“I’m sorry,” I say, not knowing why I’m crying. “I just hate this stupid job and I hate this stupid city, but I can’t leave or else I’ll always be the one who couldn’t make it in the real world.”
“You think New York is the real world?” she asks. “Hell, you think there is something called the real world? Lei-Lei, you gotta calm down and realize everyone out there’s going through the same shit as you. None of us are going to land half what Kidman would pull down with his golden parachute and that man hasn’t done a hard day’s work in thirty years. What you’ve gotta do is learn to find some kind of happiness for yourself. That’s the only way you’re going to make it.”
“I’m sick of the platitudes,” I tell her. “I get what you’re saying, but going out there and hooking up with a car thief isn’t going to make my life any better.”
She laughs. “Fine, you don’t have to go out with my cousin. Actually, he’s not really my cousin. Joe just wants us to double with someone. Can you believe it? He says that when we go out alone, I just dominate the conversation and never let him get a word in. He tells me that I’m always trying to tell people what to do…”
She starts to trail off as I roll my eyes.
“Listen,” she says, “things aren’t that bad, okay? Yeah, we’ve got shitty jobs, but we’re working for a company that moves millions of dollars around every day. The whole economy can rise or fall depending on what mood the boss is in—yeah, that’s terrible planning on a societal level, but this is where it all happens and we’re a part of it.”
“Atkinson wants me to help him lance a blister between his toes.”
All right, I’m smiling.
“Okay, that’s disgusting,” she says, “but you know how good this place looks on a resumé. Hell, getting kicked out of the lobby will land you a couple hundred-thou anywhere else.”
“I guess.”
For all her flaws, this is why I love Annabeth. She always knows how to cheer me up when I’m starting to look at the edge of the building too seriously.
“There you go,” she says. “Now you get in there, and you lance the shit out of that old dude’s blister!”
I laugh. “You almost had it there,” I tell her.
“Took it one too far, didn’t I?” she asks, smiling back at me.
As I’m walking back into the building, the strangest thought comes into my mind.
I think it started as a way to comfort myself and keep Annabeth’s pep talk going, but the direction my brain just went is strange and I don’t like it.
At least I have Dane to go home to.
Chapter Six
The Building across the Street
Dane
She doesn’t really talk to me, so I can’t be sure, but I’m starting to get the feeling that Leila doesn’t like me.
It probably didn’t help that I only learned her name last week when I was going through her mail. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t caught me in the act.
After knocking that lamp off the table in the living room last night, it’s probably best if I don’t go home tonight. As I open my eyes and take in the gorgeous view that is this naked redhead, I think I’ll be fine.
“You know,” she says, pulling me down to her mouth, kissing me softly, “I never do this.”
They never do.
“Well, I’m glad you made an exception,” I tell her.
The next thing I know, she’s somehow pulled me down onto the bed, rolled us both so she’s now on top, and she’s sliding me inside of her with a greedy look in her eyes.
Her muscles wrap around me, holding me tight, and I kiss her neck as she breathes, “You feel amazing.”
“So do you,” I respond. It’s not the most romantic or clever option, but it’s close enough.
She leans back slightly, positioning her breasts directly in front of me, and I take her nipples into my mouth, each in their turn, drawing little circles with my tongue.
She leans back further and now I’m running my hand between her breasts and down the front of her body, her skin so warm to the touch.
“I love the way you fill me up,” she moans, and I place my hands on her hips, guiding her smoothly up and down my erection.
I meet the motion of her hips with my own and we move in sensual harmony, our only goal to bring each other to that release that just makes every problem in the world seem so trivial.
“Can I ask you something?”
“What’s that?” I ask.
She continues to rock her hips, and she throws her head back, her long, red hair flipping with the motion.
Her eyes are closed as she utters, “There’s something I’ve always wanted to try, but I’ve never had the courage to ask anyone.”
“Sure,” I said. “What is it?”
She leans forward and presses into me hard. She’s reaching for something with both hands, but from where I’m lying, I can’t tell what until I feel the cold metal around both wrists.
I snicker a bit.
“A bit kinky,” I tell her, “but that’s all right.”
“Shut up, bitch!” she yells and slaps me hard across the face.
I can feel her growing wetter, and I think maybe it’s time she and I have a little talk.
“I’m really not into any rough stuff,” I tell her.
“Oh,” she says, pulling off of me. “I’m so sorry.”
A moment later, my hands are free and she’s sobbing uncontrollably.
I haven’t the slightest idea what I’m supposed to do here.
“It’s all right,” I tell her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“No, it’s not,” she says. “I’ve just always wanted to make someone my bitch.”
Okay, now I really don’t know what to say. I honestly didn’t think people talked like that.
“Really,” I say. “I’m fine with the handcuffs, but maybe we just don’t do the slapping or the name-calling.”
“Oh, what do you know?” she asks.
