The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence

by Storm Constantine

  Darq pulled a face. ‘Doing what I’m told?’ He linked an arm through one of Loki’s. ‘Let’s go in and find Geb. We could go out for dinner. Then…’ He squeezed Loki’s arm. ‘You can work on just how OK you and Geb can be.’

  ‘It’s not going to be that easy,’ Loki said.

  ‘I know, but…’ Darq smiled. ‘We survived. All four of us.’

  Loki narrowed his eyes. ‘Four of us?’

  ‘You, Geb, Lileem and me. Four second generation hara. In the future, hara will talk about Thanatep, and what we did there, and that we survived.’ Darq kissed Loki’s cheek. ‘That’s all that matters.’

  Epilogue

  Three weeks before Bloomtide, the festival of the Spring Equinox, Pellaz suggested that the Aralisians should go to Freygard together for a brief holiday, as he could see that everyhar needed respite after recent events. The sedim who’d remained in Immanion were happy to facilitate travel, as always, but Peridot had vanished from the earthly realm. Pellaz was hurt by this, because they’d been together for so long. If the sedu had chosen to remain loyal to his kind, Pellaz could do nothing about it. He’d learn to work with a new sedu. Still, it would never be the same.

  One of the reasons Pellaz suggested Freygard was because Galdra was always so desperate to see Loki. Galdra had been informed of all events in Thanatep, and was of course pleased that Loki now knew who his father was. At the beginning of the visit, Pellaz met with Galdra alone to discuss Loki’s condition.

  ‘He came out of it the worst,’ Pellaz said. ‘I can’t lie to you, Galdra. I’m concerned for him. Geb and Darq are helping him, but it’ll take time. I suppose it’s understandable.’

  ‘He should stay here for a while,’ Galdra said, ‘beyond when the rest of you return to Immanion.’

  ‘If he wants to, then yes. I think Geb should stay here with him.’

  Galdra grimaced. ‘Shouldn’t we disapprove of two hara who are so closely related being chesna?’

  ‘I don’t think they are that,’ Pellaz said. ‘But if Geb can help Loki get well, I don’t give a damn about their close relationship. And neither should you.’ He hesitated. ‘I’m here to relax. We all are. I take it we’re staying in the house we used before here?’

  ‘If you like it,’ Galdra said.

  ‘Good. Raven and Terez can take the younger ones out tonight. I was thinking of having a private party.’

  Galdra raised his brows. ‘Oh? And who’s invited?’

  ‘Rue and Cal will be there,’ Pellaz said. ‘You will be the only guest.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Do you?’

  Galdra laughed and took Pellaz in his arms. ‘If you’re sure.’

  ‘I want it to be this way,’ Pellaz said. ‘I won’t deny how I feel about you any more, but…’

  ‘I understand,’ Galdra said. ‘Occasionally, though, I think we should be alone together. You should allow yourself that.’

  ‘Maybe, but I want you to know Cal as I do.’

  ‘Nohar will know him as you do,’ Galdra said. ‘Is he aware of your plans?’

  ‘I’ve said nothing, but he’ll know. I don’t have to tell him.’

  ‘And Rue?’

  ‘Oh, no problem there, trust me!’

  Galdra sighed. ‘It feels like it was a thousand years ago I first met you. So much has happened. Will we be allowed a happy ending, do you think?’

  Pellaz plunged his fingers into Galdra’s hair and pulled handfuls of it forward to smell it. ‘Mmm,’ he murmured, then smiled. ‘My friend Flick once said to me that there’s no such thing as a happy ending. Life just goes on, and there’s always another episode to the story. All we get is peaks and troughs. Let’s just enjoy this high shining peak, shall we?’

  Cal and Caeru seemed somewhat bemused by the fact they were to take dinner with Galdra that evening, but neither of them argued about it at first. Late in the afternoon, Caeru cornered Pellaz in his bedroom, as he was changing his clothes. The house around them reverberated to the shouts and laughter of other hara preparing to go out for the night. ‘I have a strange feeling about this,’ Caeru said, his arms folded. ‘What is it you want from tonight, Pell?’

  Pellaz buttoned his silk velvet shirt, admired himself in the dressing mirror. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘I think you will throw into close proximity a selection of highly combustible and unstable materials,’ Caeru answered. ‘It’s too staged, too convenient. I don’t think it’ll work.’

