“Great. I’ll be back in a few minutes with refills.” Tess rushed behind the counter again and stood waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.
“Hey.” Derek leaned against the counter. “What’s going on with you?”
Tess watched the coffee slowly dripping into the carafe, wishing it would go faster. “What do you mean?”
“Justin was in here yesterday asking about you.”
Tess glared. “Yeah? Well, I’m pretty sure he stole my motorcycle so if he told you anything, maybe you could help me out by telling the police.”
Derek laughed and shook his head. “And admit I talk to that guy? No way. I don’t want to lose my job. My dad would kill me!”
Tess laughed. “Sure. But you party with him…” She reached for the pot but Derek stopped her cold.
“Listen, he’s…” he paused, looking around before he turned back to Tess. “He really is bad news. I don’t trust him. You watch yourself.”
A warning from Derek was strange since he wasn’t exactly a pillar of the community himself. Tess smiled, appreciating his effort. “Thanks. I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” She grabbed the coffee and went back to work, grateful to be busy.
A short time later, Tess hustled home, changed clothes and went to Pine View for an afternoon and evening full of whatever Ashley-Marie wanted of her. As she drove toward her second job, her cell phone rang. “Hello?” She pulled neatly into a parking space and set the brake.
“Tornado?”
As usual, Tess’s stomach flopped and her cheeks flushed. She cringed in response to her traitorous body. “Hey…you home?”
“Walking through the airport.”
“And you’re calling me already?”
“I’m a sucker, what can I say?” Josh asked with a laugh.
“Well make it fast, sucker. I need to go—I’m sitting in the parking lot at Pine View now. I start work in five minutes.”
“Any word on the bike?”
One of the staff members was helping Mr. Bowman, an eighty-three-year-old former professional athlete turned physical education teacher, into his daughter’s car for their weekly trip to the mall.
Tess smiled. Even though she worked on her resume already and made plans to get more copies printed and sent out that evening, she was beginning to realize she actually would miss the people she served at Pine View. “No. I doubt I’ll hear anything. Justin won’t be found until he wants to be. And my bike is pretty easy to hide.”
“Well, call me if anything changes.”
“I will.”
“Um, I actually called because I…hold on a sec.” There was some jostling and Josh talked to someone else before breathing heavily into the phone. “Sorry. I was getting my car…” He paused. “Anyway, I called because the board gave the go-ahead on hiring me. I can start as soon as I get things settled here.”
Tess’s stomach clenched. She forced a smile and hoped it carried into her voice when she said, “Wow. That fast? That’s great.”
Josh laughed. “You’re not very convincing.”
“Really? I tried so hard.”
He laughed again. “Keep working at it and maybe you’ll improve. Hey, I was thinking about everything, and our ‘deal’. I don’t want to hide with you. I’m sorry I ever said that, Tess. It’s insulting. I don’t feel that way. The only way I want us to be together is out in the open. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t.”
Tess’s mouth went dry as she tried to respond.
“But I don’t want to make this hard for you or bully you into something you don’t want.” Josh’s voice trailed off but he didn’t need to finish the sentence.
Tess understood that he now had time to think things through without her presence clouding his decision. He’d witnessed the way the town treated her, and their opinion of Tess Carson was clear despite their claims to be a ‘church-going community’. That she expected it would be coming didn’t lessen the pain. And of course, Tess was also aware that it was her chance to escape before she got hurt.
Images of Josh as a kid, leaning against the doorway at the front of her house as he waited for Brody to get ready to go to a game—or when he was older, the way he would try to act as if he didn’t enjoy her attention—and again when he was leaning over helping her hold up the framing for the walls in the youth center. It all crashed together and made her dizzy. Tess loved him and she always would. She released a deep breath and said the last thing she wanted to. “I want the best for you, Jed.”
Josh was silent for so long that Tess wondered if he’d hung up. Finally, he whispered, “You know I don’t agree with this? And neither do my dimples.”