I’m at a loss.
“I really don’t know what you mean,” I tell her.
“You think it’s so easy for a woman to open up sexually. Well, it’s not. Everything we do either makes us a prude or a freak-slut. It’s such bullshit.”
I actually agree with her, but am having a bit of trouble expressing that with half of my face still numb.
“Why don’t we,” I start, standing up and discreetly looking for my pants, “just get dressed and talk it out. I bet it’ll make you feel better.”
“Oh,” she says, her tone changing completely, “so now you don’t think I’m good enough to have sex with?”
“I really—”
“No, see this is what all you guys do. The handcuffs go on and your balls just shrivel up because you can’t handle letting a woman be in charge for once.”
What’s the word I’m looking for?
“Seriously, if I’d known you were such a pussy, I never would have picked you up—I mean seriously, how do you get out of bed in the morning?”
Flummoxed: that's the word I’m looking for.
“Fucking say something, will you?”
I open my mouth, but can’t find any words to adequately describe my surprise or my terror in this moment, so I do the only thing that my body will allow.
I laugh.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her as soon as I can catch my breath. “Really, I am. I’m not laughing at you. I just have no idea how to even begin to approach this conversation.”
Her eyes start going wide again.
“No, no, no,” I say. “It’s all right. We can figure this thing out. Now, there are some things you want to do, some of which make me uncomfortable, some of which I’m okay with. What would be the ideal situation for you? Let’s start there, and I’ll tell you what will work and what won’t work for me. I’m sure we can find a consensus somewhere here.”
“I don’t know,” she says in a creepily normal tone. “I guess, when I saw your tattoo
s, I just kind of figured that you were into some freaky shit. Maybe I went overboard without seeing if you were cool with everything.”
“That’s okay,” I tell her. “Now, what would be ideal for you?”
“What I really want to do is tie you to the bed, ride you like a bull and, I don’t know…”
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “Just tell me what you want. That’s how we’re going to find a compromise here.”
My goal for the evening is to find some way to sleep with her and not end up with a black eye.
“I just want to make you my bitch, you know? I want to have you do what I tell you to do and maybe smack you around a little if you don’t do it right. Is that so much to ask?”
“Wow,” I chuckle. “You know, that’s a bit much for me,” I tell her. “Not that it’s weird or anything, it’s just not my particular cup of tea.”
I wonder what Yoga Chick is up to.
“Well, what do you want?”
“Me? I don’t know, I guess I’m a bit more old-fashioned when it comes to the bedroom. I like a nice, pleasant evening where we fuck like bunnies, maybe take a few pages out of the Kama Sutra and see if we can get your neighbors to file a noise complaint.”
“Okay,” she says, giving the situation the kind of thought one would put toward what college to attend or whether or not space-time is a fixed or mutable concept. “Well, I like what you’re saying, but I’m going to need a little more than that.”
“I can offer you light spanking.”
“Who’s spanking whom?” she asks, surprisingly articulately.
“I guess that’s really up to you,” I tell her.
“Oh, I’d definitely be spanking you,” she says.
I’m starting to get the feeling that we may be trying a bit too hard to make this work, but I’ve already put so much into it, I don’t want to just give up.
“I can live with some spanking—some light spanking,” I tell her. “But I’m talking with your hands. No paddles or whips. A riding crop might be acceptable, but that’s really going to come back to the force of the blow.”
“Okay,” she says. “I think I can live with that, but that’s still not quite enough for me. I mean, you’ve really taken me out of the mood here.”
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that she’s enjoying this more than she was enjoying the sex.
Actually, I don’t know any better.
“What did you have in mind?”
“Well,” she says, “you seemed to be okay with the handcuffs, but you weren’t okay with me slapping you.”
“Yeah,” I emphasize. “Not into the slapping. While we’re at it, I’m also not into either of us drawing blood, head-butting or any phrase that starts with donkey—just not my thing.”
“Well, you’ve got to give me a little more than some light spanking and handcuffs,” she says, her voice most of the way back to what it was when she uttered those memorable words: “Shut up, bitch!”
“This isn’t your first time with any of this, is it?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “Most guys like to hear that sort of thing,” she says.
“Isn’t it funny the things we say to each other, never really knowing if it’s what the other person wants or not?”
“I know, right?” she smiles.
I feel like the term emotional rollercoaster is too slow a metaphor to capture this particular moment.
“Okay,” she says. “How do you feel about adding someone else? If you’re going to veto the fun stuff, we could at least switch gears.”
I lightly clap my hands together. “Okay,” I tell her. “That’s something we might be able to—”
“Yeah,” she interrupts. “I have a friend who’s a dom—”
“You know, maybe we should figure this out between the two of us before we bring a third party into the equation?”
“Okay,” she says and shrugs.
About a minute goes by in awkward silence with me sitting with my pants on but undone, her still naked beside me.
