Being around him, sharing his air, sharing this space, recreating the vibe that had truly came back stronger than ever without acting on the impulses that came along with that vibe.
Gabriel was being a complete professional, keeping his head down and his attention focused on the music we had been creating for the past week. And while I should’ve appreciated that he had been able to push our short history to the side for the sake of business, I was annoyed that he didn’t seem as fazed by my presence as I was by his. I was annoyed that he could be so professional while it took all my strength for me to keep my hands to myself. I was annoyed that he no longer seemed… attracted to me, even though my heart could barely beat a normal tempo around him.
I suppose it was my fault considering that was the tone I had purposely set from the beginning by sending his contract in the mail. But now that even more time had passed, now that I no longer cared about his involvement with his crazy ex-girlfriend, now that it was clear to me that his feelings for me had always been legit, I just wanted things to be normal again.
I wanted my friend back.
He was face deep in the control surface, his face pulled tight as he studied the baseline of the latest arrangement he had just put together, one with a lot of bass but a slow tempo, making it incredibly sexy. And while I was already giddy just thinking about putting my vocals over it, I also couldn’t wait to perform to it, to put together concert production for it, to dance to it.
Since only one of those was possible without lyrics, I did just that, climbing out of my chair and dancing around in the open space behind us. I was all grinds and slow whines as if Amerie had already taught me the choreography, using my reflection from the window of the booth to watch myself. But apparently I wasn’t the only one as Gabe pulled his head up, tossing over his shoulder, “Yo, Zalayah. I need you to settle down for me so I can focus.”
I didn’t stop dancing, rolling my hips as I replied, “Nigga, I’m behind you. Mind your business and you’ll be able to focus.”
To my surprise, he actually chuckled at my teasing, shaking his head as he said, “You know good and damn well your reflection is coming through the window. So chill out, little mama.”
While I should’ve taken his word and let him keep his attention on his work, I made an impulsive decision to spin his chair around, holding onto the armrests for support as I brushed my ass against his thighs and insisted, “Or you can just... focus on me.”
I couldn’t see his eyes since my back was towards him, but I could still feel them on me when he let out another chuckle. “Rose, quit playin’. We don’t have time for this.”
“Oh, so I get to be Rose again when I’m shaking my ass on you?” I tossed over my shoulder, not even needing an answer since it wouldn’t matter. This was what I wanted to do, this was how I felt, this was where I wanted to be, this was what I… needed.
And the answer he gave really didn’t even apply anyway when he said, “I didn’t ask for all that.”
“You didn’t have to. But for the record, it’s on the house,” I told him, turning around to straddle his lap as I started freestyling lyrics that I hoped I’d actually be able to remember later. But they flowed so effortlessly, so easily, so… realistically as I watched Gabriel’s reaction to me; as I felt Gabriel’s reaction to me.
“With your hands all on my body, boy I can’t even think. I want you hard, I want you fast, over the edge of the sink. Take me here, take me there, ooh baby I want it all. You got me screaming, yelling, scratching with my ass on the wall. Keep me here or flip me ‘round, baby it’s your decision. Spread my legs, make it wet, eat me good in this kitchen...”
“Well damn. That’s how you doin’ it?” he asked, his lips twisted into the sexy smirk that I missed.
And as I continued to grind against his lap, I answered, “No, that’s how you’re going to do it.”
He shook his head, closing his eyes the second my lips went to his neck. But his groans didn’t match his words when he said, “Zalayah, stop.”
“Do you mean it?” I asked right against his ear, pulling it between my teeth and giving it a tug.
“I do. I mean, I should,” he answered as he took two greedy handfuls of my ass, once again contradicting his words.
Since he seemed to be so back and forth, I pulled away, bringing my face in front of his to ask, “But…”
He took a moment to study me, his eyes tight and his lips just slightly parted before he finally answered, “But you’re so damn sexy.”
His response practically lit a fire under me as I immediately yanked the t-shirt I was wearing over my head, tossing it to the side as I confessed, “I missed you.”
“You left me,” he countered, his mouth going straight to my breasts as he landed urgent kisses against my cleavage.
“You were with her,” I reminded him, wrapping my arms around his neck to push him even deeper.
But he pulled away just enough to meet my eyes when he corrected, “I wasn’t with her. You assumed. Didn’t wanna hear me out.”
My gut told me he was telling the truth. But even if he wasn’t, it was too late to pretend to care now, especially since, “I’m better than her anyway.”
“It was never a competition,” he replied right against my chest, punctuating each of his words with a kiss.
While I was barely keeping it together, I still found the strength to clarify, “Well if it was, I’d win.”
Something about my words made him go still as he peeked up at me once again, this time his face completely serious. “I’d never make you compete for my attention, Rose. If I’m giving it, you’re getting it all. I don’t play that halfway shit.”
Somehow his response made my heart bloom, my panties wetter, and my lips turn into a sly grin all at once. “I like the sound of that, Gabe. Even though you did make me feel stupid that day.”
“Maybe you are a little bit,” he replied with a grin of his own as he leaned in for a kiss that I dodged.
