by Leslie Pike
Drawing Fluffy from a photograph was challenging, but artistically satisfying. I have him standing proudly under the big Oak at the Santini’s. He’s looking intently at the viewer, as Boxer’s do. It’s as if he’s inspecting the troops or addressing his subjects. But behind the façade is genuine sweetness. His stance and expression say one thing, but his eyes betray him. He’s a pussy cat. I hope I captured that. He was the first dog I felt affection for, even though he nearly mowed me down at Nash’s parents’ home.
I called Shay to hear what OG’s status was. He’ll forever hold a special place in my heart. Happily, a family with two teenagers took him yesterday. She said they sounded perfect. No little kids to pull a tail or try to take a ride on the animal’s back. He’s there for a trial period of a week before they make their final decision. How lucky that family will be to love him. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about the old boy. Shay took my cell number so I can be updated on his placement. She said she’d text me as soon as he’s in his forever home. No Rainbow Bridge for you, boy. Not yet.
It’s taken four miserable days to prepare for the move, settle things with Becky and get the house ready. A third party has joined the bidding war. Every day the selling price rises as all parties involved try to come out on top. It’s been harder than I thought to say goodbye to the home. Suddenly it attached to me, as if it knew I was going to leave it behind.
My cell sounds. I press the button on my steering wheel and accept the call from Becky.
“Feeling any better?” she says.
“No. Worse. I can’t talk about it,” my voice cracks with emotion. “I’m just now leaving town.”
“I figured. Wanted to tell you we’ve got a new wrinkle in the plan. Wrinkle or godsend.”
“What’s that?”
“A young family with two kids have put in an offer for a lease with an option to buy.”
“What is that? I’m not leasing.”
“Hold on. The buyer offers a deposit to hold their option to purchase. Theirs would be for one year. The advantage for them is the selling price is locked in while they come up with the entire down payment. Even if the market falls you get that same price. Meanwhile they lease the property.”
“But that’s not good for me. The other buyers are raising the asking price every day. Plus, what if the market rises?”
“You haven’t heard the best part. If they don’t qualify or decide not to go through with the purchase in a year, you keep the deposit. And hold on to your hat, Farrah. They offered a hundred-thousand-dollar deposit, and they’ll go fifty thousand over the current highest bid for the purchase price.”
“What the . . .”
“Fuck. The word you’re searching for is fuck.”
“What’s the catch? There’s gotta be something wrong with this whole thing.”
“I don’t think so, but I’ll tell you after I verify they’re qualified buyers. I’ll know in another few days. They want the house, bad. They seem nice, but that doesn’t mean anything. As a real estate professional, I’m obligated and legally bound to stay out of your decision, but between friends, you’d be a fucking fool to pass this up. But only if you’re one hundred percent certain you want to sell.”
“I don’t WANT to sell, damnit!” I say too loudly. “I’m forced to, Becky. Shit. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to yell at you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I understand. And just so you know, I’m doing everything I can to help you get what you want. And think of this. You’d be getting rent. Big rent. You could use it to rent a place here and pay the mortgage.”
I go blank for a moment. I see little stars in front of my eyes.
“Wait. Let me think. Shit.”
“Just roll it all over in your mind. Let me do my due diligence and get back to you.”
“Thanks, my friend. I’ll call you as soon as I get to Seattle.”
“You’re still going for sure?”
“I have to. My friend is expecting me and she’s put herself on the line. Oh shit!”
“Okay, okay, calm the fuck down. Go. You can always come back. Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay.”
“I guess you’re right. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye.”
Oh, my God. This turns everything upside down. Without weighing a thing, I know what I want to do. But it wouldn’t be smart to avoid looking at all the implications. I’ve got thirteen hours of driving time to figure my life out. I’m going to use every minute. I won’t mention this to Nash. Not yet. And not in front of Max. I don’t even know if the buyers are qualified or serious.
Pulling in the parking lot behind the hospital, I find a double space to park. Already I hate this towing crap, and I haven’t left town yet. I grab the present and head for the goodbye. I pass between the buildings and come out to Main Street. I’m struck by the charm, as if I never saw it before. I’m going to miss it all.
When I walk into the animal hospital I see Max and Fluffy right away. Both human and canine are good at hello’s. Fluffy’s tail is wagging nonstop and Max has a smile on his face when he sees me. He comes up and puts his arms around my waist.
“Wish you didn’t have to go,” he says.
Janey is watching us, and I give her a nod of recognition. She looks like she’s going to cry. Shit. She gets up and goes into the back room.
“I know. It’s super shitty that I have to go. But I don’t have a choice, my friend. I’m going to miss you and your dad.”
Just as he’s letting go of me Nash walks in. He sees his son’s reaction, and I think he’d like to throw his arms around me too.
“Well, are you ready for your long drive?” he says faking a casual question.
“As ready as I’ll ever be. But I wanted to bring Max his tenth birthday present. I know I’m early, but I didn’t want to miss giving it to him.”
Max’s adorable face lights up for a little bit as he takes the package.