  Pellaz shrugged. He sat down before the dressing mirror and began to brush out his hair.

  Caeru took the brush from his hand and took over the task himself. ‘Go carefully,’ he said. ‘Judge atmospheres. If things go badly, you should have a plan B.’

  ‘If things go badly, you take Galdra off to your scented lair and do what you will with him,’ Pellaz said. ‘Will that suffice for plan B?’

  Caeru laughed, somewhat stiffly. ‘I suppose so.’

  Galdra arrived after all the other hara had left the house. He brought with him a scent of wood fires, and there were snow crystals melting in his wolf skin coat. Cal had a predatory air about him, which Pellaz watched carefully, but conversation appeared to flow fairly easily.

  Househara brought the meal to the dining room, but Pellaz didn’t feel much like eating. He drank steadily, observing his companions from the sidelines of the gathering, even though they were all seated closely around a table. Cal told anecdotes, with much gesturing, and Caeru laughed too loudly. Galdra smiled and appeared to be enjoying the stories.

  Pellaz found himself remembering the first time he’d met Cal, and how he’d entranced the Cevarro family with his stories then. So much had happened since that time. The beginning of his life almost didn’t seem real any more. Now, after decades of heartbreak, war, anger, bitterness and grief, he had Cal at his side. Surely, he should put Galdra from him. Hadn’t he got enough from life? Was he so greedy?

  Pellaz realised the others had been watching him when Caeru said, ‘Are you with us, Pell?’ He stared into Caeru’s eyes and saw his consort’s concern. Caeru was still unsure about this little party.

  ‘Yes,’ Pellaz put down the glass he’d been nursing. The wine within it was now warm. ‘I was just mulling over memories, that’s all. Very old ones.’

  ‘It is his tendency to brood,’ Cal told Galdra in a humorously confidential tone.

  Galdra laughed, nodded. ‘I know that only too well.’

  Pellaz tensed, wondering how Cal would take that remark, but Cal only joined in with the laughter and poured himself and Galdra more wine. ‘Lighten up, Pell,’ he said. ‘We’re done with things for the time being. We deserve this holiday. If there’s any more to come, let our sons deal with it.’

  Galdra raised his glass. ‘I’ll drink to that.’

  ‘The househara have built a fire in the sitting room,’ Caeru said. ‘Have you all finished eating? Shall we move there?’

  ‘Yes,’ Cal said, getting to his feet and scooping up several untouched wine bottles. ‘Let’s toast our feet and get mindlessly drunk.’

  Cal and Galdra appeared to be more intoxicated than Pellaz and Caeru and had become mildly rowdy. As they threw themselves onto the rugs before the hearth in the sitting room, and Pellaz seated himself on a chair beside them, he thought about how alike they were: they really could be brothers. Galdra was probably younger than Cal’s son Tyson, yet he seemed older. Now, they were behaving exactly like brothers, making jokes about members of the Hegemony that weren’t really funny, yet for some reason were hilarious to them.

  Caeru, sitting opposite Pell, raised his hands and grimaced. He sent a mind touch. Somehow, I get the feeling we should leave them to it.

  I think you might be right.

  Caeru got to his feet and Pellaz did likewise.

  Cal stopped laughing and stared up at Pellaz. His hair was falling over his face, so he had to squint. ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Retiring,’ Pellaz said. He bowed his hea
d to Galdra. ‘Thanks for coming.’

  Galdra appeared to sober up quickly. He looked wary. ‘It was a pleasure.’

  Cal grabbed hold of one of Pell’s legs. ‘No you don’t,’ he said. ‘Sit here with us.’

  Pellaz staggered as Cal pulled on him. ‘Cal…’

  ‘Come here!’

  Pellaz turned to Caeru, who raised a hand. ‘I’m going,’ he said.

  ‘Rue?’ Pellaz said. ‘Do you have to?’

  ‘Yes. I do. Really.’ Caeru waved his hand. ‘Good night. Have fun.’

  Pellaz stared down at Cal and heard the door to the room close. Cal raised an eyebrow, smiled lazily and leaned back against the chair behind him. What har could resist so beautiful a creature? ‘You know what?’ Cal said.

  ‘What?’ Pellaz dropped down and straddled Cal’s lap, conscious of Galdra’s cautious scrutiny beside him.

