“I’m not sure how I’d handle it if he hurt you,” Josh whispered, still holding her hand. He leaned forward and kissed her again.
Tess was glad she was sitting down.
“I tease you about marrying me, but I mean it. Someday, I hope you’ll be my wife,” he concluded seriously. “I’ll protect you. Forever.”
Tess swallowed hard. “Josh…”
Josh shook his head. “I’m only asking that you understand where this is heading. I can’t turn it back now. Not after all the time we spend together, and what I know to be true about you.”
Tess nodded slowly, her head swimming. “Oh. Right. Sure.”
“Good. So lock that door. Did you finish today’s chapter?”
Tess was grateful he changed the subject to the safety of the Bible study they’d been working on together. “Yep. I think this was the best one yet. What did you think?”
Josh groaned. “I hated it. The theology is good, but the writing is terrible!”
Tess laughed. She really would marry him. If she could learn to believe in miracles.
~*~
“I’m not sure…” Marlene turned to one side followed by the other as she peered into the full-length mirror.
It was only the third dress but already Tess was bored. Planning a wedding was akin to torture. How Stell did it every day was beyond Tess. Looking at dresses made her want to poke out her eyes.
Stell gave Tess a gentle nudge and stood as she smiled at Marlene.
“I like the last one better. It flattered your figure and really accented your eyes,” she said.
Tess tried not to groan, wondering why she couldn’t be more ‘girly’ and enjoy this sort of thing. But her mind was stuck on the numerous phone interviews she’d been having day after day since hospitals began receiving her resume. The job offers were beginning to come in, some from as far away as Colorado and Arizona.
And Josh and Stu still had no idea.
“Tess?” Marlene appeared concerned as she tried to catch her eye. “What do you think?”
Tess shrugged. “I think you should listen to Stell, she’s the expert. I’m not exactly into weddings.”
Marlene laughed. “Bet you will be soon enough if that pastor has anything to say about it. We went to talk to him about our ceremony and he sure talked about you a lot.”
Stell grinned.
Tess rolled her eyes. “I’ll elope if I ever get married. I’m not wearing some goofy dress and veil. No offense.”
Marlene pulled the dress out and let it flutter back down as she watched in the mirror. “Stu won’t hear of you eloping.”
Tess laughed and stood, fussing with the train on the dress to avoid the women’s scrutiny. “I don’t like this one,” she said. “Wait…did you say Josh was doing the ceremony?”
“Of course, he is…get the top button, would you?” Marlene held her hair to the side as she waited for Tess to do as she’d asked. “We set the date…and we’ve been very happy at the church, so we figured we should do the service there and join officially.”
Tess helped Marlene get back into the dressing room and closed the door.
“Here.” The dress came flying over the top of the door.
Tess caught it.
Stell took it from her and began putting it back on the hanger. “You should try the first one again…unless you want to go to the other dress shop,” Stell said.
“I’ll try the other one again,” Marlene said. “How about lunch? My treat!”
“That sounds good,” Tess said. She’d managed to get the day off from both Pine View and the diner and she was hoping to stay busy all day. Going home to find Josh waiting for her was too much to think about. But going home to him was exactly what she wanted to do—especially since she hadn’t yet told him about the job offers. After their conversation days before about the direction of their relationship, she was certain he wouldn’t be receptive to her moving away when he’d only just gotten settled again in Maple Ridge.
“Hey. Your phone’s ringing,” Stell said, holding Tess’s purse out to her.
Tess grabbed it and was surprised when the screen revealed it was Stu who was calling. “No, you can’t steal your girlfriend,” Tess said, not bothering with a kinder greeting.
“You need to get to the hospital, Mouthy. Now.”
Tess’s stomach dropped. “What? Why?” Images of Gram falling and getting hurt—or worse—flashed through Tess’s mind.
Stu cleared his throat. “Josh got beat up pretty bad,” he said. “Brody’s with us. He found him.”
