“Jonah?” No answer. “JONAH!” That gets him looking in my direction. I need to get him talking again, so maybe he’ll stop trying to wear a hole in my carpet. I glance over at Josh to make sure he’s still sleeping and oblivious to all of this.
“Man, I need you to chill. Its human nature, You weren’t sitting there, staring intently at the door waiting for your next boo thing to walk through.” I tell him, and that gets him to stop pacing.
“Boo thing? Seriously? That’s what you come up with?” The corners of his mouth turn up.
“Well, you were going to wear a hole in my carpet. I had to pull out the big guns to stop you.” Patting the cushion next to me, I try to convince him to sit back down.
“I don’t think I can sit while I talk about this.” He puts his hands on his hips.
“You look like a diva right now.” He immediately sits down on the couch next to me. I grin in triumph. “Why don’t you get to what has you so bothered?”
“Well, I ran into him a couple days ago. He’s a bartender at this little dive bar, not too far from here. It totally threw me because I wasn’t expecting him to be there.”
“I can understand that. I mean seeing him in uniform, they typically are married to their jobs. No time for much of anything else.” I tell him. I turn on the couch to get a little bit more comfy.
“So, long story short he cons my phone number out of me, but I can’t tell if he bats for my team or not. He’s so…straight acting. I’m not sure if he wanted my number for actually just hanging out.”
“Jonah, you act straight too. You’re not a “girly” gay guy.” I say seriously. I really don’t think his family knows. I think Jayden would have said something about it by now.
“I know, but still. I want a guy who is…a man. I want a guy who enjoys doing the same things as me. But it’s weird, right? Him wanting my number and asking like that?” He looks at me with such a vulnerable look. It’s clear he’s had no one to talk to about this stuff.
“He could quite possible be gay, Jonah. As the saying goes, don’t judge a book by its cover. You’re basically condemning him, for things you don’t even know, before even giving him a chance. And so what if he isn’t gay. Maybe you should find a friend, outside of me. It might be good for you to get away from all the drama surrounding Jayden and I.”
“Annie, you’re not drama. Bad things seem to follow you, but it keeps life interesting.” He grins. Finally, his mood seems to lighten a little.
“I know, I know. But, in all seriousness, don’t go at this with the attitude that you want a relationship or whatever with him. Go in with a casual attitude and no expectations. If you don’t give him a piece of yourself right off the bat, you won’t leave yourself open to disappointment.”
He stares at me a moment, “You know, you can be really insightful sometimes.”
“I know.” Cue big grin.
“Don’t get all conceited on me now.” He bumps his shoulder into mine.
“It’s not considered conceited when it’s right, and I’m not being cocky about it.” I’m about to tell him that I want to meet the guy who has finally piqued his interest, when Josh decides to let out a wail, informing the whole neighborhood that he’s pissed and hungry. Seems like my forgotten food is going to stay forgotten.
It’s been a couple days since I finally came out to Annie. I was so relieved, but also, so shocked that she already knew. It’s so strange to me to have someone, besides myself and the few partners I’ve had, know that I’m gay.
I’ve been up to see Jayden a couple times. The one time I went up with Annie, she sat right next to the bed and wrote a letter. She spent practically the whole time we were there writing. She wouldn’t let me read it either. I’m not generally a nosy person, but damnit, I want to know what had her so lost to the world.
Also, I’ve been up to the bar once. Kyle wasn’t working though, much to my disappointment. I haven’t texted him, and he hasn’t texted me. I’m probably going to have to bit the bullet and text him if I want to see him.
I came to the gym on base to work out all of my frustrations. Between work, worrying about Jayden, and this thing with Kyle, I needed a release. I’ve run four miles on the treadmill, lifted some weights, and now I’m beating the stuffing out of the punching bag. Nothing is helping. I must have spent at least thirty minutes on the bag before someone starts bugging me.
“Hey, man. Do you, I don’t know, want to go a few rounds?” Collins asks.
