by K J Bell
I hadn’t listened and I should have.
“It wasn’t like I wanted him to be my boyfriend,” I blurted, nervously.
“Yeah, especially after Brandon covered you in slime.” Brent was amused by the memory, mocking my humiliation.
Is he really laughing at me?
We had been doing a lab in science. I made a point to sit at Brandon’s table, wanting him to notice me. He had caught me staring at him and laughed. His friend noticed and piped up, teasing Brandon about liking me. Brandon laughed hysterically, shouting that I was “butt ugly,” and knocked a beaker of snot-like concoction we had been working on, right into my lap. He laughed so hard he actually snorted. Afterward, Brandon claimed it was an accident, but I knew it was on purpose. I avoided him after that and thankfully he had left me alone. I laughed at the memory, realizing my foolishness.
Brent wasn’t laughing at me or with me. “When that happened I wanted to leap across the room and hurt him for what he did to you. The whole class was watching and given my role in your life, I couldn’t risk it.”
“But you didn’t, Brent. See, you do have control.”
“I didn’t do anything to him in class, but I did find him later,” he said mischievously.
“Brent, what did you do?” I asked, understanding now why Brandon had stayed away from me.
“I just scared him a little. I told him to stay clear of you, and he did,” Brent gloated.
He was holding back. His expression gave away that he had done a lot more to Brandon than he was admitting.
“Okay, I don’t want to know,” I said, fidgeting underneath him. He pressed his body into mine and wrapped his arm around me, holding me firm.
”Look, Claire, the point is, that was minor compared to the rage that took over when I saw you with Logan. Because of our apparitions, when we bond, it’s quicker, stronger, and more intense than it is for humans. The compulsion for us to protect our mate above anything else is not easily controlled. Those images you shared sparked my anger. It takes every bit of restraint I have not to go find Logan right now and make him pay for what he did to you. And the only reason I don’t is because I know it would hurt you.”
“You’re right, it would hurt me,” I admitted. “In fact, it would crush me.”
Logan had another chance at life and so did I.
“I know,” he said, threading his fingers through my hair and resting his hand just above my ear. “Just don’t leave again, Claire. I need you to trust me.”
“I won’t,” I promised, hoping I could keep it. I wanted to trust him but it wasn’t something that came easy for me. I was a product of the way I had grown up, two parents who trusted no one, for good reason. But nonetheless, it had affected me more than I thought.
“I’m serious Claire, not even for Logan. We can’t be sure his regret will continue or he won’t be adhered to again,” Brent warned.
“Okay, I got it. Jeez,” I said, trying to end the conversation.
I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I felt guilty enough about leaving Brent and not trusting him. Needing to distract him, I climbed on top of him and straddled him, placing my palms flat against the bed next to his head, letting my hair fall around us, tunneling our faces.
“I love you and you’re right. I’m sorry. Now, I don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to feel, Brent,” I sighed, shaking my head just enough that my hair fluttered teasingly across his cheeks.
Brent froze, letting out an equally heavy sigh. Before he could put a stop to things, I put my lips on his, waiting for him to respond. He did, kissing me softly, pulling me close, and squeezing the back of my neck. I released a soft moan.
“Christ, Claire, those noises you make when I kiss you drive me crazy,” he whispered.
I relaxed against him, his compliment fueling the fire I could feel starting between my thighs. Our chests met, and I felt his heart beating against mine through the thin fabric of my shirt.
I sat up and Brent rested both of his hands on my hips. His breathing was heavy. I slowly began removing my top. He started to stop me, but I pushed his hands away, whispering it was okay, and he didn’t try to stop me again. I was braless and tossed my shirt to the floor. Brent’s appreciative gaze made my cheeks red hot, and the fact I knew he had seen my blush, increased my need for him. He lifted from the bed and wrapped his arms around my body, digging his fingers into my back, burying his head in the crook of my neck.
“Aw hell, Claire, you’re trying to kill me,” he whispered, panting for air.
I positioned my hands on both sides of his face, pulled him close and kissed him passionately. When I stopped to take a breath, I stared into his blue eyes, burning with desire. I slid my hands down his abdomen to his waist band.
“I want you, Brent. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
He grabbed me at the waist and flipped me so I was lying on my back again. He hovered over me.
“I want you too, Claire. You have no idea how bad, but I can’t, not right now,” he uttered breathless.
I deflated like a balloon with a hole, the entire moment released to disappointment. He sat up next to me, raking his fingers through his hair.
“It can’t be like this. It’s too emotionally charged. With everything going on, if I make love to you right now, it will feel like a distraction from everything you’ve dealt with. Like it was when you kissed Logan. I don’t want that. With the stress of what happened to you, it feels wrong. I want to make love to you when it feels right. I need that, Claire, and you may not believe it, but you need it, too.”
I did need that and if it was possible, I loved him even more for his ability to understand this moment would be one neither of us would want to feel regret about. It was a one-time memory we would have forever. He smiled and pulled me to his side. I rested my cheek on his chest, listening to his racing heartbeat.
“Your heart is beating so fast,” I commented.
“Kind of your fault, Blake,” he laughed.
