“What the hell are you doing?” she screamed at me as she pulled and yanked on the door handle.
I pulled in a breath and perched on the bed, watching her rage and fury attack the door. Her face was red and angry as tears streamed down her cheeks and the sight of her terror had my mind arguing with my heart as to whether I was doing the right thing.
“Calm down, baby.”
She spun around so fast I was surprised she didn’t suddenly appear in a Wonderwoman costume whilst she glared at me with the same stare Superman used when he eye-lazered some bad motherfucker.
“Let – me – out – now!”
“Can’t do that, Jen.” I shrugged nonchalantly as I studied my fingernails. I was shitting myself really, but I didn’t want her to know that. My jaw still ached from her last punch and I was secretly frightened of her.
She flung her little body at me, pinning me under her as she launched into a tirade of punches, verbal abuse and pure hatred.
I curled up into a ball as I let her go with it, knowing she would soon tire and relent.
Give the girl credit; twenty minutes solid she beat me, twenty bloody minutes. I was black, blue and all the colours of the chuffing rainbow before she eventually conceded with one last meagre slap on my chest.
“Finished?” I rasped when she climbed off me and sat on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands and wept.
“Please let me go, Ethan. I can’t do this.”
Cautiously, I placed an arm around her shoulders as I pulled her into me but she flipped away from me, turning her back on me and faced the opposite way.
“We can do this, Jen. We will do this. I need us back to where we need to be” I told her softly and I noticed the flick of her shoulders as she scoffed at my words. “You and me, Jen. We were meant to be, made by god for each other and I’ll be damned if I let this ruin us. Eleven fucking years I have wanted you, needed you and I’m not gonna wait no longer. You’re mine, baby and I’m gonna prove it to ya’.”
I slammed the door and locked it behind me before I slid down the wall and cried silently.
Chapter 28
“Hey” I said softly as I opened her door and placed the tray on the table beside the bed.
She looked up at me from the chair in the corner of the room, her death glare burning a hole straight through me as her lip curled in disgust. “What delights are you going to poison me with this morning?” she asked sarcastically as she eyed the plate of pancakes.
I grinned happily at her as my pride over my culinary skills and the pancakes arose. I had never made them before and I was damn proud of how they had turned out. “Pancakes, baby. With syrup, how you like them.”
Her cold eyes lifted to mine as she stood and slowly walked over to the breakfast plate. She lifted it up and sniffed it cautiously before she slapped it in my face. They stuck like glue with the syrup adhering itself to the every single hair on my face as the plate dropped to the floor and bounced off my bare toes.
“Nice.” I hissed out as I pulled the food away.
“Very” she chuckled callously.
I grit my teeth without uttering another word and left the room, locking it again as I left.
This was gonna be harder than I thought. She really did hate me and I had no clue as what to do with her.
It was like some malicious and cold person had possessed her body; however there were still remnants of the gentle and loving Jen in there sometimes. I could see her in the twinkle of her eye, or when I would catch the tiny curl of her soft lips and I knew she was remembering some sweet moment in her head; whether it was a memory involving me or Kyle, I wasn’t sure but I knew it was there.
Pulling my food coated clothes from my body for the second time, the soup I had made her last night had been the first, I walked into the shower and turned it high. The hot pelts energised every cell in me, stimulating my brain as I was in desperate need of any hint what to do next.
Could I do this? Was I doing the right thing? Would she forever hate me after this?
I frowned when I heard banging and sighed when I realised it was Jen shouting something incoherent. I moaned as I stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel round my hips. “Hang on, I’m coming” I shouted over the din of her fists thumping the door.
I braced myself as I opened her door, expecting some heavy item to come hurtling at speed across the room towards my head.
She was stood with her hands on her hips, her condemning eyes narrow and incensed, reminding me of when I was little and my mother would hold the same pose after she had discovered something I had been a little adventurous with, usually her make-up bag… but don’t tell anybody that, it’s our secret!
“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked as sweetly as I could but my pumping blood was proof of my terror.
“I need tampons, Ethan.”
….
Okayyy, uhh.
“Okayyy, uhh. You don’t have any?”
She rolled her eyes at my stupidity. “Did you bring any? Cos’ I didn’t and now I’ve started my period. Unless you have some I could borrow?”
I shook my head slowly in bewilderment at the predicament.
She huffed loudly. “Well, you’re just gonna have to go fetch me some, seems as though I’m being held hostage and can’t leave these ugly four walls.”
“Is this why you’re in a bad mood, baby?”
Oops!
Her eyes widened to an extent I expected them to pop out and roll across the floor towards me. Her chest puffed out so far, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it ripped open and an alien launched across the room and attached itself to my face, whilst a feral growl similar to Godzilla’s battle cry rumbled through her whole body.
“Right, okay. I’ll go get you some.” I flustered and shot from the room before her fists found my face again.
***
Jesus Christ!!!
