“Holy Fuck” Bulk whispered behind me as we entered the bedroom and I gulped as a shiver racked through me.
Kyle had shredded the bed, thoroughly and utterly slashed it to pieces. Pieces of mattress, bedding and, maddeningly, my clothes were strewn all over the floor. My perfumes, creams and cosmetics were smashed all over the cream carpet and it now resembled a clown’s dressing room.
But what grabbed my attention was my contraceptive pill, slung on top of the dressing table and my lungs seemed to close in rapidly as an icy shiver rumbled through every pore of my body.
“Oh Fuck” I wheezed as I picked them up.
Bulk frowned at me as I plonked my arse on the bed in one heavy drop. “He thinks we’ve been trying for a baby for five years” I told him openly.
Kyle would kill me for this. He had so wanted a child and thought we had been trying for years. This would kill him, which would not stand well for me.
Bulk’s eyes widened and dropped to the silver packet in my hand. “Oh, shit.”
I nodded in reply, it was all I could do as the panic attack slammed into me and Bulk caught me as my eyes rolled and I passed out.
***
“Hey” Bulk smiled softly as I opened my eyes, “you okay?”
I checked myself over before nodding and pulling myself upright on Bulk’s sofa. “Sorry” I whispered but he shook his head and I could tell he had something to say with the way he looked at me.
I narrowed my eyes on him. “What?” I asked cautiously as he sucked air through his teeth.
“He’s been to Zoe’s” he declared and I shot up off the sofa looking for my shoes. “Relax, she’s fine” he added as he placed his hand over my arm.
“You sure, you’re not just saying that?”
He nodded and smiled. “Romeo was there anyway, but…” he swallowed heavily and sighed as he slid off the sofa and crouched in front of me “I need you to tell me the truth, Jen. Did Kyle threaten Boss?”
My jaw dropped as I stared at him with wide eyes and I could tell he read everything I was thinking as he ran his hands over his shaved head in frustration.
“Why?” I near choked on the word as my heart rate sped up in preparation for what Bulk had to say.
He sighed and gripped my hand “Because he told Zoe to pass on a message.”
I nodded in encouragement for him to tell me and he swallowed harshly and took a deep breath. “He said to tell you, ‘I know it’s him and I will keep my promise, Jen, even after nine years’.”
“Oh God” I squeaked as I scrambled to my feet.
“Where are you going?” Bulk asked as I pulled on my shoes.
“I have to go back, he’ll kill him” I told him as I tucked my laces into my shoes, frantic in my desperation to get back to Kyle before he went looking for Ethan.
“Like Fuck!”
“Like Fuck.” Two voices sounded and I stilled instantly as I realised one was Ethan’s.
“You bastard!” I hissed at Bulk who had the grace to look repentant but that didn’t help matters now. “You tricked me.”
He shook his head and stood up as Ethan walked over to me. “Upstairs” he demanded and I scoffed at him as I pulled on my last shoe and turned to Bulk.
“Leave me alone now. You don’t know what you’ve done.” I barked at him as I gave him a sad look.
“Up - stairs!” Ethan ordered again and I closed my eyes at the pain on his face.
“I can’t,” I whispered softly as I palmed his cheek “I’m sorry, so sorry, Ethan.”
“Don’t you dare walk out on me again Jen, not again” he pleaded as I took hold of the door handle.
“I don’t have a choice” I said quietly as I closed the door behind me.
***
He had opened the door to me over an hour ago, smiled smugly and just walked through to the kitchen and filled the kettle.
He was still silent now, both of us sat in opposite chairs just… silent.
We had been like this since I returned, just quiet, motionless and well, I should say terrified but actually, I wasn’t.
I wasn’t sure what it was, but I just felt detached and resigned.
Kind of like, whatever I did, however much I ran, I would always end up back here; sat at this damn wooden table, on this damn wooden chair, with Kyle simmering opposite me.