I giggled and peered up at him. “I know it wasn’t easy for you to stop, but thank you,” I said trailing a finger over the scruff of his chin.
“Nearly impossible,” he said half laughing, kissing my forehead. “But worth it and you’re very welcome.”
CHAPTER 19
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare
I woke up feeling restless, and looked at the clock. It was a 3:45am and I was wide awake. I still felt an overwhelming need to be with Brent that grew stronger when I realized he was still holding me tightly, his warm breath on my skin. Was he actually right about us? Was sleeping together wrong? I had seen the visions of us together this way with a family, so it was going to happen eventually. Truthfully, I wasn’t convinced it was wrong to want to be with him under stressful circumstances. Was that not a comfort two people who loved each other often shared? Intellectually, I wanted to agree with Brent and all his rational thoughts, but emotionally, I totally disagreed. I wanted him badly and I wanted him right now.
Still wrapped in his embrace, I twisted my body so I was on my side facing him. I gently traced my fingers from his hairline to his jaw and across his soft lips. He stirred and his eyes popped open. His body tensed beneath me. “Claire, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep.” His body relaxed with my response.
We laid there silently wrapped up in each other’s stare. After several minutes he trailed a finger up and down my arm. “I told you why we can’t, Claire,” Brent whispered.
I sighed heavily, realizing how he knew. “Really? You read my thoughts again?”
He smiled crookedly. “You’re upset. I couldn’t help it.”
“I’m upset that you think I only want to have sex because I’m an emotional basket case, and it’s not like that,” I said, trying not to shout.
You’re pouting. That is probably not the best way to convince him you’re ready for this.
My stu
pid subconscious was barking at me.
“I don’t think you’re an emotional basket case,” Brent consoled me. “I think we’ve have been through so much lately. I don’t want us to make love under stressful circumstances because I’m afraid you’ll end up regretting it. It’s going to be your first time, Claire. It should be something you cherish when you look back on it.”
“If it’s with you Brent, of course I’ll cherish it.”
Wait, did he say it was my first time?
My heart felt like it might burst at any moment as I tried to reevaluate his words. He did say your first and not our first. Oh my God, he’s already been with someone.
Of course he has. He’s a twenty year old guy who was pretty sure that you were designed to be with Reese. Did you think he waited hoping your design was wrong, silly girl?
“Shut up,” I shouted at my subconscious.
“What?” Brent asked startled.
Crap!
“What’s wrong, Claire?”
I hung my head and held in the urge to scream and totally freak out.
“It’s nothing,” I mumbled under my breath, praying he would drop it.
He pulled my chin up forcing me to look at him.
“Come on, give it up, Blake.” He smiled that smile that made me want to melt like an ice cream cone on a summer day. I shook my head. No way was I going to ask if he already had sex with someone. It hurt too much to think about and I was pretty sure actual confirmation was more than I was capable of handling.
“You can tell me anything, Claire,” he urged, his expression now serious as he registered how upset I was.
“Look, it’s nothing, seriously. So drop it,” I said, reciting a random tune in my head, hoping to keep him from reading my thoughts.
“You’re a really bad liar, Claire. Tell me what it is before I assume it’s something really serious.” His voice was so persuasive and so hard to resists. “Trust, right?”
I groaned. He was playing that card. He yammered back at me in frustration and begged me with his eyes to talk to him, which made me more upset. His changing expression alerted me that the tune in my head did nothing to hide my thoughts from him, and I was suddenly so uncomfortable. Damn him. I was going to have to do a better job of controlling my thoughts around him. He laughed and threw his arms around me, pulling me close.
“Oh my God, Claire, it’s so not what you’re thinking, just a bad choice of words on my part. I have not shared anything even close to sex with anyone else.”
I instantly felt relief and I grinned sheepishly. Not that it would have changed anything if he had, but it thrilled me knowing that he was mine in every way.
Running my fingers through his soft brown hair, I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to me, throwing every ounce of need into kissing him. I rolled over on top of him and started to remove his shirt. He lifted a little and helped me, reaching behind his head and removing it in that way guys do so easily. He laid back. The fact he wasn’t going to stop me was clearly visible on his face, no longer able to fight off the desire he felt for me, and he knew I was aware of it.
I used my palm to stroke his perfectly defined body, and kissed every inch of exposed flesh. His breathing grew ragged, and occasionally he would hold his breath, releasing it loudly, trying to restrain himself. I removed my top, wanting to feel the warmth of our skin together, flesh on flesh. He swiftly shifted me beneath him and held me close, burying his head in my neck, trailing kisses along my collar bone. I was lost in the feeling of his skin on mine. The warmth coursing through my body felt like being in a sauna; too warm to handle, yet feeling too good to leave.
“Brent, I need you. I need you like I need the very heart that beats inside me. I want this. No more stopping, please.” I gazed into his soft blue eyes.
He tenderly held the side of my face in his palm and I leaned into it, reveling in the reassuring warmth.
