by Dara Girard
Roberta’s voice of concern interrupted her dangerous, wayward thoughts. “Caryn? Are you okay?”
No, I’m slowly dying of embarrassment. “I’m fine.”
Roberta came to her side and lowered her voice. “I know I said I wanted to keep this a surprise, but I didn’t expect you to try to disappear. I didn’t realize you were so dedicated.”
“Yes, that’s me,” she said, wishing she had a hole to crawl into. “Didn’t want to spoil the surprise.”
“You are so sweet.” She turned to him. “Adrian, I want to explain.”
“No, you really don’t need to,” Caryn said. “Let’s discuss this later.”
“I hired her to help you organize. I know I said I’d do it myself, but I thought I’d hire a professional. I was going to have her do all the work and take all the credit. That’s why she was trying to escape.”
Adrian made a noncommittal sound deep in his throat then said, “Is that right Ms.—?”
“Chandler,” Roberta said. “Her name is Caryn Chandler.”
But of course you already know that.
“A pleasure to meet you.” He held out his hand.
“I would shake hands,” Caryn said, balling them into fists. She couldn’t touch him. Wouldn’t. “But mine are filthy. I should go.”
“But we didn’t finish the consultation and now that Adrian’s here you can get his ideas. She really loved your place,” Roberta said, addressing Adrian, “and wanted to get to know you better.”
“How much better?” Adrian asked.
“I’ll get back to you on that.” Caryn headed towards her car. “Excuse me.”
“You’re limping,” Roberta said, following her.
She gritted her teeth. Her ankle burned, but humiliation made the pain bearable. “I’m fine.”
“You should get that looked at.”
“I will.”
Before Roberta could make another suggestion her mobile phone rang. “I have to get this. Bye, Caryn. Talk to you again.”
Caryn waved without looking back and kept walking. Why had she parked so far away? Why did she still feel his gaze on her?
“Caryn?”
He was following her? Why wouldn’t he leave her alone? Why did the sound of her name on his lips make her skin tingle? “Don’t worry, I’ll quit and I won’t tell her why.”
“CeCe?”
He had no right to call her that. He was the only one who ever used that nickname, but then again he was the one who had given it to her, using her first and last initial to come up with a name that tied them together with memories. How dare he remember it now.
“Hold on a minute,” he said approaching her.
“She doesn’t know anything about us and I didn’t know about you. If I had, I wouldn’t have come. I didn’t touch anything.”
He grabbed her wrist. “Will you just stop for a minute?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. He was touching her and she should break away. She shouldn’t remember how strong and warm his grip was. How tenderly he used to hold her. His palm felt hot on her skin as if he were branding her and making her his. Please don’t mention the past, please don’t say anything. “I just need to get to my car. I have another appointment and I have to wrap my ankle before I get there.”
“I don’t want to stop you, there’s just something you need to know.”
Why did he have to smell so good? Why did he make her want to slowly undo his buttons one-by-one? Caryn took a deep breath then spun around and looked up at him. Another mistake. Just as she’d fallen in love with his apartment, she felt herself falling in love with him all over again. The goatee was the only difference. He still had his sensual full lips, compelling brown eyes, and square jaw. She nervously licked her lips. He wanted to tell her something important; she could see it in his gaze. Did he feel it too? This connection she’d fought to break all those years ago?
“What do you want to tell me?” she said, her voice sounding breathier than she’d hoped.
He held her gaze for a long moment, then said, “Your wig is crooked.”
Chapter Four
“Are you sure it was him?” Terri asked, leaning forward, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
They sat in their favorite café where Terri made her way through an iced strudel and black tea, while Caryn’s black coffee and croissant remained untouched. After leaving Adrian, she’d called her friend to meet her after work to commiserate. She didn’t want to go home.
Caryn folded her arms and looked at her.
“Sorry, silly question.” She took a sip of tea. “Are you sure he remembered you?”
Caryn just lifted a brow.
Terri sat back. “Okay, point taken.”
“He looked better than ever and I’m…” Caryn looked down at herself and she let her words fade away.
“You’re fine. You look great.”
Caryn pulled off her wig. “I’m amazed how you can say that with a straight face.”
Terri leaped up and replaced the wig. “What is wrong with you?” she demanded glancing around the café in case anyone saw.
“I don’t care who sees me. This has been one of the worst days of my life.”
“Your hair will grow back and most people gain a little weight as they get older. And you’re focusing on your business so much you haven’t paid attention to your clothes.”
Caryn paused. “What’s wrong with my clothes?”
Terri hesitated. “You’re the one who brought up your looks.”
“I wasn’t talking specifically about my clothes. What do you think is wrong with them? Honestly.”
“They’re a little out of date.”
“Anything else you think I should change?”
“No, except…”
“Except what?”
“You need to learn how to have a little more fun. You’ve gotten really serious lately. If you’re not careful you could turn into your aunt.”