Tess tried to speak. “What? I mean…I’ll be right over,” she said. She hung up and tossed the phone into her purse.
“Hey…what’s going on?” Stell asked as the dressing room door opened and Marlene stepped out.
Tess blurted, “Josh is hurt. I’m going to the hospital.” She ran out of the bridal boutique, intent on finding out what happened, the guilt of her past weighing heavy. The consequences would never leave her.
~*~
Josh lay in the hospital bed listening to the continuous beeping of the machines and hallway bustle around him, wondering how he’d managed to get into such a stupid predicament. He’d been sure Stu was right and that paying Justin wasn’t a good decision, but since he hadn’t heard from the drug-dealer, he was also unsure whether there was any merit to the deal or if he could dodge it.
So, as he’d left for a quick game of basketball with Brody that morning, he wasn’t thinking at all about Justin or the money that wasn’t in his account. He was thinking about his friend and a good game of basketball.
When he got to the basketball court, Josh wasn’t surprised he’d arrived ahead of Brody. It gave him time to warm up and process the first weeks of being home. While Tess continued to press him to keep their evening meetings for dinner or coffee confined to her place or his, Josh was becoming uncomfortable, even antsy about hiding their relationship. He didn’t like keeping his feelings a secret and he was sure the time was coming when he’d tell her so. For now, he was content to enjoy spending time with her, guiding her toward a deeper faith, and to reaffirm his conviction that marrying her was a certainty.
“Hey.” Brody stepped into the hospital room. He’d been the one to find Josh, beaten and bloodied on the basketball court.
Through swollen eyes Josh could see his friend remained shaken by the experience. Josh tried to speak.
Brody silenced him with one hand. “Tess is on her way.” He sat beside the bed.
Josh groaned.
Brody’s eyes revealed his concern. “Do you need the doctor? They said they could give you something for the pain.”
“No,” Josh said, his voice low and strange. “She’ll blame herself. But it’s…” he flinched as he tried to sit up, failing. He fell back against the pillows and drew a deep breath. “It’s not her fault.”
Brody nodded but said nothing.
Maybe it wasn’t the time to convince him. Josh wasn’t sure how bad his injuries were, but he dreaded Tess hearing what happened. Already she’d resisted going out in public with him or getting involved in the Bible study at church despite his numerous protests and a personal call from Alison. This situation wouldn’t serve to make her any more confident about her status in the community.
“The police got them,” Stu said as he entered the hospital room. “This will put them away for a good long time…” He stood beside Brody and assessed Josh’s injuries. “How are you doing?”
Josh tried to shrug, but his shoulder and arm were in a sling, tender from where he’d been shoved to the ground by two guys anyone would struggle to fight off. And he’d tried. He’d tried hard.
They’d beaten him until he couldn’t struggle any longer, cursed him with words he’d never imagined could be aimed at him.
Justin stood by smoking, laughing occasionally, and finally stopping the men by saying, “All right. Enough. He gets the message. We’ll stop by your place in a week. You better get the mone
y or we won’t be as nice.” The tall, thin coward dropped his cigarette near Josh’s face and said “Maybe next time you won’t be so quick to give your word to someone you just met, Pastor.” He spit the words at Josh so that the venom in them was unmistakable. “And I’d advise you to leave Tess alone too. No telling what kind of diseases she’s carrying.”
Stu tugged a chair next to Brody and sat. “Doctor said you’ve got three broken ribs. Is there anyone else I should call? Your Aunt Millie? Someone from the church?”
Josh wanted to crawl under the covers and hide until his wounds were healed. He didn’t want anyone at the church to find out what happened. Being connected with a guy like Justin Trapp when he’d hardly begun his job would be a disaster. He groaned again.
Stu and Brody exchanged a glance.
“Maybe we should get the doctor,” Stu said.
Josh shook his head and drew a deep breath. “Call Dave Gorman.”
