Table of Contents
Title
copyright
prologue
Jonah
Annie
Jonah
Annie
Jonah
Annie
Melanie Shankle
Jayden
Annie
Jayden
Annie
Jayden
Epilogue
Vows
Dr. Seuss
From the Author
Acknowledgements
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 S.L Schiefer
Living Chances by S.L. Schiefer
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Jayden,
So, they told me talking to you might help and that hearing my voice could possibly trigger you to come back to me. I feel stupid talking to someone that isn’t talking back to me. Especially because it makes me feel like I’m talking to myself. Soon I’ll start answering for you, and we both know all that’ll get me is a first class trip upstairs to the psych ward. Neither of us need that.
So, my solution to sitting in a room alone is to write you letters. That way, I know I’ve told you everything for the day and nothing will be left out. Also, then it’s all written down for when you finally wake up.
I’ve only been home for a day. Josh doesn’t really do much of anything except eat, sleep and poop. Your mom and dad are over there right now with him, probably holding him the entire time He’s going to get used to that and never want to be laid down.
I really hope you wake up soon. I could use your help around the house, with cleaning and Josh. Jonah has been helping though. He stayed in the hospital with me the whole time. There is something wrong with him, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. I hope he knows he can talk to me and that I’m here for both of you no matter what.
Well, that is all I have for today. There really wasn’t anything life changing that happened since New Year’s Eve. Except… for what happened. But we’ll work through this, I know we can.
I love you Jayden, come back to me soon. I miss you.
If you would have told me a year ago, that I would be helping my soon to be sister-in-law take care of her newborn child, I would have told you that you were crazy. But, here I am sitting in a hospital room, doing just that while my brother is in the ICU. I just can’t believe everything that has happened in the past couple days. It all still seems so surreal. If I think I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around everything, I can’t even imagine how Annie is dealing with this all. I shift in this uncomfortable vinyl chair. You would think, that with how much hospitals charge, they could afford to supply their patients with more comfortable options. Especially for the maternity ward.
I glance over at the bed and the tiny little cradle next it. Both Annie and Josh are sleeping. Josh seems to have gotten on a schedule. Every two hours on the dot he wants a bottle, and then about thirty minutes later he needs a diaper change. The hospital gave us a paper to keep track of every bottle and every diaper. I’m not sure why, but Annie didn’t seem to question it, so I’m not either. I stand up and go look at my nephew just to get out of that chair for a minute.
I look at the tiny bundle, and I can’t help but feel overwhelming guilt that I’m sitting here able to see him when my brother can’t. I’ve always been the more emotional one of the two of us but that’s to be expected I guess. And I will never admit to anyone that I cried when I saw Josh for the first time. I couldn’t help it; this tiny thing came out squalling but was so damn perfect. Jesus, I’ve never heard such a sound before. The doctor handed me a pair of scissors to cut the cord, so I did. And before even handing Josh to Annie, they took him to get cleaned up.
I will never forget the delivery for as long as I live. And it makes me so much happier that I’m gay. I was never meant to see a vagina ever, let alone all stretched out. That is an image that will scare me for the rest of my life. That and her screams of pain. Turns out, when she got here, she was a little too late for any pain medicine. Fuck that.
Just as I turn to go sit back down, Josh decides to wail to let everyone on this floor know that he’s hungry. Annie jumps out of a deep sleep, and it’s actually quite comical. She went from a dead sleep, to sitting up, gasping and looking around frantically. I can’t help but laugh at her.
“Shut up, you ass.” She goes to slip out of bed to grab Josh.
“Just sit there, I’ll get him for you.” I tell her. I slide my hands under his head and his butt, picking him up. I can’t believe just how damn tiny he is. I cradle him to my chest for a moment before handing him over to Annie, carefully.
“You act like he’s expensive China.” She chuckles.
“He is. I’ve never held a baby before. How do you expect me to act with him? This little thing terrifies me.” I turn around and go back to my chair. Annie decided to bottle feed. She said it is too weird having him try to suck on her boob. I agree.
She looks up to me after getting Josh settled in her arms and a bottle in his mouth. “Has there been any word on Jayden?”
I shake my head. “Not yet, do you want me to go check on him? I can harass all the nurses for you.”
“Actually, if you don’t mind, yes.”
“Alright, I’ll be back in a little bit.” Walking over to the bed, I brush my finger down Josh’s cheek. “You did good, Annie. No matter what, remember that you always have Josh.”
I see tears well her in eyes. Giving her a small smile, I turn around and walk out. I’m not one for tears, I can’t handle when girls cry.