“I know!” she shouts, clapping her hands hard in triumph.
A few minutes later, we’re on top of her roof, she’s up on the ledge, leaning back and my arms are wrapped around her lower back, just trying to figure out a way to get through this without her falling.
Don’t misunderstand; I’m definitely feeling the draw.
Her hands go above her head and she leans back even farther. I have to move my grip from around her back to around her legs, but she’s quick to pull them together and rest them on my shoulder.
She’s not quiet, but that only adds to the thrill of the moment as I enter her, the sound of our skin hyphenating every movement as she falls again and again onto my hard, throbbing cock.
“This is fucking great!” she calls into the night, and I can’t help but agree with her.
I tighten my grip around her thighs as her legs begin to quiver in my arms, and as she erupts into screaming orgasm, I’m checking the windows of the building across the street to see if anyone’s filming this.
We’re in public, so it’s not really an invasion of privacy.
Really, I’d just like a copy for myself.
No luck, though. There are plenty of people nudging their friends and pointing but not one of them is holding a camera.
Lame.
I’m not much of an exhibitionist, but it is a bit of a rush being on display like this, bringing this gorgeous woman to orgasm on the very edge of the building.
As her contracting muscles relax again, I reach up and put a hand on her shoulder.
She gets the idea and grabs my arm with one hand and pulls herself up. Without a word, she hops down from the ledge and turns around, placing her stomach over the towel we set on the ledge—which, by the way, only made keeping her from slipping that much harder—her breasts hanging just over the side of the building.
A few drapes have shut in the building across the street, but even more have opened.
That’s one thing about New York: almost everyone’s a voyeur.
I run one hand down her back while, with the other, I reach around her front and write the alphabet in cursive, print and at one point, I’m pretty sure, Cyrillic over her clit with the pad of my middle finger.
She’s using the ledge as leverage to push herself onto me so hard that I have to hold onto her hips not to lose my balance.
“Say my name!” she shouts.
Okay, this is awkward.
“Come on,” she says. “I’m almost there again. I want everyone over there watching us to know who you’re fucking!”
I’ll be the first to admit that she’s a lot more hardcore than I am.
It’s not even a contest.
“I don’t—”
“I don’t know yours either!” she pants. “Just think of something!”
It’s not dignified and it’s not romantic.
I have no illusions there.
It is, however, surprising that the name that I call out as I feel that rising pull in my body is Leila.
It’s not that big a deal, I guess. She told me to call out a name and I called out a name. There’s no reason to read anything more into it than that.
“Oh, Wrigley!” she screams.
Wrigley? Really?
I guess it works for her, as I can feel the tense-and-release in her body as she grinds against me hard and that does it for me.
I come hard with an eager audience across the street.
I’m a little disappointed that I don’t see or hear applause, but as my body spasms in pleasure, that disappointment quickly dissipates.
“Woo!” she interjects. “That was perfect! I’ve never done that before.”
Once my orgasm fades away, I pull out and remove the condom, cleaning first her and then myself—for obvious reasons—with the towel from the ledge.
I’m naked and still hard as I turn to see the security guard standing in the doorway to the roof.
I tap my companion on
the shoulder and she turns her head. She’s still leaning against the ledge, her arms fully outstretched.
“Wrigley!” the security guard shouts. “I told you to stop coming up here. You have any idea how many complaints we get when you pull this shit?”
I should probably feel more exposed or fearful, but I can’t help but laugh with the realization that the woman was calling out her own name from the top of a rooftop as she was having sex, basically in front of her neighbors.
This might just be true love.
Chapter Seven
Just another Day at the Office
Leila
Thus far, I’ve managed to avoid Mr. Kidman, so today’s a good day.
Good might be a bit liberal a phrase, but it hasn’t been completely soul crushing, so at least it’s a step in the right direction.
I’m having trouble concentrating, though. Annabeth is right: I do need someone in my life.
My last boyfriend, Chad—a jerk’s name if ever there was one—kind of did a number on me. Between his near-constant cheating and the way he would always find something wrong in anything I did, it’s been a bit difficult for me to find a measure of confidence in myself.
That’s why they do it.
That’s why men treat women like crap—it’s probably why women treat men like crap, too. It’s just a way to make the other person feel like less so that you can feel like more.
Even knowing this, knowing that Chad was just a coward, it doesn’t change anything. The damage is done, and I don’t even know where to start with finding a guy to get to know, to start dating. I’ve all but given up on finding anything resembling real love, but at this point, I’d be satisfied with a reasonable knockoff.
“Tyler!” that grating voice calls behind me.
“Mr. Kidman,” I say, turning around, “I’m really not in the mood.”
“Well, I think we both know that I am,” he says and licks his lips.
It’s not an attractive gesture.
“But listen, I did want to tell you that you’ve been doing great work around here, and if you’d like to knock off early one of these days, I’d be happy to approve it.”
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