by Debbie Young
MURDER BY THE BOOK
Debbie Young
Dedication
1 Ding Dong Dell, Who is in the Well?
2 The Game’s Afoot
3 Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
4 Wagons Roll
5 Distinctly Minty
6 Tracking Ted
7 Counter Spy
8 All A-Twitter
9 Angel Heart
10 Cocoa Rush
11 Beside the Seaside
12 Brotherly Love
13 Twin Peek
14 Mint Condition
15 Dead Writers’ Society
16 The Mint Unwrapped
17 Booked Up
18 The Silent Tree Falls
19 The Girl with Forget-Me-Not Eyes
20 February Sale
21 Well, Well
22 Slow Motion
Also by Debbie Young
About the Author
Acknowledgements
Copyright Information
Dedication
To Belinda Pollard, for sharing her wisdom, humour and friendship from the other side of the world
“I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying, ‘flee at once – all is discovered.’ They all left town immediately.” - Mark Twain
“When someone starts turning you into someone you are not, that’s the time you ought to say goodbye to them for good.” - Sophie Sayers
1 Ding Dong Dell, Who is in the Well?
February 14th
In the frosty shadows behind The Bluebird, close to the ancient well, a dark figure stumbled across the cobbles, bumping into the empty aluminium beer kegs awaiting collection by the brewery. Just then, another person emerged purposefully from the pub’s side exit and stalked down the narrow passage that led to the courtyard. A halo of light spilled into the darkness, but didn’t quite reach the low stone wall surrounding the well.
The two figures converged beside the well, conversing with increasing animation, until the second raised strong hands to administer a sturdy thump to the first one’s chest.
Had the pub not been so full this Valentine’s Night, someone inside would surely have heard the shouting and swearing. Had the night not been so chilly, the stay-at-homes might have been walking their dogs nearby, or standing at their back doors to call their cats in, or opening their kitchen windows to admit some fresh spring air.
But as it was, no-one heard the second figure curse as he turned on his heel and march smartly back to the pub door. No-one heard the shout of surprise as the first figure spilled over backwards, legs in the air, to tumble down into the dark round hole in the ground, the low wall sending a shoe flying across the yard. No-one caught the blunt thud as a head struck the side of the well, silencing any further cries of protest or shouts for help. No-one noticed the unusually loud splash, which created a much greater wake than when young Tommy Crowe, for want of anything better to do after school, chucked pebbles and sticks and stones down the well to hear the echo.
There’d be no more sounds in the courtyard until next morning, when the builder’s lorry full of concrete was due to fill and seal the well as the first step in its transformation into a smart new beer garden. It would be the end of an era. The well would echo no more.
2 The Game’s Afoot
January 3rd
From the other side of the bookshop, Tommy peered at me through his new magnifying glass, his right eye distorted by the lens.
“My mum bought me this for Christmas, to go with the book that my little sister chose for me, a junior detective’s handbook. My gran gave me a detective board game she used to play when she was little.”
His mother’s thoughtful choice of present sent her up in my estimation. All I’d learned about her in the six months I’d lived in the village was that she was fond of wine, and thought Tommy, in his early teens, too old for Advent calendars. You are never too old for an Advent calendar. Although it was now 3 January, and I’m twenty-five, I still hadn’t been able to bring myself to throw mine away.
“What have you detected so far?” I asked with an encouraging smile.
“It was Miss Scarlett in the library with the candlestick,” he said.
“And in the real world?” Standing behind the tearoom counter, I was struggling to open a fresh jar of jam.
“Ooh, loads of things.” He turned his magnifying glass on the old man in wellies who was tucking into a large slice of buttered toast at one of the tearoom tables. “Like Billy had eggs for breakfast this morning.”
You didn’t need a magnifying glass to spot the yolk congealed on the lapel of the old man’s sagging jacket. Billy looked down at his chest, peeled the bright yellow lump off the grey tweed, and popped it in his mouth.
