“I, oh…well, I went for a jog,” she stammered, remembering she was in exercise clothes and had gone for a hike earlier, so this wasn’t entirely untrue.
“Wow,” he said, looking impressed. “You’re more dedicated than I thought. Ten miles at night in this cold. That’s pretty intense.”
“Ma’am, your cab’s here,” the man behind the counter said gruffly.
“Cab?” Holt asked, looking surprised.
“Well, it’s like you said. I ran much farther than I intended and the cold was starting to get to me, so I thought I’d get a ride back. Well, it was good to see you,” she said as she paid for her armful of pre-packaged goodness. “I’ll see you in clinic.”
“Kira, wait. I can give you a ride home. Come with me.” He moved between her and the door. His voice was soft, but there was an underlying urgency.
“Thanks, but the cab is already here and I don’t want to keep you from what you’re doing,” she answered hastily.
“I was just heading home. I live in this neighborhood. You should come over and see the place,” he said, obviously very proud of his residence.
“That’s lovely. But I’d better pass tonight. It’s late and I have clinic early. There’s some reading I need to do before bed.” Kira made an effort to sidestep him and go out the door. She was almost past when Holt grabbed her arm. She winced, surprised by the strength of his grip. “Let go!”
“Kira, come on, at least let me give you a ride home.” His voice had a darker tone now, still quiet but more commanding.
“Holt, let me go. I told you I’m not going anywhere with you.” She was angry now. She pulled her arm but his grip was tight.
“It sounded to me like she said she didn’t want to go with you,” an assertive female voice said from behind Holt.
Behind Holt stood a very angry Zoe. Her scarlet hair looked like fire. “You can just back the fuck up and let her go.” Zoe’s voice was so commanding it took Holt by surprise. The soft melodious voice from Stark’s house was gone, replaced by a very dominating tone. Holt’s grip lessened. He seemed captivated and disarmed by Zoe’s stunning beauty and presence.
Seeing her opportunity for freedom, Kira wriggled away from Holt and toward the door. Zoe followed her out, leaving an openmouthed Holt to wonder what the hell just happened.
“Mouth-breather,” Zoe muttered at Holt as she walked away.
“Kira, can I give you a ride?” Zoe asked sweetly, her soft voice back. “I think we should talk. I would really like to explain some things.”
For a moment Kira wondered where Zoe had come from. How had she found her there? But curiosity won out over skepticism. She needed to know more about Stark and this other life he had.
“Wow!” she exclaimed as she climbed in to Zoe’s 1955 Chevy Bel-Air. “Holy shit, this is one amazing car!” Every detail of the fire-engine redand-white car was perfectly restored. Even in the dim lights of the gas station, the chrome shone like the top of the Chrysler Building. She slid into the spotless white seat. “Where did you get this?” Kira was momentarily distracted from Stark and the sordid details of the night.
“It’s Kitty’s car,” Zoe said, smiling brightly. “Well, I guess it’s mine, too. But Betty here is Kitty’s dream.”
“Kitty?” Kira said, looking confused.
“—Paige. I call her Kitty,” she said, smiling fondly. “Stark helped her completely restore Betty here from the ground up. It took them five years. Paige is very handy with a wrench,” she said coyly.
Kira shuddered. “They’ve really shared a lot,” she murmured, painfully realizing how big a part of his life Paige was.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand. It was for me at first, too. But they are family. Like best friends, I guess. It’s hard to explain. He’s not in love with her and she’s not with him. But they do love each other.” Zoe knew this wasn’t coming across the right way. She could see the distrust in Kira’s face. She tried changing tactics. “They were really into the rockabilly scene, especially the cars. They were just starting to remodel this one and went to a lot of car shows. That’s how I met them. I was a model at one of the shows. I was drawn to Paige right away. There I was, posing in my rockabilly get-up with shoes and lipstick as bright as my hair when I saw her. She looked like a perfect Asian Bettie Page, and my heart stopped. I wanted to talk to her so badly. Then I saw her fine hunk of a boyfriend. Needless to say, by the time they came over to talk with me, my legs were like Jell-O.”