“That’s nice of you, Farrah,” Nash says.
The wrapping paper is ripped off and I see his face light up when he sees the drawing of his best friend.
“Oh, this is cool! Look, Dad!”
Nash looks at the framed picture and I see him press his lips together as if he’s controlling his emotions.
“That’s fantastic. Beautiful.”
“I took a picture of it so I’d always remember Fluffy,” I say.
Max takes his cell from his pocket. “Take one of us, Dad.”
“Sure. Okay here we go.”
Max and I put our arms around each other’s waist and lean in head to head. I need to bend down a little. As the photo’s snapped I feel a tear run down my face. It doesn’t escape Nash or the boy. He’s looking at his father’s face for reaction, and he gets one. Nash’s eyes are filled to overflowing with his own tears.
“I’ve got to go. I’m off for my big adventure,” I say faking joy.
Giving Max a kiss and hug he returns it twofold. Then I turn to Nash. He’s trying so hard to avoid making a scene in front of his child. Just a little nod is all I get, and that one gesture tells me not to try to get closer. I completely understand. It’s time to go. I wait till I’m between the buildings to start crying.
CHAPTER TEN
NASH
Fluffy running along the shoreline, while we walk, is a remarkable sight. He probably could go for a mile if we let him. His long lean body at the peak of his powers, dashing in and out of the water as the tide rushes in.
Watching him in the warm afternoon sun is a good distraction. It’s been tough spending every minute of the day and night thinking of her. With each passing day, it gets clearer to me. I can never have what I want. She’s not coming back. Four days has stretched into an eternity.
“I like when we can let him off leash here,” Max says, picking up a piece of sea glass.
“Yeah, it’s good.”
I hear my own lack of enthusiasm and catch Max’s gaze out of the corner of my eye.
�
�You miss her, Dad?”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that it’s very difficult to fool an adolescent. Mine can read me like a book. But I don’t have to let him in on the depth of my loss.
“Yep. I do. But I’ll get over it. Some things just take a little time.”
He rolls my words around in his mind for a minute.
“I liked her too,” he says softly.
I mess his hair and throw an arm around him.
“I know you did. She was special. Now it’s back to just us again. That’s not such a bad thing, is it?”
“No.”
There’s no conviction in his voice. That doesn’t escape my attention.
“In the future, would you like it if I fell in love and got married again? Someone would be your step-mother. Someone nice. We’re just talking here. This is all in the future.”
“If it was the right person I’d like it,” he says sounding hopeful.
“What kind of woman do you see us with?”
He thinks for a moment before he speaks.
“Someone like Farrah.”
When he says that it hits me right in the gut. There’s no hiding my reaction or his. Fuck. I see tears in his eyes and pull him close.
“I think you and I had our hearts broken by the same girl, son.”
We continue walking in silence. Fluffy’s blissfully unaware of our state of mind. But something distracts him. He stops his play, his eyes pinned on something down the beach. I’m sure it’s that girl and her dog. They’re coming our way. She’s too far off for me to make out any details, but Fluffy has already made his mind up. He’s off and running.
“Oh, crap! Let’s try to get him!” I yell to Max.
We take off running toward the figures. Fluffy’s already fifty feet ahead of us and closing. Max stops.
“Dad! It’s Farrah!”
He takes off while I slow down and take in the moment. It’s her. And she’s got OG by her side. Fluffy has joined them and the two dogs are sniffing their hellos. As I get within a hundred feet I can make out her expression. She’s crying happy tears. I realize I am too. Max runs into her arms and the two of them start jumping up and down in joy. A gust of wind lifts her hair and it dances in union with them and my heart. She hands OG’s leash to Max and runs to me.
“What took you so long?” I say, lifting her up and holding her to my heart.
Her tears are coming stronger now, but she’s half laughing at the same time.
“Stupidity, or a twisted belief in obligation where none was due. I’m so sorry I wasted even a day.”
I set her down and kiss her on her lips, then her cheeks and finally her sweet hands. Max comes up and wraps his arms around the two of us.
“I missed you both so much,” she says looking him in the eyes.
His only response is the obvious expression of happiness plastered on his face. And that one tear streaming down his cheek.
“How did you get out of your commitments?” I say.
“I just told the truth. I don’t think anyone wanted to be around a miserable crying woman. Which is what I was without you.”
“How did you know where to find us?”
“Janey. I went to your practice before I picked up OG. She was just closing up.”
“Did you accept my offer on the house yet?” I smile.
“We’re going to live in Farrah’s house?!” Max says. “I hope, I hope, I hope!”
“Are we?” I ask her.
“Becky sent me the offer yesterday morning. That’s when I found out it was from you. And yes, Max, you’re going to live in my house.” She smiles at me. “That was a great ploy to keep me here. You threw me because Becky said it was a family with two kids.”
“Fluffy’s my second child,” I say. “I didn’t want you to make your choice based on any kindness you’d want to show us. I wanted you to make the right choice for you.”
“Brilliant.”
