by Sam JD Hunt
“Fuck, Penny, you aren’t supposed to be here,” he said gently, his large palm reaching up to cradle my chin. “I tried so hard to save you from me, to make you go before I hurt you like I did Nate.”
“Rex, I know what you said about not loving me without Nate,” I said, a sharp pain rolling through me at repeating the words that had caused me so much heartache. “But,” I continued, desperate to convince him, “I can’t live without you. I love you; I need you. And the same with Nate. We’re getting him back, Rex.”
He wrapped his arms around me as I fell into his chest, ignoring the smell of the whiskey, smoke, and what must have been days without a shower. It felt so good to be back in his arms again.
“Oh God, baby, I love you so much. I only said that so that you’d go—I drove Nate away, I made so many mistakes. Evelyn was once whole, beautiful and I made her into a vacant shell of a woman, and now she’s dead. Luther—fuck, he’s a monster because of me. You were still intact, and I realized that if you stayed with me, I’d ruin you, too. I thought if you left you could still have a chance at being happy,” he said into my hair, his body shaking as he held me.
“Bullshit,” I snapped, “you didn’t destroy anyone.” I held him tighter, tears of joy springing to my eyes as I absorbed his words. He didn’t mean it, he did love me! I pulled back to look in his eyes, wet with tears. “Do you love me, Rex? Just me, even if it’s just the two of us?”
His answer came immediately. “Yes, Penny, I do. I thought I could do it, live without you. But I can’t. I need you, and I need him.” I put my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look into my eyes.
“We’re getting Nate back,” I said to him. He tried to look away, but I held on to his face. “Rex, I love you, I will not live without you, and we will not live without Nate, am I clear?” He nodded, a look of relief slowly washing over him. “We, together in love, are going to get our Nathaniel back. He’s the third broken ring that we need to be fused back to make a whole, and we’ll die trying if we have to, but our love is forever,” I said, and I meant every word.
I glanced over his chest, down his arms. “These cuts are okay? Are they clean?”
“I’m so ashamed that I went back to that,” he said, his eyes drifting from mine, “but yeah, they’ll heal up fine.” I ran my finger across his strong chin.
“No more, we’re together now,” I said as I stood up. I reached a hand down to him and asked, “Shower or bath?” He put his hand in mine and stood, towering over me once again.
“Huh? Oh yeah, I um…shower,” he answered as I wrapped my arm around his wide waist and pulled him toward the bathroom.
I soaped him up, relishing in the feeling of his skin under my fingers again. It felt like I’d been gone forever, and being back with him patched a portion of my broken heart.
“You didn’t drive Nate away; his own self-doubt from the beginning did that. We’ve never been able to convince him that he wasn’t less-than, that he wasn’t anyone’s second choice. But that wasn’t our fault—that was a fissure in Nate’s self-esteem, maybe caused by the bullying he received from his cousin all those years ago, maybe just a part of his makeup, but either way, it wasn’t our fault that he left. We couldn’t have loved him more. Luther plays mind games, and knew how to seep into that already lingering pool of doubt simmering in Nate and draw it out, causing it to boil over. And speaking of Luther—he was fucked up long before he met you, and you know it. You didn’t cause him to be a monster, his mother probably did.” I rinsed him off, turned the water off, and stepped out to get him a towel.
“Now,” I said with confidence, “do you want to shave, or shall I shave you? Because I’m going to take you to bed, and I want to run my tongue, and other things, over smooth skin.”
“I’ll do it,” he said, walking over to the mirror and lathering up. I sat on a bench near him as he shaved off the week’s worth of growth.
“I know that we’re getting him back, Rex. You might not believe in rescuing people, but I’m about to rescue our love. I won’t take no for an answer. But, uh, I’m not sure where to start.”
He thought for a moment before flicking his razor at the sink. He swiped another stripe down his cheek and answered, “I wish I knew. The bodyguard I hired lost track of Amber, so she’s not there, but it’s crossed my mind a few times to go see his father in North Carolina. Let’s call him in the morning and start there.”
