“Who else did you hook up with that I know?” Hailey asked.
Charlie wasn’t sure why she was asking. Was she asking because she wanted to know as Charlie’s friend who knew these people, or was she asking because she was trying to find out all the women Charlie slept with as someone she was on a date with now?
“This is a weird topic for a first date, Hails.”
“You’re right. Sorry.”
They stopped talking while the waiter removed their plates. Charlie’s drink was only half gone, but she knew she wouldn’t finish it. Neither of them were interested in dessert, and when the check came, Hailey insisted on paying. When they stood to leave, Charlie helped Hailey with her coat, like she always did, and then turned her body so they could walk out.
“This way,” she directed.
“Why are you pulling me this way?” Hailey asked and then went to turn her head.
Charlie was there, and she covered Hailey’s eyes for a moment while she kept a hand on the small of her back.
“Hailey, fake snake.” It was all she needed to say. “It’s fake,” she whispered into her ear.
Hailey’s body tensed and then relaxed as Charlie repeated the word fake.
“Okay,” Hailey replied.
Charlie removed her hand from Hailey’s eyes and couldn’t stop herself from a quick glance down at Hailey’s lips. She resisted doing anything in a crowded restaurant, and Hailey kept her eyes on Charlie’s. Charlie kept her hand on Hailey’s back and ushered her toward the way out of the restaurant. In order to leave, they had to walk through the gift shop. This gave them time to pause and laugh a little at the souvenirs on offer. They had items one might use if they were taking an actual rainforest voyage, like toy compasses and water bottles with the name of the restaurant on them. There were shirts and sweaters, of course, and when Hailey held a particularly garish one up to Charlie, Charlie nodded a definitive no. Hailey laughed at her and bought the shirt anyway. They carried the bag out and headed toward the car, continuing their shared laughter.
◆◆◆
Hailey drove them toward Charlie’s apartment as they talked and simultaneously got closer to where she’d drop Charlie off for the night. She started getting more nervous. Her plan had worked, but it had come at a cost. Hailey wanted to get to know Charlie in a new way, because Charlie had been in love with her for so long. Hailey needed to try to catch up, or at least that was how it felt. She’d known Charlie as her friend for years, but the past couple of weeks, she’d been starting to see her differently. Some of it was physical. She began enjoying the shape of Charlie’s face and her nicely cut jawline. She took in just how well her short hair worked for her. She’d thought about running her hands through it, and how Charlie’s lips would feel pressed to her own. She’d started to notice how sexy she looked sometimes, when she was just wearing sweats and a t-shirt at bedtime. She liked how her dark eyes seemed to get lighter now than she’d ever noticed before. She guessed that Charlie was right. Charlie felt free now, and that made her feel happy, which was evident in her entire being. Hailey found that she liked the changes in her and she wanted to explore this more.
Her plan had worked. She’d discovered she had feelings for Charlie, but she still worried that those feelings wouldn’t compare to whatever Charlie felt for her. If they didn’t, and then they went away, or she spent more time with Emma and found that Emma was who she wanted, she would hurt her friend. She couldn’t do that to her. When they kissed earlier, Hailey felt a tingling sensation spread throughout her entire body. She wanted more of that. She wanted more of Charlie. She wanted to know what it was like to be with her, but the thought of disappointing Charlie or not being who Charlie thought she was or expected her to be nearly ate her up inside. If someone had loved a person for over a decade, they must have a certain view of them. They must have thought about what it would be like to be in a relationship with that person. It was likely something Hailey could never live up to. That might be the scariest of all her thoughts. She pulled them up next to Charlie’s building and parked. She turned the car off because she didn’t know what else to do as Charlie turned to face her.
“Come up,” Charlie stated.
“To your place?” Hailey stalled with a stupid question.
“Yes.” Charlie laughed. “I have to take Eddie on a walk. Walk with me?”
Hailey knew Charlie was trying to help her with the tension she undoubtedly recognized the closer they got to the apartment.
“Sure,” she agreed, and they made their way upstairs.
Charlie allowed her to use the keycard to unlock the door, supplying them both with a moment of levity.
“You told me I’m such a child sometimes.” Charlie laughed at Hailey’s smile.
They readied Eddie for his walk and made their way back down the stairs. Hailey linked arms with Charlie as they walked and watched Eddie sniff here and there before finally settling on a place to do his business. They headed back toward the apartment. Hailey grew nervous again, because this would be where they’d say good night and likely share another one of those heart-stopping kisses. They arrived at the building’s entrance. Eddie started to head up the stairs, thinking they would both be going up, but Hailey stopped, and she was holding his leash, so he stopped as well and turned back.
“So, I should go,” Hailey said into the cold night air, while Charlie kept her eyes locked on her.
Charlie leaned in closer, and Hailey’s lips parted, expecting what was to come the moment Charlie’s hand landed on her cheek. A soft buzzing came from Charlie’s coat pocket, which Hailey could feel more than hear thanks to their closeness. “Don’t answer it,” she told her and connected their lips. The buzzing continued, but Hailey pushed it out of her mind as Charlie’s lips parted and allowed her tongue to play with her own. Her hands found their way into Charlie’s hair and she pulled her closer. Hailey felt Charlie’s hands trying to make their way under her coat and pulled her lips away, feeling them instantly grow cold again. “Now, I should really go,” she repeated with her eyes closed and forehead pressed against Charlie’s.