“You can thank your friend Becky for thinking of that one. I’d asked about the house that first day I met her. When I wanted to put in an offer she thought about this option. She’s the one who figured out the terms. She knew how we felt. If you didn’t come back to St. Helena, I’d live up to the contract. If you did I’d let you choose how to proceed. Now you can afford to stay in your own apartment, with what we’ll pay in rent. And in a year who knows what’ll happen.”
She looks amused and impressed.
“I just want you to be happy. I hoped it would be with us,” I say.
She’s understanding my message meant only for her. We’re buying time for Max and her to get to know each other, and for him to be on the same page as we are. I already know how I feel about her, and how she feels about me. My aim for the future is for the house to be in both our names. Mr. and Mrs. Nash Santini’s beautiful Victorian. I’m certain a year from now my contract will not be optioned. They’ll be no need for a sale. She’ll be able to hold on to it with us all living there. And in time the home will become community property. Until then it’ll remain in her name.
“My only happiness is with you two,” she says.
“Did you get OG from Shay for the day? Dad said his foster family turned him back in.”
“Here’s the thing, Max. I don’t think it would be kind to move him from home to home trying to find a new family when he’s already found his forever home with me. But I’ll need you to teach me how to care for a dog,” she says.
“I will. I’ll teach you everything!” he says excitedly.
OG takes a soft seat in the sand and gazes up at his girl. Max starts an impromptu dance celebrating the news. Farrah joins him first, and then I make it unanimous. Fluffy just stares at the three goons dancing to their own music, until Max takes him by the paws and makes him his confused partner.
I take Farrah in my arms and we slow dance to the music of the ocean. The seagulls are our background singers and the crashing waves the rhythm section. I’m lost in her eyes. I will be forever.
“I love you,” I say.
She puts her hand around my neck and brings her lips to my ear.
“I love you too. Now and always.”
And with her promise I feel the center piece, the heart of my life’s puzzle, find its home and fit firmly in place.
EPILOGUE
FARRAH
Interesting how quickly time passes when you’re happy. It floats by as if it’s a river, carrying you effortlessly from one day to the next. I finally understand the saying my river has never looked so beautiful. The past year molded the three of us into a family. It seems preordained. I believe we were always meant to be together.
Loving Nash came naturally. Falling in love with a child was a new grace. We knew how much we liked each other, Max and I, but we needed to get to the place where I could function as a mother figure and he as a son of mine. I’m learning every day just how complex the role of mother is. And so beautiful, it’s almost heartbreaking. My love for him is already letting me feel his pains as if they were my own. His joys seem mine too. I like to think April is watching over us both.
We give each other slack, because we’re new to the jobs. I’ve never been a mother and he has no recollection of being mothered. In a way that works in our favor. We almost expect hiccups in our journey toward each other and laugh when there is one. Nash encouraged me to discipline Max when needed, and my unease was so visible that first time, it made the two of them start laughing. I watched Nash and how he handled things with his son. That was my best teacher. It’s mostly just respect, giving it and expecting it.
I’ll be moving in with them in another week. We decided it’s time, just as the lease is about to expire. Whenever Max spent the night at a friend’s house, or at Nash’s family’s, I’ve stayed at the Victorian. We’ve become very creative about finding alone time. He and I agreed that this arrangement would work best. It was important that I come slowly into his child’s life.
I’m wearing “something fancy” as
Max put it when he gave me instructions for tonight’s surprise event. I think they’re taking me to dinner in celebration of our coming together. And there’s an overnight bag packed in the back seat. There will be no more sleeping apart. The jig is up.
As I drive up to the house, I see my boys have been busy. The garden is lit with the new solar lighting we talked about getting. They’ve entwined tiny white lights up the stair rails leading to the front door. On either side of the entry are pots of blossoming pink and orange rose trees. A sign hangs across the threshold. It reads Welcome Home, in a ten-year-old’s handwriting.
Getting out of my car I spot both peeking through the glass panels on either side of the door. Then it swings open. Out steps my handsome men, dressed in tuxedos. I can’t hold back my smile or the excitement building inside me.
“What’s this?” I say.
They come down the stairs in perfect step with each other, as if they’ve rehearsed it. Nash takes my right arm and Max my left.
“Good evening, Miss Knight. Please come this way,” Nash says looking in my eyes.
Max is loving the secret, whatever it is. He always likes when he knows something I don’t. His face is happier than I’ve ever seen it. I catch the intoxicating scent of roses as I pass by. They guide me into the house, which is aglow with magical lights everywhere. There’s trails of rose petals leading down the hall and up the stairs to the second floor.
“Oh, this is so beautiful!” I say, not daring to acknowledge the possibility of what may be happening.
They take me toward the french door open to the backyard. I can see from here that they’ve created an outdoor fairyland. There’s music playing. Louis Armstrong’s “Le Vie En Rose” lifts me toward the heavens. I truly am in a state of bliss, where everything around me is rosy. Both Fluffy and OG are waiting there for my arrival, wearing formal bow ties. Somehow, they’ve been trained to sit quietly for this moment. When I stand at the threshold I start to cry. Something beautiful is happening.