“Yuk,” said Tommy, crossing over to turn his glass on a spider crawling up the window of the front door. He pulled an empty matchbox from his Parka pocket and gently inserted the spider.
I called across to the trade counter. “Hector, could you please open this jar of jam for me? The lid’s stuck.”
I held it up to show him. Although my arm muscles had definitely got stronger since I’d started work at the shop, what with lifting so many boxes of books every day, they weren’t a patch on Hector’s. I had been sorry when the weather turned chilly back in November and he’d swapped his t-shirts for long-sleeved sweaters.
Billy put out a hand to stop me as I went to take the jar to Hector, his grip surprisingly strong for a man of his age. I supposed that was down to his part-time job as village gravedigger. Oh, and jobbing gardener for the vicar. A village the size of Wendlebury Barrow doesn’t need many graves.
“I’ll take care of that for you, girlie,” said Billy, popping the top off effortlessly. Previously I’d have thought I’d be favourite to win an arm-wrestling match against him, but now I was not so sure.
Tommy, pocketing his matchbox, returned to the tearoom and jumped up to sit on the counter. So much for health and safety.
“I also deduce that you’ve just come back from Inverness.” Considering my travelling bags, with airline labels attached, were in full view behind the counter – Hector had collected me from the airport at 7am and brought me straight to the shop so we could open on time – Tommy’s observation hardly rated as ace detective work.
“In a mess?” said Billy. “Who’s in a mess?”
“Inverness, Billy,” I said loudly, prompting him to adjust his hearing aids.
Tommy jumped down from the counter and crossed over to the central display table and held the magnifying glass over a pile of books.
“I could tell you who has touched these books, if you wanted me to. That is, once I’ve fingerprinted the whole village.”
He pulled a black inkpad and a small pocket diary out of his Parka. “I had these in my Christmas stocking.” He opened the diary to show me the first week of January displayed across two pages. “I’m using it to collect fingerprints and to note down clues. See, the dates are on there already, so that’ll save time whenever I find new evidence.”
Already the first few pages were covered in scribbled notes. Wanting to encourage Tommy in such a constructive new hobby, I turned to Billy, who was now licking his fingers to pick up the remaining toast crumbs from the table.
“Like to volunteer to be Tommy’s first victim, Billy? I mean, suspect?”
Billy held up his sticky hands. “You don’t need to waste your ink on me, Tom. You can have my fingerprints in raspberry jam.”
Before Tommy could reply, Hector coughed. “I’d prefer not to have fingerprints of any kind taken in here, thank you very much. I don’t want grubby marks on my stock.”
Tommy’s head jerked round in Hector’s direction. “Why, have you got something to hide?
” He sounded hopeful. Picking up a Hermione Minty novel, he held it up to the light to examine its glossy paper cover for traces of previous browsers.
Hector flashed me a cautious look. Only he and I knew that Hermione Minty was his pseudonym. For years he’d been writing romantic novels under her name to subsidise his income as a bookseller. As I was his girlfriend as well as his employee, he knew his secret was safe with me.
Hector’s answer was truthful while evading the facts. “My conscience is clear, thank you very much. If it’s local villains you’re after, I suggest you look elsewhere.”
“But not at me,” I said quickly, as Tommy turned his magnifying glass on me. I pointed to myself with both hands. “Nothing to see here.”
As if considering whether to disagree, Tommy looked me up and down, his gaze lingering longer than was comfortable for me. Half man, half boy, he was quite unlike the village schoolchildren who came to me for reading lessons in the shop after school.
“Maybe not, miss. But my mum reckons there are plenty of crimes committed in the village that never get detected. My new year’s resolution is to track them all down and solve them.”
“What made her say that?” asked Hector.
Billy put down his teacup with a clatter.
“You was born and raised here, Hector,” he said. “Do you really have to ask?”
