by L B Pavlov
Everyone looked up and stopped talking, probably due to the seriousness of my voice. I had pulled my purse into my lap.
“Well, um, first I want to tell you all that I appreciate all of the support you have given me at all of my races,” I said. I was growing more nervous about what I was about to say.
Everyone was silent and staring. Daniel squeezed my hand under the table. He had no idea what I was about to say, but he was able to tell that I was uncomfortable.
I turned to look at my dad directly. “Dad, I know how hard you have worked to provide me with so many great opportunities,” I continued anxiously, “and I know that you wanted me to go to Stanford,” I said as my mouth grew so dry it was almost difficult to talk. “Um, but I decided to apply to Notre Dame too.” I could feel my heart racing as I reached in my purse and pulled out the letter, and when I looked back up at everyone I said, “And I have great news: I got in!” I tried to force a smile as I waited for the response.
Daniel let out a gasp at the totally unexpected revelation and squeezed my hand hard under the table. Before I could attempt to read his face, my dad punched his fist into the table, causing everyone to freeze and the other diners to turn and stare. “Of course you got in to Notre Dame, you’re the valedictorian of your class, Charlotte!” he said in the coldest voice I had ever heard come out of my father.
“Well, um, I know, but it’s still great news because I applied so late,” I said in a very small and slightly scared voice.
“You applied late? Is that because you had already accepted a full-ride scholarship from Stanford University?” he said angrily and continued, “Notre Dame doesn’t even have a damn cross-country team, Charlotte!” Now his voice was growing louder.
“Dad, calm down,” Jack said cautiously, looking at me with concern.
“Don’t you tell me to calm down, Jack,” my dad snapped, pointing his finger at Jack’s face.
“Dad, please, I know they don’t have a cross-country team, but I will train on my own, and Daniel and the boys can ride their bikes with me so it won’t be like training alone. Then I can go to Daniel’s games too, and I will run track in the spring,” I said quietly, desperately trying to make him understand.
“They’ll ride their bikes with you? This is all so you can go watch Daniel play football? So you can sit on the sidelines and watch someone else live their dream?” he said sarcastically. “How do you plan to pay for this since you obviously don’t have a scholarship since you are suddenly giving up running,” he continued, and he looked at me with complete and utter disgust.
“Dad, please stop. I am not giving up running. I am just changing where I will do it. I will still run, I promise. And if you don’t want to pay for my schooling, I will use my trust fund,” I said, my voice growing more confident now. This was what I wanted to do, and I was not going to let him make me feel bad about it.
His fist hit the table one more time, but it was much louder now. It startled the waitress as she set the desserts down and hurried away.
“Oh boy, Charlotte! For such a smart girl, I had absolutely NO idea how STUPID you could be!” he shouted so everyone could hear.
Everyone in the restaurant turned to watch my father berate me. My brothers pleaded with him to tone it down and to calm down, and I looked up at Daniel. He was despondent. He didn’t know what to do.
“Jack, please, stop,” he said, looking at my father intensely.
“No! You don’t get to speak to me right now, Daniel!” my dad barked. Dad turned to Jack and tossed him his credit card as he stood up from the table. “Pay the bill and drive everyone home,” he said sternly. And then he turned to me, “You get up right now and walk to the car. We are leaving. I am taking you home,” he said.
The anger in his voice was something I had never imagined my dad was even capable of. I stared at him.
“Now!” he commanded.
I jumped up as Daniel slowly released my hand. My God, you would think I had just told my Dad that I was not going to college at all. In my wildest of thoughts, I had never imagined him taking it this badly.
“Jack, please let me drive home with Charlotte,” Daniel requested bravely—by that point, no one else was willing to speak.
“Daniel, Jack will drive you home,” my dad said sternly, and he turned to lead me out of the restaurant.
I turned and looked back at Daniel, and his eyes were full of despair.
