by Katie Dowe
But it had become quite accepted that Heidi would be there every day, and that Gina and all the aunts could take some time off from watching him, in case there was some change, while Heidi was here.
She was being accepted as part of the family.
She understood how momentous that was, and she appreciated it. Strangely enough, she didn’t find it intimidating.
Usually, she ran a mile at even a hint of commitment.
Sometimes, she wondered what Christian would think of it all when he woke up.
She didn’t think of it as ‘if’ he woke up, anymore. She thought of it as ‘when’.
He would wake up, and boy, wouldn’t he be mortified.
“One song, and then you go on and get your stuff done. I’ll be here for the hour. You can come back for the evening visiting hour.”
They nodded, and waited, eagerly.
With a grin, Heidi sang.
It was routine, now. She had discovered that she could try out her originals on them.
Even Mrs. Spinelli approved.
Apparently, Heidi’s performances had gotten more polished because of it. Heidi thought Mrs. Spinelli was just glad that Heidi was finally showing an interest in something in life other than her musical career.
But her career didn’t seem to be going anywhere. She was still doing her open mics, and her sets at Barney’s, but Dale hadn’t gotten in touch with her since that night.
Heidi had tried calling him.
But she had gotten nothing.
So she put that aside and out of her mind, and she sang for the people of whom she was getting very fond of, indeed.
She was smothered with hugs and kisses as they left.
Gina’s brave mask slipped for a moment when she hugged Heidi tight.
“It’s been over a week now. Sing for him, Heidi. Sing for him, will you? I know he’ll hear it if you sing. Sing all your songs.”
Heidi nodded, blinking back tears, and settled down.
“Now, my days are going on as usual. Bobby is getting a bit depressed about everything. I introduced him to Zoe today, that seemed to cheer him up a bit. Now when Zoe dumps him – and she will, because she dumps everybody, for somebody who is so into wellness of all sorts, the woman has got some kind of commitment issues – Bobby will be even more depressed. But that, I think, is a problem for another day, so I can think about it later. I got a few more views on YouTube, and a handful of subscribers. You know, if I change my channel to originals only, I’ll get advertising on it. That would come in handy. It was so sweet of you to put me in touch with Dale, but he hasn’t really come through since then.”
Heidi trailed off and looked at him.
No response at all.
Still a better listener than most men she’d known, decided Heidi.
“I’ve been writing a few songs, too. They’re pretty sad. Not in the not very good kind of way – in the mournful kind of way. I think that’s got something to do with you. A girl can’t be very happy and upbeat when the guy she likes is like this. You could buck up and wake up. Do me a solid.”
She waited.
Absolutely nothing, again.
“Anyway, I’m pretty happy with a couple of the songs, still. I couldn’t do an entire album with such mournful ones, but they’d be good to slow things down a bit. I already had a few upbeat ones. But Mrs. Spinelli says that sad music suits me now. I don’t think she understands what the world wants, thought. I’ll have to play with a mixer. I’ve never done that before. But I think there’s always time to learn new skills, don’t you?”
Nothing.
Of course, there was nothing.
But she went on, and on.
She told him about everything Apple did, and how Juno’s joints seemed to hurt more. She told him about how Bobby should give up on his ballet dream and really work with dogs, because he understood them better than he would ever understand Swan Lake.
She sang to him. She sang everything she could think of.
But there was not response, of any sort, from him.
Sometimes, she thought that the air in the room changed a bit, when she sang one of her own tunes.
But she told herself that it was her imagination.
The next day, she brought her guitar, much to his family’s joy.
When she was alone with him, she finally told him about her own family.
“I don’t really remember my family. Sometimes, I get vague memories of being held, and loved. But I can’t remember. I was told that my parents were both orphans, and that they died in a car crash. So I went into foster care. Boy, that isn’t fun, not at all. You know, you’re so lucky to have a family like you do. They would be such a wonderful foster family. I did have one really nice foster family, though. Stacy was the one who got me my first guitar. God, it was a beat up old thing, but I managed to squeeze a few tunes out of it, and Stacy showed me how to do more with it. I had to leave it behind, though. There was some legal bullshit and Stacy couldn’t foster anymore. I tried to keep in touch with her, but, well, it’s hard, when you’re being bounced around all over the place like that.”
She fell silent for a long moment.
“I didn’t mean to go on about myself like that. Do you know, those are things I haven’t told anybody at all? No, that’s not true. I told Mrs. Spinelli. She’s what I always imagined a cool aunt would be like. I know you like to complain about your aunts, but let me tell you, they all fit into the cool aunt category. They all like me better than Peggy, by the way. When they heard about Nickelback, they were all quite shocked, too.”
Heidi took a moment to feel good about that.
Why not?
Then she sighed.
“You are so loved, Christian. You have so much to hold on for. There are so many people here who will never give up on you. They come here every day, and they’re cheerful, for you. They try to stay happy, for you. They push all their fears aside, for you. Because they will not allow the slightest hint of negativity to touch you. They all believe in you, Christian. And so do I. You’re a hero. When you wake up, we’ll all make you feel like one. I sure as hell will.”
