It only took a couple minutes to drive the mile down to the Homeplace. She parked up by the barn, giving an embarrassed wave to the hands she saw lounging on the porch of the mess hall. She wasn’t sure who had been there last night, but she was pretty sure they had all heard what happened by now.
Tim came out and headed over to her. In the middle of climbing out of the truck, she stopped to watch him, her gaze traveling from his booted feet to his bare head. His Wranglers rode low on lean hips, and his dark blue t-shirt stretched tight across his firm chest, sleeves snug around his powerful, although not bulky, biceps. His brown hair was mussed by the wind, and his eyes squinted against the bright daylight.
She couldn’t help but exhale before she checked to make sure her mouth was closed. Lordy, he cuts a fine figure of a man.
“Hey,” she said, finally standing up out of her truck.
“Hey.” She watched his gaze make its own assessment of her, looking her up and down, causing butterflies to flutter in her belly. “You okay this morning?”
“Yeah,” she said, flapping a hand in a vague attempt to draw attention from her heated cheeks. “Me and tequila.... Not a good idea.”
“I guess,” he said. She expected judgment, but she didn’t hear anything but concern in his voice. “You up for a ride? Maybe we can get out of here for a bit.”
The offer surprised her, but she loved that he had thought of it. A ride on the prairie offered more privacy than trying to have a talk around the Homeplace. “Sure,” she said.
They walked into the barn and saddled their horses in companionable silence, broken only by the snorting and chuffing sounds of the horses talking to them. Once outside the barn, they mounted up. “This way?” she asked, indicating the slope behind the bunkhouses.
“Lead on,” he said, following as she urged Carmelita into a walk.
“You really are a natural,” she said, turning in the saddle to watch him. He either had no fear, or was really skilled at covering it up.
He shrugged. “I like riding. And I try really hard to be good at the things I like.”
She caught her breath, trying not to read anything into that comment. They rode in silence for a couple minutes as he pulled even with her, then she took a deep breath.
“About last night...,” she said, while he waited patiently. “I wanted to thank you for taking care of me. I was avoiding thinking about Cody, and making a decision about whether or not I could forgive him. It was a stupid thing to do, and the worst part is that I know how stupid it was. It wasn’t the first time I’ve had too much tequila....” She let her voice trail off, unsure whether she wanted to confess her past stupidity to him while this latest was so fresh.
“I’ve done some stupid stuff, too, Janie. I’d really like a chance to tell you about it.”
She turned to look and saw him gazing at her with an enigmatic expression. “Okay.”
He squinted, tilting his head to the side. “I really like you, Janie. I don’t know if that will have any effect on what you think of me after I tell you this, but I wanted to put it out there.” He turned up one hand as though offering her something...or letting something go.
“I like you, too,” she said shyly. It seemed redundant after last night, but she wanted to tell him while she was sober.
“I hope you still do in a few minutes.” He paused, looking out over the prairie as they crested the hill. “I spent the last five years in prison, Janie.” She couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath at this confession, but waited for him to continue. Of all her guesses and imaginings, prison had only suggested itself to her once, and the idea was dismissed as soon as she thought of it.
“I had a twin brother,” he continued, not looking at her anymore. “We got into some pretty bad sh...stuff together. Drugs. Mostly meth and weed. Well, Tom got into coke a bit there at the end. In order to support our habit, our dealer talked us into transporting the drugs for her. We did it for a while without getting into trouble, making enough money to keep us plenty high. We didn’t do anything but get high, you know? It was all about the moment. I’d love to tell you I didn’t do anything more stupid than waste about six years—eight, if you count the years playing video games and smoking weed before that. But I lied, cheated, fought, stole, did whatever I needed to do to get my next fix. I was pretty much a waste of skin.”
He paused and his gaze flicked over at her, then away. “By the time Mitzi arrested me and Tom, well.... I’m convinced she saved my life by sending me to jail, and ultimately prison. I sobered up, learned how to do things, got my GED, got healthy—well, as healthy as you can get on prison food—and swore that when I got out, I was going straight, no matter what it took.”
