by Sierra Hill
I choke out a cough, my jaw hitting the floor and I hear his deep chuckle from around the corner where he disappears from my sight.
That motherfucker.
I can’t tell if he’s serious or not, because the truth is, there’s always been a possibility that I might do it for him. I just never had the opportunity because of the way things ended.
But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t done it for me.
Once before. A very long time ago.
And it was the best head I’d ever received.
It was also the start of the end between us.
Chapter 12
Ten Years Earlier
“Hey, I was thinking. Maybe we should go camping this weekend?”
I’d already been up for an hour and completed a workout and a run when I walked into my bedroom, a towel wrapped around my waist, fresh from my shower. Sage was in the same spot he was when I left, but now he was awake.
He’d been sleeping an inordinate amount since getting out on bail. Not that I blame him. His life had taken a bad turn and gone to hell in a handbasket after his arrest. He’d no longer had a job because Stu the grocer fired him while he’d been locked up. Regardless of the fact that Sage had worked there since he was fourteen, he cited “attendance issues” as the reason. Disloyal motherfucker. It left Sage without a job, with no prospects for anything else and no other way to earn money until his trial started.
Although the justice system says an individual is innocent until proven guilty, this back-water town felt otherwise, and no one would hire a guy who’d been arrested for murder. Even if it was the murder of a man everyone knew was a nuisance and a child abuser.
London and I were nervous about Sage’s state of mind and what he would do when we left. I was set to head off to boot camp in less than two weeks and London would be off to Nashville to start school in mid-August. We wouldn’t have much more time to have fun or to be together.
Although fun wasn’t an adjective to describe this summer. It was also clear Sage wanted little to do with us and would leave the house and not return until late in the evenings well past the curfew my dad had set for us, smelling of cigarettes, weed, and booze.
Graduation night was a shit show, with Sage getting completely trashed at an after-party where we all celebrated our graduations from high school. Sage didn’t attend the ceremony with the class of one-hundred and eighty kids but he still earned his diploma.
It was like living with a ticking time bomb for weeks and I tiptoed around him, either looking to appease him and make him happy or having him ditch us and completely ignore us.
I didn’t know which Sage I would get that morning when he rolled over, eyeing my attire with a lift of his brows, reaching for a cigarette.
Propping himself up against the bedframe, he stuck it between his lips and lit up. He’d been smoking like a chimney, but what could any of us do? He was a loose cannon and rightfully so. I tried to remain empathetic to his plight, but it just got harder and harder.
I had no idea how to cheer him up or make things right for him. None of it was in my control.
He blew out a smoke-filled breath, finally answering my question about camping. “I don’t really feel like it.”
After trying for weeks to be there for him, my anger got the best of me.
“Well, what do you feel like, then? Come on man, you gotta do something…you can’t just sit around and mope and smoke and get high. You need to get out and…”
He snarled, his dark eyes narrowing in on me. “And do what? Enjoy life and my freedom while I have it, you mean? In case I get locked up for the rest of my life? You want me to go live my best life while I have the chance?” He used air quotes to emphasize the phrase.
I whipped off the towel and threw it to the ground, picking out a pair of clean briefs from the dresser. Our eyes met as I pulled them up, and then I watched Sage’s hungry and interested perusal of my body. I quickly looked away but not before the heat of his stare created a tingling sensation in my balls. Fuck me, my dick took notice as the blood poured south.
No. That’s not gonna happen.
I turned my back to him, running a rough hand through my wet hair and opened my dresser drawer to pull out a T-shirt and shorts. I felt oddly exposed and yet instantly turned on.
I chose to sit down on the edge of the other twin bed opposite him. Over time, the former bunk beds I had as a kid, extremely useful for sleepovers with Sage, had been removed and converted into two twins. I bent forward and placed my elbows on my knees, steepling my fingers underneath my chin as I faced him. Smoke hung in the air and the scent of nicotine cloistered heavy between us.