It was all I could see in my future and I just seemed to accept it. Right then, sat waiting for him to speak, sat waiting for his fury to rise and his fists to clench; it was my life, plain, simple and unavoidable.
I continued to let him deal with it until a while later, he lifted his head and I saw the pain in his eyes.
He had been crying, I hadn’t noticed until he looked at me and something pulled inside me. After all, this was my husband and I had loved him once, maybe I still did. It was all so confusing.
“You should have chosen him” he said so quietly, I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly.
I didn’t say anything, I don’t think he expected me to; I just looked at him, at the pain he so openly displayed.
He furrowed his brows, a thought lingering on the brink of his consciousness as he pulled his lower lip behind his teeth.
“It was mine wasn’t it?”
I closed my eyes and swallowed heavily. My heart faltered when I realised he had known, after all these years but he deserved the truth and I nodded gently, “Yes.”
He nodded slowly “If it had been Ethan’s, would you have terminated?”
“Kyle, please don’t do this” I pleaded.
He scrunched his face up “But, I need to know, Jen. Would you? If it had been his, would you have had an abortion?”
I rubbed my hands over my face then looked at him earnestly “Honestly? I don’t know. What I did know at the time was that we were too young and troubled to bring a baby into the world.”
He lifted his eyes to me and locked me down, “I found your pills. You didn’t take them with you.”
“I know.”
“Why, Jen?”
“You know why, Kyle. It would be wrong. Our relationship is…”
“A mess? Fucking doomed? Volatile? One sided? The list is fucking endless, Jen” he snapped, his temper rising again and I swallowed heavily as he pushed back his chair with a screech and stood up.
His fists were clenched as was his jaw and I knew he was struggling to rein it in. My hopes that had just developed over the last hour were gone, my husband was back, the gentle Kyle had gone again and I closed my eyes as he rounded on me.
I closed my eyes to what was coming, like I had done so many times before and as the first punch landed I retreated back into the grass field… once again.
***
The voices were loud. I couldn’t open my swollen eyes and I tried to turn over but it hurt everywhere; my face, my body, my spirit, it all screamed in agony.
He had surpassed himself this time, gone further than he ever had and I knew I needed medical help but I just couldn’t move.
The pain in my back and stomach was horrendous. I knew my shoulder was dislocated and two fingers were broken and I groaned as I tried to crawl off the bed.
I landed with a thump and cried out at the pain that tore through me when I hit the floor with force.
The voices were louder now, shouting and screaming and I was sure it was Zoe but someone else was shouting and my ears hummed so painfully I couldn’t distinguish it.
I lay motionless on the bedroom carpet, my body refusing to let me move it and the vomit rose out of the blue and projected everywhere.
“Holy fuck!” a deep voice said and I didn’t recognise it. I tried to mumble something but whoever it was, a male definitely, shushed me and gently slid his arms underneath me and lifted me so tenderly I was amazed at his compassion.
“Shush, babe. I got ya’.”
“Mmmm” I murmured and then let myself go, just let the whiteness carry me softly.
Chapter 9
My mouth was so dry it felt like I’d swallow
ed a wasteland and I gently peeled my eyes open. I jumped faintly when I was greeted to the back of Zoe’s head. It was rested on the bed as she slept and I smiled softly and palmed the top of it.
“Hey babe” she yawned as she lifted her head and smiled at me.
“Hey” I whispered back noticing a sleeping Romeo in a chair situated at the back of the room.
I nodded my chin towards him and she rolled her eyes. “He wouldn’t leave me. He’s on a promise” she finished with a wink.
“Or he cares about you” I offered. She shrugged but I could see the delight on her face before the sadness consumed her as she looked back at me.
“He hurt you so bad.”
I nodded. “He also found my contraceptive pill.”
He eyes widened and she groaned “Oh shit. How long does he think you’ve been trying?”
“Five years” I divulged with a pang of guilt.