I smiled wide at him; I was the happiest I’d been since Nate left. I was ready to fight to get Nate back, and thankfully, Rex seemed to be coming out of his cloud of self-blame and ready to do battle with me.
“He lost track of her? She’s quite the escape artist.”
“Yeah, it’s…something is just really off with this whole thing,” he answered, wiping the shaving cream from his face.
I couldn’t wait any longer—I craved his touch. “I need you, Rex. Please don’t ever push me away again,” I begged as I dragged him to bed.
“I love you so much, baby, I wanted to save you from me. I-I’m sorry, it just all got so twisted up in my head, but I can’t live without you,” he said, his lips falling to mine as the plush white towel fell away.
Our bodies crashed together, desperate to be as close as possible, as his thick cock slipped into me. I groaned as my hips rose up to meet him, pressing, hungry for more of him. As his strong hands clasped my sides, our tongues tangled together, I knew we were back. We’d fought through the darkness to find each other once again, and we, together, would fight to bring back the missing piece.
His thrusts increased, my tightness straining to take all of him, the dull throbbing pain from my cervix nagging at me as I pressed even harder against him. His lips slid from mine, down to a nipple. My clit throbbed, desperate for contact, as the hard sucking from his mouth drove me to the brink of insanity. He slid out of my clenching pussy as his lips left my nipple. Rex’s warm kisses floated down my torso, all the way down to my swollen mound.
“Please fuck me, I need you,” I begged as he kissed the sensitive skin.
“Patience, baby girl,” he whispered, placing one last kiss before his tongue dipped inside me. I thrashed like a cat in heat, wanton and needy. It had been over a week since I’d been touched sexually by anyone, even myself, and I was desperate for the orgasm that Rex was teasing me with.
“Ugh!” I moaned when his mouth avoided my about-to-burst clit, instead dipping slowly in and out of my soaked entrance. His tongue slid lower as I continued to thrash, to try to force him higher. My own fingers instinctively groped for my clit, only to be stopped by his strong hand holding my wrist. He was toying with me, making me wait on purpose, to tease me to the brink of ecstasy.
My mind went blank as I erupted, Rex’s tongue finally giving in to my desire and rising up to flick at my clit, his long index finger stroking my G-spot deep inside me, swollen and sensitive. I came hard as he sucked me, a burst of slippery fluid overflowing from me as my climax shook us both.
“Holy shit,” he said in awe as I pushed his adoring mouth from me, unable to take any more. “That was the sexiest thing ever,” he said, his body covering mine as he slid into me again. My tongue found his again, coated with the sweet slickness of my orgasm, as he thrust hard, unable to control his own desire for another second. “Fuck!” he roared as he exploded into me, my own tightness throbbing around him in an attempt to hold him inside of me as long as possible.
We drifted to sleep, exhausted from the day, still bound together. I woke up as he rolled over next to me, pulling my body close to him, his legs wrapped around mine as if he was afraid of losing me again to the night.
“I love you,” I sighed, pushing into him. “You are everything to me, baby, you and Nate. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I can’t lose either of you ever again.” His warm breath was on the back of my neck. I fought to stay awake as he said, “I know you both thought I didn’t tell Luther about my relationship with Nate because of some shame of being in love with another m
an, but you were wrong. That wasn’t it at all—it was something else. I didn’t want to hurt Luther.” He went silent as my ears strained to listen for more.
“What do you mean by hurt Luther?” I asked when he didn’t continue, but there was no answer. I looked back at him. “Rex?”
But he was either sound asleep or pretending to be. Either way, I wasn’t going to get more out of him that night. I dozed off, content to be in his protective arms once again.
The next morning, I woke early to the familiar sensation of Rex balls deep inside me, his eyes still closed. “Morning wood attack,” I teased, grinding back into him.
“Sorry,” he yawned, “I guess even in my sleep I can’t get close enough to you.” He rolled me over, our bodies joining again in blissful, but hurried, lovemaking. We were both eager to go find Nate.
Hours later, on a plane headed for Charlotte, North Carolina, we sat in first class sipping coffee and trying to come up with a plan. “It’s only been two weeks,” Rex said, “has he contacted you at all?”