Stu nodded and took the phone from the side table.
The door burst open and Tess walked in, her expression frantic. Her gaze met Josh’s and he grew nauseated. She didn’t need to say anything for him to understand he’d lost her forever.
~*~
Tess broke every speed and traffic law in her attempt to get to the hospital. She’d imagined the worst scenarios possible as she drove, cursing every bad thing she’d ever done to lead up to this. It was her fault Josh got hurt, her fault everyone hated her.
And as she stood near the doorway of Josh’s hospital room, her brother and uncle staring at her in shock and disappointment, she was certain she’d soon accept the real consequences of her actions—losing her dreams right as she was about to grab them.
Tess cleared her throat, trying to force her gaze away from Josh’s but finding it impossible.
Brody stood, shaking his head. “I’ll be outside,” he muttered.
Stu stood, cradling Josh’s phone in his hand. “I’ll, um, call your friend,” he said, following Brody from the room.
Josh nodded, grimacing as he tried to smile at Tess. “Hey, Tornado.”
Tess sank slowly into the chair beside his bed, blindly reaching to take his hand in hers as the tears began to fall. She willed them to stop but the effort was futile. She bowed her head and rested it beside his arm on the bed. “This is my fault,” she whispered into the sheets.
“No…” Josh’s voice was thick and strange as he tried to speak.
Tess raised her head and looked at him, not caring that there were still tears dripping down her cheeks, that the progress she’d made with her brother was now gone, that her own uncle—her biggest fan—would probably disown her. And that hurt almost as much as seeing Josh in a hospital bed.
Tess was certain of the deep disappointment she’d seen in Uncle Stu’s eyes moments ago. And the way he failed to hug or comfort her now spoke as loudly as any megaphone or neon sign. Tess was sure Uncle Stu was finished. Maybe that was for the best. It was up to Tess to take care of things now.
“I did this.” Tess gently untangled her fingers from Josh’s and stood, pacing the floor. She avoided looking at him. He had a black eye, cuts on his chin, forehead and cheeks. His arm was in a sling and there was tape visible through his thin hospital gown where his ribs were broken.
And despite the smile he kept trying to plaster on his face, it was clear that he was in pain.
“I get that it’s important for you to put down roots, to be in a place you can call home,” Tess said as she gazed out the window. “You can’t do that with all of my garbage hanging around.” She turned.
He’d been watching her the whole time.
“No matter how many times I tell you to leave me alone, you won’t do that…” she managed a smile even through the tears that began to subside. “And I guess part of me never wanted you to. I mean, I can’t let you go either.” She went back to him as she swiped in annoyance at her cheeks. “So, I’ll do what I should have done all along, Jed. I’ll stop being selfish.” She drew a deep breath as she took his hand again. “I’ve been offered jobs out of state. I’ll take one of them. It would be best for both of us. Now that I’ve paid everyone back, I’m free again.”
Josh’s face melted into a grimace.
Tess released his hand and stepped out of his grasp when he tried to reach for her. “No. I tried to tell you this so many times, but you wouldn’t listen and I…now it’s all caught up to me. It has to stop. I’ll stop it. The only way to do that is to go away.”
“Tor—" Josh struggled to make the words come.
Tess swallowed hard. He shouldn’t be in that bed, beaten, and in pain.
He grimaced through the pain and tried to sit up taller, failing as he leaned back against the pillows. “You’re a coward,” he muttered. “You never meant to be with me. You’re too scared to fight through this.”
Tess stared at him, wondering if she’d missed something. “What?”
Josh closed his eyes and struggled before he continued in a voice devoid of emotion. “You won’t go out in public with me, you won’t go to a Bible study with women who…” he drew a breath and fought through the pain to continue. “…want you there. You won’t even stand up in church and be baptized when you say you changed. You’re no trouble-making rebel. You’re no tornado. You’re a coward.”
