by L B Pavlov
“I’m not claiming to be innocent, but I don’t like to kiss and tell,” she said, laughing a little self-consciously.
“Is it normal that when I’m kissing him, I just don’t want to stop? I just can’t seem to control myself. I don’t know what’s happening to me!” I blundered out.
They both burst out laughing. “You’re normal, Charlotte. You’re in love, and you have a hot little boyfriend,” Steph said, laughing. “When I’m kissing Fave, I can’t be trusted. I can’t keep my hands to myself, and thankfully, neither can he,” she said, giving us a mischievous look that made all three of us burst out laughing again.
Steph’s boyfriend was Jake, but she called him “Fave” because he was her favorite boyfriend that she had ever had. They were very cute together, but she was right: they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They were always all over one another, no matter where they were. Jake went to Sierra Vista, which was the public school nearby. Kathleen’s boyfriend Edward went there as well, and they were good friends.
We finished up lunch and headed off to go shopping. I actually had fun for the first time while shopping. I suddenly wanted to find clothes that made me look like I wasn’t twelve years old anymore. Kathleen and Steph helped me find some cute jeans with a few fitted tops. But after about an hour, I was over it. One hour of shopping must have been my limit.
I called Daniel when I got home. I decided to wear my new jeans and black, fitted shirt to dinner with my gray scarf. We were going out for pizza and to play some pool. When I heard him come in and call my name, I came running down the stairs and his jaw dropped. “Are you seriously trying to kill me?” he squeaked.
“What? You don’t like it?” I said, looking down at my outfit.
“I like it too much, that’s the problem,” he said, and he winked at me.
I felt every part of my body tingle just because of the way that he was looking at me. Oh God, give me strength to show some restraint.
We ate pizza and started playing pool. Daniel was more hands-on than he had ever been before. He playfully swatted me on the behind a few times and came up behind me when I would lean over to take a shot. He pressed up against my backside, and his touch paralyzed me. I pulled myself together and took the shot, sinking my ball right into the corner pocket. I slowly turned around until I was facing him, and he pressed me back against the table.
“You can’t wear that outfit and expect me not to touch you,” he said in a raspy, sexy voice.
“I didn’t expect you not to touch me. That’s why I wore it,” I said back in a sultry voice that I didn’t even recognize as mine.
His eyes were blazing with desire once again, and this time he pressed against me and began kissing me. His hands were intertwined with mine as he passionately kissed me. My hands went to his strong shoulders and across his perfect, muscular back. I pressed myself into him, and I was shocked to feel just how much he desired me when he pressed back.
“Hey, get a room!” a familiar voice said, and he laughed as he approached us. It was Gomez with his brother Bryce. Daniel and I stood up, and I was stunned that this had just happened in a public place. Not that I seemed to care one bit. I would happily have gone right back to it if we hadn’t been interrupted.
They asked if we wanted to play teams, and Daniel and I agreed. Every time Gomez or Bryce took a shot, Daniel and I just stared at each other with absolute want and desire. The way that he looked at me did something to me. I knew now without a shadow of a doubt that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. I wanted to leave right then and be alone with him. What the hell was happening to me? I was out of control.
We were walking toward the truck, our fingers intertwined, and he stopped dead in his tracks.
“Charlotte, you can’t bite your lip. Not in that outfit,” he said with fiery, blazing eyes that stared into mine intensely.
“Sorry,” I said shyly.
He smiled. “It’s not your fault, but next time you bite that lip I can’t be accountable for my actions,” he said, buckling me into my seat.
We decided to call it a night when we got home because Daniel insisted he needed to take a long, cold shower. I just giggled when we said good-night.
chapter 7
traditions
My dad left the next morning for Seattle, and he wouldn’t return until the end of the week. I was seeing less and less of Dad since my cross-country season had ended because I mostly saw Dad at my races, and now that I wasn’t racing, he wasn’t home as often. I was pretty convinced that Dad had a girlfriend. I overheard several intense phone calls, and they just didn’t sound like business calls. Dad did a lot of apologizing, and I kept hearing him say that he was trying to change. I suspected it was a woman, just as I suspected she wasn’t happy with the fact that he was living two lives. I felt the same. I hoped that maybe he would bring her to Thanksgiving to meet the family, but somehow I doubted it.
Tuesday morning when I woke up I felt a heavy weight on my heart. It was the anniversary of the last day that I ever spent with my mom. She was very sick at the time, but she had a hospital bed in our living room, and I remember lying in bed with Mom on her last night. I loved to sleep with my mom any chance I got. When I was a little girl and had a bad dream, I would wander into her room, climb in bed with her, and snuggle.
My mom had an indescribable warmth about her. She was strikingly beautiful with long, dark-brown hair and large, matching eyes. Her skin was gorgeous, tan and shiny, and there was not a wrinkle on her. She had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, and when I pictured her, I always saw that smile. I remembered my mom having the softest hands. She would hold me on her lap and stroke my hair. The memory always made me happy.
I could see why my dad had never gotten over her. She was the love of his life. The last night of Mom’s life became the source of my nightmares. I had had a bad dream that night, and I made my way into the living room. Dad was sleeping in the chair, and Mom was asleep in her hospital bed in our living room. Mom heard me running into the room, and she lifted her blanket to let me climb in. She held me so closely, and I immediately felt safe.
