She pushed her food around the plate, not remotely hungry. Every muscle felt tense and on high alert. Her thoughts were stuck on a permanent Josh loop, torturing her over and over with memories of making love to him and then the sheer misery of losing him. He’d left her to go through that alone.
I need to remember how much he hurt me. I must remember…
She turned to Matt, forcing a smile to her face. “So, are you guys going out this evening?”
“We thought we’d stay in tonight.” Matt leant closer, his eyes gleaming with sudden interest. “Would you like to show us how to use the Jacuzzi?”
Amy willed herself not to move away. It felt weirdly disloyal to Josh to be flirting with Matt but that was crazy. Anyway, Josh had done the ultimate in disloyalty…
“Sure, why not? We’ll come and join you once we’ve cleared up,” She aimed for breezy but thought her voice sounded squeaky, like a panicked mouse.
Only when it was time to clear the table did she catch Josh’s eye and when she did, she flinched. He glared at her, eyes dark and when she attempted a smile to break the tension he didn’t return the gesture.
This was totally pants.
She carried the plates back into the kitchen, tears stinging the back of her eyelids as she fought to keep them from escaping. What right had Josh to be angry with her? She was the innocent one in all this and she had the right to flirt or sleep with whomever she wanted.
Angrily, she stacked the plates, barely aware of the girls around her. She wanted to hurt Josh at that moment, really hurt him. Revenge might be best served cold but her revenge was going to be hot, red-hot. She’d make him see what he’d been missing.
Standing outside on the chilly terrace, protected from the icy air and the snow by only a white waffle robe and slippers, her red-hot rage had cooled a little. Goosebumps crept over her flesh as the others whooped and ran to the hot tub, Tash pressed the button to start it up and leapt in. She hadn’t even bothered with a robe, just a skimpy black bikini, and for a second Amy wondered if she’d ever be so confident as to not care at all about how she looked.
She slipped the waffle gown from her shoulders, the soft cotton brushing her sensitised skin. Glancing down, she was horribly aware of her nipples stiffening with the cold and pressing hard against the fabric of her silver bikini. She couldn’t meet Josh’s eyes or bear his glare. She bristled; it was hardly as if she’d done anything wrong.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Matt’s appreciative gaze resting on her body. Despite the cold a flush crept up her neck and she stared hard at the decking, keeping her slippers on until she got to the tub. No way was she running over the snow like Tash had done.
She stepped down into the hot water of the tub trying not to feel self-conscious, which was counter productive. The silver fabric protecting her modesty felt flimsy and insubstantial. Matt reached out a hand to help her down and she took it, accepting his help and stirred by the appreciative gleam in his eye and his cheeky grin. So, it’d been a good move being talked into buying the silver bikini. She’d not thought to pack a swimsuit. She’d been thinking about keeping warm when she did her packing back in England.
It was a little smaller than she’d realised though and the cold air had had a rather unfortunate effect on her nipples – they poked prominently through the flimsy fabric.
How embarrassing.
For a brief moment she wondered if she wanted to take things further with Matt. He seemed…nice enough. His chest was broad and muscly, thick dark hair curled down his chest to beneath the waistband of his trunks.
As Amy sank into the warm water Matt rested a hand on her back, resting lightly over her bikini fastening.
“Don’t grope the girl,” Josh barked, descending rapidly after Matt, his face dark as thunder as he squeezed in between Sophie and Amy.
Hmm, interesting…
“Amy doesn’t mind, do you Amy?” Matt said, shooting Josh a curious, half amused look.
“Er, no…it’s fine.” Amy shrugged awkwardly, shrinking back onto the underwater shelf that served a seat in the hot tub.
Tash was chatting up the other two guys on the other side of the hot tub, Amy couldn’t remember their names; she’d been a bit…preoccupied.
She couldn’t concentrate, even though her body felt on high alert and her heart beat hard in her chest.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
They all to squeeze up to make room, fitting eight in was a stretch. Josh’s thigh pressed hard against her on one side and Matt’s thigh on the other but it was Josh’s leg which sent darts of pleasure zinging around her body, like she’d received a shot of adrenalin.
This felt too intimate, too stressful. How could Tash and Amelia chat and flirt as though it were perfectly normal to strip after dinner and climb into what was in effect a giant bath? With strangers too.
Her skin prickled, nipples still hard despite the warmth of the water. Steam rose into the air, evaporating as hot met cold.
And this is supposed to be relaxing? Huh!
All she could think about was Josh’s thigh pressed up against hers. Erotic images flashed through her mind, unexpected and X-rated.
If they were alone in this tub, how easy it would be to surreptitiously untie the ties of her bikini bottoms and slip onto Josh’s lap. To slowly grind against him until he slid inside her…
The first time they’d made love had been outdoors. Did Josh remember it as well as she did? He had been adamant their first time wouldn’t be in the back of his battered MG Metro so they’d driven out into the country and climbed a fence into a field. She could almost inhale the fresh night air of that evening, feel the blades of grass beneath her bare bottom, and feel Josh moving inside her.
