by Jade Alters
I believed Captain Josh pulled some strings. We got stationed in Homer that winter, making it easy to fly out to the lodge and check on its progress when we weren’t busy pulling boats out of the ice or catching drug runners. Three months after our first visit, crammed into a Homer café with two lawyers, a banker, and an accountant, we signed the official documents that made us part owners to a Bristol Bay lodge. There was an enormous amount of “whoever” and “do agree” that I was expected to initial at the end of reading each paragraph, implying I understood something that was as impossible to imagine as millions of people.
We finally muddled through. Mama Bear had put her foot down and said she wanted a home, and we made her a home just where she wanted it. Every chance we got, we flew in or sailed into the sweet harbor of her embrace. We enjoyed entertaining the guests in our bear form. Sometimes, we ripped off the best pastries in the kitchen, drank beer out on the lawn or made faces in the windows at the kids, but no tricks. We weren’t anybody’s tame bears, coming at beck and call.
It’s odd how my life has been. First, I had a simple life; then a double life. Then, my life became so complicated, I didn’t know my head from my feet. Natalia made it all harmonious. I realized I didn’t have to struggle to become part of something; I already was a member of the clan. I didn’t have to understand all the wherefore and whoever—I only had to understand my heart.
We had a lot of adventures ahead of us. That year, we had to chase down a shapeshifting wolverine that had run amok in the northern villages… but that’s another story. This one is about Natalia, and how she became the mama bear that kept us glued together.
Josh
I didn’t like to think about the future because I knew that the day we parted with Natalia, my heart would ache so much, the tears would fall. Natalia forced me to look at it and make plans for it, and I was glad that she did. I didn’t ordinarily like businesspeople, but Drew wasn’t a true corporate millionaire. He hung on the edge, his self-enterprise a crash or boom. Of course, with Natalia drawn in, I wanted him to boom.
It was difficult at first. All we had was a remote cabin under construction, our ship, and short periods of time with Natalia. She found an apartment, and for that first winter, we had to adjust to solid ground under our feet when we weren’t sailing. Only the sound of the ocean and the comfort of her arms helped me sleep when I was on shore.
Nothing was more difficult than the first time we set sail, leaving Natalia at the Homer harbor, promising to be there when we returned. My heart left me and stayed right there on that Homer spit until I returned. When my heart and I were reunited, my tears did fall. They rained all over her. I promised her I would do everything she asked. I signed all the paperwork and that spring, we were building a house for Mama Bear.
Drew was right about Natalia as the overseer for the lodge. She was personable—not as bubbling as Rhoda, who was the hostess, but personable in the way of a professional instructor. She made a good trail guide. She taught survival skills. She knew how to handle an emergency. There was “state trooper” written all over her attitude, so people behaved.
She met us at the dock in Homer every time our boat came in while the lodge was in its first stages, but by the second year, it was no longer necessary. The building was finished. We moved out of the apartment. We had summer-long clientele, with flights and charters. In the winter, we used one of our company’s cubs to fly across the bay to our home.
Our home. We built our house separate from the lodge and in line with a small group of cabins. It had looked like a small community in the summer, although in the winter, it was nearly deserted. Only a few of the staff members with no place to go, some international travelers wanting some northern exposure, and an occasional local checking out the scene hung out at the lodge during the winter. If Natalia minded the solitude, she didn’t say anything about it. She was never completely alone. Even if she saw the same faces day after day, there were villages nearby. She would sometimes take out one of the boats to go visiting. On calm days, she would fly into Homer with the cook for supplies and a short holiday.
You wouldn’t think that small amount of visiting with other Bristol Bay residents would have changed things, but it did. Since Natalia had gone to visit them, some of the villagers decided to visit her. On at least one occasion, some villagers came out while my team and I were romping around as bears.