She took his hand and kissed it, softly, hoping, praying for something.
But there was nothing, and she laid her cheek against his hand, and let herself be at peace, by his side.
He would come back to them when he was ready.
He would.
So she sang, until she felt like her heart would break from it.
*****
“Say that again.”
Heidi sat up straighter, wondering if she’d heard it right.
For two months, she hadn’t heard from Dale at all. She’d given up, really, and stopped trying to call him.
Contacts and connections were no good to you if they got sick of you.
Besides, her life was pretty full. She had finally convinced Bobby to give working with dogs a real try, and he had taken to it. So they had started taking on more clients, together, with Bobby learning from her, and they were doing some good work.
It was decent money, but it also helped them both heal. They both had a lot of healing to do.
There was even a part of Heidi that was considering turning it into a real business. She had a social media campaign with a couple of catchy jingles already in mind.
She was going to be a singer, of course, but she could eventually be a sleeping partner in a pet hotel business.
There was no reason why she shouldn’t dream big in more than one way.
Bobby, despite his rather languid looks, was dependable and had a good head for numbers. He had already crunched a few, and they could expand their budding dog-walking business into something more.
Heidi was considering it quite seriously. There was something about falling in love with a man in a coma that made you take life seriously, and take every chance you got.
Because she knew that if she’d started falling in love with Christian when he helped her, even when he didn’t have
to, she had finished that slow slide into love when she told him everything about her as he lay there, hooked up to machines, and somehow so vulnerable and strong at the same time.
She had fallen in love with that family that had accepted her into their hearts, and was already, she was sure, planning their wedding for when Christian woke up.
He was in for the shock of his life when he did wake up, though. He’d find their lives all mapped out together by the aunts and his mother, all of whom adored him so much that they needed that little extra hope to keep themselves from falling apart.
Maybe it was odd.
But maybe that was the only way Heidi could ever have opened her heart as much as she had.
Having a hard life made you reluctant to fall in love. You might play at love. But falling, hard, for somebody – that was a risk, and when your life was one big risk, adding more made no sense.
But Christian hadn’t had to do anything to make her take that risk. He had just had to be, and she hadn’t been able to help himself.
She hadn’t wanted to.
Heidi hadn’t been looking for love. But it was just like her to find it in a man to whom she could say everything.
Though she hadn’t told him that she loved him. Even if she could.
Heidi thought it would be a bit anti-climactic to do that before he woke up, though.
“Hit the circuit, Heidi. The Spinettes loved you, and they want you. They want you to open for them for their next tour. It will be a month, about twelve cities. It’ll be hard work. Think you can handle it?”
“It’s not a matter of handling hard work, Dale. I need to be able to take off, too. Then there are the details, like money. I’ll have to quit my day job if I’m to do this. And then…”
She trailed off.
Then there was Christian, who was still in a coma, to whom she sang every day.
There hadn’t been a single day she hadn’t gone and seen him. On good days, she spent an hour with him. But there hadn’t been a single day when she hadn’t, at the very least, popped in and talked to him for a few minutes.
She wouldn’t see him for a month.
Maybe it was silly. It wasn’t like he saw her.
But she knew – she just knew – that he did hear her. That being there did make a difference. It didn’t matter if there was no proof of it.
She wanted to be there when he woke up, because she knew that there was a part of him that knew her, better and more completely than anybody ever had before.
“It’s a hell of an opportunity, Heidi. You don’t have to worry about paying the bills. This will pay better than the gig you did when you opened for them. They really like you, Heidi. They’ve made it very clear that you’re their first choice. You should consider getting an agent soon. The Spinettes are about to sign a contract that will knock your shoes off. There will be a lot of publicity for this tour. You’ll get some of the glory, especially if you knock it out of the park like you did for them earlier.”
Heidi’s instinct was to say yes. It was to scream the word and ask where she had to sign.
But she didn’t.
“When do I have to make up my mind?”
“You have three days to figure it out. They leave in ten days, and you’ll have to leave with them. Three days, Heidi. It’s not the kind of thing that comes along every day. I’d strongly suggest taking this. And get a lawyer or a friend who’ll read the contract well for you. I wouldn’t trust their manager very much, if I were you.”
“I’ll call you. Dale, thank you. This is all thanks to you.”
“No, Heidi. This is down to you and your pipes, and that magic you have with your guitar. You’ll do fine. But don’t let this go. It might not come again.”
“I’ll call you,” said Heidi, again, and put the phone down, slowly.
She should go, of course.
She should.
Chapter 9
Forty-eight very long hours later, she still hadn’t made up her mind.
She sat by Christian’s bed and sighed.
