Oh, good grief!
I wanted to laugh at that but even one as dense to such things as I was could see that she was genuine. She honestly believed that. In her mind, she had managed to justify my behaviour. Which was truly bizarre.
She appeared to be completely earnest and for a moment, I wondered how to reply. I mean, it wasn’t the most expected response, and it was a little too close to Samuel’s belief that I had been sent by some unknown creator of everything to fight the good fight.
It was more than a little weird that they had both such similar ideas but, at the end of the day, if it made my life easier, I would go with it.
“Well then. If that’s everything…”
“I forgive you for what happened with your brother,” Mother said, and I did sigh then.
“Okay.”
“I love you, son. I know you don’t feel the same way for us, but I would like to be in your life if you would allow it. I would like to watch my grandchildren grow up.”
Evelyn glared at me as I stared at my mother, dumbfounded. How was I supposed to reply to such emotional nonsense? I wished that Lily were there with me as she could take over the conversation or at least give me some prompts.
She wanted a response, even I could see that. What that response would be, I wasn’t certain. I could guess, but there was a good chance I would be wrong. No doubt an emotional response would be better received but such a response would be a lie.
Or would it? I mean, she had birthed me, so I did owe her for that. But, at the same time, she had also raised me in a household that held to a sickening belief that all people were created equal and murder was a sin.
Even one such as I had a momentary pang of conscience that first time I had killed someone. Well, maybe not conscience, but the little voice in the back of my head that reiterated the same tired old nonsense I had heard all through my formative years.
Admittedly, it only took me a minute or two to get over that, but even so, it hard irked me that they had had such an effect on my psyche.
My parents had raised me, ensuring that I learnt some valuable lessons about hard working and seeing every task through. They had made sure that I was diligent and focused on each task I was working on.
That had helped when stalking my victims. I paid attention to the details, I was cautious and took my time, making sure the job was completed fully. In a way, then, they had helped me become a better killer.
Surely that was something to be grateful for? But, did it mean that I loved them? I mean, sure, I loved Lily and the twins. A surprise to everyone, myself included, but no less true for that. So, I was capable of love.
The question then, was did I feel that for my parents, for my sibling. It was a tricky question and I could see from the way they shifted in their chairs, exchanging looks, that I was taking too long to formulate my reply.
“I… respect you and I’m grateful,” I said, words seemingly wrenched from me with some difficulty. It felt too much like admitting to weakness. “I appreciate everything you have done for me throughout my life and I would be pleased if the twins would have that same experience.”
There was a tension in between my shoulder blades and the back of my neck. I felt more than a little dirty for having lowered myself to such a response. My mother, however, smiled.
“It’s enough,” she said, echoing a response I had heard often from Lily.
I wasn’t sure what that meant but if it saved me from more awkward conversations, I could live with that. Evelyn, however, was looking at me askance.
“You too, sister. Without your aid, my life would have been different.”
Her brows drew down at that and I knew that I had scored a point, reminding her that without her help I would have probably been in prison when the world fell and not in a position to, later on, kill my brother.
A healthy dose of guilt to eat away at her.
“Nice,” she said, and I shrugged. She knew what I had just done.
“My apologies. This is not easy for me.”
“Doesn’t have to be easy, just honest.”
What was it with people and their need for honesty? I had lived my life lying to everyone. About who I was, what I enjoyed doing. I preferred to lie.
I gave a heavy sigh, my shoulders slumping a little as I realised that I didn’t really have a way out other than to be honest.
“Fine. I do appreciate all that you did for me, sister. Regardless of how things played out, without your help, your guidance, I would not have been in a position to meet Lily. To learn that I was capable of loving someone and to have my children.”
“For that, I owe you a great deal.”
“Thank you,” she said with a glimmer of tears in her eyes.
I hoped she didn’t expect a hug.
“You’re welcome. Are we done with this now?”
“Yes. No more uncomfortable talk. You can feel safe.”
I was pretty sure that was sarcasm and for a brief moment, actually felt a little bit of kinship with my sibling.
“Thank you, Ryan,” Mother said as she rose to her feet. “It means a great deal.”
“Yes, thanks.”
Evelyn waited a moment as my mother walked across to the door and then went out into the corridor. She turned back to me.
“I’m still not fully ready to forgive you for, Gabe. But, I can put it aside for the sake of our family.” She paused and gave me a considering look. “I may not be like you but if you do anything else to harm our family, I will kill you.”
With that, she spun on her heel and marched to the door, head held high and back straight. I watched her leave, a smile of admiration growing on my face.
“I like her,” Gregg said as he came up beside me.
“You know what? I think I do too.”
Chapter 11
The end of a long and wearying day saw me walking into my apartment lobby with a small entourage of guards and attendants. I had given a brief speech that was broadcast across the island, thanking everyone for their support and confidence.
After that, I had started going through the thousand and one things that needed to be done right that minute. There were endless reports, meeting with community leaders, giving my authorisation to all of those things that apparently needed it.