Caryn shivered at the thought. “You think I should give Peter another chance?”
“No,” Terri said quickly, as if horrified by the idea. “You did the right thing, but…never mind. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to tell her to find someone else. I already told him I’d quit.”
“What did he say?”
“He didn’t say anything.” Not that she’d given him a chance to. After his comment about her wig, she’d gotten into her car and driven away.
“Maybe this is a good thing.”
“How can it be good?”
“Seeing him again may help you to get over him.”
Caryn took a bite of her croissant. “I am over him.”
“Then why did you run?”
“Because I was caught by surprise. I thought I’d never have to see him again.”
“And now that you have, what do you feel?”
“Besides embarrassed, humiliated, and devastated?”
“Yes. You were scared about seeing him again and now that you have, how do you feel?”
That I wish I hadn’t let him go. “Nothing. I’ve moved on, but first I have to tell Roberta I’m not taking the job.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Roberta said, playfully slapping Caryn on the arm.
They sat in Adrian’s living room where a giant teddy bear sat in the corner. She hadn’t seen it there last time and she didn’t want to be there, but Roberta had been insistent and Caryn knew the only way to break things off was to be as amenable as possible. She’d tried to broach the subject over the phone, but Roberta wouldn’t let her, telling her how excited she was to be working together. She thought of ending the project by email, but all variations sounded cold and petty. She wanted to leave a good impression, in case Roberta knew of others who’d make great references, so she decided to meet her one last time on the condition that Adrian wasn’t there. Roberta assured her that he wouldn’t be, so Caryn sat in the familiar room, wondering the best way to end things.
Ca
ryn absently rubbed her arm, surprised by the strength of Roberta’s playful teasing. “Tell you what?”
“I’m so glad to see your ankle’s better.”
“Tell you what?” Caryn repeated.
“That you’d met Adrian before?”
She stiffened. He told you about us? Did he tell you what I did to him? “I didn’t think it was important.”
“He said you’d changed so much he’d hardly recognized you.”
Ouch. Score one for him. But he was right. At thirty-two she wasn’t the young woman she’d been eight years ago. She was heavier, not as stylish and now she hardly had any hair. Bet you’re glad you didn’t marry me, then, huh? “He’s changed too,” Caryn said, just to say something even though it was a lie. He hadn’t changed in the ways she had. He’d become more successful, and better looking. If that was possible.
Roberta adjusted her glasses. “But he didn’t tell me much more than that. Just that you shared a mutual friend or something.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Roberta bit her lip. “Can I be honest?”
No, lie to me. “Sure.”
“He doesn’t seem to like you very much. He doesn’t think you’re right for this job.”
Ouch. Score two. But he was right. “Which is why I wanted to have this discussion with you. I think it’s best that you select—”
Roberta pointed at her. “So I told him, that I don’t care what happened between you two in the past, that you’re one of the best organizers I’ve heard about and I wanted to use you.”
“That’s very kind of you but—”
“And then he said you’re not trustworthy—”
“Well he may—”
“And I said—”
“I think you should listen to him,” Caryn said, losing patience.
“Why?” Roberta narrowed her eyes. “You’re not trustworthy?”
Caryn shook her head. “No, that’s not it, but there’s bad blood between us and—”
Roberta learned forward her eyes glittering with interest. “What did you do to him?” She lowered her voice. “Sleep with his best friend? I did that once, but didn’t get caught. Thank you, God,” she said, making a quick sign of the cross.
“You slept with Ken?”
Roberta’s eyes widened. “You know his best friend? Isn’t he a doll?”
That’s not my question! “Yes, but I didn’t mean—”
“Should I tell him you said hello?”
No! Are you crazy? “That wouldn’t be appropriate. I’m just surprised that…I just didn’t think he was the type to…” Caryn shook her head, trying to get her mind in order. Roberta had slept with Ken? Temperamental Ken Tagawa, the proud third generation Brazilian who was often mistaken for Japanese? A man whose spot on impressions of world leaders used to leave her aching with laughter and who could swear in seven languages? That Ken? “It’s none of my business if you want to be with him.”
Roberta stared at her for a moment then laughed. “No, I didn’t cheat on Adrian with Ken.” She laughed harder. “As if that would ever happen. Although he does have a certain allure,” she said with a grin. “But no…I’ve never seen two men so devoted to each other. I think they’d dump any woman who tried to come between them.”
“Hmm.”
“No, before I was referring to my ex-boyfriend. When you’ve got a guy like Adrian, you don’t even think about stepping out on him. He meets all your needs and more if you know what I mean.”
Caryn rubbed the bridge of her nose. Why was she having this conversation? “Well, I’m happy for both of you, but as I was saying—”
“I was just joking with you about cheating. You don’t seem the type, but is it Ken?”
She let her hand fall to her lap. “Is what Ken? I don’t—”
“Your mutual friend?”