When I woke up in the morning, I tried to wake Mom up. She didn’t move. I began to shake her and plead for her to wake up, but she wouldn’t. When I became hysterical, Dad woke up. He hadn’t even realized that I was in bed with Mom until then. He jumped up, panic in his eyes, and he attempted to wake Mom up. Mom was gone. She had died while I was sleeping right next to her.
I would have nightmares about that night for the next thirteen years. I was happy that I spent that last night close to my mother, but I wished that I hadn’t been there in the morning. Daniel made that memory less painful for me by sleeping with me on that night each year. I usually woke up in a panic to make sure that he was still breathing. He always woke up the instant that I touched him, and he would hug me and calm me down. Sometimes I would be drenched in sweat, as if I had run in a race during the night. I assumed it was due to the trauma that I was going through in my nightmares. Thank goodness I had Daniel to comfort me. I can’t imagine how waking up alone would have felt.
Daniel was waiting on the bottom step when I came downstairs Tuesday morning. Of course he didn’t wait in the truck today. He was thoughtful and aware of how I was feeling. It made me love him even more. He made this day tolerable. We each grabbed a piece of toast and left for school.
Once I got to school, the day began to move quickly. At midday I met Daniel and we walked to lunch. “How are you doing?” he asked, concerned.
“Actually, I’m doing really well. Thanks,” I said, smiling into his beautiful, green eyes.
“I will be with you tonight, OK? Don’t worry about anything,” he said in a tone so sweet it actually made my heart ache.
We were eating lunch, and Kathleen and Steph were making Daniel laugh about how much I disliked shopping. He told them that they would need to assist me in picking out the perfect prom dress. I flushed just at the thought.
> “Hey, guys,” someone said, and as I looked up, I realized it was Crystal.
She was acting extremely friendly. I hadn’t heard much of her or Blane in weeks, and I was happy about that. I didn’t really look at her because I figured she was talking to Daniel. He squeezed my hand under the table.
“Um, Charlie, congratulations on Stanford. I heard you signed to go run there, right?” she said almost nicely, and it caught me off-guard.
“Oh, yes, thank you,” I said, relieved that she wasn’t being nasty. Maybe she had gotten past her dislike of me. Daniel was looking at her very suspiciously, as if he didn’t trust her.
“Oh, that’s really great, you must be excited, huh?” she said sweetly once again.
I was so surprised that she was striking up a conversation with me, I just stared, and I realized most of the table was staring in disbelief as well. “Um, yes, I’m excited, thanks,” I said again appreciatively.
“Well, guess where I just got accepted?” she said, chatting me up like we were girlfriends.
Still surprised that she was directing this conversation toward just me, I took the bait. “Um, I don’t know where you applied. Where did you decide to go?” I asked her.
She started laughing, but it was not a friendly laugh. It was a wicked and evil laugh. She had ice in her eyes when she replied, “I got accepted to Notre Dame, Charlotte. Aren’t you happy for me? Hey, Daniel, now we can hang out at school next year.” She winked at us and walked away.
I felt a cold chill run through every part of my body. This wasn’t happening, I thought, please say this wasn’t really happening. I felt Daniel squeeze my hand. He was whispering something in my ear about not letting this bother me. Was he crazy? Don’t let this bother me? She would get to see my boyfriend every day. She would get to see him play football at all of his games. She would get to see him in classes, at lunch, at every meal for God’s sake.
Daniel turned and made me look him in the eyes. “She is trying to get under your skin, Charlotte. This is not a big deal,” he said calmly.
I stared at him for a moment. I had just recently signed my letter to go to Stanford—away from my boyfriend and away from my family. I had just been manhandled at the state meet by a bunch of mean girls, and I had to get my leg glued back together at the hospital because they shredded it. I was mourning my mother on the eve of the anniversary of her death. I was concerned about my father having a normal relationship. I had unexplainable, pent-up sexual frustration erupting inside of me. And now…now Crystal Bryant was going to Notre Dame with Daniel, and he said it was not a big deal?
“It’s a big fucking deal to me!” I snapped.
Everyone turned and stared in absolute shock, and Daniel looked at me with wide eyes and a tense expression. I didn’t blush, and I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was tired of being polite. I was tired of behaving the way I was supposed to.
I got up from the table and stormed out of the cafeteria. I cried the whole way to the parking lot, and as I was walking aimlessly around the lot, I realized I didn’t drive to school, so I had nowhere to go. I was baffled that I was looking for a car that I had only driven to school a handful of times in my four years at St. Viator’s.
Suddenly I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, and I began to cry again. I cried for a long time. I cried over everything that had happened over the last few weeks. I cried over my mom. I cried about leaving Daniel. I cried at the thought of Crystal Bryant going to Notre Dame. Daniel and I didn’t say a word, he just held me while I cried. I had completely missed my last block of school, and I didn’t even care.