He fell silent, and Janie struggled to process what he’d told her. His great mystery was that he had been a drug addict who’d done time? Hardly her vision of a dashing spy or world traveler. What was she supposed to do with this information?
“I know it’s probably a shock,” he said in the face of her silence, “and I know I should have told you sooner, but I guess I didn’t want you to hate me just yet. After last night, I couldn’t let you go on thinking I didn’t like you.”
⋘⋆⋙
Tim held his breath, waiting for Janie’s response. Now that the words were out, he wanted to take them back. He wanted to tell her the reasons she should give him a chance.
As the silence stretched out, he wanted to beg her to say something, anything. Roo must have felt his agitation because he picked up his pace, breaking into a jolting trot.
“Relax. Gently pull back on the reins,” Janie said. “Get him under control. If you’re going to trot or gallop, it needs to be your idea, not his. Do you want to try a trot?”
Following her advice, he brought Roo under control and, reluctantly, let Janie change the subject. The look on her face was a silent plea for time. He realized he just added his history on top of the news her ex had given her, and he cursed his timing. Nothing like piling up a load of baggage for her to sort through.
“Sure,” he said. “If you think Roo is ready, I’m game.”
“So, the trick to a trot is not to hold on with your legs.” Tim blinked at her, and she laughed. “It’s easier to experience than describe, but trust me. People think you just sit there, but riding is a lot about posture and muscle control. You already have a natural seat, which means your shoulders, hips, and heels line up on their own, and you’ve got your heels down in the stirrups. Maybe you have horsemen in your family tree somewhere.” She winked at him, which made him smile.
“Now, when you relax your leg muscles, it keeps you from pushing yourself up out of the seat, but you have to maintain contact using your thighs so you’re actively balanced on your seat, making it easier on Roo. You’re not a limp noodle.”
“Kind of like isolating muscle groups when you work out? You want to focus on the particular group you’re trying to build up, but the rest of your body can’t be slack.”
She nodded. “I think that idea translates. You don’t want to be all locked up and tense to hold on, but you do want to use some muscle to absorb the motion and follow it. That’s what keeps you from bouncing too much, and you both will be much more comfortable.
“Jeff was in the process of training Roo. Horses have to learn how to trot, too. Having a human on their back isn’t exactly natural, and Roo is still fairly green. But you’ll find that as you learn, so will Roo. He’ll start to take cues from your body motion. If you sit there and bounce like a sack of potatoes would, he doesn’t have anything to work with. But when you relax into the seat, you’ll get this kind of hip-thrusting motion going, and the speed of that motion will encourage the speed and motion of his gait.”
Tim gave her a sidelong glance at the mention of thrusting hips, catching her blush as she looked up from his hips to meet his gaze. He realized she hadn’t intended any innuendo, so he dragged his mind out of the gutter. “What about the reins? Don’t I control his speed with them?”
/>
“Sure, especially while you’re both learning. But for an experienced rider, it’s not about forcing him. It’s about influencing him. If you come to the rodeo at the fair, you’ll see riders doing stuff with their hands like roping calves and cueing their horses without the reins at all. The best teacher is doing, though. There’s a dirt track over this way. We’ll go there to minimize the risk of holes.”
Tim turned and nudged Roo in the direction Janie had indicated. “Trip wasn’t riding on a track yesterday. How did he know there were no holes?”
“Well, Trip rides out here pretty much every day, so he knows the lay of the land real well. And it’s a funny thing about horses. It’s rare for a horse to step in a hole. I mean, wild horses race across wild land all the time, and Nokotas are incredibly surefooted on their own. But I believe the comfort level between the horse and rider makes a big difference. Trip has been riding Scotchie for the better part of a decade and they know each other very well, so Scotchie can concentrate on his feet without worrying about what Trip is up to.”