I shook my head. “No, but the first few days he was reading my messages, just not responding.”
Rex nodded. “Same with me. So something changed. He was desperate to find Amber, so it’s possible he just got busy.” I took a long sip of the hot coffee.
“Maybe, or he tossed the phone away? You know, like got a burner?”
Rex chuckled. “A burner? How many hours did you spend watching The Wire?”
With a sneer, I confessed, “Too many.” I was a Netflix binge-watching addict.
“What if we can’t find him, Rex?”
I couldn’t help but worry. I pictured Nate out there somewhere, sadly slogging through life alone, feeling not loved enough.
A dark shadow passed behind Rex’s eyes as he reached for my hand. “I’m not worried about not finding him, baby. I can find anyone, anywhere. I’m scared as shit that he doesn’t want us to find him, that he’ll tell us to go to hell when we do find him.”
I put my head on Rex’s shoulder as he quietly said, “Or that he’s gone back to cocaine. It would be so easy for him to relapse right now. I know it was for me.” I wrapped around him, trying to forget the cuts on his skin he’d inflicted to ease his pain after the two people he loved abandoned him.
“I almost did,” I said, immediately wishing I hadn’t. Rex was jealous, possessive, and knew full well that my own brand of addiction was casual sex.
His midnight blue eyes burned through me as he hissed, “You were with someone else?”
I pulled in closer to him, my voice as sweet as I could make it. “Um, no, I said almost, okay? The night before I came home I met this guy from that dating reality show I watch at the bar. I flirted some, for a split second thought about taking him upstairs, but that was all. I knew then that I could never be with anyone but you, you and Nate. He said something casually about men being weak, and I just had an epiphany, like Oprah’s ah ha moments.”
“You really need to read a book, Penny. Turn off that damn TV. But, baby, I’m glad as hell you came back and woke me up. Together, we are going to unfuck this situation.” I was thrilled to have Rex acting like King Rex again—I needed his knowledge and skills to get me to Nate.
I suddenly had an idea. “Listen, when we find him, you should make a grand gesture to convince him you want to be with him, that you’re not ashamed.” His eyes narrowed at me.
“What kind of grand gesture?” he asked, then whispered in my ear, “I’m guessing it involves my backside?” I smacked his arm.
“No! But, um, let’s definitely entertain that idea further,” I winked. He took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat. “Okay, then, brilliant one. Enlighten me.”
“You could propose to Nate! Oh, Rex, you have to! It would show him how much you love him, that you want to make a future with him.” The well-suited man in front of us turned around, a disgusted grimace on his ugly mouth. Rex glared back, and the cowardly man quickly turned back around. Rex leaned into me.
“That’s a lot to think about, Princess. I know it’s legal in Colombia now, Penny, I just never…” he trailed off, uncomfortable and unable to look me in the eye.
“Why does the idea of calling it ‘gay’ bother you so much?” I asked, trying not to sound judgmental.
“I’ve just never considered myself gay, even over this last year. It’s odd, I know. I’m in love with a man; I have sex with a man. So yeah, I get that I’m gay or bi or whatever based on that, but it’s just never been part of my self-identity. I don’t think about kissing a dude, I think about kissing Nate.” Mr. Narrow-Minded in front of us nearly fell out of his seat and scrambled to the lavatory.
“Going to jack-off,” I said loud enough for him to hear. Rex laughed before shooting me a scolding look.
“I get that you’ve never been attracted to a man before, but…” I stopped abruptly, there was something in his expression that jolted me. “Wait, Rex, have you ever had feelings for a man before?”
He looked beaten, exposed for a moment before a calm washed over him. He nodded. “Yeah, I have. It didn’t go anywhere…but, um, with a good buddy—one night while on a mission in Miami he told me he wanted more than friendship. The next day I acted like it never happened, shook it off.”
“Did you stay friends?” I asked, shocked.
“Yeah, we did, but after that I felt like he pulled away, or maybe I did. It was… I-I don’t even want to think about it right now.”
“Think about Nate then. A proposal would bring him back, Rex. You have to get past these hang-ups—for the sake of us. Please,” I begged.