Tess nodded though he couldn’t see her. Tears filled her eyes. “Yeah.” She wondered if there was any way to make it easier. “It’s not about you. This isn’t your fault.”
“That doesn’t make it yours either,” Josh paused. “I just hope that one day you’ll forgive yourself, Tornado. And stop caring so much what everyone else is thinking.” He cleared his throat. “They shouldn’t get a vote in how you live.”
Tess shrugged, with a quick glance at the clock. “I need to go.”
Josh groaned. “We need more time for this conversation.”
“I don’t think we do. Goodbye, Josh. And congratulations.” Tess sighed. “I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked.
“Me, too. So, I’ll call you later?” He paused and gave an uncomfortable laugh. “Or…maybe I shouldn’t?”
“Yeah.”
“Tornado…?”
“Yeah?”
“I…” the silence dragged on for a long moment.
Tess tried to imagine what more he wanted to say.
Finally, he sighed. “Never mind.”
“OK. Bye, Jed,” Tess whispered.
The relationship was over before it began.
~*~
Tess spent the next week and a half printing resumes and sending them. She omitted this fact, and nearly everything else about her personal life, from any conversation with Uncle Stu, until one day he said, “I heard Josh got the job at the church—surprised you didn’t tell me.”
They were eating dinner at one of their favorite Mexican places after having hardly talked to one another for several days. Tess took a drink of water to avoid answering him. Finally, she said, “Yeah. He called.”
Stu grunted. “I expected a billboard.”
Tess wished they could talk about anything else. Josh was always on her mind and she was ready to move on. If only she could. “I…we decided it was for the best if we stay friends. I…” She squirmed in her seat. “I’ve been sending out resumes.”
Stu opened his mouth.
Tess quickly raised a hand to stop him. “I paid mom and dad, Brody is nearly done, and I’m so close to being done with Harrison I can taste it. I’m not staying forever. I can’t. I won’t.”
Stu put down his fork and dug into his pocket. A moment later he came up with a box he laid on the table. “Open it. I want your opinion.”
Tess opened the box and found a diamond ring inside. She gasped. “No.”
He smiled and nodded. “I’m asking her next weekend,” he said. “I figured we’re already sure, so why wait?”
Tess stared at the beautiful ring, closed the box, and handed it back to him. She smiled, hating that life insisted on changing in ways she couldn’t control. “Right. Why not?”
“So, why not with you and Josh?” He stuffed the ring back into his pocket.
Her stomach twisted with envy that was overpowering and unfair. Stu waited a long time, and she didn’t begrudge him happiness. And yet she’d been through so much she wondered if it would ever be her turn.
“He called me the other day,” Stu said. “Asked if I could give him a job doing construction. Said he was thinking the pastor thing might not be for him.”
Tess shoved her plate away, nauseated that Josh would consider giving up his career to be with her. She tried for several long moments to calm her racing m
ind.
“I told him that wasn’t the answer.” He shrugged as he went back to eating. “He already knew that. I guess he was grasping at anything that might give you a different perspective and maybe trust him.”
“I…trust him. It’s everyone else…” Tess took a drink and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Stu sighed. “Fine. How’s work? How’s your grandma?”
“Losing stuff, getting frustrated,” Tess said quietly, her mind still on Josh. “It’s hard enough to watch when it’s someone you’re working with, but it’s really painful when it’s your own grandmother. I’m glad I can be there to take care of her.”
“But you’re willing to leave.”
“Don’t do the guilt trip,” Tess said with a moan.
Stu shrugged. “Your parents won’t be happy.”
“When are they ever happy with me?” Tess muttered, her appetite gone. She sat back in her seat and regarded her uncle. He was the same man he’d always been, only now he radiated a happiness Tess never noticed was missing. “How will you propose?”
Stu wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I figured I’d give her the ring and ask her. No need to muck it up with a bunch of stupid frills.”