“Nah, I’m done. I’m going to head out. I’m going to go pick up Annie and head to the hospital.” I say, shaking out my hands that I didn’t wrap up. Without waiting for another response, I turn away and walk out. This shit is getting to be too much. If something doesn’t give soon, I’m going to break.
At the hospital, Annie is in the chair that she has claimed as hers, and I’m in a chair over by the window. Neither of us says much while we’re here. Most of the time, the doctor will update us when we first get here, then leave us be. Today we haven’t seen him.
I stand up and stretch, telling Annie that I’ll be right back. I have to walk around a little bit. I have too much energy coursing through my body. I’m roaming the halls aimlessly, when I get a text message. Pulling it out of my pocket, I head in the direction of the cafeteria.
Looking at the screen I’m surprised to see Kyle’s name pop up. Swiping the screen open I pull up his text.
Kyle: Are you free today?
Me: Right now I’m at the hospital. What’s up?
Kyle: Just got off work at the station, was going to go for a run before I went home to sleep. I could come by the hospital?
Me: Why? Why would you want to come to the hospital?
Trying to figure him out, I need to figure out what he wants out of this. No matter what Annie said, I can’t go into this blindly. I need to know where we stand, and what he wants.
Kyle: To check on you and your brother.
Me: What do you want from me?
There. No more beating around the bush. Blunt and straight to the point.
Kyle: Wow. Going straight for the jugular.
Me: ?
Kyle: Well, I was trying to ease into this some, and not have it come out like this. I wanted you to get comfortable around me before this came out.
Kyle: I’m attracted to you.
So… Okay, then. I stare dumbfounded at my phone. This is what I was hoping for, but why does it feel so…strange. I blink a couple times and hesitantly type out my response.
Me: You can come to the hospital. I can introduce you to my future sister-in-law.
Kyle: Okay, I can be there in thirty.
I feel like I’m going to vomit. Fuck. Maybe I should text him and tell him not to come. Dammit. I can do this. I need to do this. I’ve never had the “butterflies on the first date,” thing. This is all new to me. I’ve never “dated” anyone. I’ve always known I’m gay, so there was no experimentation for me.
Stalking out of the cafeteria, any appetite forgotten, I make it back up to the ICU as Annie is putting her notebook away. She looks up at me when I walk into the room. She gives me one of her radiant smiles that dims slightly when she notices how tense I am.
“What’s wrong?” She asks confused. I left in a decent mood, and come back like this.
“So, I think I may puke.”
“What? Why? Did you eat something?” Confusion takes over her face even more.
“No. Kyle texted me.” I pace around the hospital room. Which doesn’t leave me a whole lot of space.
“Kyle? The fireman slash bartender you have the hots for?” Her smile is back. Gone is the confusion from two minutes ago.
“Yes, HIM.” I narrow my eyes at her.
She laughs loudly, “Don’t even give me that look, Jonah. You do have the hots for him.”
Shaking my head, “Yeah, this is just all so new for me. It was hard for me to even come to you and talk to you. You’re the first person who I’ve talked to about it
.”
“You know I’m just giving you a hard time, right?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. But, now on to the next part.”
“Okay, lay it on me, slick.”
I glare at her for a minute, “He’s on his way up here.”
“WHAT? He’s coming up here? I get to meet him? Wait… Why is he coming to see you at a hospital?” she spits that all out in a rush.
“Well, I asked him what he wanted from me, and he told me that he is attracted to me. So, there’s that. He wanted to go for a run before he went home and went to bed. He just got off duty at the fire station.” I explain.
“Oh. My. God. That is so damn exciting! I’m so happy for you, Jonah! You deserve to find yourself some happiness.” She says genuinely.
“Thanks that means a lot to me. Now, we need to hope that everyone else has the same attitude about it.” I say, silently praying.
“I really don’t think your parents would judge a single hair on your head.” She sounds so convinced.
