Since Eli only lived a few minutes from work, Ryan had pulled into the parking lot of The Donut Shoppe while Eli had been giving his speech. Now Ryan sat staring at Eli as if he’d sprouted wings.
“How could you possibly know all that?”
Eli twisted his fingers in his lap. He hated when people looked at him like he was a freak. “I stood still at the engagement party, and he told me. You should talk to him too. Let him know his support is important to you, and he let you down.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” Eli shot back. He grabbed the door handle, prepared to sprint. “Even though I didn’t need it, thank you for the ride.” Before Eli could get out, Ryan set his hand on Eli’s forearm, stopping him. Eli jumped as if he’d been burned. Ryan dropped his hand. His horrified expression made Eli wish for death.
Ryan kept his hand extended as if attempting to mollify Eli after his over-the-top reaction. “Sorry. I just wanted to say—I’ve known Jimmy for a few years, but I don’t know why he is the way he is, if that’s what you’d planned on asking earlier. As far as I know, no one knows what drives him.”
Eli nodded, still trying to recover from being touched. “Thank you,” Eli said. His voice came out unsteady. Without a backward glance, Eli leapt from the car before he gave Ryan more reasons to think he was crazy. He quickly reversed course and opened the door again. “Don’t leave yet. I promised you donuts.” That was the only reason he’d gone back, Eli swore to himself as he headed for the shop. It was his way of saying thanks for the ride, and then they could pretend as if Ryan hadn’t caught a glimpse of his unbalanced side. Hopefully, they’d also never see each other again.
*
Eli’s apartment was ridiculously easy to break into. Plus, the man slept like the dead and had no sense of self-preservation. Jimmy hadn’t tried to be quiet. Eli hadn’t budged. After a quick glance around, he pulled his shirt over his head, shucked his pants, and climbed into bed with Eli.
“You’re like a herd of buffalo.”
A chuckle escaped Jimmy as he realized Eli had been awake the whole time. “Apparently, you’re fine to lie here and get killed by an intruder.”
“I knew it was you,” Eli said, motioning toward the window by the bed. “I heard you pull in.”
Jimmy curled himself around Eli and held on. “Why didn’t you come unlock the door for me?”
Eli huffed. “I expected you to knock. You know, like a normal person? If you notice, I turned the light on for you.”
Since Jimmy had no intention of apologizing for being himself, he changed the subject. “There’re two coffee cups sitting out.”
Eli rolled onto his back, meeting Jimmy’s gaze. “You sounded really jealous right then. It was hot.”
Jimmy couldn’t deny it. Instead, he waited for Eli to explain the cups.
Eli sighed. “Ryan stayed for a while after he brought me home. Thanks for worrying about me getting home, by the way.”
“You’re mine. It’s my job to worry.”
The way Eli’s mouth turned up in one corner at the claim had Jimmy’s mouth going dry. He knew he sounded possessive, but he was. There was no hiding it. “What made Ryan decide to stay? I would’ve expected him to rush home to his men.”
“They’re out of town. Malik had a fight tonight in Washington. Ryan has to work tomorrow, so he couldn’t go,” Eli said, explaining everything. “We were discussing the best way for him to talk things through with Sam.”
That made sense. There had been a lot of tension in the air since Sam had shown an unexpected Puritan side. “Did you get anything figured out?”
“I hope so,” Eli said, sounding thoughtful. “All of your friends seem nice. It’s best if they stick together.”
“They’re your friends too.”
Eli smiled. “That’s nice, but we both know that isn’t true. If you dump me tomorrow, they’d forget me in less than a week. Plus, I think I freaked Ryan out a little.”
Jimmy tried hard to listen. With Eli’s body against his and the man’s scent tickling his nose, Jimmy’s mind kept drifting from the topic. “How did you freak him out?” Jimmy asked as he dipped his head and kissed Eli’s neck.
Eli tilted his chin up, giving Jimmy better access to his throat. “He touched me,” Eli answered with lust tinging every word.
Jimmy’s head shot up. “What the fuck was he doing touching you?”
There was already a flush on Eli’s cheeks from Jimmy’s small kiss alone. The sight almost cooled Jimmy’s temper—almost.