People looked down at their plates as we walked past them, trying to hide the fact that they were staring. We got into the car, and I was terrified by what he would say to me now that we weren’t in public.
As he drove off, he looked to me. “Are you pregnant?” he asked in a very serious tone.
“What? Are you serious? No, Dad, I’m not pregnant. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that’s why you think I’m doing this,” I said, clearly hurt by his accusation.
“Well, I’m trying to justify your stupidity, I guess,” he said, the cold tone returning.
My dad may have been emotionally removed from us at times, but he had never, ever been a cruel man. I didn’t recognize this man. He had never belittled me or treated me this way. It wasn’t like Notre Dame wasn’t one of the best universities in the country, just like Stanford. All of this was over cross-country? I mean, I got it, he was disappointed, but this was such an unreasonable reaction.
He went on, “You are going to Stanford, Charlotte. You made a commitment, and Stanford has the coach who can take you to the Olympics. That is your dream, and you’re not giving that up for some stupid boy, do you understand me?” he said firmly.
I felt a lump grow in my throat. “Don’t you dare call Daniel a stupid boy. I love him, and this is not puppy love, Dad. I’m eighteen years old, and I can make my own decisions. I will explain it to Coach Little, and I am sorry to let everyone down, but I deserve to be happy. And I’m happy with Daniel, Dad,” I said confidently.
“Are you sleeping with him? What is this about? Are you afraid he’ll cheat on you? Is that what this is?” he shouted, enraged that I wouldn’t agree with him.
“No, Dad! I’m not sleeping with him. My gosh, you are out of control with these accusations. I am not worried about him cheating on me, I trust him one hundred percent. Is that so difficult for you to believe? This isn’t a troubled relationship, Dad, it’s a happy one. I just don’t want to leave him because I love him! How jaded are you that you can’t even fathom that? And thank you for your lack of faith in me regarding anything other than my running!” I snapped. “And while we’re at it, my dream was never to go to the Olympics. That is your dream. This is all your dream!” By then I was shouting, and I just then realized that we had already parked the car in the garage and we were standing in the kitchen screaming at each other.
Lenora had walked in and was standing in the doorway in her nightgown, staring.
“Oh, is that so? So you don’t like to run now? Is that how it is, Charlotte?” he said, calming his voice and looking at me as if he was hurt and betrayed.
“No, Dad, you know what the truth is? I love to run but not because I want to go to the Olympics. And not because I want to go to Stanford. And not because I want to win every possible Indiana state meet that I can. I do all of that because I love you, and I know it makes you happy!” I said, taking a breath before continuing, “But you know why I really love to run, Dad? Because when I run, I get to be with my mother. She is always with me when I run.” I looked up into his horrified eyes, and I didn’t care if what I said hurt him, it needed to be said. “And I need to be with her because I miss her more than anything. And I didn’t only lose a mother when she died thirteen years ago, Dad. I lost both of my parents.” I was screaming again, but I didn’t know where all of the anger had come from. “You have been gone since Mom died. You checked out, Dad. All that you care about is my running because that reminds you of her. But I am not her, Dad! I have my own life and my own dreams, and you don’t even care about that!” I shouted.
> He looked at me, and his eyes were filled with rage. “You are a stupid, naive, selfish little girl, do you hear me?” he shouted, pointing his finger right in my face. His face was bright red and filled with fury. “You have been given an opportunity that most people would kill for, and you are going to throw it all away for a playboy football player who will toss you aside when he is done with you!” he shouted back at me.
I couldn’t believe what had come out of his mouth. I burst into tears and ran up to my room. My dad was cold, he was mean, and I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. I heard him and Lenora shouting. “Stay out of it, Lenora. You are the housekeeper and nothing more. Good-night,” he shouted.
How dare he! I ran to the stairs and leaned over the banister, crying hysterically. I pulled myself together and shouted, “She is more of a parent to me than you have ever been! Don’t you dare speak to her that way!” I screeched.