“That’s not what I meant. Fuck, no one knows what’s gonna happen with your trial. But regardless of that outcome, London and I are leaving soon. We won’t be around much longer, and we want to spend as much time with you as possible. We want you to be happy. We’d do anything to make you happy. You get that, right?”
Smoke rings swirled from his move and above his head, one arm propped behind him against the pillow. Anyone else witnessing Sage would think he’s the picture of calm and serenity. I, on the other hand, know him and could read the apprehension and anxiety written across his features.
Suddenly, Sage leaned forward, swiveling his legs around over the edge of the bed, stamped out his cigarette and stood in front of me. He towered over me in a posture made to intimidate me, but as I was bigger and weighed more, I wasn’t threatened in the least.
I was, however, curious. His dominating stance sent a thrill up my spine. He placed his hands on my shoulders, pushed me backwards, and got right in my face. We were nose to nose. Breath to breath.
“Oh yeah? You’d do anything for me?” The corner of his mouth lifted in a saucy antagonistic snarl.
I swallowed thickly, my dick plumping and filling under the weight of his stare and the intensity of his brown, half-lidded eyes.
He may not have been bigger than me, but when he wanted to, he turned into a dominating opponent. I’d learned enough about him in the several sexual encounters we’d experienced that past year with London that Sage had an innate ability to make me do things I never thought I would do. Like jack off in front of both London and him as they watched. Or eat out London’s pussy under his lustful scrutiny.
Time seemed to stand still as he hovered over me. We were so close, I could smell the spicy and intoxicating scent of the soap he used and something else that exuded masculinity.
I’m not into dudes.
In my mind, it was one thing to be with Sage when we fooled around and fucked London. Watching each other fuck was the biggest turn on there was. But it was an entirely different ballgame when we’re alone. I knew Sage was into both girls and guys and had known he was bisexual for years. But me?
I was into London.
I liked fucking London and watching Sage fuck London. Or having Sage watch us.
I didn’t want to fuck Sage or vice versa.
Did I?
My erection grew stiff as my balls filled with the need to release. Just his surly attitude, like a captured bear, and the aggressive position over me had me spreading my legs, opening my knees wide to accommodate him in. So, he could move closer.
“You know what would make me really happy, Cam?” Sage whispered hotly in my ear, his light growth of whiskers brushing against my earlobe.
My throat went bone dry and I lost the capacity to speak. I couldn’t breathe. I needed to give myself room, so I leaned back, pressing my palms into the bed behind me.
The only response I was able to give was a grunt.
Sage snickered wickedly and tipped his head down, staring at my package, which was expanding by the second under his watchful eye. His hand landed over my cock, my dick straining on its own accord against the confines of my zipper and shorts. I could already feel the beads of wetness that clung at the tip from the pre-come gathered there just from the zing of excitement over this encounter.
I didn
’t say anything when he squeezed my junk and his hand glided down my length, cupping my balls in his hand.
I couldn’t help but groan.
This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong.
My brain warred with my body, jockeying for position.
Sage is my best friend. We shouldn’t be doing this.
My body demanded action as my thoughts kept centering on the indecency of the situation, even though the same thing happened between me and London. She was my best friend and yet I’d fucked her. No, my problem wasn’t that we were friends, me and Sage. It was that he was a dude and doing this alone together meant we were gay.
Under his ministrations and on its own volition, my body took over and shut down any other consequential thoughts that dissuaded me from acting upon that urge. I closed my eyes tight, trying to block out the negative thoughts running through my head. The sensations from the heat of his hand and the friction he created was more than enough to give my brain the smackdown.
“Stop thinking…just feel,” Sage demanded, tugging the edge of my shirt up and placing soft kisses along my belly, his tongue popping out to taste the thin line of hair leading down to my waistband.
It’s as if Sage were inside my head. He knew me too well.
It happened lightning fast as I reached the point of no return, where I no longer cared or gave a damn about anything else because it felt too good. Too perfect. Too much. I stopped fighting it and I let Sage take over. He unbuttoned and unzipped my shorts, urging me to lift my ass. He pulled the material down past my knees, removing one foot at a time from my long legs.