“My arm,” Eli explained. “He touched my arm, trying to get my attention. I didn’t like it.”
Jimmy settled back down. “That’s okay, babe. He didn’t understand, and next time, he’ll think twice before reaching for you.”
Eli chewed on his bottom lip. The move had Jimmy wanting to taste it as well. “I don’t understand either,” Eli said, sounding lost. “My whole life I’ve been odd, and…” Eli’s expression broke Jimmy’s heart. “Why can’t I stop being the crazy one?” Eli whispered the question, as if ashamed.
“Baby you’re not crazy,” Jimmy said, doing his best to soothe him. “If I had to venture a guess—I’d say you’re slightly autistic, and your parents didn’t know how to handle that.”
Eli rolled his eyes. “Did you just pull a medical condition out of your ass and diagnose me with it? You’re not a doctor. How could you possibly know that?”
Blackness coated Jimmy’s brain, threatening to pull him into a place he didn’t want to go. He tried shoving the sensation away for Eli’s sake. “It used to be my place to observe kids.” He couldn’t do this. Jimmy sucked in a deep breath and tried a different tack. “You’re right. I’m not a doctor. Just think about it, okay? You hate loud places and shy away from people’s touch. Except mine,” Jimmy added, sounding cocky even to his ears. “And even though you try to fight off your OCD ways, I see you struggling not to line your shoes up perfectly every time you take them off. My guess is, you’re only borderline, but there’s nothing wrong with that or you. So stop saying you’re crazy.”
Eli bit his bottom lip again, making Jimmy’s stomach growl. “You’ve never seen my temper snap when I can’t take anymore.”
The struggle not to smile was real. He knew Eli was serious, but Jimmy kind of wanted to see that side of Eli. He’d bet good money it was sexy. “I’m not afraid,” Jimmy said, using the same words Eli had the first time he’d seen Jimmy’s ugly side. “I’ll take you any way I can have you. Even enraged and out for blood, you’re a thousand times better than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“Three months isn’t a long time. You could change your mind.”
“Three months is an eternity with me.” Shifting positions, Jimmy rolled Eli beneath him before settling down between the man’s thighs. “I’m hard to tolerate, Eli. You make it look easy. In fact, I think you should move in with me.”
Eli’s expression went a step beyond comical. “Shut up,” he said, sounding exasperated. “You’re a cruel tease.”
“I’m being one hundred percent serious, Eli. After I dropped you off at work, I had a small panic attack thinking about you walking home alone, and me not being here for you.” Jimmy searched Eli’s face before admitting something he hadn’t fully accepted for himself. “I don’t think I can quit drinking and worry over where you are at night at the same time.”
“Nobody asked you to quit drinking.”
“I know.”
Eli searched his face as if assessing his seriousness on the matter. “Your house is too far away for me to walk to work.”
“I’ll take care of that,” Jimmy said, rushing to reassure him. “I’ll take care of everything.” He’d make any promise it took to get Eli to agree.
“What if you decide you don’t want me anymore? I’ll be back in the street.”
Jimmy’s face hardened. He felt it happen. “I will never let you live in the street again. Ever. Do you understand me?” Jimmy
leaned down, going nose to nose with Eli. His hair fell forward, surrounding their faces and creating a small place for them alone, cutting them off from the world. It was only the two of them—no one else. For Jimmy, it seemed symbolic.
“Yes,” Eli said, whispering the word as if he felt the same seclusion Jimmy did and didn’t want to disrupt it.
His fingers curled around the waistband of Eli’s underwear before dragging them down one hip. “Say you’ll come home with me to stay.”
“Okay,” Eli said, bringing a roar of triumph racing through Jimmy’s blood.
“I’ll take care of you, baby,” Jimmy swore as he peeled the clothing from Eli’s body. “Nothing bad will ever happen to you again,” he promised as he settled his lips upon Eli’s stomach. “You’ll see,” he whispered against Eli’s hipbone as he dragged his teeth down Eli’s body. Eli’s fingers found Jimmy’s hair and held on. His ragged breaths filled the room and Jimmy hadn’t touched the man’s cock yet. “Eli.” The name tore from Jimmy’s throat but came out hoarse against Eli’s skin. “Even when there are a million people around, the only time I’m not alone is when I’m with you. That’s when I’m whole.” Lust burned though Jimmy’s veins, but tears stung the backs of his eyes. For years, he’d been numb. He’d intentionally stayed that way. Eli appeared in his life, bringing with him a sliver of hope. Once Jimmy let that ray in, Eli had burst in, giving Jimmy life for the first time in memory. He’d spent his life searching for someone perfect—someone who would make him clean. It had never crossed his mind he needed something else entirely—someone like him.