“I know, Claire, I don’t think I could stop myself again, even if I wanted to,” he whispered in agreement, moving down my body trailing kisses from my neck to my belly. His warm breath gave me goose bumps as he made his way down my body. My insides were burning and the feeling was unbelievable. He tugged at the shorts I was wearing, and I lifted slightly, allowing him to slide them off, leaving me in nothing but my panties. I looked up breathless with anticipation to find his gaze burning right through me.
“You are so beautiful, Claire. I can’t believe you’re mine. I will love you forever,” he said before kissing all the way back up my body slower this time, meeting my mouth with a long deep kiss. A kiss that showed me he would, in fact, love me forever.
Our bodies moved together rhythmically. Brent cupped one of my breasts causing me to moan. The feeling of his hand on my bare flesh was unbearable and my body wanted more of him. I pushed my hips into him and he groaned. He licked at the tender skin behind my ear and then began softly nibbling at my neck. I slid both my hands to the back of his neck, pulling him close, kissing his along his jaw, enjoying the taste of him. Uttering a growl of contentment, he slid his hand down to my thigh and wrapped one of my legs around him. I felt his desire pressed against me. Pressure was building inside of me. My legs started to tremble. He caught my bottom lip with his teeth and tugged on it gently, humming appreciatively.
“Oh, God, Claire,” Brent whispered in my neck as he slid a hand between my legs. His fingers softly grazed my inner thigh, and then he ran his fingers over my satin panties. I was pretty sure I stopped breathing.
Then it hit me. Panic set in and suddenly I was stiff as a board, no longer sure I could go through with it. I started to think maybe he was right. Was I was making a rash decision during an emotional time? I knew I wanted him but wasn’t positive I was ready. My mind was in turmoil but I was going to ignore my thoughts because I loved him and I wanted so badly to show him.
I may have been able to ignore my thoughts but Brent could not. I heard his low intake of breath and his body went limp. He rolled off of me. Gripping the sheet, he pulled it up, and covered me.
“Christ, Claire, I only have so much self-control. I am a guy.” He sat up breathless and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling really awful for leading him on.
He stood and turned to look at me. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. I told you I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for or that you’ll regret.”
“Where are you going?” I asked, noticing he was moving away from the bed.
He smiled and brushed his face with his hands. “I’m not going anywhere. I just need a little distance in case self-control isn’t enough.”
His phone started vibrating on the nightstand. It was a little after five in the morning. Who would be calling?
“Hey, Layken,” I heard Brent say. “Yes, she’s here with me. How did you know?…Oh shit…okay…sure, one sec.”
He handed me the phone and scowled.
Why on earth would Layken be looking for me?
“Hey, Layken.”
“Oh, Claire, thank God. Listen, Logan is here and he’s really drunk. He said something about being in love with you and needing to find you because you were in a lot of danger and some guy named Kace was coming for you.”
“Oh, Layken, I’m so sorry. Did he hurt you?” I asked.
“What, no,” she answered confused. “He didn’t hurt me. He scared me a little because he was talking about you so crazy, but he’s perfectly harmless.”
Thank you, Lord.
If Layken only knew that Logan could be so much more than perfectly harmless.
“Can I talk to him?” I asked, as I watched Brent closely. His jaw was tight and his arms were folded across his chest.
“He’s passed out right now. Thankfully my parents are away. I have a few friends sleeping over, but they haven’t woken up yet. Can you come here? He’s kinda freakin’ me out?”
Brent was close enough that he could hear her request through the phone
. He shook his head vehemently and watched me questionably. I turned away from him before answering Layken.
“Of course. We’re about an hour away, but I’ll be there for him. Okay?” I told her.
I saw Brent out of the corner of my eye. He slammed his palm into the wall behind him, letting out an exasperated sigh.
“Great, thanks so much Claire,” she said.
“Sure, and Layken, if he wakes up, tell him I’m on my way and I’ll be there soon.”
“Yeah, I will. See you soon,” Layken said with relief in her voice.
“You’re kidding, right? We are not going back to Northfield,” Brent sighed, with his back to me. His palm was still on the wall and his head rested on his arm.
After sliding my shirt back on, I got up from the bed and went to him. I put my hand on his arm and urged him to look at me. “Please Brent. I have to make sure he is okay”
Brent spun around, his expression unreadable. “Claire, he’s fine. Let him sleep it off and then you can call him. Going back there is dangerous. We can’t keep tempting fate.”
I folded my arms across my chest and sucked in a courageous breath.
“I’m going and I would really like it if you went with me. You can choose not to come if you want,” I sassed, stopping just short of stomping my feet.
“Jesus, you’re exhausting woman, you fuc…you promised that you wouldn’t leave again,” Brent reminded me of our earlier conversation.
I grinned proudly when he caught himself before using the f-word.
“No, I promised that I wouldn’t leave without telling you. That’s exactly what I’m doing. The rest is up to you,” I clarified, throwing the ball in his court.
“I believe you also said you would listen to me when I said something was dangerous, which this is, and it’s careless,” Brent countered.
Dammit!
“Layken has friends over. What if something happens to them and I wasn’t there to stop it? I would feel responsible for the rest of my life. I have to go, so please, come with me.” I shamelessly batted my lashes, beseeching him to agree with me.