“OK, I’m not sure if this is supposed to help, but picturing you all hot for the both of them is not helping me forget what he has done with both of you!” Kira blurted out.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to make you more upset; I just want you to understand. They introduced me to a lot of things, and somewhere along the line, Paige and I fell in love. What you saw—that is part of his life. It’s who he is,” Zoe finished, trying to gauge Kira’s reaction.
“Why didn’t he just tell me from the beginning that’s what he is into?” Kira asked, still fuming.
“Yeah, how was that conversation supposed to go?” Zoe asked sarcastically. Imitating Stark, she said, “‘Thanks for going to dinner with me. You look ravishing. I barely know you, but I want to take you back to my place, tie you up, spank you with a riding crop, and torment you till you scream and cry and come at the same time.’ He might as well have thrown in a non-disclosure agreement for good measure,” she said, laughing at the ludicrous idea. “He respects you and cares about you. Deeply, it seems. I’m sure that when the time was right he would have told you. Are you really proud of everything you’ve ever done? Surely there are things in your past you’ve neglected to mention,” she finished, raising her eyebrows knowingly at Kira.
Shit, does she know about my past? Kira shook the idea from her head. Zoe was just speaking figuratively. “I guess you’re right,” she said slowly. “This is a lot to take in. I don’t know if I can handle all of this.” She looked up as they approached her apartment. “It’s this one right up here.”
Zoe pulled the immaculate piece of American history up to the curb. “Thanks for the ride home,” Kira said as she climbed out.
“So you’ll talk to him?” Zoe asked hopefully.
“I don’t know. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.” Kira turned and walked into her apartment. She was tired. Bone-achingly tired. She was too emotionally worn out to worry about stalkers, or boyfriends, or rockabilly tattoo artists. She wanted—no, needed, sleep. She settled in for a much needed rest but as she drifted off, her dreams were haunted by shadowy images of dark places, forbidden pleasures, and past fears.
CHAPTER 12
Kira woke as tired as she’d been when she went to bed. A night spent tossing and turning had left her sore and confused. She couldn’t deny how she felt about Stark. He was intoxicating, but watching him have that kind of sex with someone else was too much to take. Her stomach churned at the thought. Vanilla! She could still hear Paige taunting her. Is that how he sees me? Vanilla? Hot tears stung her eyes and threatened to break free. I can’t compete with those women. They’re like kinky supermodels and I’m…I’m plain old vanilla. The tears made their escape. Kira hated herself for crying over this. It was stupid and she knew it. But she already cared about him so much. The thought of saying good-bye and walking away from him now broke her heart.
Kira was thankful to be up early. She needed a really long run to shake off her crazy night. She laced up her shoes and got bundled up for the cold. She set off to the mountain to run. The air was sharp, but the biting wind soothed the ache that gripped her. Kira ran hard, trying to drive all the hurt and anger away with each step. As she fought her way up the hill, her mind replayed the evening with Stark. When he took her in his arms and told her he couldn’t bear to let her go, she had melted. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering how he took one of her dog tags and gave her one of his. That simple act was the most tender and beautiful thing anyone had ever done for her. She knew
that was not something given lightly. In their present situation, it was the strongest commitment they would be able to make. She had felt so connected to him. She had felt that somehow it would work out all right.
Feeling shattered as she ran on and remembered walking into Starks house and seeing Paige. Seriously, who wouldn’t be furious to find your new boyfriend’s ex running around his house in her panties, watching sex tapes of the two of them! Kira’s anger boiled all over again. She didn’t care what Zoe or anyone else said. She was not OK with this situation. There had to be some boundaries and she was starting to realize that, given their lifestyle, that wasn’t something they understood. Kira struggled with her composite of emotions. She was angry and heartbroken, but a very small part of her was curious. What is it that captivated him so about tying women up? She was surprised that despite her anger, she had been turned on to see him that way. The rippling of his muscles as he had moved in the dim light, the fire that had burned in his eyes as he tortured and pleased the leather-bound Paige. Kira couldn’t help but picture herself in Paige’s place. How would it feel to be bound up? Kira quickly dismissed the idea. This was not a place she was willing to go.