“Nigga…”
His laugh vibrated from his chest to mine. “I’m just fuckin’ with you, Rose. You’re not stupid. But it was a little silly for you to think that I’d be using you when I didn’t wanna do this shit in the first place. Hell, if anything, you’re using me,” he said, giving my ass an extra squeeze and bringing my mind back to why we were in this position in the first place.
And since I didn’t want it to be the only position, I smirked when I wrapped my arms a little tighter around his neck and said, “Well let me use you, Gabe. Can I… use you?”
He didn’t answer with words, only gave me that sexy ass smirk as he leaned in to meet his lips with mine, his kisses soft and sweet as if he was trying to savor each one. And while it felt incredible to be handled so gently by someone so strong, I wasn’t interested in that this go-round.
I wanted it rough, hard, fast.
I wanted to mark him up and be marked up.
I wanted it exactly how I had sung about.
So instead of letting him set the pace, I started a new one, increasing the intensity of our kisses until he finally joined in. And once he did, it was as if I had awakened a whole new beast, his thick fingers digging into my skin as he sucked and nibbled on my bottom lip, setting my whole world on fire. He held me around the waist with one arm as he stood up from the chair, setting me on top of the control surface so that he could remove his jeans and underwear while I did the same. But mine were barely off my ankle by the time he was dragging me to the edge and gliding inside of me with one swift stroke.
“Gotdamn. You feel so good,” he hissed, his strokes hard and steady as he tossed one of my legs over his shoulder, making him go even deeper. And I could hardly breathe, let alone think long enough to do anything but scream, the switches and knobs digging into my back only adding to the pleasurable pain.
But we didn’t stay there long as he brought me back down to my feet, flipping me around and wrapping his arms around my waist to bend me over just slightly before he took me from b
ehind. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he slipped a hand between my legs to play with my clit while he drove deeper inside of me, my knees feeling weaker and weaker the longer he went. But I knew I had to stand strong if I wanted to feel this forever, so I tightened my grip on the edge of the control surface, throwing it back to meet each of his strokes with one of my own.
“Shit, Rose. You better quit,” he advised, though I knew he meant the exact opposite.
So I did the exact opposite, covering his hand with my own as I guided it to the perfect spot, causing my eyes to roll to the back of my head as he groaned, “You’re about to fuck around and make me cum.”
“Don’t. Not… not yet,” I stammered, feeling myself on the verge of my own release. And somehow we ended up going in sync, his guttural roars clashing with my screams of pleasure as I felt the warmth of his seed splash against my ass when he pulled out reminding me that we hadn’t used a condom.
But I barely got a chance to process that lapse in judgment when Gabriel announced, “I’m pretty sure you fucked up the beat, Rose. I hadn’t saved the file yet.”
My eyes flashed down to the control surface as I immediately noticed the way all the switches were in different places than they had been originally, meaning not only had the volume levels been disrupted, but lots of instruments could’ve been either added or subtracted. And while that could’ve easily been considered a crisis as far as this particular track was concerned, I was way too high from the moment to be fazed.
“Was it worth it?” I asked, finally turning around to see his face that was relaxed in a way I had never seen before.
And I couldn’t help but smirk when I thought, “I did that”, while he answered, “That’s yet to be determined.”
Instead of challenging him on that, I made my way to the studio bathroom nearby to clean up, admiring my own relaxed face in the mirror as I asked, “So… are we cool now?”
“Was that what that was all about? So we’d be cool again?” he asked once he joined me, grabbing a handful of paper towels to wipe himself clean while I did the same.
“I mean, I really just wanted some dick, but I think it worked as a great two-for-one,” I joked while he cleaned off the spots of my ass that I must’ve missed, though my response made him peek at me through the mirror almost instantly.
His eyebrow was piqued, but his grin was full blown when he asked, “When’d you get so witty?”
“When I realized how much it makes you smile. And I love it when you smile like that,” I answered through the mirror, making his smile grow even wider as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.
With his dick pressed into my back, he landed a kiss against the crook of my neck that almost had me ready to start things from the top when he added, “And I love it when you sing about freaky shit. So can a nigga get a cameo in the video or what?”
His interest alone made me laugh as I shook my head, turning my head to meet his lips for a kiss before I answered, “You can get whatever you want, Gabe. Right after we get this beat back.”
“Well let’s get to it then. And this time, keep your hands to yourself.”
&
“First and foremost, how’s the new album coming?”
I tried my best to keep my pleasant smile intact, knowing this particular journalist wouldn’t shy away from including details of my body language in the write-up interview he was doing on me when I gushed, “It’s coming along great. I hope to have an official release date for you all in the next couple weeks.”
Truth be told, the album was going better than great. Gabriel and I had been working around the clock - well, around his clock since he still worked his regular job during the day - to get it done, our recording sessions as of late including just as much touching and teasing as actual music. But it was the balance that kept us sharp, kept us at our best, and provided me the exact material I needed to keep the lyrics flowing. The lyrics that already had people taking according to the latest question from the interviewer.
“Now we hear you’re taking a new direction with this particular body of work. Were the two songs leaked on SoundCloud a teaser for what’s to come?”