Hector came out from behind the counter to restore the display table to order after Tommy’s inspection.
“I’d have thought the opposite was true. We’ve had more than our fair share of detected crimes here lately. Are you suggesting we’ve missed a few?”
Billy plunged his hands into his jacket pockets and pulled them out again, an action which I guessed was meant to wipe off the excess jam. “I don’t mean just lately. Do you mean to tell me you never got away with any mischief when you was a lad?”
Hector moved over to the window to straighten up a crooked diet book. “I hardly ever did anything naughty in the first place, because I knew I wouldn’t get away with it. Not when every grown-up in the village knew who I was, who my parents were, and where we lived.”
I could imagine the orderly, fair-minded Hector as a law-abiding little boy.
“Ah, but it depends who caught you in the act,” said Billy. “Supposing it was someone who liked you so much they wouldn’t rat on you?”
“Good point, Billy,” said Tommy, coming over to join Billy at his tea table. “If your mum knew you’d done something naughty, even if she told you off, she wouldn’t shop you to the police. If she loved you, she’d take your side.”
My friend Ella Berry, who works in the village school office, had told me that the teachers’ complaints about Tommy’s behaviour had always rolled off his mum like raindrops off an umbrella.
I laughed. “Are you suggesting Hector’s mother doesn’t love him?” Then, remembering I hadn’t met her yet and hoping I hadn’t made a terrible gaffe, I hurried to change the subject. “Covering up for a naughty child is one thing, but the law’s the law.”
Hector gave a lopsided smile. “Does this mean you’re going to shop me for breaking the speed limit on the way back from the airport this morning?” An alarm on Hector’s Land Rover, set to beep when he went over 70mph, had sounded only once on our journey that morning, on an empty downhill section of road. He’d quickly braked.
“That was only a momentary lapse of concentration,” I said. “It’s not like committing murder.”
“It could have been murder,” said Tommy, getting out his diary and his pen to note it down. “They said in the road safety film they showed us at school that speeding is a murder waiting to happen. Supposing a child had stepped out in front of you?”
“On the motorway?” I asked. “That seems unlikely.”
“Why not? I’ve walked across a motorway before,” said Tommy. “You could have murdered me.”
I shuddered. Self-preservation wasn’t Tommy’s long suit. He had no sense of danger, as his exploits often proved. I still hadn’t got over him jumping off the village hall roof during a nativity play rehearsal.
“Are you sure they didn’t call it an accident waiting to happen, rather than a murder?” I said hastily.
Tommy shrugged. “Same difference. But if you killed someone on purpose, I’d have to turn you in.”
“Would you, though?” Billy narrowed his eyes. “I once had a ferret who killed all her own kits when she felt threatened by a stray ferret in my garden. But I couldn’t be cross with her, because that’s what ferrets do. She was following her instinct. Same as they do when you take them out rabbiting. They’re not murderers. They’re just being ferrets.”
“That’s a funny way of defending babies.” Tommy frowned. “My mum would never do a thing like that.”
“Your mum’s not a ferret,” I said. “But I bet if she ever thought you were in danger, she would do all she could to protect you.”
“Most mothers would kill to protect their young if their lives were at stake,” said Hector. “It’s only natural. But not many kill their own babies.”
“No, but a lot of male animals do,” said Billy.
I was anxious to steer the conversation on to less sensitive territory, because Tommy’s father had abandoned the family when Tommy was a small boy, leaving Tommy, his sister and his mother with a still festering sense of loss and anger.
“Thank goodness we’re not animals, eh?” I said brightly.
But Billy steamrollered on. “Still, there’s the law, and then there’s natural law. In Wendlebury we’ve got our natural sense of decency on our side. We don’t need any of them cameras on every street corner watching our every move like they do in them big cities. We don’t need nor want Big Brother here.”
Hector spluttered. “Good grief, Billy, you’re making us sound like something out of Deliverance. Don’t forget we do have our own resident policeman.”