She glanced sideways at him and found he was looking at her, as though drawn to her by the strength of her fantasies and erotic memories. His eyes were dark, dilated with desire, melting and tempting her. Yet there was still the distance between them that had broken her heart the day he’d ended their relationship. As though he wanted her but had already decided he wasn’t going to have her.
He’d always been about doing the right thing.
Maybe I should show him Amelia’s magazine article.
Where had this come from? How had rage morphed into a ferocious desire to make love to him?
Casually she pressed her thigh a little harder against his, wondering if the bubbles could adequately hide everything that happened beneath the surface of the water.
“How have you been Amy?” Josh whispered, beneath the sound level of the others’ voices. The noise of the Jacuzzi helped to cover the sound of their voices.
“Um, okay,” she whispered back, enjoying the intimacy that the whispering brought them. This was their little world, right here. “And you?”
He hadn’t moved his thigh away and its presence disturbed her, sending messages cartwheeling through her body.
“I’m, yes…I’m great.” His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. It wasn’t his easy-going grin of old that she’d loved so much. Just one smile from Josh had been all she ever needed to raise her spirits.
She thought he looked a little…sad. As they stared she felt the barriers between them dissolving and a glimmer of their old connection resurfaced temporarily.
“Amy, why aren’t you teaching?” he asked and Amy’s stomach lurched. “Are you taking a year off or something?”
The one question she couldn’t bear to answer. How on earth could she tell him? It was all much too late.
“No, I…” Amy’s voice refused to obey her, the words catching in her throat. The sense of shame morphed into anger.
It might’ve been different if you’d been there. If you’d bothered to hang around or maybe if you’d just stayed in touch and been there to listen…maybe I wouldn’t have fallen into that black hole.
Yet despite the anger she couldn’t bring herself to shift away from his thigh. Desire flared through her, between her thighs, deep inside and
in her tingling nipples. The dichotomy of anger and desire wound her even tighter and fear she might detonate any minute pulsed through her body.
There’d be carnage, she was sure of it.
“I don’t teach, I um, never actually did the teacher training in the end. I temped instead. And I travelled a little. Then I heard about working the season out here, that they wanted English speakers and you have about all the skiing you could do. So I ended up here.” Her voice tailed off at the confused frown on Josh’s face.
Feeling that she’d disappointed him hurt, which in turn angered her.
How can I be feeling like this? It’s ridiculous; he’s the one who bloody well disappointed me, big time!
Tash, Paul and Mark had leapt out of the tub and were rolling in the snow, shrieking loudly and providing a welcome distraction. At least Tash was having a good time. She was never happier than when two guys were vying for her attention.
Amy looked down at the water, at the bubbles rising to the surface and evaporating. This was supposed to be relaxing? She felt as jumpy as a kangaroo on steroids. She fidgeted away from Josh, which left her with nowhere to go but closer to Matt. Her thigh pressed up against his hairy leg.
He turned to her and grinned, breaking off his conversation with Amelia. “Hi there. Stop chatting up the chalet girls, Josh.”
“I was only talking to her,” Josh’s tone was mild but she recognised the expression on his face.
Josh was pissed off. Very pissed off.
“Well you’re already taken mate. Have a bit of pity for your single friends.” Matt lightly stroked Amy’s thigh beneath the surface of the water.
Amy couldn’t move, whether she was immobilised from the news that Josh was taken or Matt’s advances she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know how to handle either.
“Oh.” The breath caught in Amy’s chest as she turned her head to see Josh’s face. “You are?”
She was barely aware of Matt’s hand continuing to stroke her leg, she cared only about what Josh would say next.
Of course he has a girlfriend.
The voice in her head was scornful.
“Well he is the stag.” Matt laughed. “And I don’t think his fiancée would take kindly to him chatting up the chalet girls. No offence.”
CHAPTER THREE
Josh’s eyes sought hers, staring hard as though trying to communicate without words, his mouth set in a grim line. But what was he trying to say? And really what could he say? She shifted away from him, which meant she was pressed even harder against Matt.
“Oh I see, I didn’t think.” Amy blinked hard to stop the tears from falling. Why hadn’t it occurred to her that Josh might be the stag? But then hadn’t she deliberately avoided asking which of the group was getting married? Hadn’t she really feared this, deep down?
What does it matter? You weren’t really thinking about getting back together with him were you? He dumped you, cut you off without a word, let you go through hell without giving a toss what might be happening to you…
She turned to Matt, her back to Josh, feeling like her insides had turned to lead. “So Matt, you don’t have a girlfriend or fiancée hidden away somewhere then?”
She hoped Josh could read the subtext.
Why on earth didn’t you tell me you’re getting married?
Matt grinned, eyes gleaming. “Me? No, I’m free to be all yours, if you want me.”
She raised an eyebrow, ignoring a derisive snort from Josh behind her. “Does that usually work as a chat up line?”
Matt shrugged “Well, I don’t like to brag but…okay not often. Why don’t you take pity on me and give me a kiss?”
Amy sensed Josh’s hostility behind her. What did he care? He was getting married wasn’t he? It was none of his business who she kissed. Matt’s interest was both flattering and reassuring.