She hustled back to her apartment and in for a lightning fast shower. Her morning of sordid reflection left very little time to get ready for clinic. In her haste she failed to notice the slight breeze coming through the balcony door. She rushed through her small apartment, stripping off clothes as she went. The sweet painful pleasure of the steaming water took her breath away. She relaxed and let the stream wash all the tension away.
A leather-gloved hand grasped the edge of the slightly open bathroom door. Edging it open farther, the intruder was given full view of Kira’s moment of shower bliss. The hand trailed down the door edge and disappeared around the edge. The intruder silently moved through the sparsely furnished apartment and into her study. Papers were evaluated and found wanting, her computer having been previously examined. The intruder paused momentarily to watch her wash herself and then exit the shower. Water sparkled as it dripped from her flawless body. One day she will see! And with the same silence used during the invasion of Kira’s home, the gloved hand took a single rose from the vase and laid it gently on the table. One day you will know it was always me. Only me.
Kira stepped from the shower and finished drying off. She exited the bathroom clad in her fluffy towel. Instantly the chill hit her. As she approached the living room, the stinging cold told her something was very wrong. She followed the frigid draft to the slightly billowing curtain of the balcony door and her blood ran cold. Oh God! she thought, instantly nauseous. He’s here. I know it. I am not crazy! Oh God! Her legs felt weak. With Jell-O legs, she made her way to the phone. Kira called the only person she could bear to talk to at the moment. As her shaky hand dialed the number Kira saw the single rose on the table.
Abbey’s car came screeching to a halt in front of the apartment. Kira was ready to go the second Abbey arrived. “Thanks for coming. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,” Kira said breathlessly as she climbed into Abbey’s car. On the drive to clinic, Kira began to spill her guts to the closest and dearest friend she had. Silently, she prayed that Abbey would not find her crazy.
Abbey listened intently as Kira told her about the craziness of the previous day: the woods with Stark, the dog tags, and the horrific movie. Abbey quietly took it all in. “So the Sexy Tattoo Girl and her lover still live with him?” she asked, understandably confused.
“No,” Kira said, completely dejected. “They come by to check on Mags. I guess they’re all still friends. At least that’s what they say.” The confusion in Kira’s voice spoke volumes to Abbey.
“So they are still close?” she said in a suspicious tone. Twenty-plus years as a military wife had taught her to examine all aspects of a story. Believing in coincidence was not a liberty that she was used to taking. If something happened, nine times out of ten there was a reason for it. “But this Zoe character says they are just friends now? Do you believe that?”
“I don’t know what to believe,” Kira admitted. Her heart hurt too much to make a rational decision at this point.
“So what about Paige? What does she say?” Abbey could see that Paige was a significant obstacle.
“I haven’t talked to her,” Kira said, realizing she didn’t want to face Paige. Paige represented a part of Stark’s life she couldn’t begin to understand. It also seemed that Paige was his closest friend, except maybe for that big guy, Sergeant Heisel. Kira struggled to understand how she could possibly be OK with this. She chastised herself for being too chicken to disclose to Abbey the recent craziness at her apartment and the mystery car. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was all in her head. Memories of the scrutiny of the university trials and her own embarrassment remained fresh in her mind. They were wounds that would never be healed. I’m a captain in the United States Army! she told herself, vowing to let the past go.
**
For three days Kira maintained a professional exterior despite her inner turmoil. She managed to focus solely on her work, hiding her heartbreak. Stark did not call. Now, she was as angry at his absence as she was about his past. As Day Four rolled around, Kira’s frustration hit a peak. And she had to admit that despite being mad as hell over the video, she couldn’t help her curiosity. She had been having increasingly insatiable fantasies after viewing it. If she was forced to be honest, the idea of him controlling her body was obsessing her. The act of trusting someone enough to surrender to them was completely overtaking her imagination. She made her way through her work. Yet when she closed her eyes, she could smell him. Kira was jolted from her salacious thoughts by a ruckus in the hallway.