“Let’s go home, Charlotte, OK?” he said softly. “I think you’ve had more than enough today.” He kissed the top of my head. We drove home without speaking a word. When we walked in my house. Lenora was in the kitchen. “You two are home early. Is everything OK?” she asked. She immediately saw that something was wrong by the look on Daniel’s face. Lenora knew that today was a tough day for everyone in my family. My brothers had been texting all day while I was at school. They seemed to deal with it by worrying about me, which meant they weren’t dealing with their own feelings at all.
Lenora put her arms around me. “Charlotte Rose, you know how much I love you. I am here if you need me,” she said compassionately and hugged me tightly.
Daniel and I got some blankets and went out to the hammock. I curled myself into him and slept in his arms for a few hours. The last thing I heard was the water splashing against the rocks. My outburst, along with all the tears, had made me mentally and physically exhausted. When I woke up, he was just lying there smiling at me.
“Hi, sleepy head,” he said quietly. “Are you feeling better?” He looked at me in a way that made me feel like I was the most loved person to ever exist.
“Much better.” I smiled and sat up.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Starving,” I said as I sat forward.
“Lenora made enchiladas. Let’s go get some food in you,” he said sweetly.
We ate dinner, and I went upstairs to take a bath.
Daniel went home to spend some time with Tom and Grace. He would come over later, and I was fine with being alone for a little while, especially after the day that I had had.
I soaked in the tub and sorted out all that had happened today. I felt much calmer about Crystal, and I realized it was not something that I had control of, so I had to let it go. I got in my pajamas, and I looked in the mirror.
I was a lucky girl. I had a family that loved me. Lenora loved me. I had good friends. And most importantly I had a boyfriend who loved me so much. And I loved him.
I decided to change my pajamas. I dug through my drawers to find the cutest pajamas that I had. I chose the pink pajama shorts with the little pink spaghetti-strap tank top. I covered myself in my favorite lavender lotion, and I even decided to paint my toenails. I was feeling much better.
I slipped into bed, and I couldn’t believe that I was actually tired again. I made sure that my window was unlocked, and I dozed off.
I came in through her window, just as I had done for the last six years. She had the bathroom light on for me so it wouldn’t be dark when I came in. Of course she did. That was how Charlotte was, always thinking of others. I looked at her in the little bit of light that was shining into her room. She was in her white, fluffy cloud, sleeping like a little angel.
She was exhausted from her emotional outburst. In the thirteen years that I had known her, I had never seen her have a fit, aside from the night when she had her date with Blane. This was different though, and I was glad that she let herself break down. As I lay next to her—above the blankets of course, fully clothed—I started thinking about the day.
I hated Crystal Bryant, I thought. I bet she decided to go to Notre Dame just to spite Charlotte. When I thought about how she came over to the table acting friendly to Charlotte, it made my stomach wrench. Of all the days for that to happen, this was the worst. As if Charlotte hadn’t been through enough lately.
I heard a moan escape her throat, and she rolled toward me and reached out her hand to touch me. Her touch did things to me that were unexplainable. I would have to be very careful how much touching I allowed during the night because I didn’t know if I could stop things once they got started. It had already been extremely challenging for me.
I had started to doze off when she said my name. Her eyes were open, and she was staring at me. “Hey,” I whispered.
“I knew you would come,” she whispered back.
“I’m kind of a sure thing, aren’t I?” I laughed quietly.
She touched my face, and her dark eyes pierced through me. There wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her. She was everything that I had ever wanted.
“I love you so much,” she said tenderly as she continued stroking my face.
“I love you more,” I said, smiling at her. She leaned forward to kiss me, and I was filled with desire. He
r tongue quickly found mine, and she was much more aggressive than she had ever been before.
I felt my breathing pick up immediately, and the moans were escaping from both of us. I wanted her, every part of her, and there was no denying it. Her skin was soft and delicate, and I wanted to kiss every part of her body. I began kissing her neck and her ears. The moans that were coming from her ignited me more. I wanted her desperately.
I felt her kick away the blankets between us and pull herself against me. I couldn’t push her away. I paused to look into her eyes, and they were intoxicating. I was kissing her neck, and my hands had slid down her back against her thin tank top. She put her hands on top of mine and urged my hands to go beneath her tank top. Her warm breath was panting against my cheek. I was tenderly grazing her waist and traveling up her stomach gently and around to her back. Her skin was soft and delicate, just like she was.
She was pressing herself against me, and I felt her hands reach down for my jeans. She was unbuckling my pants. My hands continued to caress her as lust took over within me, more so than I had ever experienced. Still trailing kisses, I suddenly felt her pause nervously. Her hands were frozen on the button of my jeans. She didn’t know what to do next, and I could feel her becoming wary.
“It’s OK, baby,” I whispered in her ear.
I pulled my hands from her body and removed her hands from my buckle. I felt her sigh with relief as I drew her hands up to my lips and kissed them gently.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, still breathing rapidly.
“For what?” I said, surprised. I was still trying to calm my breathing.
“For stopping,” she said.
“I’m glad you stopped. I think that was perfect timing. I love you so much,” I said softly.
“Are you frustrated?” she asked.
“No, I’m happy. You make me so happy,” I said, and we wrapped ourselves around one another and slipped into a deep sleep.