I continue pacing around the close quarters of the room and Annie just sits there amused. The pure joy on her face is nice to see, considering the events of the past week. The guilt is still just under the surface, though. I met someone because my brother got drugged. Well, I can’t say he never did anything for me. I don’t know how he’s going to feel about that. Hopefully, we can find some humor in this at some point.
A knock on the door immediately halts my pacing. Annie is grinning like an idiot when I turn around. The door slowly opens and Kyle fills the doorway. I never noticed how broadly built he is. Light illuminates his face, and God do I need some light in my darkness right now.
“Since our friend here has forgotten his manners, I’m Annie. You must be Kyle.” She stands and closes the space between them to shake his hand. She ushers him in the room, so she can shut the door behind him.
“Hey, man. How is he?” he asks me.
“The doctor hasn’t been in today yet. At least he hadn’t before I left. Annie, did he come in while I was gone?”
“Nope, maybe I’ll go hunt him down. Find out some answers.” I give her a panicked look. Please God, don’t leave me here alone with him. “Or I can stay in here?”
“So, Jonah tells me you’re a firefighter who moonlights as a bartender?” At least she’s taking the focus off of me for a minute. I need to gather my shit. This is really happening. Why the hell can’t I get it together? The fucking struggle. That would be a hashtag on social media.
I’ve tuned out most of their conversation it seems, because they’re both staring at me.
“What?” I ask them. And what do they do? They laugh! Of course they do. I’m losing my mind over here, and they’re getting along like great friends already.
“Like this whole thing isn’t awkward enough for me, you guys feel the need to add to it by laughing at me. I’m about to stomp my foot and say this isn’t fair.” Sarcasm drips out in every word.
They both burst out laughing. I’ve about had it with them. It takes a good five minutes for them to calm down, and by the time they get it together, I’m sure my look could freeze hell.
“Relax man, we weren’t talking about you. Well, kind of. She was telling me how she met you and how nice you were to her. A real southern gentleman.” Kyle winks at me. I just shake my head at them and plop down into a chair.
I’m not sure how long we’ve been sitting in Jayden’s room, just talking and I guess getting to know each other better. Annie has her notebook back out writing stuff down, hopefully nothing about Kyle and me.
I’ve learned what made him want to be a fireman, some of his favorite things, and the fact that he likes to work out. A lot. Annie hasn’t added much to the conversation, I think she’s giving us this time to figure things out. But she’s still here to offer support. She’s a great person.
Yesterday, at the hospital, was fabulous. Getting to meet Kyle was a nice surprise, a definite mood booster considering where we were. After Jonah relaxed, finally, you could tell he was so much more into the conversation and getting to know his new boy toy. I’m so thrilled to see him happy.
Today though, has been a test in patience. I think my child has gotten his nights and days mixed up. So here I am, it’s eleven AM and I’m half dead on the couch. Meanwhile, Josh is in his swing in front of me. I’m lying down, staring at the ceiling trying to shut my brain down enough to take a nap. I need to go see Jayden later today. I have more to write in the notebook. I have lots to fill him in on, especially the fact that his son is trying to drive me crazy.
Little J is lucky he’s so damn cute and lovable. All he has to do is smile and I’m in a losing battle. If it’s just him and myself here, I don’t think I utter one word that isn’t somehow in baby talk. If I’m cleaning, I tote around his swing and give him step by step instructions on how to clean. I’m going to raise him to take care of his woman. Jesus, now I’m trying to age him. I’m not ready for that shit whatsoever, or for him to date for that matter. Maybe I’ll put a ban on girls. I could tell him he’ll go blind if he goes near them. That should work, right?
And now I’m talking to myself. If I didn’t have my few hours away daily to see Jayden, I would probably lose my mind. I might actually lose it if Jayden doesn’t wake up soon anyway. The doctors are optimistic that it’ll be soon. They did another test of some sort, which showed more brain activity. I just need him to wake up, I don’t care how he does it. I need him to come back to our son and me.