Blue ones, red ones, pink ones, white ones, yellow ones. Super, regular, mini, light, mixed, super plus. Applicator, no applicator, smooth applicator, travel applicator, cardboard applicator, plastic applicator.
What – the – fucking – hell!
Give me a damn clue please; I am begging you now. Please.
I knew if I got her the wrong ones she would eat me alive and then spit me out just so she could stomp on me.
“Can I help you, sir?”
I turned to see an oldish woman with the chemists’ tabard over her clothes looking at me kindly with a soft smile attached to her lips. “Oh, uhh, yes. My girlfriend needs tampons.”
She smiled wider and nodded, “She didn’t give you a clue as to which ones did she?” Her face showed her knowledge and I shook my head in shame.
“That’s okay, sweetie. I’m sure we can figure it out together.”
I knew she had seen the pure alarm of my dilemma on my face and I already loved this woman with more than my life as she helped me pick out things to help Jen… and me, get through the next few days alive.
Jen’s wide eyes stared at me as I tipped the contents of the bag onto the bed. I had, with the advice of Dorothy the chemist lady, bought tampons, chocolate, sweets, special period pain pills, luxury bubble bath, scented candles, a tiny microwaveable heat-pad for her tummy and a pile of soppy DVD’s.
I nodded lightly at her before I walked back over to the door. “Ethan” she called as I was about to close the door behind me.
I turned back to her and my heart fluttered at the soft smile on her lips. “Thank you.” she whispered.
I returned her gentle smile and shut the door quietly as I left her to do what she needed to do.
I must remember to send Dorothy a huge bunch of flowers.
I pumped a fist in the air at the small breakthrough whilst a huge grin donned my face.
Little things and simple minds!
***
“She doesn’t die!” Jen declared but I nodded adamantly.
“I bet you she does.” I argued as I watched Titanic with
her from the comfort of the large soft bed in her room.
My soul had sung loudly when she asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her whilst we ate our pizza.
She hadn’t touched me, her little body teetering on the edge of her side of the bed whereas I took the other side but it was a small step forward and I would take anything she offered at the moment.
“Ethan, I’m telling you, she doesn’t.”
“Well that’s shit. How unbelievable is this film? Hundreds of passengers in the middle of a freezing ocean and some survivors! Like that would ever happen. Pfft, they should really make movies more lifelike!”
I stared at her when she burst out laughing, proper laughter as tears streamed down her face and she held her stomach. “My god, I lo…”
She coughed to cover her slip as I grinned at her, “What? What’s so funny?” But her blunder had shut her down again.
“I’m tired now, I wanna sleep” she said blandly.
I nodded sadly as I unfolded myself off her bed. “Okay.”
I picked the plates off the bed and pulled her the blinds closed as I switched off the TV. “Sleep well.” I said gently but she didn’t utter another word as she curled into a ball under the duvet. The sigh that left her heart fisted mine and I swallowed heavily at the sorrow in it.
“By the way…” I whispered as I pulled her door closed and left her my heart on the edge of her bed.
Chapter 29
I had managed to stay alive for five days but I wasn’t sure if I’d make it another ten minutes with what I needed to ask her.
“Jen” I appealed cautiously as I opened her bedroom door. She mumbled a ‘what’ without looking up from her Kindle and I timidly took another step into her space. “Baby, I… uhh, I can’t seem to… work the uhh, the washing machine and I wondered if, uhh, if you could…”
I froze in terror as she slowly lifted her face to mine and her narrow eyes scorched into me, crisping my eyelashes and retina’s as they burnt straight through to the back of my skull. “Uhh, I…”
“You think because I’m female that I’ll do the laundry?”
I shook my head rapidly. “No, I’ll do it but I need you to show me… how to… you know, which button to press and… where to put the tablet thingamajig …”
She frightened me when she was having her monthly thingy. Proper exorcist evil overtook her and I held on to the doorframe in case I needed to make a bolt for it.
“Jesus Christ, Ethan. Are you always this stupid?” She huffed as she pulled herself out of the armchair.
I nodded as I moved swiftly out of her way. “Yes, generally, I am. Very stupid.”
She scoffed and nodded. “For once we agree.”
I followed her down the stairs, being behind her was safer than in the lead where she could push me down the stairs, before she stomped across the hallway and into the kitchen.
She sorted through the clothes, explaining how each item and colour grouped together before she held up the squishy plastic coated contraption that resembled a mini pillow, to demonstrate the procedure and I nodded to verify I was taking it in. She placed it inside on top of the clothes and then closed the door before she poured some of the yellow liquid into one of the compartments in the drawer (I hope you’re remembering all this!) and then pressed a button.
I beamed at her when the washer started spinning, “We did it, baby.”
She closed her eyes as she swallowed harshly. “We did, didn’t we!”
I wasn’t sure if she was being sarcastic but a slight smile lit her eyes as I beamed even broader.