Why wouldn’t this woman let her finish a sentence? “Sort of but—”
“I don’t mean to pry, but did you break Ken’s heart or something, because Adrian usually likes people, but he doesn’t seem to like you.”
“No I didn’t break Ken’s heart. The truth is—”
Roberta held up her hand. “You don’t have to say anything. I already know.”
What! “You know?”
“I don’t know the details of course, but I can guess. You two can’t stand each other because you’re so different. Complete opposites. I can see someone like you grating on his nerves and vice versa. You’re like oil and water, cats and dogs. But,” Roberta continued before Caryn could correct her, “he doesn’t understand that I need someone like you. I told him that he didn’t have to be around when we worked on this project, and that it wouldn’t take long, so he can just deal with it. So that’s that.”
You two would never get on. But eight years ago they’d been inseparable. She’d imagined spending the rest of her life with him. How wrong she’d been. “I think you should take his feelings into consideration.”
“I have and I decided that I’m working with you.”
“But it’s his place.”
“I know what’s best for him. I told him to stay away until we’re done so you don’t have to worry about bumping into him again. You told me this project wouldn’t take more than a couple days at most. And I won’t take no for an answer. Okay?”
No, it wasn’t okay, but a woman like Roberta was like a steamroller. She’d get her way one way or another. Since he’d stay away, Caryn wouldn’t have to see him so she could do the project. She was over him and he was over her. “Okay, but I’ll complete the project in one day and I’ll do it for free.”
Chapter Five
“Free!” Terri screeched over the phone. “You’ll do a big project like that for nothing?!”
Caryn washed her dinner dishes and set them aside to dry. “She wouldn’t listen to anything else. And I don’t want to take his money. I can’t believe he’s with a woman like that. She’s all wrong for him. You should have heard her go on about how he couldn’t tell her what to do. I mean you think she should take his feelings into account with something like this. If he’d told me there was someone he didn’t want me to work with I would at least consider it. That’s what a girlfriend does.”
“Oh no.”
“What?”
“You’re still in love with him,” Terri said in a grave tone.
Caryn laughed. “What?”
“Don’t laugh, this is serious.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You haven’t stopped talking about her for nearly thirty minutes.”
Caryn pulled off her gloves. “That doesn’t mean I’m still in love with him. I just can’t believe this is the woman he’s chosen. She wouldn’t let me finish a sentence. She assumed I’d never cheat on a man.”
“You wouldn’t.”
Caryn left the kitchen and flopped into a chair in her living room. “But what gives her the right to assume that? To assume that she knows me? To assume that Adrian and I would make a terrible couple? You should have heard her going on about how much Adrian and I would be a bad match. How opposite we are. How different we are.”
“And she’s right.”
She moved a coaster on her coffee table slightly to the left to make it look more balanced. “We were a great couple. We had a lot of fun.” She pushed the coaster slightly to the right. “Others didn’t see what we had.”
“Then why didn’t you marry him?” Terri asked in a quiet voice.
She frowned, the coaster still looked a little off balance. She moved it to the left again. “Because marriage would have been a mistake,” she said, using the same reason she’d convinced herself to believe in the past.
“No, I’ll tell you why. It’s because your Aunt Barbara convinced you that Adrian was all wrong and you got scared and you gave up a great love. And seeing him again you know what you lost and it’s killing you.”
Caryn picked up the coaster and tossed it across the room. “I don’t want to talk about it.�
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“That’s all you’ve been talking about whether you want to admit it or not. He’s over you, but you’re not over him. You can’t do this job free or otherwise. You have to stay away.”
“No,” she said, standing to retrieve the coaster from where it had landed in the corner. “I have to do this.” She put the coaster back in place. “I have to close this chapter in my life.” She drummed her fingers on the coffee table. The coaster wasn’t perfect, but she’d have to let it be. “Maybe it’s a just punishment.”
“Don’t you think you’ve punished yourself enough?”
She took a deep breath shifted the coaster one last time then said, “No, I ran away from him twice. I won’t do it again.”
You still love him. It was stupid. It was crazy. It was wrong. But it was the truth. Just one look at him and she was lost. He’d stolen her heart and she’d never gotten in back. But it’s too late! Her heart said. There was nothing she could do about it now. This was her punishment. She’d left him. She’d hurt him. Isn’t this what she’d wished for him? That’s he’d go on with his life and be happy? And he was happy with a new woman. She still thought she was wrong for him, but she wasn’t the best judge on relationships.
She’d focused so much on her work since leaving him. She’d made it her life, but she didn’t want that life anymore. She wanted…
She sighed. She wasn’t exactly sure.
“Listen lady if you can’t pay then you have to leave.”
Caryn looked at the dark haired older woman in a peach linen jacket with precise hawk-like features who stood in the checkout line in front of her. A little girl of about two slept in the grocery cart’s child’s seat, her forehead resting on the handlebar. The older woman had gone through two credit cards and both had been declined.
“She’s with me,” Caryn said smoothly. “Just put her total with mine.”