After Thought

by P. A. Crenshaw

  “But it was different for Paul. He had killed before, and as the rage and hatred continued to devour him on the inside, the very essence of him changed. I could see it in his eyes. The kindhearted Paul that I knew and loved was gone. All I could see in his eyes from then on was rage, hatred, and desperation.

  “Paul began to use RTP to cause bad things to happen to the people who he believed were responsible for the deaths of our sons. He convinced some of his ranch hands to help him dispense vigilante justice by finding and killing everyone who had participated in the raid. But he didn’t stop there. He declared that he would not stop killing until he took out the entire families of the guilty parties—even innocent men, women, and children. And he used RTP to help him carry out his evil justice.

  “He began drinking heavily every day. He drank himself to sleep every night, crying, cursing, and swearing to never stop his quest for revenge on those who had murdered our sons. It was terrible to see him that way.

  “For the first few months, he left me alone to mourn. I was in my own little world, and he in his. We should have been there for each other and helped each other get through it, but it seemed like neither of us was capable of it. I could barely find the will to live another day, much less help someone else overcome their own grief.

  “It was during that time that our best friends, Sancha and Mel, became determined to help Paul and me overcome our depression and get on with our lives. They came to me daily and reminded me of RTP. They encouraged me to eat, bathe, and go through the motions of daily life. They tried to convince me that even though my sons were gone, life was still worth living. They used RTP to send positive and encouraging thoughts to me. And slowly, over time, I began to emerge from my depression enough to function normally again. I tried to move on with my life in a positive way and recover and be an active, productive member of society again.

  “They tried to help Paul as well, but he pushed them away. He also pushed me away. He sank further and further into the depths of despair and alcoholism. He became mean and took out his anger on his field hands and friends. And then he turned his anger on me.

  “A vast chasm had come between us. I didn’t blame him for the deaths of our sons, but I couldn’t look at him without seeing them. They looked so much like him. It got to the point where I couldn’t stand to look at him. And I think the same happened when Paul looked at me. I was a daily reminder of his sons, and of his failure to save them. He hated himself for it, and he grew to hate me too. We were no longer husband and wife in more than name. We were merely two strangers existing in the same household.

  “The abuse was verbal at first. He berated me daily and told me I wasn’t worthy of being anyone’s wife. Over time, the abuse became physical. It started with a slap here and there, and eventually got worse to the point where he even threatened to kill me on a few occasions. There were times when he would catch me by surprise and hit me hard enough to cause large bruises and swelling. But I never told anyone. Instead, I used RTP to heal my wounds and suffered in silence.”

  Adam could feel himself bristling inside at the thought of anyone hurting Maddie.

  “I tried to stick it out and stay with him for almost a year, but he only got meaner and the attacks became more brutal. When I used RTP to shield myself, it would only make him angrier. I didn’t know what to do. The situation seemed hopeless, but then I realized that I could use RTP to accomplish anything I wanted. I finally admitted to myself that I needed outside help.

  “Eventually, I confided in Sancha and Mel. They told me they had suspected I was being abused, but I had hidden it well. Sancha and Mel observed the escalation of the violence, and realized that there was no way Paul was coming out of his downward spiral anytime soon. They were fearful that he would take his own life, or mine, or both. They realized that they needed to get me away from him before he killed me because they truly believed that he would eventually. I began to believe it too.

  “Sancha and Mel secretly made arrangements for me to move out of state to live with some friends of theirs in San Diego, California—Stan and Mary Baker. They felt it was imperative that I made the move without Paul knowing. They were convinced that if he suspected me of trying to leave, he would kill me before I could get away. And I was fearful that he would kill Sancha and Mel if he ever found out they helped me escape. They had been his friends at one time, and he would see it as betrayal. I didn’t know it then, but it was the beginning of a lifetime of hiding my identity.”

  Chapter 23

  Maddie continued her sordid tale. “It was going to be extremely difficult for me to permanently leave my life in New Mexico and all of my friends. It was all I had known since my parents died. But I also understood that if I wanted to protect Sancha and Mel, and myself, from Paul’s wrath, I had to go through with it.

  “Sancha and Mel had never spoken to Paul about their friends in San Diego. They were certain he would never be able to trace me back to them—if he cared to try. We weren’t sure if he would even bother to find me if I just disappeared. I doubted he would miss me at all.

  “One night when Paul was passed out from his drunken rage, Sancha and Mel put the escape plan in motion. They didn’t take the chance of traveling with me and being spotted. Instead, they arranged for me to travel with a wagon train that was passing through on the way to California.

  “I didn’t know a soul in the group, so I stayed quiet and kept to myself, trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible. They were kind and left me alone for the most part. The trip was long and treacherous, and mentally and physically exhausting. It took us about a month to reach our destination. By then I had grown accustomed to being alone.