When the Natives start seeing shapeshifters, word gets out. By the end of the second year, locals from miles around were visiting the lodge and holding their dances. They began having shapeshifters reunions. The pull of their chants, the rhythm of their drums was too much for us. The tourists enjoyed seeing them in the summer, but in the winter, the sound of the drums and the steady chants became too much for us. We became a part of it. We joined the dance by the flickering firelight while our bear shadows stood straight and tall. The wolves howled and the eagles soared. The raven watched until dawn.
There is a story—perhaps you’ve heard it—that a shapeshifter can tell a mama bear by a little piece of red sun glowing in her stomach, given to her by a raven. The first time I made love to Natalia, I saw that red glow. I knew we were destined for her. Oh, hell. I knew it the minute I was a raging shapeshifting bear standing in front of her for the first time, scaring the piss out of her. I could feel the pull of that red sun. Darkhorse knew. He’d also felt that irresistible pull and was ready to sacrifice himself to her right there on the spot. It’s why he let her beat him into submissiveness. They all knew. Natalia was a mama bear and we could never be anything else except the loyal shapeshifters who loved her.
The night of the winter solstice, the shapeshifters gathered from hundreds of miles around to celebrate the returning sun. It was a night when all spirit animals can be released, even the ones so deeply hidden, the hosts never realize they are there. I felt so wild and free, among a people who understood me. I danced feverishly, my heart pounding, my skin shining with sweat in the firelight.
I was mesmerized by Natalia. She was in a strange, moving trance. Her eyes smoldered, her slightly parted lips glistened, her skin was glossy in the flow of the flames. Surrounding her were the other bear forms, their shadows leaping as high as the trees. They wove in and out, keeping a steady beat, seeming to touch her but backing away. Another pass around the fire and they came closer, sniffing the air while she danced, her hips twisting, her breath rushing in and out excitedly.
The chanters squatted low to the ground, hands fluttering in front of them, working their magic. I was hypnotized. I felt a passion like none I had experienced before. I could think of nothing except my burning desire to drown in her embraces, to sink into her arms forever. I gathered her up and carried her away with the rest of the team still circling around her, giving of themselves without taking, waiting for the moment that belonged to all of us. I carried her to our cabin while the wolves howled, the ravens cackled, and the other shapeshifters continued their unworldly dance between animal and human.
The sky remained still and black. The promise of a returning red sun was a dim memory in a night twenty-one hours long. The shifting northern lights cast down long spears of color that dazzled the pale, distant moon. She looked ethereal under a sky so brilliant with colors, it turned the landscape blue. I set her inside our newly finished home. She was wearing a long, embroidered parka that she unzipped and let drop to the floor. We surrounded her and touched her soft under garments. They slipped away under our hands, revealing creamy flesh that curved in gracefully at the neck and waist and spread with buttery smoothness to full, upright breasts and flaring hips.
We carried her to the bed especially made for the five of us and set her down tenderly, accepting her caressing touch and approaching only when she drew us closer. We began to merge. Our touches. Our thoughts. Our saliva mixed in a tangle of arms and legs, in a swell of emotions that heaved with both turbulence and ecstasy. We were each other and we were one.
Outside the windows, the drums wer
e still beating, still calling back the red sun. The sounds echoed into the forest and were picked up again as village after village answered. I kissed the red spot on Natalia’s flat stomach. It was just under and to the right of her heart, and it was glowing.
Three months went by and the glow spread. She became irritable. She threw up in the morning and ate everything in sight for the rest of the day. She was demanding. She would complain that she was cold and when we turned into bear rugs to keep her warm, complained that she was hot.
Three of the village elders came to see her. One of them, an old lady who used a walker to get around and painted her nails with glittering purple polish, felt Natalia’s forehead, patted her tummy, and shrugged. “That’s easy enough. She’s pregnant.”
That was easy enough for a diagnosis, but it still presented a problem. The elders huddled together and held a consultation. The old lady, who must have been their own mama bear, spoke again. “You can’t take her to Homer. You can’t take her to a regular doctor.”