Being a father meant so much to Kyle, and I had taken that away from him… twice.
The door opened and Ethan stood in the space. His desolate eyes also held something more and I gulped at the blaze in them.
Zoe caught the vibe and went to waken Romeo, “Come on. Time’s up baby, I need your body.”
That opened his eyes pretty sharpish and within thirty seconds he had dragged a giggling Zoe from the room.
Ethan continued to stare at me, his chest rising and dropping heavily, and I stared back.
One foot landed in front of the other, then another and another until he was on top of me, literally, on the bed with me, my small broken body caged under his.
His mouth descended on mine and he devoured me, gave me his all, everything he had felt for the last nine years. Nine years of missing our touches as we fused together, clung together in desperation and greed until we couldn’t breathe, but then he inhaled deeply and took me under him again, clinging tightly to my face with his hands and I clung the hell back on.
My hand (Just one as I couldn’t move the other) grabbed his pony and I wrapped it around my fingers, triggering a frantic moan from him as his fingers also grabbed at my hair.
His soft lips brought back an urge that hadn’t been inside me for nine years and I groaned under him when desire surged through me. I needed him, I wanted him and damn, it felt like I would die if I ever let go of him again.
We were panting heavily when his lips grazed my jaw and made their way up to my ear. “You taste like I remember. Peaches and sex. So fucking good.”
I moaned again when he sucked on my lobe gently and his hand slid back onto my cheek, his thumb delicately skimming across the bone as he nuzzled into my neck and breathed in heavily.
“Fuck, Jen. I’m sorry. I just needed to kiss you so damn bad. You have the most amazing lips. They kind of puckered at me and said ‘Come get me baby’, but they did it so secretively I bet you didn’t notice did you?”
I clicked my tongue and lifted my brow. “Well, I heard something but I thought that was your stomach rumbling and I just presumed you were hungry, seems as though you brought me no grapes.”
The corner of his lip lifted and his eyes dropped to my mouth “Oh, I’m hungry all right, but it aint for food.”
His tongue slid across my bottom lip and I whimpered softly as I grab his hair tightly and pulled him back in.
He gasped at my intensity but kissed me back just as passionately before he pulled away and looked in pain. “Better stop baby, little Boss here is getting a bit too excited. Don’t wanna frighten you but he might explode if we carry on and I really need him to pee with.”
He looked so serious I couldn’t hold back the laughter, “You haven’t changed a bit.”
He pursed his lips and his brow lifted. “Some things have changed but you’ll have to find those out for yourself… and I promise you’ll find out” he stated before his thumb stroked my jaw and then up to my lip, his eyes following its mission and I frowned at him.
“Ethan…”
He pushed that thumb between my lips to silence me. “Nine years, nine fucking years I waited for you Jen, thought about you every damn day. You were always in my head, always there when I closed my eyes and I aint gonna give up so easily again. No… Fucking... Way.”
I swallowed against his emotion and cupped his cheek, “I can never leave him, Ethan. He won’t let me. We both know this, he didn’t let me nine years ago, and he won’t let me now.”
He frowned and I realised my slip up. “What?”
I shook my head and grabbed his hair again as I tried to pull him back to me but he shook his head and reared back. “What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
He looked furious, his eyes darkened and he suddenly started panting. “So it was true, he didn’t let you leave him? God damn it, Jen. It was your choice to make back then, not his.”
He spun round, ramming his hands through his hair agitatedly, “Did he threaten you to choose him?”
I shook my head and turned away from his anger. “Fuck!!! He did, didn’t he? Fuck, Jen. Nine bastard years and you could’ve been mine if that prick had stuck to his word!!”
My own breathing had paced up to match his and I hurt at his suffering. “Ethan. I was fucking his brother behind his back for two years, I killed his baby and I hurt him beyond words. I couldn’t leave him, no matter what he said or didn’t say!”