Now Eli had agreed to live with him. Jimmy couldn’t play at getting his shit together any longer. He had to succeed. His tongue found Eli’s erection. A gasp bounced off the walls of the tiny apartment.
“That’s it, baby,” Jimmy praised before swallowing the man’s cock. Eli might be shy and blush a lot, but he always claimed what he wanted when Jimmy offered. His fingers tightened on Jimmy’s hair. He openly fucked Jimmy’s mouth.
“Damn, Jimmy.”
Jimmy pulled back, intent on torturing him. “Tell me what you want,” he demanded while Eli writhed beneath him.
Eli tugged, urging Jimmy higher. “Come here, please.”
He couldn’t make Eli beg. It hurt his chest when he did. Jimmy didn’t stop climbing until their mouths clashed. Eli matched his every stroke as he pushed at Jimmy’s underwear.
“Tell me what you want,” Jimmy begged.
“Your hot cum coating my skin while your scream my name.”
Jimmy’s blood ran cold. He tried wrestling the material away from Eli. “You don’t want that, baby. Ask for something else.”
As if sensing Jimmy’s panic, Eli shushed him. “Shh, it’s okay.”
Jimmy froze. He held Eli’s gaze. The man didn’t look upset. He pushed Jimmy’s underwear past his hips, setting his erection free. Jimmy let it happen.
“I don’t want to get you dirty.” Even to his ears, Jimmy sounded desperate.
Eli’s expression said he heard what Jimmy meant rather than what he said. “You’re not dirty, Jimmy. Please do this for me.”
Jimmy held still as Eli stroked his cock. His eyes burned from his refusal to blink. Eli’s lips parted on a gasp and his hips left the bed. Their erections slid across one another, creating the most delicious friction. Everything melted away except the gorgeous man beneath him. No one had ever made love to Jimmy before. Eli was now. It was beautiful.
Without thought, Jimmy rocked against Eli, allowing the friction between them to drag them closer to the edge. “You’re so sexy,” Jimmy praised. “And I’m so goddamn lucky.”
“Please?” Eli begged, proving this wasn’t enough.
Reaching between them, Jimmy palmed their cocks. With a pivot of his hips, he rocked into the touch, taking Eli with him. “So beautiful,” Jimmy breathed. As always when Jimmy was with Eli, time didn’t slip away. He’d never been more present for anything in his life. Sobriety had its perks. This was one thing he’d been missing. But then again, he’d never had this with anyone else.
Jimmy stared down at Eli, refusing to look away. White teeth sank into Eli’s bottom lip, as if he bit back his moans.
“Don’t,” Jimmy begged. “Let me hear your pleasure.”
Eli didn’t give in right away. Jimmy slowed his pace but increased the pressure. A gasp escaped Eli. The man’s every reaction fed Jimmy’s. He held his orgasm at bay with sheer willpower. This man had Jimmy tied up in knots. Jimmy’s name left Eli’s lips on a soft moan.
“Damn, Eli. I want to be inside you. Your tight heat squeezing my dick gets me so high. I want you milking me.”
As if Jimmy’s words pushed Eli over the edge, hot cum coated Jimmy’s fist. The sensation of Eli’s cock jumping against his, mixed with the sensation of Eli’s semen lubricating his strokes stole Jimmy’s orgasm before he was ready give it. He’d meant every word. Jimmy needed Eli’s ass squeezing him. Before he let Eli sleep again, he would get his way.