“I don’t know what to do, Christian. I know I should take the chance, I should go on tour. But it will be a whole month. I don’t want to leave when you’re still in a coma. I want to be here when you wake up. It’s more than wanting to be here for you. I’ve come to depend on this time we have together, every day. I talk to you, and everything seems clearer and better. But I’m not sure about this. Talking to you doesn’t seem to be helping with this.”
She sighed again, and willed him to wake up.
If he woke up, she could ask him what he thought of it.
He would tell her to go. Wouldn’t he?
“You should go for it, Heidi.”
Heidi turned around and saw Gina standing there, a look of deep sadness on her face.
Heidi shrugged.
“I don’t know. I want to be here for him.”
Gina walked to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“I know. We all do. We believe that you being here helps him. But you have a life to live, Heidi. It’s hard enough, watching life passing him by and hoping he’ll wake up before it’s too late. You shouldn’t let it pass you by, either, Heidi.”
“I don’t want to… to abandon him.”
Now Gina smiled.
“My dear girl, you’re not abandoning him by living your life. You’re not stepping out of his life. You need to live, Heidi. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity. We want you to live with him, of course we do. We’ve quite made up our minds about that, though it might be a bit of a surprise to him to hear it. But we’ll be here when he wakes up, and we will call you immediately. You have my word. Wherever you are, you can come back when he wakes up.”
Heidi nodded, but she didn’t say anything.
She knew that Gina was right. It made no sense to turn it down. No matter how much it hurt to leave.
She’d taken the day off from everything, to be with him. Bobby was taking care of the dogs. She wasn’t singing that night, except for Christian.
“I’ll leave him with you for now. Talk to him. You’ll find your answer.”
Heidi looked back at Christian and sighed.
Taking his hand, she took comfort from the warmth in it. She wished he would squeeze her hand, as he used to when he held it as they sat at the table after her performances and talked. He did it absently, as if he wasn’t really aware of it. But she had always loved that intimacy.
“I wish there was an answer. I don’t want to leave you. I want to spend every minute with you. Fact is, there’s a part of me that’s afraid that instead of waking up, you’ll slip into deeper and deeper sleep, and I’ll lose you. Now, I can feel you. I can feel you, in here. You’re not a shell that used to be you. I’m afraid that if I go away for a month, that will change, and I’ll have lost all my time with you. But I can’t not go, either. If I go, will you understand? Would you tell me to go, if you could? I hope you would, because I need to go, as much as I need to stay with you.”
She placed her head on the side of his bed, and with her hand on his, she let herself close her eyes and just feel him, all around her.
And she sang.
Finally, she stopped, and a single tear trickled down her cheek.
Heidi made as if to move her hand from his to wipe her face.
A finger moved, ever so slightly, against her hand.
Heidi froze.
Had she imagined it?
Wildly, she looked around at the machines. The beeping maintained that steady rhythm. Nothing had changed.
She had imagined it.
But, holding her breath, trying to keep that wild hope that was beating in her heart from taking over, she moved her hand, slightly, again.
There! There it was again. It wasn’t her imagination.
His fingers had moved.
Barely, but they had moved.
With trembling fingers, she leaned over and pressed the button to summon help, afraid to make a sound, afraid to
take the hand on his away.
“Christian? It’s me. Don’t worry about anything, all right? Don’t worry. You’re all right. Oh, Christian, I’m so afraid I might have imagined that… I…”
The nurse walked in, and Heidi turned, wild-eyed.
As she did, the hand moved, and this time, she knew she wasn’t imagining it.
“His fingers. He moved them,” said Heidi, speaking quietly, afraid to do anything wrong.
The nurse face was a study in shock as she whirled around to get the doctors.
Hardly daring to believe it, unable to quell the hope that was filling her, she turned to Christian, and saw his eyelids flutter.
“Di,” he mumbled.
Heidi couldn’t stop the tears now. She cried, and she let the tears flow. Getting up carefully, she moved closer to him, just as doctors came running.
“I’m here. I’ll be here.”
He whispered her name, and Heidi was ushered out.
She watched, stunned, for long moments as the doctors moved around him, and she saw that he was awake.
He was definitely awake.
Gina! Heidi dug out her phone, and made the call.
“Heidi? Did he?”
Heidi laughed, giddy with happiness so pure that she wasn’t sure she could hold it all inside her without breaking apart.
“He’s waking up! Barely a minute ago. Come quickly, the doctors are in there. Oh Gina, he’s waking up!”
She heard the tears and the laughter, and knew that everything would be all right again.
The doctor came out, and she turned to him, her hands clasped together, hope and fear warring in her eyes and her heart.
“I’m fairly confident that he’ll make a full recovery. He needs to take things easy, and too much excitement isn’t good for him. Family can go in one at a time for today. We’ll reassess that in the morning. Heidi, he’s asking for you. And for his mother. Don’t tire him out. But he needs to see you.”
Heidi nodded gratefully and walked back into that room.
This time, those smoky blue-gray eyes met hers, and the relief she felt was strong enough to nearly bring her to her knees.
“Heidi.”
“Christian,” said Heidi, and walked to his side.