Ignoring the thumping of her heart she leant forward. Matt’s green eyes widened with delighted surprise but he swooped in before she could reconsider.
His warm lips felt nice, she supposed. It was a…good-ish kiss. But she felt detached from it, like an observer. She went through the motions but her heart wasn’t in it. All her awareness was focused on Josh getting out of the tub behind her. She heard the splash and couldn’t concentrate on the kiss. Tears still burned in her eyes and she kept them tightly shut, squeezing them hard and trying to ignore the beating drum of the news.
Josh is getting married. Married. Married! It can’t be true. This isn’t what was meant to happen.
And this wasn’t fair to Matt. His hands had edged up from her thigh. She had to act quickly. Before they could creep further towards her breasts she edged away.
“Sorry, I think I had a bit too much wine at dinner,” she said, wondering if he’d noticed she’d barely touched her glass. If so, he was too polite to say so. “I made a… mistake, I shouldn’t have…”
Matt put both his hands up, palms facing her. “Hey, no need to apologise, feel free to make your mistakes with me anytime. I’m always glad to be of service.”
She smiled despite the wave of misery threatening to swamp her. He was a nice guy; if it hadn’t been for Josh, well maybe…but at the moment it wasn’t fair for her to get involved with anyone.
Not while her heart was so firmly trapped in the past. It wasn’t right.
Kissing Matt had been like putting a sticking plaster on a broken leg – entirely inappropriate, not to mention inadequate.
Until tonight, she hadn’t even realised she was holding out hope she and Josh might be able to resurrect things. Hoping for a last minute reprieve. As though Josh was going to confess he’d been in love with her all along, pining for her and cursing himself for making the mistake of a lifetime.
As if.
She had to get real. The past was dead and buried. It was time to stop faffing about with her life, waiting for someone to make everything okay again.
She stumbled out of the Jacuzzi, scalding tears burning her eyes. Somehow she managed to locate her discarded gown and slippers and get back into the Chalet.
Josh is getting married, married! Who is she? This woman who is so much more perfect for him than me?
She slipped the gown on, not bothering to do it up, and it hung loosely around her dripping body. Eyes blinded by tears, she stared at the ground as she stumbled inside, making her way towards the dorm room. She didn’t switch the corridor light on, not wanting anyone to see her tears.
When she collided with someone she knew it was him; even though it was dark, her body seemed to recognise him. In the shock of sudden impact, flesh meeting flesh she froze, unable to pull away. She reached her hand out to his still wet chest, his flesh warmer than her cold trembling fingers.
“Josh?” Her voice trembled.
Josh felt like someone had hit the pause button on his life. Of all the bloody rotten luck, this had to happen now, of all times! To feel Amy’s pert little breasts bumping against his chest and her hand reaching out for him just as he’d been thinking about her was a cruel joke. His resistance felt low.
Dangerously low.
It’s too late.
With great effort he stepped back. “Excuse me.”
He hated that his voice sounded stiff, not like him at all. As though he were addressing a total stranger. He cleared his throat. Watching her kissing Matt had been torture. She’d done it to hurt him, he was sure of it, or was that just his wishful thinking, to imagine she might still feel something for him?
Not that it mattered either way because he couldn’t do anything about it. Couldn’t and wouldn’t. No matter how tempting it was to take hold of her right now and rip that silver bikini from her body before ravishing her right here in the hallway.
God, she might as well have set out to deliberately hurt him. This was hell. Something like a groan emanated from his throat.
“Are you okay?” Amy whispered.
“Yes,” Josh lied. “I’d better let you get to your room.”
He stood
back against the wall, trying to make as much room as possible, not daring to trust what he might do if her breasts grazed his chest again. The swell of longing for her made his lungs feel like they were going to burst.
I have to do the right thing. However hard it is.
Didn’t he always? Hadn’t it been instilled in him to find the right path in life and stick to it regardless? And doing the right thing by a woman was a given, an absolute.
Amy hadn’t moved yet. Her breathing was audible in the quiet hallway. In the distance he could hear the other girls shrieking and plenty of male laughter as some kind of game got underway. At least someone was a having a good time on his stag party.
Remember Juliet. You’ve made a commitment to her and you have to stick to it.
But this really was the cruellest test.
Amy tentatively reached out a hand to touch his arm and he jumped as though a bolt of electricity had shot through him. He stepped rapidly away from her. It took all his effort not to touch back, not to kiss her like that bastard Matt had done. He wanted her so much it felt like a physical need.
He sighed wearily. “I can’t Amy, I can’t.”
He turned and walked back down the corridor to his room, trying to quash his fear that she might be crying. He’d only want to take her in his arms if she was and who knew what might happen if he did that?
Actually he had a very good idea what might happen if he did that. Hadn’t he been dreaming about it ever since he’d arrived and found Amy here?
He’d been going back to the Jacuzzi to find a way of breaking up what was happening between Matt and Amy, even if he had to physically drag Matt back to his room. Matt could never make a girl like Amy happy and he was just after a quick grope and a shag if he could push his luck.
Amy deserved more than that. So much more.
Revenge of a Chalet Girl Page 3