by Dara Girard
Comparison is as useful an activity as pulling out your own teeth. It’s painful and you’ll look bad. Write, write, write! Keep those blinders on. You’re supposed to write because you have something to share and it will be unique because of your voice, your style, and your perceptions. There are no original stories or ideas, just original ways to tell them.
If you’re feeling extremely down, take a hiatus from trade magazines. They applaud the chosen few and perpetuate the scarcity mindset, and you’ll hate yourself for not being one of the chosen few. Fortunately, you’re above that. There is plenty of praise to go around. Comparing will cause you to forget that you are lucky to be a writer. Many others dream to be, but just don’t have the courage and they’re miserable comparing themselves to YOU.
Integrity
There’s a lot of literary prostitution in the arts. Many writers sell their wares only for the money. I’m not against the practice, I’ve seen it make people rich, but I’ve also seen it destroy souls.
If you can keep one thing, keep your integrity. Always do your best. Don’t be seduced into changing your voice or your style for money. This is not obstinacy, this is preservation. You must find the editor who gets your voice, because some won’t. You want to be proud of your work no matter how small. Some writers change articles or stories to suit an editor, then when the editor still hates the work the writer is left with a dead piece.
People read to be entertained or informed. Do your best to meet those needs.
If you want to freelance, choose an area that you know about or that interests you. Who cares if at the time health writers are making a killing? If you know a lot about gardening, then this is a lucrative field for you. Become the best at what you do.
Genre fiction make you cringe? Then don’t write it! Don’t let the marketplace dictate your work. Write only what you can write. That’s the path to success and brilliance.
Envy
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Of course, there will be times when you just can’t help yourself and you will compare. That’s when it will strike: A festering disease of the spirit. You’ll feel embarrassed and disgusted with yourself and with the person who has made you feel this way (basically yourself, again). Envy. It’s perfectly normal. Don’t ignore it. Own your emotions; ignoring them will only make you feel worse. I hate it when someone suffers a particularly bad blow (fired, dumped, hurt) and her (purported) friend pats her on the back and coos a silly platitude. “Sorry your dreams are now in ashes, love. Don’t feel bad.” What the #@$!? What planet do you live on? I feel awful! Angry, pissed and plenty of other things. We are writers after all, and our rantings can be long and fierce. But that’s what writers do for a living — feel. We feel everything, intensely, so when envy creeps up on us or grabs us in a chokehold, it lingers and rages. See it, feel it. However, some writers invite it to dinner and allow it to destroy their lives. I don’t recommend that.
How to Handle Envy
Write a story of someone envying you.
Sulk for a day (it’s allowed).
Give praise. You don’t have to be sincere.
Admit it. If someone tells you about their good fortune say “I’m so envious.”
Give gifts (making someone else feel better can help make you feel better. You won’t feel like such a jerk).
Have a tantrum. No one needs to see.
Read about top authors envying each other.
Remember when you succeeded at something and treasure that time.
Buy yourself something.
Get writing so that you can write something that will have people envying you.
Sometimes envy sheds a light on what we want. Annoyed with the actor who has written a children’s book? Write one yourself. Jealous of the friend with a great agent? Change your agent, or list the qualities you want in your relationship with your agent and aim for that.
If you envy someone for being younger, prettier, taller or anything else you can’t possibly achieve, write about it. Make a spoof of it. You may as well use your emotions for your art.
Still steaming because someone has what you want? Here’s a little tale to help you. Remember being a kid and seeing the ice cream truck come around the corner? You try to rush to the front of the line so that your order will be first, but another kid gets there first. Before you lunge for the kid’s throat, a wise guardian gently holds you back and says, “Wait your turn.” Do that.
Creative Flood
Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress.
ALFRED A. MONTAPERT
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The opposite of a creative block is a creative flood, and it can be just as damaging to the writer’s life. In this state, your mind is full of ideas and, at first, it seems like an abundance of riches. I’m not referring to writing flow (when time escapes you and the words spill forth), I’m talking about when words and ideas drown you. When you can’t focus on anything. When you have fifteen story ideas, twenty poems, five publishers you want to query, eighteen magazines you wish to write for, you’re designing a new writing space, and have identified sixteen agents you want to contact.