  Cal wound a lock of Pell’s hair around his hand. ‘This is the happy ending. This time, I think it really is.’

  Pellaz exhaled through his nose, closed his eyes briefly. ‘That would be good.’

  Cal pushed Pellaz off him, laid him down between himself and Galdra. ‘Imagine your dearest fantasy,’ he said, and kissed Pellaz on the mouth. ‘It’s about to happen.’

  In the morning, Pellaz and Galdra were the first downstairs, and sat waiting in the dining room for breakfast. The night had gone better than even Pellaz had expected; he still felt dizzy from it. Images kept replaying upon his mind’s eye, and the one that warmed him most was that of when Cal and Galdra had, for some time, forgotten he was with them. Pellaz had realised that Cal actually liked taking aruna with hara with whom he’d been intimate himself. Certain moments between Cal and Galdra had been fairly intense. Pellaz had felt stunned at the time to discover that they felt something for one another. Maybe neither of them knew precisely what it was, but it was feeling, and it wasn’t hostile.

  Now, in the bright light of morning, Galdra appeared dazed, as if he was shocked at himself. He’d been subjected to the full force of Cal’s arunic accomplishments, of course, so reality must be rather hazy for him at the moment. Pellaz thought he should introduce a neutral topic of conversation. ‘With all that’s been going on,’ he said, ‘I haven’t thought to ask before, but is that weird portal still here in Freygard?’

  Galdra nodded. ‘Yes. We still don’t know where it came from. I thought Geburael or Diablo made it, but I asked Geb and he said he didn’t.’

  ‘I know. That’s a dangling thread, Galdra. What if it represents another threat?’ Pellaz twisted his mouth to the side. ‘I think I want to go and look at it today.’

  ‘Shall I come with you?’

  ‘No. I want to go alone. I feel I have to.’

  Pellaz walked out to the cliff top, trudging through deep snow. He could feel the portal as a tingle in his flesh, long before he reached it. Within the grove of hawthorns, he saw a pulsing violet glow. What was this thing?

  Among the huddling trees, Pellaz sat down on the hard ground. There was little snow in the grove, because the hawthorns clustered so closely together. He extended his senses to examine the portal. His faculties felt highly sensitive, not least because of the previous night’s events. But Pellaz knew he must not think of that now. He must penetrate the mystery of this portal. He didn’t want anything to spoil the peace that had come to his heart.

  Do you never rest, beloved? The voice was familiar in Pell’s mind.

  He opened his eyes. ‘Peridot?’

  ‘Here I am.’

  Pellaz turned round and saw a figure silhouetted at the entrance to the grove. It looked like a har, clad in close-fitting garments of animal hide, like a hunter. This figure came towards him. It was a har he’d never seen, a har who looked young, but who had long white hair and whose eyes were golden. ‘Do you approve of this form?’ the har asked.

  ‘Peridot, is that you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why have you changed?’

  ‘Because I can.’ Peridot sat down next to Pellaz in front of the portal. ‘I can talk to you now.’

  ‘How? Why?’

  Peridot hugged his knees. ‘I asked Lurlei to grant me – us – this favor and he agreed. I told him how you’d always wanted to speak to me aloud, like hara do.’

  ‘I see,’ Pellaz said crisply. ‘So this is a bribe, is it?’

  ‘Lurlei might well see it as that, yes, but I just see it as something we’ve both wanted for a long time.’ Peridot gestured at the portal. ‘It still puzzles you, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Of course it does. You said it wasn’t a danger, but I wonder. It’s still here, and it doesn’t appear to belong to any faction, enemy or friend that I know of. I worry that something might come out of it.’

  ‘It won’t,’ Peridot said.

  ‘You’re not always right, you know. Can’t you help me close this thing down?’

  Peridot rested his cheek on his raised knees, and stared at Pellaz unblinkingly. ‘I’ll close it for you, if you wish.’

  ‘You said you couldn’t before. Is this another favor of Lurlei’s?’

  Peridot sighed. ‘Pell, I’ll close it for you, because it was me who created it.’

  ‘What? Why?’

  ‘To bring you to Freygard.’

  Pellaz shook his head slowly. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t go on, Peridot. I’m not sure I want to hear anything else.’

  ‘But you should,’ Peridot said. ‘I can talk to you now, so take advantage of it. All those years ago, when Galdra first came to you, do you remember why?’