Once again, I sold the body language, acting as if I was really sad about the music no one besides Gabriel and Kelly knew I had released on my own when I answered, “It was truly… unfortunate that the songs were leaked before I got a chance to debut them to the world myself. But I can confirm that yes, they are definitely a teaser for what’s to come.”
“Are they also a little clue as to what’s been going on with your love life? Maybe tapping into what Liam has talked about in the past…”
“Don’t answer that,” Caleb snapped nearby, reminding me that he was even there.
He had definitely been holding up his end of the bargain, doing an incredible job balancing both my and G. Griffey’s careers. Hell, even my own mother had to compliment him on his skills, though I knew part of that could be attributed to how much she was enjoying her free time. But I also knew my mother probably would’ve snapped at the journalist the same way Caleb had, even as he gave an innocent shrug of his shoulders when he started, “It’s just a…”
“Zalayah, don’t answer that,” Caleb repeated, this time a little more sternly.
But I brushed him off, holding my smile as I told him, “It’s fine, Caleb.” Before turning my attention back to the journalist to answer, “I don’t think it was appropriate for Liam to speak on any parts of our relationship, so I’m not going to do the same. But I can say with confidence that the woman you’ll hear on this album is grown as hell meaning she is free to sing about things that grown-ups do.”
“A huge part of your usual demographic is teenage girls. Are you at all worried that you may be encouraging them to have sex before they’re ready through your music?” the journalist asked, almost causing me to lose my cool since… what the fuck.
And I could tell Caleb was fed up once again as he prepared to interject before I answered, “Not at all. If someone views me as their role model, I’m honored. And I do believe there are things about me, about my career, that even the youngest of girls can look up to. But I’m also not anyone’s parent. So it’s not up to me to supplement the sexual education they should be getting at school and at home.”
“Well as a role model, are you prepared to take on any new initiatives promoting healthy sex practices? Maybe involving yourself in different organizations tackling teen pregnancy rates, or even throwing your support behind a place like Planned Parenthood?”
“Not at this time,” Caleb answered for me, though the journalist still looked at me for confirmation.
While the easy thing to do would’ve been to move on from the question now that Caleb had provided a leeway, I couldn’t help but answer, “I was a Planned Parenthood baby. They’ll always have my support.”
The journalist’s eyebrow piqued when he clarified, “A Planned Parenthood baby, as in your mother went there prepared to abort her pregnancy?”
I released a heavy sigh, realizing I had talked myself far too deep into the topic to back out now. So instead, I chose my words carefully while also being as transparent as possible when I explained, “My mother was sixteen when she got pregnant with me. Planned Parenthood gave her options, resources, and support that she wouldn’t have otherwise had. Was abortion an option? Sure. But that’s only a small percentage of what they do, and it’s unfortunate that more people don’t take the time to learn that; don’t take the time to understand that even “superstars” like me have benefitted from their services.”
The journalist nodded, his face pulled into a grin as if he had struck gold with that answer. And after asking a few more quick-fire, this-or-that style questions, we called it good, Caleb taking the time afterwards to discuss the business-related things as I distracted myself with my phone, somehow ending up on Instagram.
While I enjoyed catching up with the people I actually followed on my timeline, I was alway
s drawn to the Explore page which allowed me to see a larger variety of pictures I wouldn’t otherwise see. But the last person I expected to see as I scrolled through the pictures that were supposed to be random was the familiar face of Gabe who prided himself on being more of a scroller than someone who posted the same selfie day after day.
The picture wasn’t posted to his account according to the screenname. And once I clicked the profile, I was hardly surprised to find who it belonged to; the same person who had been listing Gabe as her Man Crush Monday for weeks now, along with an assortment of Throwback Thursday pictures of them as a couple.
I would’ve been lying if I didn’t admit they had been an attractive pair once upon a time. But the more I looked through the pictures that Shy had posted of herself, the more I wondered what it was that had attracted Gabriel to her in the first place, every single caption talking about all the haters she had and bragging about the designer brands she wore that supposedly no one else could afford. Things that weren’t anything more than a drop in the bucket for me, though you’d never see me bragging about it on the internet.
While Shy was gorgeous on the outside, something about her energy, her spirit - even through pictures - said otherwise, making me surprised that it had only been her cheating that made Gabriel break up with her. Or maybe that hadn’t been the only reason. Maybe he thought he could change her - fix her -, tolerate her long enough for her to see the light. Or maybe I was just giving him too much credit. Either way, I knew I wasn’t going to skip out on an opportunity to tease him as I screenshotted the picture before pairing it with a text.
“Man Crush Monday for the fifth week in a row, huh? How lucky.” - Rose
“Yo. WTF. I blocked her, so I didn’t even see that.” - Gabe
I shook my head at his response, ready to clarify that I wasn’t upset about the picture when Caleb interrupted my thoughts once he approached me. “They want to put you on the cover.”
“Seriously?” I asked, peeking up from my phone as I watched him plop down in the chair opposite of mine, his expression making me nervous since it wasn’t as ecstatic as the news should’ve made him. But his extended silence made me realize, “There’s a catch, isn’t there?”
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