A creative flood is when you start many projects that overwhelm you. This is another example of fear. Having too much to do can paralyze you. Too many story ideas may cause you never to finish one.
I went for years not finishing anything. Because of course, when you finish something you can be judged…I had poems which were re-written so many times I suspect it was just a way of avoiding sending them out.
ERICA JONG
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Creative flood or overproduction can be another word for perfectionism. Being busy is important and so is creativity, but when it stops you, it’s a burden. When working on one idea, it’s okay for you to jot down another that comes to mind, but don’t abandon one project for another unless it is a calculated move.
Steps to Overcoming the Creative Flood
Recognize when it happens so you can act accordingly. Creative floods can cause writing “burn out” so monitor how you’re feeling.
Always carry a notebook with you to jot down ideas.
Create small steps. It is possible to learn three languages, paint, play an instrument, write three poems, two letters and a novel but not in one day. Make each step manageable.
If you have many things that you wish to accomplish in one day, create a loose schedule. It can mimic the ones you had in school. Say 7:30 music, 8:00 poetry.
Run, jump rope, dance. Exercise can use up the extra energy you have and may help you to think clearly.
Select a friend to help you come up with a strategy so you won’t become overwhelmed. Or create an SOS signal when you are close to experiencing a flood.
Take five minute breaks. Do something toward your goal in five minute increments. Paint some, write some, or organize some, all in five minute segments.
Also remember that there are times when you will need to keep still to hear your inner voice tell you what steps you need to take next.
Success
If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world, but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.
ANNA QUINDLEN
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We all work towards success, yet most people don’t know how to handle the onslaught of good fortune when it comes. The sudden adulation, money, and status can become another stress for which one may be unprepared.
Suddenly, you’re no longer a person writing in solitude, you’re besieged by a public that feels that they now own you. You will be subject to criticisms, spoofs, and gossip. People will demand more work, time and energy from you. If you’re not careful, you may burn out. So you need to be aware of the hazards of success:
Lost time. People will want you. They will request that you give speec
hes, interviews, and workshops. They will ask that you participate in fundraisers, judge contests or teach.
Your phone will start ringing with a regularity you never thought possible.
If you reach a bestseller list, you will be pressured to stay on the list or hit a higher slot.
Your objectivity could change. Some writers who reach success start to believe their press and soon they become crazy with the belief that they are the “next best thing” and turn into a giant ego.
Your core values may be influenced. Thought you’d never become a diva? When you have people hanging on your every word and have loads of disposable income it may be easy to arrive late to dinners or talk about yourself at every occasion.
Friends or family members may become jealous of you.
Family members or friends may accuse you of using them as characters in your work.
Other writers may accuse you of stealing their ideas.
You may have to travel to twenty-one cities in two weeks.
But you don’t have to be a victim of success. All you need to do is learn to manage it in whatever form it comes to you.
Ways to Handle Success
Take a break and reflect. It’s okay to go on a vacation right after a book makes a big splash or after an article causes a huge controversy.
Know your allies. You will likely lose some friends who will be envious of your success, but treasure those who stick by you and be aware that you will make new ones.
Remember your mission statement. It is easy to get caught up in what others believe is “being a success.” Whether that is partying, traveling, interviewing or the like.
Mind your tongue. Don’t put down those who haven’t reached your level. It always amazes me how many published authors become snobs against the unpublished.
Get an unlisted number. If too many people are calling you, don’t be readily available.
Learn to say “no.” Many people will want your time, and initially you will want to please them all. You can’t, so don’t try.
Hire help. Get someone to handle your correspondence or someone to help you with household chores. Hire an assistant to help you with the details.
Meet others in the field to talk about strategies and tactics for handling success.
Get a good, trustworthy and reputable business manager.Many writers are not good business people and lose money quickly. Unless you have a trusted friend or family member who is good in business, do your research and hire someone who can help you with taxes, contracts, and other business and financial matters. You don’t want the government or a lawsuit at your door.
Your success may take time away from your family. In that instance, have a discussion with them so that everyone can learn to adjust to your newfound popularity.
Remember that success is not a destination; so be gracious when you pass it by. You’ll always want more. One bestseller will lead to the desire for a second bestseller. One huge check will create the desire for a larger check. Keep your goals and mission in order. Don’t let the thrill of success become a drug.