I hear the door close softly behind Jonah. A tear falls down my face, and I hurriedly swipe it away. I can’t cry. I don’t know anything concrete about what happened and until I do, I cannot lose it yet. Besides, I heard that babies can feel their parents’ emotions. If I freak out, Josh will freak out and I don’t think the entire floor wants us both freaking out. I am still getting used to his different noises. He sounds so pitiful when he cries.
I cannot believe I made this baby, well with Jayden’s help, but I delivered him. All eight pounds, one ounce and twenty-two inches of him. Jesus, all of him came out of my hoohoo. Fuck, that shit better go back to how I was before. I better not be permanently all stretched out, I don’t want sex to feel like he’s throwing a hotdog down a hallway. How tragic would it be to not be able to feel your fiancé’s dick inside you?
A shrill little scream brings me out of my thoughts. I look down at Josh and see that he finished his entire bottle already. Damn, he really knows how to eat. He’s going to be a pig
gy. I put him up on my shoulder and start to rub his back and lightly pat him to get him to burp for me. It doesn’t take long, thankfully.
I grab my Boppy pillow, set it in front of me on the bed and lay him down. I open up his blanket and look at him. Counting his fingers and toes, I just admire my little bundle, while my mind wanders back to his birth…
After Jonah and I had gotten to the hospital, he rushed around and got me inside and to the maternity ward in record time. I’m positive he didn’t want to play catcher. I waddled my way back to the delivery room after getting all my stuff stashed in my real room.
The nurses came in and hooked me up to all these monitors. It was awkward as shit having them poke and prod me. After they finally got me all hooked up and lying back, one of the nurses decided to check to see how far along I was. She gasped and said that we needed to page the doctor now! Of course, that made me freak out. She just looked at me and placed her hand on mine and said, “Sweetie, you’re nine centimeters. You labored all that time at home and got here just in time.”
With that, she started rushing around the room getting everything ready. Looking over at Jonah, he had a panicked look on his face and all I could do was laugh my ass off at him. Every time a contraction hit, Jonah was there holding my hand, comforting me, doing everything Jayden should be doing. A pang of anger courses through me, I cannot believe he isn’t here. Jayden should be here, not Jonah. Not that I don’t appreciate him being here, because I really do. I just thought that after everything, this is something that should be shared between the parents. Not the mother and uncle.
The doctor made his hasty entrance into the room while all the nurses were yelling at me not to push. God, have you ever had a child? You’re body wants you to push! There is no way to not push. He was coming whether they wanted him to or not. The nurses had everything all set up, except for taking the end of the hospital bed off and putting my feet in stirrups.
After they got my feet in the stirrups, and the doctor was ready, they had me start pushing. And Jesus, he shoved his whole hand up my hoohoo to help. What the actual fuck?! Between the pain of pushing with no epidural, and now he wants to shove his hand up there and add to the pain? After a few pushes, I hear the doctor start murmuring something to another nurse, and I see her walk away to go grab something. The doctor then looks up to me and says, “Annie, listen to me. The baby is stuck in the birth canal. I’m going to need to use the forceps to help him come down the canal. Is that okay?”
“YES! Just get him out! Do whatever you have to!” I yell at him.
At this point, I’m sure Jonah is ready to pass out. I’m ready to pass out myself, I’m so tired. The nurse returns with what I assume is the forceps, I’m not really paying attention at this point. I have my head back against the pillow trying to regain some composure before my next contraction. Dr. Huggins says that with my next push he is going to insert the forceps and help guide Josh down and out. I don’t even answer him. I just need him to get this child out of my vagina!
Jonah is standing right next to my head. I’m sure trying to look everywhere but at my hoohoo. He grabs my hand as the doctor and the nurses start telling me to push again. Jonah is counting to ten in my ear for me. I’m trying to focus all my concentration on his voice but now they don’t give me any break in between pushes. Instead of taking a minute to catch my breath, I have to take one big deep breath and start pushing again.
It takes three back to back pushes, and my baby is out. Jonah is rubbing my arm and what do I do? I break down and bawl. I bawl because Jonah is here, I bawl because I’m so pissed at Jayden for missing this and I bawl because my parents aren’t here to meet their grandchild.
After they placed Josh in my arms, it is like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Everything was right in the world. Josh was my tiny little miracle. Staring at him now, I still feel the same way. Nothing will ever make me love him any less. I didn’t know my heart was capable of this much love for one person.
I look up as the door opens, and Jonah walks back in with his mom.
“Hey, dear. How are you feeling today?” She comes over to me and puts her arm around my shoulders, placing her other hand on the side of Josh’s face. He stirs a tiny bit, but stays sound asleep.
“I’m feeling alright.” I tell her. Turning to Jonah I ask, “Did you find anything out about Jayden?”
He blinks a couple times, “Momma found out some things, she was just finishing up talking to his doctor when I got over there.”
I look over to their mom expectantly.
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“I need to.” I tell her.
