by Rina Kent
“You think I wouldn’t do it?”
“C-Cole, stop.” I search our surroundings, my heart beating fast.
“Don’t test me, Silver. I’m barely able to keep my fucking hands off you in public.”
“Silver and Cole sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Ronan appears in front of us with a huge grin, grabbing Xan by the shoulder.
I push away from Cole, my cheeks flaming.
“By all means.” Xander motions between us. “Continue. We don’t even need popcorn.”
“There’s nothing to continue,” I say in a cool tone. Mum says even if you’re caught, act as if you did nothing wrong.
“Yeah, right, Queen B,” Xander huffs.
“Merde!” Ronan’s face falls. “Does this mean we can’t see your tits anymore?”
“Don’t mention them again or life as you know it will be over, Astor.” Cole’s face and voice remain calm, but the menace is clear in his eyes. “You too, Knight.”
“I knew you were the jealous type,” Xan grins, showing his dimples.
“You knew?” Ronan hits his shoulder.
“I suspected they were making babies at your house the other night.”
My face heats. “We weren’t!”
“Yes, you were.” Xander waggles his brows. “Aiden had to help drive you home after one of Cole’s sessions.”
“Under my damn roof and yet I’m the last to know? Again?” Ronan speaks in a dramatic voice. “I feel left out again. Now I have to see my therapist. Are you going to pay for his bill or take responsibility for the emotional damage? Are you? That’s what I thought. Why am I always left out of the cool stuff, merde?”
“It’s not what it seems.” I try to keep my calm façade, but I’m trapped with no way out.
Cole holds his paperbacks nonchalantly to his side. “It is.”
“Cole!” I glare at him.
“I knew it.” Xan extends his hand to Ronan. “Hand me my hundred.”
“Wait.” Ronan stares between us. “Are you fucking? Because that’s the only thing I bet on.”
“No!” I shriek.
“Yes. Every night,” Cole says in a cool tone.
“Fuck me.” Xan shows his dimples. “Make that two hundred, Ron.”
“You get five, mon ami. This shit is interesting.” Ronan grins. “So you, like, do it under your parents’ roof at night? Or in the shower? Are you open to threesomes?”
A scream fights to be set free, but I bottle it inside and storm past them. Ronan calls behind me that he’s only here to get his mother a new book and won’t bother us, but I’m not hearing him.
It isn’t until I’m in front of Cole’s Jeep that I realise I don’t have my freaking car because the arsehole sent it away.
He comes right after me and as soon as he opens the door, I climb inside, arms folded and nostrils flaring.
“What’s gotten your knickers in a twist?” he asks casually after getting behind the steering wheel.
“Are you acting as if you don’t know? Why the hell would you tell Xander and Ronan about…about… You know!”
“Us. It’s called us.” His voice turns edgy. “And they at least need to know you belong to me. It’s not like they’ll tell anyone.”
“There is no us, Cole. Stop fooling yourself.”
He angles his body in my direction and I push back against the seat, expecting him to do something — not sure what, but he can’t kiss me here where everyone can see us.
Instead of touching me, he pulls the seatbelt and straps me in. “There is an us. In fact, that’s the only thing that exists. The sooner you stop fighting that, the better for you.”
He tugs on my hair — hard — before he settles back in place. I pretend he’s not there on the ride home. Or I try to anyway. I’ve never managed to succeed at that.
As soon as we’re inside, Papa and Helen greet us for dinner.
“I’m glad you’re getting along,” Helen says.
“Your meal was well received,” Papa adds.
“Meal?” I ask, staring between them.
Helen shows me an article.
‘Sebastian’s Family: The Future’
There’s a sneaky picture taken of me and Cole while we were eating and smiling. It was when I got the mayonnaise on my nose.
I return Papa’s welcoming expression, even though I die a little inside.
I make sure to stay away from Cole for the rest of the evening. No sitting near him or across from him. No looking at him during Frederic’s briefing. When it’s time for bed, I lock my door and hide under my sheets, barely holding in the tears.
I dial Mum and she picks up after the second ring.
“Mum…”
“What is it, honey?” Her voice is weak but concerned.
“I just miss you.”
“Oh, Babydoll. I miss you, too.” She sniffles.
“Mum, are you crying?”
“I miss you. I miss home. I even miss Sebastian. What is wrong with me?”
I sit up, my heart racing. “Mum, are you drinking?”
“No. I’m watching The Notebook and hating my life.”
“How many times have you watched that one? I thought you hated romantic films.”
“I do.” She pauses. “Is he happy with her?”
I swallow, but I choose to lessen the blow. “I’m not sure.”
“He is. You just don’t want to hurt me.” She releases a breath. “I’ll be better, Babydoll. I promise.”
“Mum, if you still care about Papa, why did you guys get a divorce?”
“I do not care about him. Your father will realise his mistake with Helen and beg me to be with him, and do you know what I will tell him? No. Besides, I have Lucien.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I know, Mum. Any man is lucky to have you.”