Part Three
Four Steps to Resilience
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Get Support
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You can’t survive the creative life alone. You need a person or group to help you get through the rough patches. Successful writers use agents to help guide their careers, are part of a writing or critique group, belong to an organization(s) or rely on a family member for support. Oprah has a production team; Stephen King has his wife. Who can you turn to when times are tough? Try to build your support network.
Find a mentor. A mentor doesn’t necessarily have to be in the writing field. Find someone who is living her dream and is willing to listen to you and can offer you advice and encouragement.
Join a group. Local or national. Become part of a writing group online or offline. Be around other writers who are happy being writers (it’s easy to slip into groups that just complain about the writing industry, and that’s not good for you).
Volunteer with a writing organization. This will help you to get out and about. Far too many writers isolate themselves.
Share. Tell a trusted friend or family member about your intention.
Get inspiration. Get the life stories of three people you admire (whether it is a book, movie or audio) and make them available whenever you feel down.
Attend writing courses or conferences. It helps to be around people of like minds.
Extra
Focus Your Revenge
Those of you who believe in forgiving people who have mistreated you, please skip this suggestion. You won’t need it. For those of you with a little wickedness, please consider the following:
Think of someone who mocked you, a bully in school who shoved you into lockers or a girl who always made fun of your clothes, a boss who wouldn’t get off your back, an ex who said you’d never amount to anything, or a parent or teacher who belittled you. Put that person(s) firmly in your mind then write to show them how wrong they were (are). Develop your career so that it can become an eloquent F — you.
It’s okay to write out of vengeance. Sometimes you won’t find a community or buddy that suits you. Use this as your support instead. It is okay to follow your dreams just to prove all your naysayers wrong. Become a big success; that is the best revenge.
Relax
A writer’s life should be a tranquil life. Read a lot and go to the movies.
MARIO PUZO
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Self-care is critical for resilience. The world will not come to an end if you don’t write for a few days, or format a manuscript incorrectly, or realize your 400-page novel is a pile of garbage. There will be days or moments when you won’t feel like doing anything. You’ll want to curl up in your bed and hide from the world. That’s fine, you’re still a writer. It’s not whether you stop writing; it’s for how long.
A couple of days is okay, but a couple of months or years? Well, then something else is going on and you need to face it.
Remember to exercise. It helps the blood to pump and your body will be better able to fight off disease and the effects of disappointment. It also helps keep your brain healthy.
Eat fruits and vegetables. The right diet can help you maintain energy and overall good health. The foods below can help fight fatigue, improve the appearance of your skin and help with stamina. Carbohydrates (protein, dairy and fruits and vegetables) are great energy boosters. Consider eating:
Fruit yogurt
Toast with beans, cheese, or peanut butter
Fruit salad
Fruit juices or smoothies
Dried fruit (dried apricots are a great source of fiber and iron which prevents tiredness)
Bananas
Nuts
Be creative. Grab a cookbook of power foods and incorporate them into your diet.
Refill the well. Don’t forget that it is your job to be in touch with art. Visit museums, theaters, sports events, movies, restaurants or whatever gives you joy. Remember to be alive. You can’t write about life if you can’t live it fully. Watch a cartoon, a funny movie, read the comics have a good laugh. Read. Many writers stop reading for some reason. Some say they don’t have time, others that they don’t want to know what “the competition” is up to. Read. Fill the well. Applaud a good story or well written article. They are not your competitors, they are your sisters and brothers and teachers and friends. Learn to safely love another’s work without putting your own work down. You’re not a good judge anyway. Enjoy the pleasure of someone celebrating life.
If you stuff yourself full of poems, essays, plays, stories, novels, films, comic strips, magazines, music, you automatically explode every morning like Old Faithful. I have never had a dry spell in my life, mainly because I feed myself well, to the point of bursting.
RAY BRADBURY
Prepare for success. At some time
each day give yourself a pep talk. Many successful people have a mantra or affirmation that they repeat to themselves. Some salespeople give themselves talks to get the courage they need to sell their products. Start your day with this statement or a variation:
“I’m a talented author with many readers eager for my stories or articles. I am an asset to my publishing company (magazine, client) and make more money than I could ever need. I have all the skills I need to succeed at my goal.”