*
A loud shout pulled Eli from his sleep. Jimmy fought his way out from underneath the blankets. He tossed his legs over the edge of the bed before setting his elbows on his knees and cupping his head between his hands. Eli stared at the man’s heaving back in silence. The urge to comfort him was crippling, but he knew in his heart he shouldn’t touch Jimmy yet. He recognized he was dealing with the demons and not Jimmy at the moment. Instead of wrapping his arms around Jimmy and taking the pain into himself, as he wanted, Eli handled it the way he always did. He joined Jimmy in Hell.
“I had a brother. His name was Mark.”
Jimmy’s head shot up, but he didn’t turn. Eli knew he had the man’s attention.
“Before he died, he would hide me under his bed when our dad started in on us for the night. He would shove clothes, book, and whatever he could find under there with me so I’d be completely hidden from sight. When Dad would come looking for a fight, Mark always got it twice as bad because he wouldn’t tell where he’d hidden me. No matter what Dad did to him, Mark never broke. He never told.” Eli swallowed, wondering if he could do this. His gaze moved over Jimmy’s back. The light gleaming across his sweat-soaked skin made the brand marring him stand out even more. Eli would do anything for Jimmy—even this.
“One day,” Eli continued, “he got suspended from school for fighting. We both knew when Dad got home it would be bad. Mark had this look in his eyes—like I imagine someone would if they caught a glimpse of hell and couldn’t unsee it.” The same way Jimmy looked sometimes, Eli thought before pushing the idea from his mind. “Anyhow, he headed for our parents’ bedroom. As he passed me, he gave me this look—like an apology. I couldn’t move. My feet sort of glued to the carpet. I wanted to hide him the way he always hid me.” Eli shook his head at the memory. “In all my life, I’ve never felt more useless. He opened their bedside table. I remember thinking he would be in twice as much trouble if he got caught in their room. He took out dad’s gun and blew his brains out. Right there. No hesitation or looking back.” Eli couldn’t breathe. His chest rose and fell as he fought for air. It wouldn’t come.
Without a word, Jimmy climbed back into bed and wrapped himself around Eli as if he could physically protect Eli from the past. “He left me alone,” Eli said against Jimmy’s chest. “Don’t go away too, okay? I don’t want to be alone again.”
“Never,” Jimmy said, sounding strong. Eli held him tighter. “I don’t want you reliving nightmares for me. Tell me a good story instead.”
At Jimmy’s demand, Eli blushed. He could only think of one. It was something he’d never intended to confess, but desperate times… “About a year ago, I didn’t have all the money together yet to pay you back. Still, I wanted to see you again. I showed up at the bar.”
Jimmy lifted his head. “What? I never saw you.”
The heat in Eli’s cheeks increased. “I know.”
A smile exploded across Jimmy’s face. “A blush? Hmmm. I must know.
”
Eli buried his face against Jimmy’s chest, refusing to look at him as he continued. “I waited for you outside the back door of the bar. You know, by the dumpster where you found me. When you finally came outside, you weren’t alone. I started to leave, but you stopped right by the door. I couldn’t get away without you seeing me.”
“Wait,” Jimmy said, bringing Eli’s horror to an end. “The person I was with, what did they look like?”
Eli didn’t have to think about it. The image was seared into his brain. “He was blond. His hair was a bit curly and he was taller than me but not by much.”
“Oh my god,” Jimmy breathed, sounding mortified and letting Eli know he remembered. Eli had watched as the blond had dropped to his knees and taken Jimmy’s cock between his lips. As much as Eli had wanted to look away, he’d been incapable of tearing his gaze from the act taking place in that back alley. “Guess you got quite the show that night.”
Eli pulled on some bravery he didn’t know he possessed and met Jimmy’s stare. “From the first night we met, I’ve wanted you. Maybe it wasn’t me on my knees, but watching you with someone else still fed that desire to have you. My whole life, I’ve wanted things I couldn’t have. You’re the first dream I’ve ever had come true. I’ll relive as many horror stories as I need to until the day comes we’ve gathered more happy memories than bad.” Eli cupped Jimmy’s jaw, needing every connection. “I’m with you, baby. Wherever you go.”
Jimmy turned his head and pressed his lips to Eli’s palm. As Eli looked on, his eyes fell closed. An unnamed emotion swelled in Eli’s chest. A dimple appeared in Jimmy’s cheek. The pressure in Eli’s chest increased.
Unstable Page 8