The voice that escaped me was no longer my own. It was filled with anger and hatred. I didn’t know where this had come from. My dad came charging up the stairs, and I was terrified as I ran into my bedroom. The situation had spiraled out of control. He entered my room and stared at me as I sat on my bed crying.
“Don’t you ever speak to me like that again, Charlotte,” he said, calming his voice. “I shouldn’t have yelled at Lenora, and I said some things to you that I shouldn’t have. We will talk about this in the morning once we have both calmed down. But I am your father, like it or not, and right now I am calling the shots. You are living in my home, under my roof.” He walked over to my desk and snatched my laptop as I stared, puzzled. “Would you like to hand me your cell phone, or shall I go in your purse and take it out myself?” he asked calmly.
I was clutching my purse. “Are you grounding me?” I replied quietly as I handed him my phone.
“Yes, actually, I am. No phone, no computer, and you’re not leaving this house until school on Monday,” he said calmly.
“But I have to run,” I said so softly you could barely hear my voice. I was broken. I was exhausted. The fight had been so unexpected, and I was drained. And now I was grounded for the first time in my life.
“I bought you a five thousand-dollar treadmill years ago. It’s about time that you use it,” he said coldly.
“Right. The treadmill. You have thought of everything,” I said flatly.
“I also need the letter from Notre Dame,” he said, placing his hand out in front of me.
I pulled it out of my purse and gave it to him. “Have you responded to them? And have you said anything to Coach Little yet?” he asked again in the same very chilly, calm voice.
“No. I have not said anything to anyone before tonight,” I said sadly.
“Good. I will speak to you in the morning. Do not leave this room, do you hear me?” he said sternly.
“What? Let me guess, you think I’m going to run away and go have sex with my boyfriend and get pregnant? Dad, Daniel and I are not you and Mom. I’m also eighteen years old, not twenty-three and married. Do you get that? Don’t make me out to be a deviant!” I said with despair in my voice.
“Charlotte, some day you will be a parent, and you will understand what that means. But right now you are a child, and you have now proven that you are not capable of making decisions for yourself, so you have forced me to make them for you.” He left my room, shutting the door behind him.
I had no phone and no computer. I had no way to contact Daniel. I looked out my window. The boys were home. Jack’s car was in the driveway. They must have gone over to the Hollingsworths’. Daniel’s parents were out because their car was not there. Oh, please find a way to contact me, Daniel. I still didn’t even know what he thought about me going to Notre Dame. We never had a chance to discuss it. The look on his face when I left was terrible. Poor Daniel. My dad had so much as blamed him for this, and he didn’t know anything about it. How dare my dad call him a playboy football player! That was so offensive and mean! And to think that he believed that I was having sex and pregnant—I couldn’t believe it. Now I was annoyed that I hadn’t had sex because he thought I was anyway, and so why was I suffering? I still wanted to go to Notre Dame, and I wondered what would happen now. I unlocked my window, hoping that Daniel would climb our tree and come and talk to me. Although, for the first time ever, I was nervous about what my father would do.
chapter 13
a father’s choices
Charlotte was a child. I was her father. I had no choice but to handle the situation. I would not let her throw away her life for Daniel Hollingsworth. I loved Daniel like my own son, but not at the cost of Charlotte giving up everything. Absolutely not. Kate had left me to raise these children, and I would not let her down. How dare Charlotte give up her running scholarship without so much as a thought? She loved to run, she loved to win, and she did want to go to Stanford and to the Olympics.
This was just a young girl in love, and she was going to make a mistake because she wanted to be with her boyfriend. She would thank me later for handling this. I had placed a call to Coach Little. Thank goodness he didn’t know about anything that had happened. I explained that I wanted to put some distance between Charlotte and her boyfriend. I informed him that Charlotte would move to California sooner. She would train with her team over the summer. He said that he would get the housing taken care of, and he was thrilled with the new plan.