Time seemed to pause as her eyes found mine and we both held on to each other without touching. We spoke volumes in silence as we verbalized our feelings wordlessly and she asked for patience and courage without requesting it.
“I’m so sorry, Jen” I whispered hoarsely.
“I know, Ethan but I can’t seem to…” she struggled with her words, her throat clogging with emotion as her eyes died again.
She shook her head at me when I took a step towards her. I needed to hold her; my body was literally humming with the extreme yearning to soothe her misery. “Don’t…”
I stilled but nodded, my heart aching to touch her, just a simple touch to reignite my spirit but I respected her wishes and retraced the single step backwards.
She frowned as a question she was scared to voice flashed across her face. “What?” I asked to encourage her. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like the question but we were relating and it would hopefully be an issue that might help clear the vast breach currently pulling us apart.
She turned to gaze out of the window, her tongue sweeping across her plump lips to wet the dryness and I suppressed the groan and impulse to retrace the trail with my own tongue.
“How much?” she whispered so quietly I nearly didn’t catch it.
My blood froze as my heart skipped a beat when the matter of her query felt like it had actually put physical hands around my throat and squeezed.
I knew I had to tell her the truth but I also knew my answer would widen the chasm between us.
“£25,000.”
She gasped and baulked. I swallowed back my own bile as she paled and her fingernails sank into the flesh on her palms.
“Jen…”
She blew out a long breath, covered her mouth with her hand and shot past me, flying up the stairs in her desperation to get to the toilet ahead of her stomach emptying.
I just stood there like a damn fool, my whole body physically aching at how much I had hurt her as I heard her loud retches and her soft cries.
I wiped at the tear that slid down my face. If I was honest, I was sick and tired of bloody crying like a pussy these previous few weeks. I was turning into someone from Eastenders; always bloody depressed and weepy.
I pulled a bottle of beer from the fridge and popped the cap on the edge of the worktop ahead of downing the full lot, then replaced the empty one with a full one and stepped out onto the terrace.
It was so peaceful and tranquil out here. The raised decked platform hung over the edge of the cliff directly above the private beach and I watched the waves crash up the sand and wash away the dead and old debris, wishing life was so easy to cleanse.
I sighed heavily as I overheard Jen’s sobs from the open bedroom window above me.
What the hell was I doing here? She would never learn to love me again. Jesus, you can’t make someone love you. My abduction wouldn’t bring back her affection. It wouldn’t make her feel differently towards what I had done.
I remembered standing here near ten years ago now. Tears streaming down my face, a bottle of whisky in my hand as I tossed pebbles over the edge and into the sea as my broken heart followed their path.
And here I was again. The woman I loved miles from me, not physically like last time, but mentally and emotionally.
I plonked onto the sun chair and leaned back. I squinted at the sun then reached under the lounger and pulled out my sunglasses.
I stared up at the clouds and sighed. “If you are really up there, then I just wanna… uhh, apologise for… well, you know what for, I don’t have to voice it to you really do I. He hurt her badly and I love her, that’s all I can really give you as an explanation. You know what he was like. How much he abused her and how much he took from her. I know I won’t ever get to meet you now, but I just wanted to… I don’t know what I wanted really, but I thought I oughta… you know. I don’t really care what you do with me when… it’s over, but Jen, please, help her through this. She’s broken and I dunno what to do to fix her.”
I don’t know what I expected really as I peered around. A sign from god, yeah right, Boss? More like I would be smited with a thunderbolt for even talking to him or the hands of Satan would erupt from the ground and pull me under.
I knew I was going to hell, but to be honest, it felt like I was already there now I had lost Jen.
Chapter 30
My stomach rumbled loudly as a delicio
us aroma filtered into my senses and woke me.
I hadn’t realised I had fallen asleep but I must have done because it was now dusk and I smiled softly at the picturesque sunset.
My belly grumbled again and my mouth watered.
Spanish? No, Italian and I grinned as I near fell off the lounger in my effort to get to decent food for the first time all week.
I braced myself as I entered the danger zone, my hands fisted by my sides and my head tilted slightly ready for the swift dodge it might need.
“Hey.” I offered softly as I came into the kitchen.
Jen was stood grating some funny smelling cheese over the salad she had prepared and I hoped the pungent stuff didn’t ruin what looked like nectar after weeks of take-away.
“Hey” she returned with a small smile.
“You okay?” I asked apprehensively, concern fluttering my stomach at her mood shift.
She didn’t speak but nodded and gestured to the table she had set for our supper.
Something occurred to me then and I gazed at Jen with a slight pucker in my brow. “You didn’t run.” I stated when I realised I hadn’t locked her door before I fell asleep.
“Where would I go, Ethan? We’re miles from anything resembling life. I was surprised to find the cupboards full.”
I shrugged at her. “Climbed on the roof with your bed sheet tied to a pole as you waved your S.O.S.”
“And who the hell would save me out here?” she scoffed lightly.
Thrilling Heaven (Room 103) Page 18