“You absolutely cannot go in there!” Abbey’s sharp tone rang out.
“I need to see Captain Riley right now.” Paige’s voice was equally fierce.
Knowing the two women were more likely to tear into each other rather than back down, Kira hustled out to prevent the office from turning into a MMA exhibition. “Hey, what’s going on out here?” Despite her shock at seeing Paige in her office, Kira maintained a cool and professional tone.
“This tag chaser insists on being let in to see you, Captain,” Abbey replied. Disapproval dripped from her every word and her scowl matched her tone. Abbey stood with her arms crossed, ready to hold her position. The stoutness of her determination reminded Kira of a bulldog preparing to attack. Paige looked equally determined. Her long black hair was done up tightly in some kind of bun. The combination of eyeliner and her glowering expression made her almond eyes appear menacing. Kira stifled a giggle.
“It’s OK, it’s OK. Look, this is not a good place for us to talk. It’s lunchtime anyway. Let’s go for a walk.”
“I’m no tag chaser but I’m no grunt either,” Paige said. “Marching around all over this base in the blistering cold is not going to happen in these shoes. We’ll take my car.” Paige turned on her Jimmy Choo heels without looking back to see if Kira was following her. “Let’s go, Vanilla,” she called over her shoulder.
Abbey started to take a step toward Paige, her hand in a tightly drawn fist. “Whoa there, Abbey,” Kira said, quickly stopping her friend. “While I may not like her, I have to know what she wants. I haven’t talked to Stark in four days and it’s killing me. I need to know.”
Kira grabbed her coat and followed Paige to her car. Kira was secretly glad to get to ride in that car again. In the bright daylight it was even more stunning. The sun reflected brightly off the candy-apple red and stark white paint. The chrome was flawless. Kira could see just how much work they had put into the car. Then it hit her that it was the product of hours and hours of work shared by Paige and Stark. She slumped into the perfect pearl white leather seat. Before her mind could wander, imagining Stark and Paige together, she blurted, “What do you want, Paige? Why are you here?”
“You know very well why I’m here, you catty vanilla bitch!” Paige retorted as she sped out of t
he parking lot.
“Excuse me? You don’t get to talk to me like this. I’m not one of the submissive cocks you boss around. Either tell me what you came to say, or stop the car and let me out.” Kira’s voice was heated.
“Let me start over,” Paige tried again in a calmer tone. “I don’t know what you think you are doing with Owen, but whatever it is, you need to get it figured out before he leaves. He can’t go out on deployment with his head all wrapped up in this shit or he’s going to get killed. He needs to know one way or the other what you want.”
Deployed? What the hell is she talking about? Panic set in. “What do you mean, deployed? When is he leaving?” Kira asked, suddenly feeling as if all the air had been sucked out of the car.
“Didn’t he tell you? He’s leaving in less than a week! He was probably going to tell you the other night after he found out, but you went all batshit crazy and left.” Paige’s voice was sharp and angry. “So you really didn’t know he was leaving?”
He’s leaving…Oh God, he’s really leaving. She felt sick.
“Did he send you here to talk to me?” Kira asked, suddenly disgusted.
“Hell no! If he knew I was here he would shit a brick! I love Owen, just not in the same way you do. We’ve shared a lot of things, experienced a lot together, but now we’re just friends. But I do love him and I don’t want to see him hurt or killed because you’ve got him so messed up in the head that he can’t focus. You’re an officer, for God’s sake. Aren’t you supposed to know better?” Paige’s voice went up an octave as her frustration grew.
“I don’t want him to be hurt either,” Kira countered. “And I can see that you love him. But I don’t for an instant understand what it is you two had or have. Seeing the two of you like that…” Her voice trailed off. Kira’s emotions were a stormy mix of hurt and anger as she struggled to finish her sentence. “He’s not who I thought he was. If that’s what he wants, I don’t know that I can give that to him. And you, you’re there in his house in your freaking underwear. I’m not OK with that. I will never be OK with that.”
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