  “The Bakers were very kind and wonderful people. They took me in and made me feel welcome in their home. They respected my privacy, never pried, or asked me to divulge any information unless I offered it. We quickly grew comfortable with one another.

  “I assumed a new name and a completely new identity. I never spoke of RTP, or Paul, or my children, or anybody else I knew, for that matter. It was as if my old life had never existed. At first it was very lonely and difficult. I absorbed myself in reading, and soon I began writing poems and works of fiction. I discovered that I loved writing. It was my muse, my escape from reality and the past.

  “Eventually, the Bakers encouraged me to get a job at a local library, where I could further pursue my interests. When I wasn’t working, I devoured all of the information I could on the subjects of writing and English literature.

  “I started submitting articles to local newspapers under a male pen name, and eventually they started printing my work. When I wasn’t working at the library, I spent time volunteering at the newspaper printing press so I could learn all aspects of the paper production.

  “Over time I began to develop friendships with people at the library and printing press, and with other writers in the area. Each step forward in my new life put my old life a little further behind me.”

  Chapter 24

  Maddie paused from telling her story, her focus seemingly coming back to the present as she looked at Adam and said, “Have you heard enough, or would you like me to continue?”

  Adam looked down at his hands and noticed they were tightly clenched into fists. He said, “I was afraid there was more. I want to hear more, but I think I need another beer first.”

  Maddie nodded, and yet another Shark Fin appeared out of nowhere.

  Adam shook his head, still unable to believe what his eyes were seeing.

  She shrugged and said, “No need to keep up the facade now that you know.”

  Wide-eyed, he said slowly, “Thank you? It may take me a while to get used to this.”

  Maddie snickered and smiled. This made Adam smile too. The mood was lightening up. It was so good to see her smile.

  He picked up the beer, chugged about half of it and said, “Bette
r. Now, please continue.”

  Maddie reclined back on the couch and rubbed her eyes. She sighed heavily and continued her story.

  “While I was in California, James Mackay, the owner of the newspaper printing press, took an interest in me. He was a brilliant writer and took me under his wing. We started spending a lot of time together. At first, I thought he was only interested in my talent as a writer because he was almost twenty years older than me. But he soon admitted that he was attracted to me and wanted more than just a friendship.

  “I cared for James. I even grew to love him, but not in the same way that I had loved Paul. It wasn’t a love at first sight, or all-consuming, overwhelming passion. He was my mentor, my confidant, my best friend. I grew to love him gradually.

  “The Bakers and some of my new girlfriends encouraged the relationship, and we became romantically involved. James was a gentleman, and we had a long courtship. He proposed to me two years later, and I agreed to marry him.

  “Since Paul and I never obtained an official marriage license, I didn’t have to go through the pain of filing for a divorce.”

  Maddie turned a few pages in the photo album and pointed to a picture of herself in a beautiful wedding dress with a distinguished-looking man in a tux that Adam assumed was James. She looked radiant and happy. He felt a little hint of jealousy, even though he knew it was silly. She was obviously not with him now. Or was she?

  She continued. “James was fifty-two when we were married. He wasn’t interested in having children, which was fine with me. I couldn’t bear the thought of having more and possibly losing them. We made a good life together, and I was finally happy again.

  “Eventually, I confided my story to James and tried to teach him about RTP. I tried to teach him how to use it to prevent aging. He believed my story, and he believed in RTP because I freely used it in the privacy of our home. He believed I had a special ability, but he never believed he could do it. And because he didn’t think he could do it, he never mastered it.

  “I couldn’t understand how he could believe that I could use RTP, but that he couldn’t. Some people have a hard time believing in things they cannot physically touch or explain with science or logic.

  “He did believe in the power of positive thinking in general, and he reaped the rewards in his career and in life in general. But he couldn’t manifest things the way I do. And he never believed he could stop the aging process with his thoughts. So James grew older and I remained ageless.

  “At first he liked the idea of having such a young-looking wife. He enjoyed watching the envious stares of other men when we appeared in public together. But as he aged even more, and the difference in our ages grew more apparent, he became uncomfortable with it.

  “Some of our friends had also started to notice that I wasn’t aging. I got countless questions from women asking me what my secret was. They wanted to know how I stayed so young-looking. I started to grow uncomfortable with the questioning. I knew that I could never reveal my secret to them. I didn’t know if Paul had ever looked for me, but I didn’t want the word to get out, just in case.

  “So when James retired, we traveled constantly. When we traveled to places where no one knew us, he introduced me as his niece or his daughter. He was worried that he would look like a dirty old man if he told people I was his wife. I told him it didn’t matter what people thought, but it didn’t change his mind.

  “I watched him age before my eyes, and nothing I could say or do would convince him otherwise. The longer I lived, more and more of the people I knew aged and passed away. It was difficult watching the people I loved and cared about disappear from my life.

  “And at age seventy-five, James suffered a massive heart attack and was pronounced dead by the time the doctor arrived.”

