to the back of the room. Her hatred for me makes it far easier to forget about her. If she wanted something from me. If she still, or ever, liked me, I might have to feel guilty.
I hear laughter all around the room. I look around to see what the cause is, and to find out why I wasn’t the one who initiated the laughter. I don’t spot anything right away. That is, until I look at the marker board and see a picture depicting a stick figure with a skirt that above it says Lux then an equal sign that leads to a whale.
I close my eyes and feel a stab of something in my chest. It’s not guilt, because I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not pride, because who could feel proud about mocking a pregnant girl. Do I feel bad for her? I don’t know.
Mr. Rush walks in before I can figure it out.
He hears the laughter. Sees the board. Rage flickers over his face, for just an instant. Then it is gone. He erases the board, then goes on with his lesson.
Pride and Prejudice.
What an ironic book to be studying.
Wealthy man of means. Humble girls of humble origins. Both trying to figure out how to navigate this harsh world without getting their hearts broken.
Ironic.
All through class Lux is quiet. Mr. Rush asks if anyone has anything to add to the things he is saying, her prime speaking time, and yet she remains quiet. Only a handful of times does she answer, and that is only when Mr. Rush asks her a direct question. She keeps her head down. From my vantage point it looks as though she has folded in on herself.
I try my damnedest not to pay attention to her. Not to let her affect me. I can’t let her seep in.
But I watch Mr. Rush. He glances at her when he thinks no one is watching. His hands clench into fists when he’s about to lose his cool.
The bell is about to ring, and the culprit is about to get away with their crime.
The bell rings, students scramble to get out of their seats.
“Sit down,” Mr. Rush bellows.
Throats
are audibly swallowed.
“If this happens again, and I don’t care who does it, every single person in this room will get detention for a week. If that doesn’t deter you, trust me I will find a harsher punishment.”
He is silent. The room is silent. Throats are silent.
No one moves.
“By the way,” Mr. Rush says. “I will find out who did this.”
Silence descends. Then, as one, every student bum rushes the door.
Ten bucks says he thinks it’s me.
My friends all stand around my locker, waiting for me. Tonight is the first game of the season so we don’t have to go right to practice. We usually go to the local bar for pool and pizza to chill before we have to be at the field. It’s also a good way to wind up the girls for the after party.
“What took you so long?” Tyler asks from his rested position against the lockers.
“You know,” I say, “Mr. Rush decided to get all up in arms over someone picking on prego.”
“Wow,” Elizabeth says. “They should have been given a metal, not punished.”
The rest of the group laughs while I try not to throw up in my mouth. I may not want anything to do with Lux and the baby, but I’m not such a terrible person that I would condone calling her a whale and that I don’t see how hurt she is by all this.
I see Lux down the hall with Leah and wonder if she is telling her what happened in class. I understand that Mr. Rush is a teacher and he has to protect all of his students, but I swear there is something more to it than that. Yes, he teaches the rest of us, but he opens up and engages with Lux. The problem is, I don’t know why it bothers me so much.
“You ready for the game tonight?” Jesse asks.
I know he is referring to the way I played in practice yesterday. He has as much riding on this season as I do. If I mess it up for myself, I mess it up for him as well. Jesse won’t be joining me at UNL next season, which is more than a little depressing, but he plans to go to Texas and will need as much action this season as I can give him.
“Yeah,” I say, turning away from Lux.
I really need to stop looking at her. I need to stop paying any attention to her. It messes with my head. And I really don’t want my friends to know anything is up between us. There isn’t anything going on with us, but if my friends or Amelia found out that her baby is mine, let’s just say, I would no longer have any friends.