“What’s the point if I can’t have the only one for me?” She releases a sigh. “Anyway, tell me about your day.”
We talk for a few more minutes about school and piano. After she hangs up, I keep thinking about what she said.
What’s the point if I can’t have the only one for me?
Really, what’s the point?
I’m about to switch off the bedside lamp when a shadow appears at the balcony. There’s a rustle of the curtains before someone barges inside.
My mouth opens to scream, but then I make out Cole.
He’s in simple grey cotton trousers and a white T-shirt, but he appears like a model in those home shoots.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I pant. “What are you doing here?”
“Sleeping.”
“Get out. I locked the door for a reason.”
“The locked door can’t keep me away. Besides, why do you think I chose the room next to yours? I always come through the balcony. I have to keep my door locked, too, in case Mum comes to check on me.”
“Is there anything you don’t think through?”
“You.” He dives beside me under the covers and holds me close to him. His chestnut strands fall haphazardly across his head.
“M-me?”
“You’re the only thing I’ve never been able to think through.”
My breath shortens, but I whisper, “Because I’m your chaos?”
“Because you’re the reason I look forward to new days.” His hand slips under my oversized shirt. “Mmm. Nothing. You’re on the naughty list this year.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. My naughty girl.” He yanks his trousers down and I bite my lip as he aligns the tip of his cock with my entrance. “I’m going to fuck you like that man did that woman today. It’s going to be hard and ruthless, and you’re going to moan my name.”
My limbs liquefy and I’m about to moan from the assault of his words alone.
I don’t get to reply as Cole slams inside me in one merciless go.
And then he keeps his promise.
26
Cole
There are right days and
wrong days.
Today is the latter.
I know the right days — or rather, I discovered them over the past couple of weeks.
Right days start with Silver’s face opposite mine before I wake her up with my tongue inside her cunt, and her muffling her screams into the pillow so no one hears.
Right days include leaving hickeys all over her tits and stomach and even her neck, then spying on her as she secretly stares at them in the mirror with a smile.
Those days include sneaking behind everyone’s backs whenever we have dinner, and fucking her against the bathroom’s counter until her orgasm face is the only thing visible in the mirror.
Those days can also be spent in the club, where we watch people have sex until she becomes so hot and bothered and starts to touch me. Where I’m fucking her then and there until my name comes out of her mouth in a stifled moan.
Right days end with me slipping into her room and fucking her before hugging her to sleep, only to wake her up in the middle of the night to fuck her again.
That’s the problem with Silver… It’s impossible to get enough of her. I have no pause or stop button when it comes to her. The moment I think I’m done, she’ll moan in her sleep or absentmindedly stroke my chest, and all I want to do is own her again.
The resistance never really withers away from her. It doesn’t matter that she comes undone around me, or that she still goes behind my back to threaten any girl who comes close to me. After every time I take her, every single orgasm, and every single kiss, she doesn’t fail to murmur that she hates me.
Her body might open to me willingly and without any resistance, but she still has her heart and mind under lock and key.
On right days, I couldn’t give a fuck about that. The only thing that matters is that she’s mine. So what if no one knows? I’m still the only one she comes for, begs for, and whose name she moans.
I’m the only one who sees the hickeys and the only one who puts them there. I’m the only one who witnesses the rolling of her eyes and the ‘O’ on her lips when she orgasms. The only one who feels the shaking of her legs around me and hears that small satisfied noise she makes when she’s spent.
But on wrong days, like today, I want to grab her by the throat and kidnap her the fuck out of here.
Out of this city. This country. This world.
Since we’re at school and have many witnesses, I can’t actually do that. So I watch her like I always have.
When we’re here, Silver pretends I don’t exist as she goes on about her day. I’ve told her a thousand times over that the more she acts like a bitch towards me or anyone else — the more she fakes her life — the harder I’ll fuck her that night.
I think she’s doing it on purpose. Her eyes will shine with both excitement and fear whenever I corner her, then she’ll flip her hair and tell me she’s not scared of me.
She is sometimes. Or she’s probably scared of the depth of her desire for me.
Whenever I sneak into her room at night and find her in one of those oversized T-shirts, she jumps in bed, realising just how much she’s fucked.
I tie her down most of the time, and she comes harder than any other type of sex.
As soon as we finish practice, Silver decides to have a one-on-one with Aiden near the pitch.
Recently, after Elsa nearly drowned in the pool, she broke it off with Aiden. Silver is using that chance to stake her claim again, and Aiden is doing it to make Elsa jealous and go back to him.
Silver’s smile is fake at best. I know her genuine smiles, and they’re usually reserved for her parents and home. She offers them whenever she compliments Mum’s food, or when she kisses her dad good morning and tells him she loves him.
They also come out when she sleeps wrapped around me. But she’ll never admit that.
At every reminder that we’re siblings, she physically pushes away from me. If she’s sitting across from me, she’ll squirm. If she’s somehow beside me — which is rare as hell — she’ll inch away.