  Adam gazed at Maddie, wanting to believe. She stared at the wedding picture with sadness in her eyes, but no more tears came. He thought she must have been all cried out.

  Was her story possible? Had she already gone through an entire cycle of life?

  That would explain the maturity beyond her years and her old-fashioned ways. It would explain why she had wanted to take things slowly in their relationship. Now it was all making sense to him in a bizarre and unbelievable way. Like James, Adam wanted more than anything to believe her story because the converse story would mean she was completely out of her mind.

  He stroked her cheek and said quietly, “What did you do after James passed on?”

  “Once James was gone, and many of my acquaintances and friends that I had known in California had grown old or passed away too, I saw no reason to stay. I moved often from city to city. I never stayed long enough to put down roots.”

  Adam said, “What about Paul? Did he ever find you?”

  “Not at that point,” she said. “As far as I know Paul never came looking for me while I was in San Diego. He was probably glad to let me go. I’m sure it took some of the pain out of his life. I never heard from him.

  “I did manage to stay in contact with some of my dear friends from New Mexico, like Sancha and Mel. They kept me informed about the activities of Paul and the KTP. Over the years, the membership grew, and the organization became more formalized and secretive.

  “Paul knew the knowledge of RTP gave him even greater power. He used it for political gains, which afforded him a certain degree of protection in his illegal activities. He used his political contacts to get whatever he wanted, no matter what the cost.

  “He didn’t want just anybody knowing about RTP. He felt it was more valuable to him if he controlled who learned and could use it. He decreed that all existing practitioners of Refined Transcendent Power must join the KTP or be put to death.

  “It was terrible. Some of the people I knew from New Mexico, who were practitioners of RTP, were sought out by the members of the KTP and given the choice of membership or death. Those of questionable character gladly joined the order. Those who refused were killed. Still others fled and went into hiding before Paul and his henchmen could find them.

  “Those who went underground became known as the Keepers of the Peace. They jokingly called themselves KOTP, in mockery of Paul’s organization, although it truly was no laughing matter. They managed to form a remarkably sophisticated network of communication to keep in touch with each other and gather intelligence. They frequently sent out reconnaissance teams to watch the KTP’s every move. They even formed an underground food and supply system to support all of the members. Even Sancha and Mel, the very people who had taught Paul and me about RTP, had to go underground and change their identities.”

  Chapter 25

  Maddie stared straight ahead again, remembering. She continued, “A few years after I had learned about the KTP, I happened to be living in San Francisco, California. I had only been there a few months when I was out walking around in the Bay Area and doing some sightseeing on a beautiful summer day. I liked the anonymity that was afforded to me by living in big cities. Public restaurants were a fairly new concept back then, so I decided to check one out.

  “I chose a quaint seafood restaurant that had been highly recommended to me by a local. I was deciding what to order when I heard a hauntingly familiar voice coming from behind me.

  “ ‘Madeline, is that you?’

  “Instantly, chills raced down my spine. My eyes widened and I stiffened, staring straight ahead for a moment afraid to move.

  “I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder, and I fought the urge to shudder. I slowly turned around in my seat to face the person who was addressing me. Even though I already knew it, I was horrified to see it was Paul. I would have known that voice anywhere, even after all of those years. I tried to appear calm and collected, even though I was panicking inside.

  “It was so strange to see Paul after so many years. He didn’t look like the drunken, depressed shell of a man that I had left behind. His eyes
were clear, not bloodshot and red like that of an alcoholic. He had cleaned up. He was wearing a nicely tailored suit, and he looked very handsome. He hadn’t aged a bit, and for an instant, I saw the Paul that I had fallen in love with. I stood to face him, still speechless.

  “His smile was warm as he hugged me in a big bear hug—the way you would hug a long-lost friend. I didn’t move. When he sensed my rigidness, the look on his face changed ever so slightly as he released me. It was as if a switch had been flipped, allowing me a glimpse of his true intention. His smile remained, but his eyes gave him away. There was no warmth there, only cold darkness. I could sense that his hatred for me was still there. He was putting on an act. Paul discreetly looked me over as he said in mock pleasantry, ‘So, what are you doing in the area, Madeline?’

  “I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t know if I should act nonchalant or make a scene and run out screaming for help. Mentally, I reasoned that he was not an immediate threat. I mean, we were in a public restaurant, after all. So I focused on keeping my voice steady and said, ‘I’m just visiting the area and doing some sightseeing. What are you doing here, Paul?’

  “He grinned slightly, humoring me, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. He said, ‘What a coincidence. I’m in town for the same reason—just sightseeing.’

  “I glanced around to see if any of his cronies were with him. It appeared that he was alone. But I couldn’t be sure. I had heard that the KTP traveled in numbers and that Paul never went anywhere without his bodyguards. Paul’s henchmen operated similarly to the Secret Service. They could be in plain clothes and strategically placed throughout the restaurant to avoid detection.