by John Coyne
Jennifer’s eyes widened. But then Phoebe settled down again, and from deep within her came a man’s voice.
“I come in love and fellowship, to clear the blocks that are in your way so that you will become more enlightened about where you are going and how to get there. Now how may I help you?”
Jennifer, mesmerized, could see Phoebe’s small body react, see her shake and jerk, as if the voice were tearing her apart with the force of its power.
“I see that you do not consider your feelings valid. When you were a child, your parents did not treat your feelings with respect.”
“Yes,” Jennifer whispered. She had never put the feeling into words for herself before, but she knew he spoke the truth.
“Your feelings, your emotions, were discarded, and now in your adulthood it is difficult for you to feel valued. You are questioning something. There is doubt. There is mistrust of yourself, and this reflects directly onto others. There is anger.”
“I’m not angry,” Jennifer whispered.
“Support yourself,” Dance continued, not responding to Jennifer. “Begin to know yourself and your reactions. You are human just like everyone else, and your feelings are natural.”
Dance stopped speaking, and Phoebe took several deep breaths. Her eyes were still closed, and her face was calm, showing no emotion.
Jennifer leaned forward in the dying light of the fireplace and peered closer, trying to see if Phoebe were truly in a trance. Then Dance spoke up again, his voice loud and hard in the silence of the room.
“You have come with questions?” he asked. Phoebe lifted her head and her eyelids fluttered.
“Yes, I have some,” Jennifer responded, surprised by her own courage. “I am told my body is carried forward. What part is carried forward?”
“Just your spirit, that is all.”
Jennifer thought a moment. “Like if I see someone I think I know from before, but there is no way I could know him or her?.”
“That is an energy recognition. Everyone vibrates a certain way. Other spirits will recognize your energy. That is what soul mates are all about. The flesh body is just what you have chosen. Some people choose to be crippled in this lifetime to balance a karma from a previous lifetime, perhaps one in which they were abusing their flesh.”
“How far back do I go? I mean, how far back do my lives go?”
“To the very beginning, where everyone was created equal. All souls are the same age. Now, some people are called ‘old souls’ because they have been through many reincarnations. Other souls have chosen to return only once or twice. Some have never been reincarnated.”
“We ourselves choose to be reincarnated?”
“Yes, but only a part of you is reincarnated each time. There is a highly evolved part of yourself—part of your total soul group—that is called the higher self. Only the parts of your soul that needed to experience this incarnation are here today. Part of you has already gone through a more highly evolved development and is now above you, guiding you.”
“What about my other incarnations?” Jennifer asked. “What was I in past lives?”
Dance stopped speaking for a moment, and Phoebe’s head jerked back.
“I see one lifetime. You were a nun in Italy, and a sinner.”
“Was I evil?” Jennifer thought of her murders. Maybe she had always been evil; maybe that was her destiny.
“All souls—or spirits, as you call them-—are given the opportunity to be the creator as well as the created. Some spirits create bad in their lifetimes, and some, good. There was an upheaval at the source of the universe—all our universes—and that was the beginning of karma.”
“When did that happen, in time?”
“Time is not relevant. There is no real time; we don’t measure. There are none of your words to explain it. Some of the karma lessons are painful, but they are always for the good of the soul. I wish you could see—with my mind—how far you have come.”
“What will happen to me in this life?”
Phoebe Fisher shook her head. “I know, but I wish not to tell you, Jennifer,” Dance replied. “This life you must live. Yet do not fear. You are not alone. You have spirits around you, parts of your soul group, your teachers and mentors, and they will guide you, as they always have. Listen to them.”
“Are they always with me?”
“Yes and no. Spirits come and go. We don’t own each other. If you seek them, if you enlighten yourself, they will come to you and aid you.”
Jennifer watched Phoebe Fisher, wondering if it all was a game, playacting. And as soon as she had the thought, she dismissed it. The happiness she felt in Phoebe’s presence was not something that could be faked.
“Do you have any more questions?” Dance asked.
“Yes, I do. Do you know what has been happening to me, what I’ve been doing to other people?”
“Tell me,” Dance said, and Phoebe’s body leaned forward to listen.
Jennifer told her story, told of the incidents and her violent reactions, and when she finished, she asked only, “How do I keep myself from doing this again? From hurting people?”
“I cannot help you,” said Dance, as Phoebe rocked back and forth. “Someone from your past life—not your future lives—is trying to gain hold of your spirit. In the past, in the deep and hidden past of your soul, lies a secret and a tragedy. You must discover yourself what this secret is. And to discover this truth, you must return to your first breath of life. And there lies the mystery of your life.”
“And now I must leave you. My dear Phoebe is tiring. I leave you with one warning. Do not fight this spirit who wishes to speak.”
Jennifer nodded, then realized that Dance was slipping away, but before she could speak, Phoebe’s shoulders shook. Her head rocked back, and her small body trembled. Then she looked up and smiled at Jennifer. “Well, he came, didn’t he?” she asked in her own voice.
“Yes,” Jennifer said. She had become so accustomed to Dance, she was shocked that Phoebe was herself again.
“And was he helpful?”