“Why? Hails, come upstairs,” Charlie repeated her invitation. “We don’t have to do anything. Just come up.”
“Next time,” she told Charlie. She smiled at her and pecked Charlie’s lips gently while pressing her hand to Charlie’s cheek. “Good night.” She kissed the opposite cheek.
She walked back toward her car and climbed inside. She took a last look at Charlie, gave her a shy smile, and drove off. When Hailey got home, she couldn’t focus on any one emotion. She changed into comfortable clothes and sat herself in front of the TV, not turning it on though. She felt Charlie’s lips against her own as if they were still attached. She tried her best not to consider Emma’s lips against her skin. She tried to think about how good it felt to take Charlie out and see the smiles she delivered in Hailey’s direction all night long. She tried to think about the two of them together. She pictured them as a couple, waking up next to one another each day, double-dating with Ember and Eva, and taking all those relationship steps together. She tried not to allow the fear to take over again as she made her way to her bed for the night. Hailey’s phone rang just as she’d resolved herself to try to sleep and stop thinking. She rolled over to see who it was and smiled at the thought that it would be Charlie. She smiled still, though duller, when she saw it was Emma calling instead.
“Hey,” Hailey answered.
“Hi, sorry. I know it’s late,” Emma replied. “I just called earlier and hadn’t heard back, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“Sorry, everything’s fine. I’ve just been busy.” She rolled onto her back.
“How’s the wedding planning going?” Emma asked. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” she said to someone else, and Hailey could now tell there was background noise wherever Emma was.
“Where are you?” Hailey questioned.
“Oh, I’m at my friend Eli’s,” she shared. “I
would have invited you, but I knew you were busy this weekend.”
“Yeah,” Hailey stated. “Who’s Eli again? Do you work with him?”
Emma laughed a little.
“Eli is short for Elizabeth. We met a few months ago through another friend. Today’s her birthday. She had a few people over,” she explained.
“Fun,” Hailey stated with no real emotion.
“So, how’s the wedding planning going?” Emma asked again.
“We can talk about it later. You’re busy, Em.”
“No, it’s okay. This thing is winding down, and I wanted to talk to you.”
Hailey had tried to find a way out, but Emma was persistent.
“The wedding planning was fine, but I wasn’t with Ember and Eva tonight. I had a date,” she said it quickly, as if, by doing that, it wouldn’t register to Emma.
“Oh.” Emma let out a sigh. “Good.”
“Good?” Hailey checked.
“I knew that was a possibility, right?”
“Em, I wanted to be honest with you. You said that’s what you wanted.”
“I do. I’m glad you told me,” she shared. “Yes, I’m getting off now. Hold on,” she said away from the phone. “Hails, Eli wants us to play a game or something. I should let you go.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Can I call you tomorrow?” she asked.
“Sure,” Hailey returned.
“Okay. Good night.”
“Night,” she said, and they hung up.
CHAPTER 17
Charlie fell instantly asleep Saturday night. In part, sleep came easily because she hadn’t slept in over thirty-six hours, and also, because she felt like she could. She felt at ease. She slept soundly and woke to a bright Sunday morning, realizing she’d slept a lot later than she normally did, but also, recognizing the early signs of Chicago spring and welcoming it with open arms. She completed her morning routine and considered calling Hailey but thought it might be too soon. She thought about calling Ember, but she didn’t know what Hailey would be comfortable sharing with her. Instead, she sat herself in front of the TV and decided to catch up on some recordings. Her phone rang later, and she answered it without looking at the screen.
“Hello.”
“Hey,” Lena greeted. “I’m in the neighborhood and wanted to know if you wanted to grab coffee with me.”
“Oh.” Charlie looked down at the cup of coffee in her hand. “Sure. Just let me get ready. Ten minutes?”
“I’ll pick you up,” Lena said, and they said goodbye.
Charlie got ready quickly and was finished by the time Lena knocked on the door.
“Morning,” Charlie greeted her and motioned for her to come inside.
“Morning.” Lena leaned in and gave Charlie a brief kiss.
Charlie’s lips reacted on their own and returned the kiss.
“So, coffee?” Charlie asked after a moment.
“Yeah, let’s go.” Lena smiled and ran her hand through her wavy hair.
They walked down the stairs and to the café a couple of blocks over, enjoying the relatively warm weather for this time of the year. Charlie ordered for them and joined Lena at the table at the somewhat crowded café.
“How was your weekend?” Charlie asked.
“It was good,” Lena shared. “I got a lot of work done. I’m actually a little ahead, which I haven’t been able to say that in a while.”
“That is good. I still have some stuff waiting for me at home.”
“How was the wedding thing?” Lena asked and blew on her steaming coffee.
Charlie took a drink, nearly burning her tongue in the process.