“No, I don’t suppose we can,” I agreed, scratching the back of my neck and trying to decide whether I should look happy or worried.
It wasn’t the right response. Natalia shouted unhappily, “Well, I’m not going to have the baby by myself.”
The old lady cranked over her walker to stand by Natalia reassuringly. “We’ll send a specialist. She has experience with shapeshifter babies.”
Natalia wasn’t the cheeriest of patients. “I hope you don’t expect me to live in a cave for six months,” she responded sulkily, then winced. “Although hibernating wouldn’t be bad. Aren’t bear cubs supposed to be tiny?”
The old lady chuckled, her walker scraping against the floor as she moved around. “It’s your body adjusting. Relax. Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered.”
The elders had said not to worry, so I put on a hopeful, happy face after they left. “You’re not sick! You’re going to have a baby. That’s good news.”
She glanced at the four of us, all with the same ear-to-ear grin. “I knew I was pregnant. I was just afraid to say something,” she confided sulkily.
I scowled, puzzled. “Why?”
“You’re on duty. You might not be here when the baby is born. I’ve been trying to work it out. Do shapeshifters even look human when they’re born? A lot of things run through my head.”
I sat next to her and held her hand. “You won’t be alone. The village is sending their expert.”
She gave me a dubious look. “A medicine woman?”
“A midwife who delivers shapeshifter babies. And I’ll put in a special request with the admiralty to rotate our leave so one of us is always home.”
She looked hopeful instead of irritable for the first time in three months. “You can do that?”
“I will do that. Can you allow us to be happy now? We’re going to have a baby!”
“Yes,” she said, “you can be happy.”
She followed us to the front door and stood on the porch to watch as we tumbled into the yard. It was a glorious, early spring day. No clientele had come in yet and only the staff were at the lodge, preparing it for the first customers. We popped into bear form and did somersaults and jumps that tore holes in the walkway that had been freshly filled with gravel. We accidentally uprooted a young lilac tree. We lifted the corner of a cabin without realizing there was a staff member inside, cleaning it out. When we settled it back on its pilings, the worker flew out screaming words I wouldn’t expose a street rat to, chucking a few rocks our way before stalking into the lodge and slamming the door. I looked toward Natalia. She was laughing so hard, tears rolled down her eyes.
She didn’t pop out during the summer months and was her usual busy self for the tourist season, taking clientele on their adventure of a lifetime without even one of them realizing she was an expectant mother. We weren’t off-duty as much as we would have liked, but there was nearly always one of us to stay with her and keep her safe. She was happier that way and began to hum a lot while she puttered around the house.
As it turned out, we all got to be there for the big event. The winter storms were late in moving in, so the cutter stood idle at the pier, without even a tourist in distress to warrant firing its engines. We were enjoying our time at home. Every day we spent there became more a part of us than all the years we had spent on the ocean.
After she stopped having morning sickness, Natalia did feel better. She made us rearrange the entire house, beginning with clearing out the junk we’d accumulated in the spare room and turning it into a baby room. We also had to pick up all our electronic equipment and confine it to the office. She didn’t care if we were battling online ogres or charting a course through the Northwest Passage, it belonged in one room. There was also baby-proofing, which wasn’t going to do much good if the baby was a shapeshifter, but I didn’t tell her. She had enough on her mind.
She was different at night, though. She was reluctant to let us see her body. She thought it was ugly. As her stomach swelled, the red spot grew larger and glowed more deeply. The spot pulsed, wonderfully round and brimming with life. It was beautiful. It always took a long time to convince her of that, a long time to coax her into letting us pull back her clothing and view her beautiful swelling, to rub it and feel the child growing. It was magical and precious. At last, we convinced her how much we loved even her swelling belly, because it was part of what made our mama bear so complete.