“You didn’t hear?”
Phoebe shook her head, smiling apologetically. “Dance was helping me with some of my own questions.”
“He told me I was once an Italian nun.”
“Oh, how lovely! I was once a maid in the royal household of King James, as well as—briefly—his mistress. It’s exciting, isn’t it?” She smiled at Jennifer, looking more alert than she had seemed earlier.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe,” Jennifer said, sighing. “But at least he told me what I had to do. Learn to meditate.” Jennifer smiled and stood up. “I must go. I’m exhausted.” She began to collect her belongings.
“What else? Do you want to share with me what else he said?” Phoebe asked.
“You don’t know, do you?” Jennifer said, staring at the smaller woman.
Phoebe shook her head. “No, really, I don’t. I mean, it must seem silly, my talking to you, but I wasn’t consciously there. I had turned over my body to Dance.”
“Well, it seems there’s someone struggling to get into my body. One of my past lives.”
“Yes,” said Phoebe, nodding. “As I said when we first met, I had this feeling, this emotion, that there was someone else—a trapped soul—who wanted to speak.”
“Well, he’s not speaking,” Jennifer replied, then kept herself from saying more.
“Perhaps it is a she,” Phoebe answered. “Gender isn’t an issue in the spirit world.” She hugged Jennifer as they said good night. “Good luck to you,” she whispered. “And remember, I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you,” Jennifer said, with tears in her eyes. It had been a long time since she had felt this close to another woman. “Thank you for everything. For your understanding most of all.”
“Yeah, that’s my job.” Phoebe laughed, then looked up into Jennifer’s eyes. The smile was gone from her face.
“What’s the matter?” Je
nnifer asked.
Phoebe shook her head. “I’m not sure. I felt something, that’s all. I felt danger, I think. I mean, it was a new emotion for me. Be careful.”
“I’m going right home.”
“Good! I want you to promise you’ll call if you want to have me channel Dance again.”
“Thank you.”
“And I think you need a crystal.”
“Oh, I have one!” Jennifer answered. She produced the small piece of quartz from the pocket of her coat.
Phoebe frowned at it a moment. “Did you buy it for yourself?” she asked.
“No. A good friend who knows Kathy Dart gave it to me.”
Phoebe shook her head and plucked the small crystal from Jennifer’s palm.
“I think it is best,” she said carefully, “if you have your own crystal.” She slipped Jennifer’s quartz into the deep pocket of her own wool skirt, then drew a pencil and pad from the same pocket. “Here is a name of a crystal store downtown,” she said. “I know the owner. Please go see him as soon as you can. This afternoon if possible.” She handed the slip of paper to Jennifer, and patted the pocket where she had hidden the quartz. “I’ll see about ‘deprogramming’ this one. For the moment, I think you’re safer without a charged-up crystal that doesn’t have your best interest in mind.”
“What?” Jennifer stared at Phoebe, completely baffled.
“I’ll explain everything in time.” She gently pushed Jennifer out the door.
Jennifer nodded, too confused to respond. “Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, reaching for her purse. “You have been so helpful to me. What is your fee?”
“Well, I usually charge fifty dollars for a thirty-minute session, but
” She was looking away, as if embarrassed to be talking about money, “But yours is such an unusual case, and you are clearly a sympathetic soul. Let’s say twenty-five dollars, shall we?” She looked up at Jennifer with a smile.
Jennifer pressed the twenty-five dollars into Phoebe’s hand and pushed open the heavy iron gate. It had started to snow again, and she realized she wasn’t going home to Brooklyn Heights until she had a crystal to protect her.
“I’ll call you,” she said, turning to Phoebe.
“Yes,” Phoebe replied, “I know you will.” Smiling still, the channeler closed the iron gate of her basement apartment and stepped back into the dark interior of her home.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JENNIFER TOOK THE SUBWAY to the Village. It was not rush hour, so the train was half deserted. Instead of burying her head in a book as she usually did on the subway, she glanced around, checking for transit police. When she saw one, she slipped down into her fur coat and hid her face.
The store was located off Fourteenth Street. It was a tiny sliver of a place, with steel bars drawn across the showcase window. Not open, she thought, disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to buy a crystal. But then, behind the counter, she saw a man, and she stepped up the snowy front steps and opened the door.
“I thought you were closed,” she said.
The man smiled. “We keep the bars around the windows all the time because of the location. You never know what people will do.”
“I’d like to buy a crystal,” Jennifer said, embarrassed to be saying it out loud.
“Well, let’s hope so!” The man smiled. He held a quartz crystal in his hands and wiped it lovingly with a piece of soft cloth. “Is it for you, or are you buying someone a gift?”
“Does it matter?”
“Oh, yes.” The man slipped the crystal back into the case, then gave Jennifer his full attention. “If you’re buying one for yourself, then I’d want you to hold it in your hands. To see if you feel anything.” He gestured at the hundreds of crystals on display. “One of these is right for you. You’ll see. The crystal will choose you, not the other way around.”
Jennifer liked the man, liked his soft blue eyes. “Well,” she confessed, “I want to buy a crystal for myself.”