“Ugh! No! Really?” Tess shook her head. “She will be so disappointed! I mean she’s what? Almost fifty and hasn’t ever been married? Do you really think that a simple ‘Hey.’” She paused, grunting like a man as she lowered her voice. “‘Why don’t we get married?’ will really be enough? Any woman on earth would want more.”
Stu looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. “Really? And what do you suggest?”
“Something more than that.”
“Do tell.”
“Well…” Tess sighed. “It needs to be special. It’s the start of your life together. Of your commitment to each other. Throwing a ring at her will be a huge disappointment. Even if it is one monster ring.”
“All right. I’ll think about that.”
Tess forced a smile. “You’d better. She’s a special lady.”
Stu held his niece’s gaze for a long moment before he said, “So are you, Tess. Josh believes it. It’s time you do too.”
But Tess could only turn away with a sigh, wondering if she’d gotten any calls about her resumes. If Uncle Stu didn’t need her anymore, there was even less reason to stay.
~*~
“Well, I didn’t think you were coming by today.”
Tess stepped into Gram’s apartment and peeked around, distraught that the place was out of sorts and not in the usual pristine condition she was accustomed to finding it.
Gram turned to Tess and waved her hands frantically. “I never got any candy for the trick-or-treaters,” she complained. “Did you bring some, Karen?”
Tess shook her head. “No. I…forgot.”
Gram came closer and put a hand on her cheek. “Honestly, what did you do to your hair?”
As usual, Tess yanked her hair into a messy bun, giving little care for how she appeared. It was a distinct difference from her mother’s always-polished appearance. Besides, her mother’s hair was blonde. “Oh, I didn’t take the time to fix it today,” Tess muttered as she looked around. “Um, Gram?”
Vi’s empty blue eyes tore at Tess’s soul.
“What’s going on here?” Tess asked. “Did you lose something?”
“Hmm?” Vi smiled and suddenly she was back in the room. “Oh, goodness, Tess, when did you get here?”
Tess smiled at her grandmother and helped her sit. “Right now. Why’s it so messy?” she asked as she started to pick up and put away the clothes strewn about the floor.
Gram watched her for a moment, confused.
Tess bit her lip against the tears coming on. She could not cry in front of her grandmother. She would be strong.
“I was trying to find something,” Gram put one hand to her silver hair. “I…” she gave a weak laugh. “Only I’m not sure what.”
Tess worked on cleaning the room. “Well, I forget things a lot of the time too, Gram.”
Gram didn’t respond.
Tess glanced in her direction. Her heart dropped at the expression on her grandmother’s face.
She was frightened.
Tess dropped a sweater on the bed and went to sit with her. “Hey.” She took Gram’s hands in her own and smiled. “I’m here and…Mom and Dad and Brody and Stell…we won’t let you forget.” Tess kissed her grandmother’s cheek and smiled. “I love you, Gram.” She continued holding her hands as she sat back, thinking. “How about I bring my softball scrapbooks over? We could go through them and laugh at all of your crazy hairstyles over the years.”
“Humph.” Gram straightened with a smile. “I was the height of fashion. Still am.”
“Of course.”
Vi met Tess’s eyes. “Honey. I worry about you. I don’t want you to be alone.”
Tess patted her grandmother’s hand and tried to put on a brave smile. “I’m not alone, Gram.”
Gram smiled and nodded. “Maybe. But you are putting a wall around yourself no one will bother trying to get over if you don’t knock it down.” She smiled. “That nice pastor you told me about deserves a chance. Oh…that Thorne boy.” Her eyes twinkled again. “I always liked him.”
Tess laughed. “You and me both.”
“Well, I want you to give him a call. And definitely make sure he stops by to say hello.” Gram stood, suddenly back to herself again. “Come on, Gretchen said there would be hot chocolate and cookies in the lobby today.”
Tess smiled and stood. “All right, Gram. Let’s go.”