“And since Roo and I are both inexperienced, you want us on a track to make things easier for Roo.”
“Exactly. Here we are.”
Tim looked down to see a track worn into the prairie, little more than an absence of shrubs. He looked over at Janie and banished his doubts and fears. “Tell me what to do.”
Chapter Eighteen
Tim couldn’t remember laughing so much in years. Who knew trotting a horse would be such a kick in the pants? He knew he would be sore in the morning after such unusual activity, but it was totally worth it. Trotting Roo was exhilarating. He could only imagine what a gallop would be like.
As Janie reined in beside him, he turned to look at her, knowing he must have the goofiest grin on his face. He was happy to see her smiling, too. She looked more relaxed than she had after he disclosed his past to her two hours ago. For a moment, they gazed at each other, smiling, and for Tim, the world contracted to a bubble just big enough for the two of them and their horses.
Then Janie’s smile faltered a bit, and she fiddled with her reins. Tim decided to create an opportunity for her to talk about things in case she was ready.
“So,” he said lightly, feigning an assurance he didn’t really feel. “In gratitude for this lesson, I’m an open book. Ask me anything, anything at all. You will get an honest answer.”
“Well, I...I do wonder. Did you ever...hurt anyone?”
He wanted to ask her to define hurt, but kept his sarcasm in check.
“Technically, I didn’t go to prison for physically hurting anyone. Realistically, I did hurt the people who were addicted to the drugs I helped bring into the city. I mean, addicts were going to get their drugs with or without me, but I have had to come to terms with and accept a level of responsibility for the harm addiction causes to addicts and their families. So, in that way, I have hurt people.
“As for physical harm, I never went around randomly handing out beatings to innocent people, but I did get into fights. It wasn’t really official, but I kind of acted as a bodyguard for the dealer, who was basically my boss. I know I’m not the biggest guy around, but—and this is going to sound stupid—I fight pretty hard for what’s important to me. It’s just too bad what kinds of things I thought were worth fighting for back then, you know? By the time I was in prison, I vowed I would only fight to protect myself. And I only got into one fight there, just to show the rest of them I shouldn’t be messed with.”
She was silent for a moment, then indicated they should start walking their horses back toward the Homeplace. She set a slow pace, presumably to let Roo rest up after his exertions. “So, I’m assuming there are no women or children bearing scars you gave them?”
“Oh, no. I never hit any women or kids. At least, I don’t think so. Some of the younger addicts really looked older, but there’s only one I think may have been seventeen, and he just got a smack on the back of the head.”
“And...no dead bodies?” She stared straight over her horse’s ears as she asked this, and Tim hurried to reassure her.
“No dead bodies. The fighting I did was mostly spur-of-the-moment stuff to protect Angelisa.”
“Who is Angelisa?”
Tim cleared his throat, knowing this was where the story got really awkward.
“Angelisa was the dealer I worked for. And, I guess, my girlfriend.”
That earned him a sharp look. “Your girlfriend was a drug dealer?”
“My priorities were really screwed up, weren’t they?”
“Hmm,” was the only response Janie gave him. “Were there other women?”
“No, not really. I was a video game geek until Angelisa came along. I couldn’t get laid even if I paid for it, you know? Angelisa was older, mysterious, and strong. Ex-military. Dangerous. Exciting. And she had access to some seriously great weed. She’s the one who started me on meth, invited me deeper into the looking glass.
“Once my brother and I started transporting for her, we could have had our pick of women. And Tom did. He took any trick he could to bed. All he had to do was flash a baggie and they would come running. Some of them tried me, too, but I was pretty much head-over-heels for ’Lisa. And she was very much the jealous type. She wasn’t exclusive to me, but I was exclusive to her. If she thought I was screwing around on her, I’d have been in a world of hurt.
“Sometimes, some of the ‘dust bunnies’ would come on to me, pretending they thought I was Tom—we were identical—and Tom once tried to pretend he was me to get ’Lisa in bed, but she could always tell us apart.”