I was exhausted by the end.
Lisa, my bodyguard and one of Ryan’s finest acolytes, entered the elevator with me and stopped anyone else from entering with a single glance. Unlike the other cultists, she had stopped wearing her hood, revealing a pretty face and eyes that seemed to be bottomless wells of pain and loss.
She had saved my life several times and I respected her abilities and enjoyed her company. Once she got over the whole not talking to the living thing, she was quite pleasant.
The elevator stopped at the top floor and I gave a smile of greeting to the handful of black-garbed guards waiting outside my door. One of them made some gesture with his hand that was done so quickly that I barely caught it, but Lisa responded in kind.
“What was that?”
“Apologies, My Lady,” Lisa said. “He is new and should have been a little more discreet.”
“So that I didn’t see it?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“After, My Lord Death, was taken from us, Samuel decided that we needed a way to identify ourselves while wearing the shrouds.”
“So, you chose sign language?”
“Yes. It can be used when being heard would be dangerous and can be discreet, with enough training.”
She made a point of looking at the acolyte who had made the gesture as she said that, and I smiled. They all seemed to make a great deal about not being noticed and that was purely Ryan’s influence.
At thought of him, my smile faded, and I walked through the door one of the acolytes opened for me, giving a nod of thanks to him as I passed. Lisa waited outside with the guards, giving me some much needed alone time.
I stopped at the end of
the hallway, just inside the doorway to the living area and my smile grew.
Ryan, sat on the sofa with our daughter in his arms, feeding her with one of the bottles I had prepared earlier. She gurgled happily as she stared up at him with big eyes of piercing blue. He noticed my arrival, of course, and his lips turned up in a smile of greeting.
“I think this one needs a change, mate,” Gregg said, holding out our son before him with a look of disgust on his face. “Seriously, he stinks.”
“Pass him here.” Evie’s voice held more than a little exasperation and I had to do a double take as she came into view.
She was the last person I had expected to see in the apartment when Ryan was around. Evie gave a quick wave to me as she passed, lifting my son from Gregg’s hands and whisking him away to the changing table.
“Hey, Boss Lady,” Gregg called as he jumped to his feet. “Do I need to, like, bow or something now?”
“No.” My smile was wide and heart fit to bursting at the love I felt for my little family and friend. “You never have to do anything but give me a hug.”
“That, I can do,” he said, grin widening as he crossed the distance between us and wrapped me in a warm embrace. “You okay?”
“I am now,” I said, and he laughed, knowing I wasn’t just speaking of his hug. “You’re not infectious then?”
“Nah, we’re good. Got the all clear and kicked out of the medical centre an hour ago.”
“There’s food in the oven,” Ryan said with a nod towards the kitchen. “Will be ready soon.”
“Nothing exciting,” Gregg added. “Just a quick stew that your boyfriend whipped up.”
“Sounds great.”
It really did. For a moment, I just stood there, appreciating that I had essentially arrived home from work to dinner in the oven and my partner feeding and caring for our children. Way back before the fall of the world, I would have struggled to get any of my boyfriends to do, well, anything.
As it turned out, if I wanted an enlightened man who treated me like an equal, I had just needed to find a serial killer. Which was really weird when I thought about it.
“Didn’t expect to see you here,” I said to Evie as she came across to me, freshly changed baby in her arms.
“Well, we had a talk, finally.” She passed me my son with a smile. “We came to an understanding of sorts.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, but I’ll talk to you later. I need to get home to Lucas. Mum and dad will need a break.”
“Okay, well, coffee in the morning before you head to work?”
“Sure.”
She waved and brushed past me, headed to the door and I looked across at Gregg.
“I’m staying till after I’ve eaten, sorry.”
“You’re always welcome.”
He grinned at that and headed into the kitchen to check on the food as I crossed the room and sat down beside my love. His eyes met my own and I caught my breath as I saw the warmth in them. I leant in, my lips meeting his as we shared a passionate, yet quiet, greeting.
“Gah! Do you two have to do that? You have a guest to think of.”
“Sorry, Gregg.” He laughed as I shook my head and pulled back from Ryan. “How long till dinner is ready?”
“Another half hour.”
“Good, I have time to pump.” I looked up at my friend. “If you wouldn’t mind taking this little fellow?”
“Like you need to ask.”
Gregg reached out eagerly and lifted my baby boy. He smiled as he cradled him and reached for the second bottle of milk that was waiting on the side table. I stood up and he took my place, sitting beside Ryan as he fed my son.
I looked at them both, sitting side by side, each with a baby cradled in one arm and a bottle held in their other and I laughed.
“What?” Gregg asked.
“Just thinking,” I said. “Here you sit, the very picture of domesticity. A far cry from the blood and gore of the battlefield. It’s almost weird, seeing you so…well, normal.”
“Enjoy it while you can, my friend, it won’t last,” Gregg said.