He looked at me; his expression showing astonishment as his eyes glazed over. “Please don’t tell me you’re going back to him after, after this?” he asked as he gestured to my broken body.
“I don’t have a choice, Ethan.”
He stared at me, gobsmacked, and then screwed up his face. “What the fuck do I have to do? What do you want me to do to make you love me, Jen? Please, just tell me cos’ I’ll fucking do it. Anything, I’ll do anything!”
And then the nurse walked in. Talk about timing.
His distress tore straight through me and ripped me in two but I couldn’t do anything to help him. “Ethan…”
He shook his head again and stormed out, much to the disgust of the sergeant major nurse I was lumbered with.
“We don’t appreciate boorish visitor’s here” she barked and my eyes widened at her.
“Excuse me?” I scoffed.
Her head elevated on her long neck and she reminded me of E.T for a moment, “Coarse, uncouth men.”
“I’ll have you know that Ethan is the softest person I know. He’s gentle, kind, considerate, mellow and… and… and he loves me…”
She stared at me as a tear rolled down my cheek “…and I love him. Always have, always will.”
She snorted and then proceeded to take my blood pressure and the usual other checks and I just stared at the door and silently begged the man I had loved since I was sixteen to come back to me.
He was wrong, when he asked what he had to do to make me love him. It was what he had to do to stop me loving him that I needed to know.
***
“I don’t give a fucking shit what you want little lady, you – are – coming – home – with – me! Simple.” Bulk ordered as he picked up my bag and crooked his elbow for me to link.
“How’s Ethan?” I asked hesitantly as I slid my arm through his and looked at the floor, embarrassed by my total reliance on him.
He pursed his lips and glanced at me. “Been pissed for three days now” he revealed and my breath caught sharply in my throat.
I nodded and pulled in an encouraging breath. “Will you take me to his?”
“You sure?”
“Yep.”
Thirty minutes later I was knocking hard on Ethan’s door and as soon as it opened I pressed my hand on his chest, pushed him against the wall and locked his gaze. “Don’t you dare say I don’t love you. I have never stopped fucking loving you, for eleven fucking years you have dominated this…” I took his hand and placed it over my heart, “eleven years! You hear me, Ethan?”
He nodded as he stared at me, his chest heaving as his eyes flicked over my
face. “You want me?” I asked him bluntly.
He gasped slightly before he cupped my cheek. “More than I want to live and breathe, Jen.”
“That’s good, cos’ being with me might just cost you your life.”
He didn’t reply, he didn’t move, he didn’t breathe as he held my face in his hands and searched my eyes.
“I’m gonna kiss you now, Jen, and then I’m gonna carry you upstairs and I’m gonna make love to you so damn hard and so fuckin’ deep, like I’ve dreamt of doing for the last nine years.”
“Yes.” I whispered as he hovered his mouth over mine whilst his eyes refused to release me.
“So – damn – hard…” he repeated before he engulfed me and took everything I had to give as he gave me everything he had to give.
His fingers slid through my hair as his lips moved slowly and tenderly on mine and I slipped his band out of his hair and raked my fingers through the soft blondness, triggering a moan from him when I grabbed it tightly and increased the passion in our kiss.
His arms swept under me as he lifted me and continued to kiss me as he carried me up the stairs and into his bedroom.
He stood me in the middle of the room as his lips lingered over mine and I gasped when he glided the zip on my dress and pushed it off my shoulders before he pulled me in tight against him, my already hard nipples pressing into his firm chest as his fingers stroked down the length of my spine.
I was on fire, each cell of my body blazing against his touch and I murmured for him to hurry and touch me.
His mouth grazed along my jaw as his fingers unhooked my bra before he pulled it down my arms and threw it across the room with a lazy grin as his hooded eyes fucked me by their selves, the lust and passion in them nearly brought on my orgasm and I swallowed heavily as his thumbs twisted in the edge of my knickers.
Thrilling Heaven (Room 103) Page 6