“Fine. Take your time, look around.”
“I want a small one,” Jennifer said quickly. “One I can carry around with me. In my pocket.” Jennifer stepped closer to the small glass case. Dozens of clear quartz crystals were displayed on blue velvet trays.
“This is your first crystal?”
“Yes, I guess. I mean, a friend did give me one, but
“
“Do you know why you want a crystal?” he asked next, reaching into the case and pulling out two trays.
“Do I have to have a reason?” Jennifer realized she sounded defensive. “I mean, a friend suggested it. And I thought it might be fun.” Her voice had risen.
The salesman looked over at her questioningly. His blue eyes were even softer and kinder up close. Jennifer felt foolish for having raised her voice.
“Well, what I meant is that people buy crystals for different reasons. Besides, the crystals are themselves different. Now this is a lovely single-terminal quartz crystal. As you see, it has just this single point. And this smokey quartz here is helpful if you’re seeking to calm yourself down, gain control of your feelings. Or this amethyst. Amethysts are very protective crystals; they’re used by many people to raise spiritual powers.” He paused to look at Jennifer for a moment. “You don’t know much about crystals, do you?” he asked. “I mean, the power of crystals and why we use them?”
Jennifer shook her head, feeling foolish.
The salesman lifted a small crystal off the tray and held it out to her. “Hold this in your hand, why don’t you, while we talk. My name, by the way, is Jeff.”
Jennifer nodded. “Hello. I’m Jennifer.”
“Okay, Jennifer, here comes Crystals 101.” He, too, was holding a crystal in his fingers as he talked. “Crystals hold the four elements of our world within their very being. Earth, fire, water, and air. They are also beautiful, as you can see, in their pure, clear symmetry. So when you hold your crystal, you are holding the world within your fingers. You are holding creation itself.”
“Some crystals are meant for you, others are not, which is why I wanted to know if you were buying the crystal for yourself. It’s important to be in tune with the crystal from the first. Here, why don’t you hold another.” He gave her a second crystal, and as soon as Jennifer slipped her right hand around it, she felt a charge of warmth through her fingers.
“This one feels better,” she said.
“Good! We’re getting closer. Now you have to program your little friend.”
“Program?”
Jeff smiled. “Yes, you need to tell a crystal what you want. Crystals contain energy; you have to direct it.”
“How?”
“Hold it in your hands. Think of what you want to have happen or what you wish to do. Visualize. Say it’s a health problem. Someone you love is suffering from cancer. You visualize that person active again and place the image of this healthy person in the crystal.” He leaned back from the counter. “You don’t believe in the power of crystals?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” Jennifer said slowly. “I’m afraid that, you know, it’s all so faddish. It’s so much the yuppie thing to believe in.”
“It’s not really, you know,” Jeff said. He returned one tray of crystals to the display case and took out two large pieces of smokey quartz. “Some people, I guess, think that crystals are just part of the New Age movement, but primitive societies all over the world have used them throughout time to heal, and to predict the future. There’s nothing new about crystals or crystal lore.”
“Well, yes, I know,” Jennifer said quickly. “It’s just that I know it’s all tied up with channeling and everything.”
The salesman seemed at the moment not to be listening to her. He had picked up the smoky quartz and was turning it in his hands, and then she noticed that he had focused the point at her. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Smoky quartz has the power to calm. To soothe nerves.”
“Please,” Jennifer said, “don’t
point it at me.” She backed away from the display case.
“You have nothing to fear,” Jeff said, watching her. “Crystals are harmless. You bring to them your own energy, and they expand it, energize it, that’s all.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Jennifer answered, trying to make a joke of her concern, but she was thinking, too, of what she had already done.
The man carefully returned the quartz to the blue pad.
“Why are you here?” he asked, frowning. “Why do you want to purchase a crystal? I’m not sure you’re ready for one.”
“Please,” she said, stepping toward the counter. “I was told
that a crystal would help.”
“It will help,” he answered, “but you have to be ready to accept that help. I’d be more comfortable with myself if I didn’t sell you one at this time. You can try elsewhere, of course.”
“Oh, come on. Are you in business or not? What’s the owner going to say?”
“I am the owner,” he replied softly. He walked around to the other counter, as if he had already dismissed her from his store.
“I was told to come here. To buy a crystal from you.”
“By whom?” He looked directly at Jennifer.
“By a channeler,” Jennifer said carefully, not sure if she should give out the name.
“Who?”
“Kathy Dart,” she lied.
The store owner flinched at the mention of Dart’s name. “I must ask you to leave,” he said.
“Why?”
“I don’t want anything to do with that woman.”
“She’s a nationally known channeler. She has made video tapes and records.”
“Please leave.” The owner came out from behind his counter.
Jennifer began to back away from him. “Please,” she said quickly, “I really need my own crystal.”
“Out!” He was angry. “Kathy Dart is a charlatan, not a shaman.”
“You may be right,” Jennifer answered, noting the antique words he used.
“I am right.”
He opened the front door. Snow was blowing into the store, but he stood there, grimly, waiting for her to leave. What has Kathy Dart done to this man? Jennifer wondered.