“Yes, but Bob only lives here, off duty. He doesn’t patrol the streets. It’s not the same as in the old days, when we had a village officer on the beat.”
Tommy glanced up from his diary. “Has ferret got one r or two?”
“Two,” I said. “And no i’s.”
He stared at me, incredulous. “No eyes? How could it see the other ferret?”
Billy ignored his interruption. “At the end of the day, what you gets up to is between you and the Almighty.” It was easy to forget that beneath his shabby outer shell lay the solid faith that underpinned his role of churchwarden.
Hector took this as a cue to terminate the conversation. “So we haven’t got Big Brother, but we have got God. Well, that’s all right then. All’s well that ends well.”
His atheist’s cynicism was lost on Billy.
“That’s it,” said Billy stoutly. “And I know which one I’d rather have preside over me in judgement.”
“I’ve got no choice,” said Tommy, closing his diary and stuffing it back in his pocket. “I haven’t got a big brother. I just am one, to Sina. Maybe that’s why my instinct is to watch over people.”
I saw Hector glance for a moment at our set of George Orwell paperbacks. I didn’t think Tommy was ready yet to tackle 1984, a book I’d read on Hector’s recommendation over the Christmas holidays.
“You don’t know how lucky you are,” said Billy, half to himself.
Tommy wouldn’t have known the shameful history of Billy’s elder brother, Bertie, and nor would I if Hector had not confided in me about it before Christmas. Bertie had run off many years before with Carol Barker, now the village shopkeeper, only to abandon her after a matter of weeks, leaving her pregnant. The baby had been taken into care by social services. Carol, like me and Hector, was an only child. What her parents must have suffered in her absence I could only imagine.
Fortunately, Tommy paid no attention to Billy’s last comment, steering the conversation back to his new obsession.
“Here’s one thing I’ve discovered since I got my detective skills book,” he said. “Even t
he most innocent-looking people have secrets to hide. For example, I can tell you that Hector is very pleased that you’ve just come back from Scotland.”
Hector let out a bark of laughter. “I hope you don’t need your magnifying glass to see that,” he said tartly. Billy sniggered.
Tommy leaned forward so that his elbows rocked the full cream jug that I’d placed on Billy’s table. “Anyway, the thing is, if anybody round here has got any secrets, I’m going to find them out. I’ll be an expert detective soon. I’m picking up new tips every day – how to see through disguises, how to read body language that shows when someone’s guilty, how to recognise criminals from their handwriting…”
Very quietly, Hector started to remove from the display table the few remaining copies of Hermione Minty’s novels that I’d persuaded him to autograph with her name in the run-up to Christmas. I’d sold one of the signed copies to Tommy to give to his mum as a Christmas present. Thinking a distraction might be a good idea for all concerned, I delved into my handbag and pulled out two small caramel-coloured bars of Scottish confectionery wrapped in clear cellophane.
“Here you go, Tommy, Billy,” I said, handing them one each. “I brought you back some Scottish tablet.”
Tommy pulled a face, turning it over in his hands. “Tablets? I’ll never be able to swallow a tablet that size.”
I laughed.
“Not tablets, Tommy, tablet,” I said. “It’s a famous Scottish sweet. A bit like fudge, only crumblier and tastier.”
Tommy perked up. “Thanks very much, miss. I love fudge.”
He peeled back the wrapper and took an enormous bite. I hoped it wouldn’t trigger a sugar rush. He was hard enough work sugar-free. “Didn’t you get Hector a tablet?” he asked with his mouth full.
I shook my head. “I’ve already given him a different present.”
Billy chortled. “You didn’t waste any time, girlie.”
Hector put his hands to the ends of the piece of cashmere draped around his neck.
“A tartan scarf, Billy. Sophie brought me back this piece of Munro tartan. Only people whose surname is Munro, like me, have the right to wear it. It’s a clan thing apparently.”