23
I will praise thee, O Lord, with my whole heart;
I will shew forth all thy marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name,
O thou most High.
Psalm 9:1-2
Weeks later Josh arrived back in Maple Ridge, half-afraid of calling Tess even if she’d consumed him completely since their last conversation. He’d started and deleted more texts than he could recall in that time, but he refused to change her ringtone, hoping to hear it again when she changed her mind.
If she did.
And although Josh already told her he’d been offered the job, he struggled with how or if he should tell her of his impending arrival. The longer he withheld, the harder it became to say anything. So, he chickened out. He told his parents, his sister, and his mom’s elderly Aunt Millie, with whom he’d be staying until he could find a permanent place. She’d offered her tiny basement while he searched for an apartment. After Josh unloaded some things at Aunt Millie’s, he headed to Dave’s for dinner.
“Well, how was the trip?” Dave’s wife, Alison, asked as she refilled his coffee cup. She was now six and a half months pregnant and sat heavily in the chair next to her husband.
Josh took a sip of coffee and smiled. “It was great. No problems at all.”
Dave raised an eyebrow. “And everything’s good here? No run-ins with Harrison Flynn, our resident critic?”
Josh laughed and shook his head. “Haven’t seen him yet, but Aunt Millie did say he stopped by to check if I was around, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I get the packet of information on who would be appropriate for me to date, where I’m allowed to eat, when I can speak on which subjects…”
Dave laughed and gestured to him with his coffee cup. “You think you’re kidding, but there’s a lot of truth in that statement.”
Josh groaned.
“Be nice,” Alison said with a kind smile. “He means well, I think.”
“My wife, ever the diplomat,” Dave said, grinning.
“Oh…” Alison shook her head. “I would be careful. At least starting out. For some reason people listen to him, even if I’m not sure why. I guess he can be convincing.”
Josh nodded as he sipped his coffee. “I would assume the pastoral staff was on board with hiring me, right? There isn’t any dissention there?”
Dave shook his head. “None that I’m aware of. Everyone was thrilled with your sermon—not to mention your education and missionary history. I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.”
Josh’s chest tightened. “So you…” He wasn’t even sure he could say it. “I should keep my nose clean and getting involved with Tess is out of the question.”
Dave set his coffee cup aside as he exchanged a glance with Alison.
She rose from the table and went into the kitchen without a word.
Josh wondered if he’d said something wrong.
“Sorry…” Dave said after a long pause. “But I think Tess is the kind of person you want to lead to Christ, but when they finally commit, after all that’s happened, you wonder if it’s real or only a matter of time.” He met Josh’s eyes. “I guess that sounds awful. I’m only giving you my honest opinion.”
“I was close with her and her brother growing up. When she came down a few months ago on a mission trip, I didn’t know about her history. All I saw was a girl in love with God who was funny and comfortable for me to be around. Maybe I got nostalgic…” He shook his head. “It wouldn’t still be on my mind all the time if that’s all it was though—would it?” He sighed. “I’ve never been in love, I guess, so it’s all so hard to understand.”
Dave took a sip of coffee before answering. “The church isn’t interested in supervising your romantic life. I mean, I’m not anyway.”
Alison entered the room with a tray of cookies. She set it on the table and refilled their mugs. “I’ve talked to Tess a few times. When she first started coming to church with her uncle. She was scared of everyone and she never really even talked to me for a while.
“I used to see her outside the pharmacy smoking, or in town causing trouble, hanging out with all the, well, people you don’t want dating your daughter…I guess she remembered that too and seeing me at church was a little embarrassing for her.” Alison’s smile was genuine. “I can’t find a reason to pay attention to any of it. Let your personal life be yours. You aren’t doing anything wrong or inappropriate being interested in Tess or anyone else.”
“I don’t think she’ll be convinced. I mean, I think we called it all off,” Josh said. “And even if I could change things between us, there’s the congregation to consider.”
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