Well, that was true enough, I supposed. But that made it all the more important to appreciate the little moments when they came along, and I was damned sure I would appreciate that one. For all his faults, Ryan was shaping up to be a good father.
The man I had first met, two years before, was a hell of a lot different to the man I shared my life with. He had friends he cared for and children that he loved. His feelings for me were something I cherished and I considered myself to be truly lucky.
Which made it harder to do what I had to.
“I need you to do something,” I said, softly and Ryan looked up, gaze meeting mine.
“What?”
“Genpact need to be stopped.” I sucked in a deep breath as his face changed, eyes going cold. “Eliminated.”
And there it was. I had to fight the almost instinctive urge to grab our daughter as the killer rose up behind his eyes. It was a frightening thing to behold and while I knew he would never harm our children, just that look evoked an almost primal fear response.
I shivered and forced a smile as he tilted his head, watching me as a predator would its prey. No matter how much I knew in my head that he wouldn’t hurt me, an instinctive part of me was screaming of danger.
“You are fine with me leaving?”
A whole host of meaning in that one question. Would it break his promise to stay? No. Would I worry about him being gone? Of course. Would I understand the things he had to do?
“Yes.”
Of course I wasn’t. I would be scared every single moment he was gone that he wouldn’t return and I would cry myself to sleep on a night, knowing that one day he would head out as a man and come back as the killer.
He had noticed, I thought, and I was pretty sure that was one of the reasons he had promised to stay on the island until the twins were born. The more he killed, the harder it was for him to stop being the killer.
It was almost like an addiction for him and like any addict, he was needing more and more to get that same thrill. More murder, more violence, more chaos. It was why he had been spending so much time training. He needed to take his mind off of his need for death.
And I was asking him to go and get another fix.
“The others are drawing up plans for the operation now,” I said. “They estimate a few days at most before we can start.”
“It will not be easy.”
“But it has to be done. We can’t risk them sending more plague ships to us. Or whatever else they try to do.”
“What will this… mission, entail?” Gregg asked, looking from Ryan to me.
“A distraction will be staged while a small group goes inside the bunker and…” I licked dry lips. “And, eliminates the threat.”
“There’s gonna be hundreds of people in that bunker! Even if we get in, how the hell will we stop them?”
“It can be done,” Ryan said, voice cool as he forced the killer back down. His gaze dropped to our daughter and when he looked back up, the man I loved was back. “Won’t be easy and it will have risk, but it can be done.”
I swallowed back the tears that threatened to come and nodded in agreement to him. It would be damned difficult and risky as hell, but I couldn’t really imagine anyone having more chance than Ryan. No matter how much it broke my heart to ask him to do it.
“Man, I really thought we were done with danger.”
“You don’t have to go,” Ryan said to our friend, not taking his eyes off of me. “Stay and protect my family for me.”
Gregg gave him a hard look and shook his head. He turned to me and hesitated a moment before looking back at Ryan.
“No, mate. I think the best way to protect your family is to go with you and make sure you come home.”
He looked over at me once more and grinned.
“Besides, you’d be lost without me.”
“Perhaps,” Ryan said, lips f
orming a thin smile.
It would be dangerous. That much was true, but I had to believe that he would come back to me. As I looked into his eyes, I could see the silent promise in them. He knew my fears and he was promising that he would return.
In truth, I had little doubt he would, but I very much worried whether it would be the man or the killer.
Chapter 12
The day was clear and still, the streets blanketed in a thick layer of snow that crunched beneath my feet as I walked. It was quiet and peaceful, almost pleasant. I wore a thick coat and leather gloves to ward off the cold but still felt that ache in my bones.
“Damn, it needs to warm up soon,” Gregg muttered. “I’m done with winter.”
I spared him a pitying look, smile widening at the sight of him. The thick woollen hat was pulled down over his head as far as it could go and there was so much scarf wrapped around his face that I had difficulty understanding what he was saying at times.
The mittens he wore were totally unsuited for use with a weapon and the several layers of clothing meant he would struggle to move fast should the need arise. Added to that was the fact that each item of clothing was a different colour, making him look like a heavy rainbow walking through the snow.
“What?” He eyed me suspiciously as I laughed.
“Remind me to ask Samuel to add clothes warehouses to our list of scavenging sites.”
“Not my fault if we have limited choice. These were the best I could do.”
I shook my head and pressed on through the snow-covered streets. Those few people about gave us a wide berth. The soldiers on patrol watched us carefully, though a few nodded in greeting or possibly to show respect. Any of my own minions immediately saluted with a fist to the breast.
Dark clouds covered the sky and while it had ceased snowing for the moment, I was pretty sure it would be starting up again soon enough.
Gregg acknowledged the warm greeting from a man as we passed and I glanced at my friend to find him blushing, as he avoided my gaze. I looked back at the man, tall and slim with a pleasant face and eyes that followed my friend.
“Who was that?”
“No one.”
“Clearly it’s someone.”
Killing The Dead (Book 17): Siege Page 7