The fact that I can’t be with her in public used to be fine at the beginning. I used to like knowing that she’s a bitch on the outside but turns into a willing submissive whenever I touch her. That I’m the only one who sees that side of her.
On wrong days, like fucking today, it isn’t fine.
Aiden can be with her, can touch her, can even fucking marry her and get everyone’s blessings. The fact that I can’t has been worsening the chaos that’s been in my head since they got engaged when we were fifteen.
It’s not like I can say to Mum, ‘Hey, you got your fun with Sebastian, now leave him.’
Not only is that selfish, but I also care too much about Mum’s well-being to ever do that to her.
Doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.
“Whoa. Look at them go.” Ronan clutches my shoulder as I stand by the bench and pretend to drink from a water bottle.
Resisting the urge to glare at him, I feign nonchalance. “Look at who?”
“What?” Xander runs towards us, panting. “Who? Drama?”
“Captain is pretending he doesn’t care about King and Silver.”
Why should I? They’re both playing a game. But I don’t say that in front of these two fuckers or they’ll use it as a chance to think I care.
“I don’t think Silver likes King.” Xander shrugs. Finally, someone seeing the truth. “I don’t think she likes or cares about anyone, actually. Everyone calls Elsa Frozen, but Silver is pure metal.”
She’s not. She does care. Silver calls her mum five times a day and makes sure her dad stays hydrated and Mum stays focused whenever she has a deadline. She watches Kim’s disintegration from afar with a sad expression that she wipes away before anyone can see it.
The reason Silver seems like an uncaring, self-centred bitch is because she doesn’t show her concern. She considers it a weakness and does everything to smother it.
“Nonsense.” Ronan points at himself. “She likes me.”
“She likes no one,” Xander says.
“Except for moi.” Ronan grins. “Everyone likes me.”
“Not me,” I taunt.
“Me neither most of the time,” Xan agrees.
“Fuck you both, connards. I’m really filing a report for neglect.” Ronan switches to a dramatic tone. “My abandonment issues are coming back to me. I need therapy.”
Xan raises a brow. “Party tonight?”
“Fuck yes.” Then Ronan goes on about the ladies who will be available to him and how he’ll forget our betrayal with them.
I tune him out, even though I still get the gist of his words.
All I can focus on is the look in Silver’s bright blue eyes. The way they lighten under the hint of the sun. The way they sparkle with excitement whenever her father wins a poll, or Derek hands her the bag of mini Snickers bars she still uses as comfort food.
Or when I step into her room every night.
Look at me, I speak to her in my head. Not him. Fucking look at me.
I stand there for a few seconds, counting, waiting for the moment she realises she’s not supposed to be talking to Aiden.
That I’ll find her in Ronan’s party, drag her to that room where I first tied her, and do it again.
I know that’s exactly why she’s putting on this show. She loves the thrill, the slight fear, and even the forbidden aspect of it. She gets wet when I ask her if she’s scared someone will walk in.
But the fact she’s not looking at me, not even a glance, is fucking with my head.
It doesn’t help that this is the most wrong day of all.
She, of all people, should know that.
I leave Ronan and Xander in the middle of their usual bickering, take a quick shower, and head to my Jeep.
Instead of going to Sebastian’s house, I drive back home.
My original home that Mum still keeps.
I go straight to where my mind has been living for the past ten years. I drop my messenger bag on
the chaise lounge and stand at the edge of the pool, placing both hands in my trousers’ pockets.
The water is blue; I know that. But all I see is red. Deep, dark red and blank eyes and a hand.
Ever since that night, I haven’t been able to swim in this pool. I swim in other pools, and I never imagine their colours changing.
This one is different.
Even now, the water is turning a murky red. A hand will come out from there. He’ll gurgle words.
I still don’t remember the last words he said. Which is ironic for someone with an excellent memory.
Were they even words?
I do remember the first part, though. I’ll never forget it. Maybe that’s why I can’t recall the rest.
You’re a monster.
My monster of a father called me a monster. How ironic is that?
Not ironic enough apparently, because I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s like an old, distorted disc that plays in my head on repeat.
I can’t forget the blood or the hand or the gurgled words he said before he stopped speaking altogether.
Today is the anniversary of William Nash’s death. Ten years later, I’m still standing at the edge of the pool as if I’m that small kid.
I still wonder why I extended a hand to get him out.
Why I didn’t want him to drown, even though he deserved it.
I still wonder why I didn’t scream and yell and cry when I couldn’t reach him. When he floated in the bloody water. Why did I turn around and leave? That’s not how kids my age should respond to seeing their father drowning in his own blood.
I should’ve gone to Mum. I should’ve at least had a reaction.
I didn’t.
It was…nothingness. It’s there, but you don’t feel it, see it, or smell it.
Slender arms wrap around my waist from behind. Her flowery perfume envelops me as her pale, manicured hands grab each other at my stomach.
For a second, I close my eyes and cut my connection with the bloody water.
Silver is my chaos. She’s the first person I saw after all that blood, and for that reason alone, she’s associated with it.