“Alright.” She sighs, “He was drugged by something they call ‘Special K’, Ketamine is the real name of it. He had a high blood alcohol level, so they think that someone must have slipped it in his drink.”
“Do they have any idea who would have done that?” I furrow my brows in thought.
I glance back up to see Momma give Jonah a look. That’s not suspicious or anything.
“Just tell me, don’t keep me in the dark about any of this shit.” I growl, then give an apologetic look at Momma.
Jonah hesitates for just a second then says, “When I got to the bar, I found him in the parking lot. In a car. Not alone.”
My whole body turns cold and I’m sure my face is as white as a ghost.
“Tell her the rest, Jonah.” Momma says sternly.
“Annie, he was in Brooke’s car. She was sitting on his lap, and they were kissing.”
Anger, like I’ve never felt before, runs through me. How. Fucking. Could. He?! I knew that girl would be back. No one just gives up that easily!
“Annie, we think Brooke drugged Jayden.”
I stare at them in confusion, as that sinks in. That bitch drugged my fiancé. She won’t get away with it, I guarantee you that! I blink away the tears that threaten to fall, for what seems like the millionth time. I look down at Josh, picking him up, I place him against my chest. I am trying like hell to remember why I’m here, and what all of this means. Having Josh, I can’t really take care of Brooke myself. Not that I don’t want to, because God, I really want to. I’m going to have to do it the legal way, with Jonah’s help.
Softly running my hand back and forth on Josh’s back, I look at his face. I take in his perfect little face with his dark, long eyelashes. He has a head full of dark brown hair, just like me and what look to be green eyes, just like his dad’s.
“Did the doctor say if they know when he’ll wake up?” I ask, keeping my eyes on Josh.
“They’re hopeful that he’ll wake up soon. Hopefully, in the next couple days. They said that he was given a lot more than what was needed and that’s what caused him to have a seizure.” Jonah tells me, coming towards the bed and taking Josh from me.
“I’m getting discharged tomorrow. How am I going to take care of a newborn and at the same time try to get back here to see Jayden?” I’m slightly panicked at this thought. How am I supposed to split my time between them? Since Jayden is in the ICU, I can’t take the baby with me. If he were in a normal room I’m sure they would let me, considering the circumstances.
“Honey, we’ll help you as much as we can. We don’t want you to feel like you aren’t doing everything that you can for both of your men.” Janey tells me.
I look around the sterile room wondering, for the thousandth time, why life cannot just pick one direction. Either fuck with my life or just let me be happy. They say God never gives you more than you can handle. With the amount of shit that has been thrown my way, you would think I was invincible.
I left Momma with Annie at the hospital. I needed to get out of there. I’ve always hated hospitals. It is rare for anything good to come out of them. The only bright spot in all of this is Josh. I barely remember the drive to my apartment, well Jayden’s apartment. I figured since he was living with Annie, I would take over his lease. If nothing else, at least got me out of the barracks.<
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Walking into the house, I go to grab a beer out of the fridge. Dammit, I need one! All this shit is getting to be too much. On the way to the fridge, it hits me just how quiet this apartment is. I’ve gotten so used to all the noise, and constantly having someone there. It would be easier to find someone to spend my time with, and less awkward, if everyone knew I was gay. No one knows, except for one guy from high school. I’ve always known I was gay. Him? Not so much. He was curious, so sue me, I wanted to get laid! All the guys, and some girls, were always going on about how they were always getting some. Why can’t the gay guy get some too?
I rub my temples. Fuck. My. Life. I need to come out and get it over with. The only person I’m worried about is Jayden. He’s always had this macho image to uphold. I don’t want him to think any less of me. Ah, fuck it. I’m going to the bar. Forget the Bud Lite, I’m going to get the good stuff.
I can’t go back to the bar that everything went down at. I can’t bring myself to look at the same people who always hang out there. The same people who did nothing about Brooke leading Jayden out of the bar to her car. I’m sure I would try to beat the shit out of the first person to open their mouth. Not that I don’t want to give someone a good ass kicking, but that someone is currently being held under strict supervision. I’m sure the Marine’s won’t let me anywhere near her. If they did, I would end up in the same boat as her. The struggle.
The gravel parking lot of the little hole in the wall I went to, needs fixing. There are pot holes that threaten to swallow my car, but it’s the type of low key place I need tonight. Locking the car, I head towards the front door. The door is propped open, and the amount of smoke has created its own cloud inside the building. It’s nasty for someone who doesn’t smoke. But tonight, I could give two shits.
I walk up to the bar and plop down on a stool, once again putting my head in my hands. That seems to be a norm for me today. In the middle of me having my solo pity party, a voice rudely interrupts me.
Living Chances (Unexpected Series Book 3) Page 1