Realizing that sleep is going to elude me, yet again, I get up and start puttering around the house, waiting on Janey and Jim to get here. I really need to find more friends. Between hanging out at home, going to the hospital, and taking Josh in for his new baby checkups I don’t have much of a life these days. It’s amazing how lonely you can be, even with someone around.
Picking up my Kindle, I sit back down on the couch getting ready to browse through the store to find something to read. Nothing is holding my attention anymore, I feel like I have a book hangover. I’ve been scrolling for what seems like forever, when there’s a loud banging on the front door. I jump up and look at Josh, who is blinking open his eyes. I’m going to murder whoever is on the other side of that door!
I wretch open the door and Jonah is standing there with a shit eating grin on his face. I’m going to kill him.
“What the fuck are you thinking?! Do you forget I have a baby that is usually sleeping?” I hiss at him, giving him what I hope is a death glare.
“Oh shit! I’m so sorry! But I need you to get yourself and Josh ready. I’m here to get you out of your dungeon.” He walks past me and into the house.
“What are you talking about? Your mom and dad are on their way here. Or they should be.” I reply.
“Nope, we’re taking baby J to my parents’ house and you and I, my dear, are going to have a nice lunch and then go see Jayden.” He turns me and pushes me towards Josh. “Go get everything he needs and I’ll get him in his car seat.”
Reluctantly, I head towards his room to grab the diaper bag. Getting out of the house does seem like a great idea. It’ll give me some adult time, and quite possibly save my sanity. Staring into the bag, I run over my mental checklist to try and figure out if I’ve forgotten anything. Satisfied I’ve remembered everything, I head back to the living room. I take a detour, deciding I should actually put on jeans and a nice shirt if we’re going out to eat.
I’m almost back to fitting into my jeans from before, they’re tight but I can get them fastened. I need to hit a gym once I’m cleared to do so. I don’t want a flabby tummy. I must be taking forever, because Jonah yells for me to hurry the hell up. Damn him. Can’t he let me get ready in peace? He’s gay, so he should be more feminine and understanding. Fuck it, jeans and an old band tee it is. At least it’ll hide some of the flab!
Jonah took me to Texas Roadhouse and paid. I was kind of shocked to tell you the truth. As an added bonus, I had not one, but two lovely men sitting across fro
m me. Kyle met us there and ate with us. We spent the whole time talking and laughing, giving me the release from life I needed. Putting me back in a positive mood!
After the bill was settled, we all walked out to the parking lot and went our separate ways; Kyle to work an early shift at the bar and us to the hospital. Kyle shocked me some more by pulling Jonah in for a hug and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. I’m pretty sure Jonah was even more shocked than I was. He turned bright red and his eyes bugged out, which made me smile. Clearly, he’s not used to PDA!
Now, we’re at the hospital though. I’m logging my daily entry into the notebook, telling Jayden about his son and then lunch. I leave out the part about Kyle, for obvious reasons. That’s not my story to tell. I’m getting to the end of what I wanted to write, and I tell him that it’s about a month until my birthday and if he wanted to wake up now that I would consider that my birthday present for the next couple years. Closing the notebook, I put it back on the table.
I look over to where Jonah is sitting in the corner. He’s playing on his phone, furiously texting away. A small smile plays across my mouth, knowing who is on the receiving end of those texts
“Is Kyle not busy at work yet?” I ask playfully.
“I don’t have the slightest idea as to what you’re referring to.” He’s still staring at his phone, so I can’t see the grin, but I can hear it in his voice.
“Then, I think that if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you should be able to put your phone down.” I say giving him a challenging look, hoping he’ll accept it so I can call him on his bullshit.
He locks his screen and sits it down on his thigh. Even from here I can see it light up every few minutes. Either Kyle is really bored, or it’s Facebook. I raise my eyebrow when he glances down at his phone.
“Go on, talk to your boy toy. I know you want his ass.” I start laughing. He shakes his head, knowing he lost our pretend battle.
Living Chances (Unexpected Series Book 3) Page 3