Charlotte would leave the day after her high school graduation the following week. This was the right thing to do. I tore up her Notre Dame acceptance letter and tossed it in the trash. Lenora or myself would drive Charlotte to and from school for the next five days. She would attend graduation, and then she would leave for California. Once she got there, she would realize that was what she wanted. I needed to separate Charlotte and Daniel for both of their sakes.
I walked across the street to the Hollingsworth house. I would need to discuss it with Daniel and get him on board. It would be a difficult conversation because I believed that he was as in love with her as she was with him, but it needed to be done for the sake of my daughter’s future.
I knocked on the door. Daniel answered, and all three of my sons stood behind him. They did not look pleased with me at all.
“Dad, where is Charlotte and what’s going on?” Eric demanded.
“Not now, Eric. I am here to speak to Daniel,” I said flatly.
Daniel welcomed me in, and he seemed very upset. We sat down on the couch in the living room.
“Where are your parents?” I inquired.
“They are out tonight,” he said quietly.
That was just fine with me. I didn’t need Grace jumping on board with Charlotte and Daniel and encouraging them to make a stupid decision. After all, it was my daughter giving up everything, not Daniel. His life would go on as planned.
“Daniel, listen, Charlotte is not being rational,” I started. My three sons stood in the background listening closely.
“Why don’t we let Charlotte take part in this conversation, Jack? Shouldn’t she be able to speak for herself?” Daniel said cautiously.
“Charlotte clearly can’t make decisions for herself any longer. She wants to give up everything that she has worked for to go sit on the sidelines and be with you. Do you think that’s the right thing for her to do, Daniel?” I asked calmly.
“No, I don’t. But I will talk to her. I can talk to her, Jack,” he insisted.
“No you can’t, Daniel. There is no talking to her right now. She has her mind made up. She is stubborn. She believes this is the right thing to do. Daniel, you know more than anybody that she won’t let this go,” I said angrily.
“Dad, maybe she should do what she wants to do,” Jack said sharply.
“Jack, when you’re a dad, you can make those decisions for your child,” I snapped.
“I agree with your dad. Charlotte worked hard to go to Stanford. She should go, but I know I can talk her into it if you just give me a chance. We can stay together and just g
o to different schools. We can make it work; we love each other. Please just let me try to talk to her,” Daniel pleaded desperately. “She isn’t answering her phone,” he added in a concerned tone.
This kid was as stubborn as she was. He wasn’t getting it. She was going to convince him that this was what she wanted. I had to do something, and I had to do it quickly. I was Charlotte’s father, and I had to look out for her. She was my priority.
“She doesn’t have a phone right now. Or a computer. So please do not attempt to contact her. Daniel, do you know why she wants to go to Notre Dame? Do you want to know what she told me? Because I think it will surprise you,” I said harshly.
“Dad!” James interjected.
“Stay out of it, James! Do you hear me? This doesn’t involve you,” I snapped back at him.
“I assume it’s because she wants us to be together, and she doesn’t want us to be apart?” Daniel said quietly as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
“No. She wants to run for Stanford. She told me so herself tonight, and she said that it is her dream to run there, and it is her dream to qualify for the Olympics.” As the words came out of my mouth, I felt a tinge of guilt at what I was about to do, but it was my duty as her father. “But she is afraid to be away from you. Not because of the reasons that you think. Daniel, she told me that she is afraid that you will cheat on her if you are apart. She doesn’t trust you. She admitted to me that she would give up everything that she wants because she can’t risk losing you. And she doesn’t think you can handle the distance. She doesn’t believe that you can stay faithful.” I looked into his eyes, and I could see that he was devastated.
Daniel was a proud kid. He would never allow Charlotte to give up her dreams, especially for these reasons. I had him where I wanted him now. James and Eric turned and stormed out of the house. They slammed the door behind them. They obviously thought what I was doing was wrong, whether or not they believed that Charlotte had said those things didn’t even matter. They didn’t think that I should interfere. But they were not fathers, and they did not understand my situation.