Tess hated that the words hit her so hard. She blinked back tears as she drew a deep breath. She and Josh had not, as yet, disagreed on anything. That he would stand up to her was new, strange, and in her unbearable darkness, more painful than she expected. “Maybe I am,” she said, fighting the tightness in her chest. “But I can’t keep this up anymore. I really am sorry.” She went to him one last time and pressed her hand against his face, her thumb lingering on a cut that was certain to turn to an ugly bruise in a matter of days. “You can say it was a robbery attempt. Your reputation won’t be hurt and…”
Josh shifted his head away from her touch. Pain flicked across his face with the movement.
Tess understood the stabbing realization of what was happening. “Good-bye, Josh,” she whispered. “I am sorry.” Before she could change her mind, Tess fled.
26
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
1 Timothy 1:16
Josh had known she’d blame herself. But what he hadn’t known was how to handle it. And despite how much he loved her, he managed to do the one thing he swore he never would. He made everything even worse than it already was. The pain of his injuries paled next to the pain in his soul.
The door opened, and Stu entered the room quietly, placing Josh’s phone back on the table beside the bed. “Brody went after her. But she may need some time to process this. Poor kid keeps getting hit from all sides.”
Josh nodded but said nothing.
“Dave is on his way.”
“Think she’ll leave?” Josh managed.
Stu regarded him for a long time, his dark eyes betraying nothing of his feelings. “I hope not. But at this point, anything is possible. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her like this.”
A few moments later, the door opened and Brody entered, his face grim. Neither Josh nor Stu spoke as he fell into a seat, his head dropping into his hands.
Josh closed his eyes. He wished he’d resisted the urge to let his anger steal the chance to tell her he loved her. Now it might be too late.
Brody shook his head and angrily stood to pace the room. “I told her that this was what happens when you’re friends with drug dealers. It happens when you decide that you’re more important than anyone else in your life.” Brody sighed. “I told her that a stripper gets this. I can’t explain why I started to believe in her. I’m sorry, Josh.”
“Hey.” Stu’s voice was stern. “Don’t get caught on a view of your sister that isn’t fair.”
Brody laughed wryly. “She wasn’t a
stripper? Come on, Uncle Stu. We all remember what she did.”
Josh was pained that this was what had become of Tess’s life for far too long.
Stu placed a firm hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “I took her out of there kicking and screaming, but she never removed one stitch of clothing for money.” He paused. “Maybe you ought to think about what made her such a mess in the first place. It might make you a little more compassionate about how far she’s come.”
Josh wished he could say something that would change his friend’s mind. Finally, he said, “Stu’s right. This isn’t her fault, Brody.”
Brody snorted in disgust as he went to the window.
Stu sighed heavily.
The door opened and Dave entered quietly, his face showing his shock at Josh’s condition. “Hey.” He schooled his features into a sympathetic smile as he sat near the bed. “You all right?”
Josh did his best to nod. “Can you cover the service?” he asked.
Dave nodded. “Of, course.” He glanced over Josh, assessing his condition. “What should I say?”
Josh sighed heavily. “The truth.”
Both Stu and Brody looked at him, surprised.
“You might want to think about that…” Stu began.
Josh closed his eyes. “Tell them or the gossip will be worse. I’ll be back next week if they still want me. If not, I’ll figure it out.”
Dave met Stu’s gaze for a moment before turning his attention to Josh. “And Tess? Do I mention that or…I mean…?”
“She didn’t do this.”
Dave squirmed. “But people will talk.”
Josh opened his eyes. “We can’t control that. I got beat up by some lowlifes on a basketball court. I’m fine.”
Reluctantly Dave nodded.
Josh closed his eyes.
The doctor entered. “All right, gentlemen, this room’s becoming a circus with all the people in and out. Josh needs rest. You’re welcome to come back later. One at a time.”
Stu smiled at Josh. “Call if you need anything.”
Forgiving Tess Page 23