  Pellaz snorted. ‘I can hardly forget. His chesnari Tyr was slaughtered by unseen assailants. He thought the Gelaming could help him.’

  ‘Mmm,’ Peridot murmured. ‘I’m going to tell you something now you probably should never reveal to Galdra. Agents of the Zehk were responsible for Tyr’s death. It wasn’t the sedim, though; don’t think that.’

  Pellaz had gone utterly cold. ‘Why?’ he asked dully.

  ‘It was always the Zehk’s desire for you and Galdra to get together. The sedim monitor hara carefully. We’re aware of what different essential combinations can produce. You and Galdra were an effective force against the Aasp’s attempt to take control of this realm.’ Peridot paused. ‘You can imagine that the Zehk were not exactly pleased to discover that Loki, the fruit of your union, was being used against them.’

  Pellaz rubbed his hands over his face. ‘I don’t want to know these things.’

  ‘Don’t lie to yourself. Of course you do.’

  Pellaz gestured abruptly. ‘But why tell me now? You give me secrets to keep, and I don’t like that. It makes no difference to the way things are and only brings pain.’

  Peridot’s voice was wistful. ‘Between friends, there should be truth. You won’t believe me, I know, but I’ve wanted to tell you these things, so many times.’

  Pellaz grimaced. ‘I believed you to be one thing, and you were another. You have used me, Peridot, or whatever your real name is. We can’t be friends, because I’ll never be able to trust you. You want there to be truth between us now? Then why not before? So many times, you could have helped me or told me the truth. Always, you obeyed your masters. Don’t come to me now like this and expect me to be pleased.’

  ‘I carried you to Samway,’ Peridot said. ‘I carried you to rebirth. I’ve been with you since the beginning. I’ve seen you grow as a har and as a Tigron. Over the years, we’ve both had to take action we’ve not liked.’ He sighed deeply, as if it pained him. ‘The birth of Wraeththu is over, Pellaz. The sedim were midwives to it, and have stayed with you throughout. Your pain was often mine, beloved. I could not remain impartial.’

  Pellaz laughed harshly. ‘If we’re going to stick with that analogy, isn’t the time after the child arrives when the work really starts?’

  ‘The birth of Wraeththu,’ Peridot said patiently, ‘involved your generation coming to terms with what you are. Now, it is the time of your sons.’

  ‘In my
case, sons who have been damaged by your meddling with my birth.’ Pellaz got to his feet. ‘Can you deny that?’

  Peridot, still resting his face on his raised knees, stared up at the Tigron. ‘I did what I could, when I could.’

  Pellaz nodded his head once and walked out of the grove. He was full of anger and frustration and disappointment. He wanted to talk more to Peridot, yet he didn’t. A subtle shift in the air made his body go cold, but he didn’t look round. The portal had gone, and he supposed Peridot had gone with it.

  For some minutes, Pellaz stood on the cliff top, gazing out to the sea. Humanity had lived and died in ignorance over so many things. The world still shook with the echoes of their cries: the voices of countless children screaming. Did you ever care for them, Divozenky? Your children went bad, perhaps, but you were their mother in the beginning. Did you never weep for their pain?

  Pellaz was not Darquiel. He could not perceive a response, even if there was one.

  It was not our birth the sedim watched over, he thought, but our coming of age. It has happened so quickly. Our childhood was too brief. Now we are free to walk away from those who sought to guide us. Parents can be wrong sometimes, as can children. With maturity comes the ability to accept and not condemn the fallibility of those who came before us.

  He smiled to himself. He’d heard no voice in his head, but perhaps Divozenky wasn’t as far from him as he’d believed.

  Heal Loki, Pellaz said in his mind. Please.

  That was all. He turned towards Freygard. He must go home now.

  Snow had begun to fall again, because spring comes late to the northern lands. Pellaz pulled his wolf skin coat, borrowed from Galdra, more tightly around his body. He felt very young and very old. His feet slipped upon the frozen ground. He thought longingly of the hearthfires of Freygard, the hearthfires of those he loved. If only the town was nearer. These last minutes out in the cold were almost too much to bear. Pellaz missed Peridot, not just as a sedu, but as a friend. How could he judge Peridot, when he was far from perfect himself? He wished he hadn’t walked out of the hawthorn grove like that. They should have talked some more. Now, it might be too late.