We really thought we had it together. We had cleaned, baby-proofed, practiced all kinds of relaxation exercises and control routines, and, as I said, were miraculously all available when the big day came. For all our preparation, the day she went into labor, we were gripping the walls to keep from falling apart. After what seemed like three days and nights but was somehow only twelve hours, the midwife delivered a tiny baby girl.
“Four pounds, I’d say,” she told me as she wrapped up the itty-bitty thing and placed it in my arms. “Let’s see how the other one comes out.” She knelt back down on the floor between Natalia’s legs.
I felt the blood rush from my head like I was going to faint. It had been hard enough watching Natalia go through twelve hours of mortal agony, and now the midwife was saying there was something else! “The other one?” I stammered.
She sniffed. “You bear. Don’t you know anything about your mamas? They’re always putting out twins.”
“Maybe the other one will be a boy,” Lee said hopefully. “I have a twin sister. She doesn’t look like me, though, and she’s not a shapeshifter.”
“Happens. Happens.” The midwife waited until Natalia threw out an extra-long curse then pushed so hard, her fingernails bit into my hand as she squeezed it. “Hah,” she said with apparent satisfaction. “Identical twins.”
“I have twin girls?” asked Natalia, a trembling smile on her lips. “They are girls?” She laid back with a sigh of relief and half-closed her eyes dreamily. “Then they won’t be shapeshifters.”
The midwife scoffed. “Who says they won’t be shapeshifters?”
Cleaned and swaddled, the babies had been given to Natalia. They snuggled together in her arms, their little heads nuzzling against her breasts. They had soft, angel hair, golden on top but turning to brown. She stroked a golden-topped head. “Aren’t the shapeshifters all men?”
“My mother was a shapeshifter,” said Roy, popping her bubble.
“There are a lot of shapeshifting women in my family,” added Darkhorse. “Sometimes, it seemed there were more shapeshifting women than there were men, but not here. There are never enough women around here, shapeshifter or human.”
“Are you bears?” Natalia whispered to the twins, but they just nuzzled her like babies.
We named them Kelly and Layla. Somehow, Natalia thought giving them perky, modern girls names would prevent them from turning into shapeshifters. At first, it seemed like she worried for nothing. They looked like ordinary human babies, until they began crawling. Then, instead of crawling on their knees, th
ey semi-shifted so that they had haunches and stiff back legs. Natalia saw it but pretended she didn’t, preferring to look away and tell herself the girls were normal.
It wasn’t until their first birthday that they fully shifted, however. The cook had baked a gigantic cake and invited the entire staff to the party. Everything was fine until the enormous treat was placed in front of the twins. With the first whiff, the girls turned into bears and gobbled down the cake.
Mama Bear has her work cut out. It’s a good thing there is always someone there with her. Lately, the twins have been escaping to play in the yard as bears. Fortunately, the tourists haven’t seen them shift. They just think it’s exciting to see bear cubs on swing sets and going down slides, and never once question where the mama bear might be.
Natalia’s a little unhappy right now. We’re being called away on another mission and we’ll have to leave our mama bear and beautiful girls for a while. But she won’t be alone. Rhoda and Drew will be there. They got married last year, so I guess Rhoda officially cut off her line of waiting men.
Still, my heart breaks every time I’m away from her. Take it from a seaman; there is nothing better than a woman who takes you in her arms when you arrive home from the sea. It’s an enormous ocean, one murmuring with secrets and lashing with rage. It has a will of its own.
We’re bound for the Chukchi Sea in the deep northern regions, where the sea lions play and walrus bask in the setting sun. A group of scientists had been exploring Lawrence Island and said they found the remains of an ancient civilization. They were given a grant to document the findings. They claimed to have found the first evidence of a mermaid city, but they haven’t been heard from in three weeks. They are probably lost.
Standing at the captain’s helm, I ordered the engineer to fire up the engines. The cutter chugged out into the wide Bristol Bay. I chuckled. Mermaids! Wouldn’t you know it? It takes all kinds.