“I’m trying, Penny, I’m honestly trying. I want him back so badly it rips me apart—this hurts worse than any pain I’ve ever been through. Worse than losing Evelyn by a hundred times,” he answered, the faint mist of tears hiding behind his dark eyes.
I fell into him, wrapping myself around him, desperate to shield him from the pain, the pain I felt as acutely myself. Together we were suffering the loss of our other part, our soul mate, our Nate.
“Penny, if you weren’t here, if I didn’t have you, I would just…” He stopped himself, burying his face into my hair so I wouldn’t see him cry.
Chapter Sixteen
We rented a car in Charlotte and drove several hours to the home Nate grew up in. Rex thought about calling Nate’s father, Al, to tell him we were coming, but we decided against it. If Nate was there, we didn’t want to give him time to bolt. Neither of us, however, was prepared for the shock when Nate’s dad answered the door. Al’s face was freakishly swollen, and fresh black, blue, and yellow bruises covered his face. “Holy shit, what happened?” Rex asked as Al waved us into his living room. “That abusing psycho showed up the day before yesterday. He ranted and raved about finding Amber, taking his wife back. I told him to fuck off, and that idiot went berserk. I tried to hold my own, but he’s like the Energizer bunny all fueled up on crazy. You haven’t met him—he’s not very big, but he’s wacko. Rex, I tried but…”
“Al, you don’t have to explain to us. Has this been treated?” Rex asked, cocking his head to the side to examine the wounds on Al’s right cheek.
“Yeah, yeah, my doctor looked at it. That lunatic also gave me a concussion—I hit the edge of the table when I fell.”
Al gestured for us to sit down and asked if we wanted anything to drink. Even under these circumstances, he was still the perfect host. The first time I met Nate’s father was when Nate’s mother lost her long battle with cancer. At the time, I was being chased by a hit man hired to kill me by a rival of my father’s, so I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. Instead, I spent time with Nate’s family that evening at a dinner before the three of us headed back to Colombia. Nate had issues with his father, mostly stemming from Nate’s prior drug addiction and the abusing cousin that his parents refused to believe Nate about, but in the year since they had reconciled and he’d even visited us once at the compound. Al was accepting of the nature of our three-
way relationship, and despite his initial shock, he and Rex got along well.
“No thanks,” Rex said as Al offered us coffee a second time. “So this guy, Amber’s asshole husband Kip, came here to find her, then beat you up?” Rex was as anxious as I was to get to the heart of the matter and find Nate.
“Well, he came to find Amber, and he didn’t just want to rough me up, Rex, he wanted to kill me. If my neighbor hadn’t heard the screaming and come over with a shotgun, I’d be dead. Kip was two seconds away from crushing my skull when good ol’ Norm pointed that muzzle at him.”
Rex leaned back on the plush couch. “Kip got away? Did you call the police?”
Al nodded. “Yes, there’s a warrant out for him, but no one has seen him since. Amber’s gone, too. She was only here for a day, then she left with some guy she swears she’s in love with. Internet romance, yet again. What happened to meeting people at a bar? This new one is really different. He seemed nice enough, but not her type at all. Kip is desperate to find her, and I haven’t heard from Nate in over a week. I’m really afraid for them; I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m here now, okay? Did Amber leave anything? A phone, a laptop?”
Al shook his head. “No, she took that stuff with her.”
“What about Nate? He was here and then what?” Rex asked, pushing past the fear to get to the answers we’d come for. Al looked at us with sadness, and maybe pity.
“He came looking for Amber. He poked around town for a day or two, but… What happened between you three? Nathaniel arrived broken, as sad and depressed as I’ve ever seen him. He-he…he fell back in with the wrong crowd. I’m worried he’s off high somewhere, or worse.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to focus. “Listen, Al, I’m going to go find your kids and neutralize this Kip motherfucker, okay? I promise you. While I do that, I want to make sure you’re safe here.”
Al smiled, a faint look of relief washing over his battered face. “Thanks, Rex. I have my trusty hunting rifle at the ready. If Kip comes back here, he’s a dead man.”