“It was good. I think they’re pretty much done. They’ll finalize everything with Eva’s sister, who is acting as their wedding planner in Iowa, where Eva’s from.”
“So, you can relax now?”
“Kind of, yeah. I think the major part of it all is done.”
“When is the wedding?”
“June,” Charlie returned.
“Nice.” Lena smiled. “A June wedding.”
“Yeah, it should be fun. The six of us are going to head up a few days before and help get everything set up, and then there’s the wedding, of course.”
“Six of you?”
“Eva and Ember, obviously, and Hannah and Alyssa, Eva’s best friends. They’re married already. And then Hailey and I.”
“What about dates?”
“What do you mean?” Charlie questioned and took another drink.
“Are you and Hailey bringing dates?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Charlie answered. “I haven’t really thought about that yet. I just figured Hails and I would go together.”
She hadn’t meant that they’d go as a couple. She and Hailey just went places together as friends. When neither of them was with anyone else, they went places together.
“So, she’s not seeing anyone?”
Charlie almost said something and then stopped, but she proceeded when she realized Lena was still waiting for a response.
“She is, yeah,” she said. “She reconnected with an old girlfriend a few weeks ago, but they’re not a couple. They’re dating.”
“Like how we’re dating?”
“Yeah,” Charlie answered.
Lena took a drink of her coffee, looked around the room, and then met Charlie’s eye.
“I have to tell you something,” she said after a moment. “It’s kind of why I asked you out for coffee.”
“Okay.”
“We said we’d be honest, so I want to be honest.”
“What’s wrong, Lena?”
“I don’t know if something’s wrong exactly, but I did something last night.”
Charlie leaned back in her chair.
“You went on a date?” Charlie asked and hoped that it would make things easier when she told her she’d been on a date as well.
“I did, yeah. My friend Arden took me out to a bar last night. She’s straight but is trying to be supportive.” She looked anywhere but into Charlie’s eyes. “She’s a lot better at meeting people than I am. She started introducing me around, and there was this woman there. She and I hit it off.”
“Okay.” Charlie wouldn’t have been concerned except that Lena appeared to be concerned.
“I went back to her place and we…”
Charlie knew what would happen next.
“You slept with her?” Charlie guessed.
“It happened fast, Charlie. I had a few drinks at the bar with her, and then we went back to her place.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. We’re not exclusive. You can sleep with whomever you want.”
Charlie denied the feeling of frustration in the pit of her stomach. She’d been patient with Lena because Lena had never been with a woman. Lena hadn’t been with anyone other than her husband. She’d understood and told her they could wait until Lena was ready. She knew there was a chance that Lena would meet someone else, and, maybe she’d been wrong to assume that if they ever got to that step, that Charlie would be Lena’s first.
“I feel terrible, Charlie. You’ve been so understanding, and you’ve waited for me to be ready. I thought it would be you.”
“Why was it her?” Charlie asked, pushing her coffee toward the middle of the table; no longer interested in it.
“I worried I would be bad at it. I thought about how much more experienced you are at this than I am. I told her about that. We talked about my ex-husband. I told her you and I were dating, but that I was nervous. It didn’t help that Arden kept telling me that I just needed to get laid and then I’d feel a lot better about being with you. I let it all get to me. It’s no excuse,” she shared. “I know it’s no excuse, but it kind of also worked.”
“It worked?”
“I woke up this morning and let out this sigh of relief. I’ve been holding onto this idea that I needed to wait and make things perfect. That put all this pressure on me, and it would’
ve probably put pressure on whoever I was with. But after it was over, and I got dressed, I just felt like I was ready for something real now. I doubt that makes any sense to you.”
“It does, actually.” Charlie thought back to her first time with Julia. “I felt the same way my first time.”
“You did?” Lena was surprised.
“Yeah, I did.”
“So, you’re not mad?”
“I’m not mad,” Charlie confirmed and realized that she wasn’t.
She wasn’t mad at all. She wasn’t even hurt by the fact that Lena had slept with someone else.
“Can we go out tonight?” Lena asked. “Not just morning coffee, but on a real date?”
“I went on date last night too, Lena,” she revealed.
“Oh.” Lena seemed taken aback. “I thought you were with your friends.”
“I was, but then Hailey and I talked.”
“It was with Hailey?”
“Yeah, it was with Hailey.” She leaned forward. “We’ve been friends forever, but that was our first date.”
“How long have you had feelings for her?”
“Forever,” Charlie returned, not wanting to lie. “I’d just given up all hope when I met you,” she continued. “I like you, Lena. I think you’re great.”
“But you’re going to be with her now?” She set her coffee cup down.
“No. Well, I don’t know. We didn’t make any officials plans or declarations. Things are kind of weird, because we’ve been friends for so long, and she is dating someone too.”
“But you want to be with her?” Lena nodded as if she was answering the question herself.
“No matter what I feel for Hailey, it doesn’t change what I felt for you. But, Lena, I don’t think we should keep dating, though, either.” She tried to soften her voice as much as possible. “Do you really want to be in a relationship? I mean, with anyone? Is that what you’re looking for right now?”
Just Tell Her Page 19