“And how do you feel about Angelisa now? What if she showed up and said she wanted you back?”
Tim snorted. “Not going to happen. First, anything I felt for Angelisa burned into ashes by the time I sobered up. Not only did she allow me to go to jail for her, she failed to write or visit, which told me she didn’t give a crap about me. I realized what we had was toxic on so many levels.”
He looked over at Janie, trying to decide if he should explain that they were never lovers. They just had sex. Happy moments were few and far between. Their days together had been full of bitter, jealous fights, accusations, and paranoia. In between, they rutted like animals. He decided that could wait for another conversation.
“Anyway, Angelisa is a city girl. She’d never come this far into the country. She’d hate it, and I don’t think she’d ever even think to look for me here. And now that I’ve been here for a while, I don’t think anyone or anything could induce me to leave.”
“Oh.” Janie was silent for a few moments, then she cleared her throat. “What about, you know, in prison?”
He shook his head and chuckled. Deep down, he’d known she’d ask about that, and he’d wondered how blunt she would be.
“Prison is a funny place,” he began, not sure how to reassure her. “Some guys turn to each other to get release, sometimes the women guards will sneak affairs. Five years is a long time to go without anyone other than me playing with my joystick, but take my word for it. It can be done.” He swore he saw her visibly relax.
“Thank you,” she said, turning to him at last. He saw the color in her cheeks, and knowing she could feel embarrassed by the topic endeared her to him more.
“Only the truth for you, Janie. I’m done with making bad choices and screwing up because I failed to think something through or failed to be honest. I may still make mistakes, but it won’t be because I’m not trying my hardest and best.”
⋘⋆⋙
Janie felt her cheeks burning. She had never imagined she’d be having this conversation with anyone, much less a man she was interested in seeing on a romantic basis. Over the last month, she had come to be able to read Tim pretty well, and her instincts told her he was being completely honest with her.
His frank admission of having been alone for so long stirred corresponding feelings of longing in her. And then to hear him tell her he would only ever tell her the truth.... She studi
ed him while he rode beside her, noting the tense set of his shoulders and the firm grip he had on the reins. Tim’s answers to her questions had not been as easy for him as he wanted her to believe, and his vulnerability touched her.
As much as her brain told her she was crazy for even listening as long as she had, her heart felt only compassion for everything Tim had been through. With only a little hesitation, she nudged Carmelita closer to Roo and held her hand out across the space between them.
When Tim accepted it, she squeezed in reassurance. “I still like you, Tim,” she said. “I want to see where this goes.”
He squeezed her hand in return, a rare smile lighting his face. “I’m glad.”
They rode like that for a while, holding hands and occasionally smiling at each other. Such a silly—and romantic—gesture, two grown people holding hands like teenagers, but contentment settled on her, layered with excitement for what the future might bring them.
As they rounded the corral on their way back to the barn, Tim pulled Roo to a stop, so she and Carmelita stopped, too. A serious look had returned to Tim’s face as he squinted at her in the bright sun.
“Just one thing,” he said. “And I hate to bring it up, but I know I’ll regret it if I don’t.”
Janie swallowed, wondering what else he could possibly tell her. “Okay?”
“Just consider, Janie. You’re willing to take a chance on me, someone you haven’t known very long. You believe in me, believe that I have changed for the better, and I’m so thankful for that. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t suggest that maybe Cody deserves the same consideration. If you can overlook the sins of my past, couldn’t you forgive him, too?”
Janie dropped Tim’s hand, confusion and anger crowding out the contentment she’d felt moments before. “Why would you say that?” she asked, hating the break in her voice.
“Because you have a good heart, Janie, and I suspect you will forgive him sooner or later. Bitterness is its own kind of prison. When you get past it, you’ll regret the time you gave to it. Take it from someone who took years to learn that lesson.”
Last Second Chance (A Thomas Family Novel Book 2) Page 13