I peeled open an eyelid just to peer down and see what he looked like between my legs. My hard cock stood at attention, throbbing with a deep ache to be touched, hitting against my belly. When I lifted my gaze further, I noticed Sage’s dreamlike expression. Like he couldn’t believe what he saw in front of him. As if it were Christmas morning and his favorite gift is under the tree.
It was like our first time together on London’s birthday when I woke up from a dream to find Sage fucking London, sliding in and out of her with long, smooth strokes. Their bodies slapped against each other in an erotic dance. Fuck, I was so turned on, I just watched and let it happen – helpless to the sensations swirling through my body. I watched, breathed in their scents…
And then the memory vanished and everything else faded away the instant Sage fisted my cock and sucked me into the back of his throat. I let loose a strangled groan.
He hummed around me like I was the best thing he’d ever tasted, and his eyes looked up wildly in admiration when I gripped the top of his dark head of hair and tightened it in my fist. That seemed to spur him on, his fingers sliding under my balls and locating a spot no one had ever touched before.
“Oh fuck,” I shouted.
It took me about two seconds and two licks of his tongue and I came harder and faster than I’d ever come before.
And the minute the euphoria of the post-climax high wore off, and I came back down to earth, I pushed him off me. He landed with a hard thump on the floor, his lips swollen and shiny, and his mouth covered with the sheen of my release.
That’s when I said the words that would forever haunt me. The words that would ruin our friendship.
“Get off me, you motherfucking faggot. Don’t you ever touch me again, you queer.”
Chapter 13
Present Day
There are certain aspects of my life that I look back on and immediately feel a sense of pride. The first and foremost is making the decision to serve my country in the Air Force, which is my crowning achievement and one of the highlights of my life.
I had my doubts at first. I yearned to be home and with my friends but instead was homesick for the first few weeks. Although my last encounter with Sage was a breaking point for us, I still missed him terribly and I knew I’d been the worst friend in the history of best friends.
During my time in the USAF, I’d made mistakes that I’ll take to my grave – ones that had life and death consequences. College would have been easier, less complicated and led me into a completely different life, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Nor would I trade my other proud accomplishment. While the reason for his birth is somewhat of a mess, there is nothing I would change about bringing my son into the world. Taylor is the best thing that ever happened to me and the light of my life. He came into the world at a time where I had let love go and didn’t want it again. Another reason I chose to stay with Lisa. It was safe to be with her because I didn’t love her, nor did she love me.
But having a child and holding a newborn in the crook of your arms for the first time does something to a man. His cherub face, pouty lips, and the sweet coos that he emitted while asleep reached into my ragged and torn heart and rebuilt me. Restored my faith in mankind and love.
And through the years, it helped me to come to terms with the love I had buried deep inside me for both Sage and London. It helped me recognize some things about myself that I’d never allowed myself to think before then.
But there is still that low point in my life that will forever fill me with regret. And I need Sage to know how sorry I am for the way I treated him and the things I said before I left.
I ponder all of this as Sage and I sit outside on the huge patio overlooking his property and the huge infinity pool he has in the backyard. I’d returned to the bedroom after speaking with Sage in the hallway to find London awake and getting ready to go out to the stables. Sage had bought her a quarter-horse a few years back and she wanted to go for a ride this morning before breakfast.
Sipping the cup of strong, Italian coffee that one of his house staff poured for me, I stare off over the lush green valley of his property, toward the horse barn out in the back acreage where London went off to ride. Blows my fucking mind that he has the kind of dough now, considering his poor upbringing. Knowing where Sage came from and where he was raised, I never in a million years expected his life to turn out this way. A bigtime recording star and celebrity with a million-dollar estate. It’s insane and so incongruent with who he was the last time I saw him.
“You’re sure living the good life and have it made here, man.”
Sarcasm drips from Sage’s tone. “For a fuck-up, ex-con you mean? Or for a kid who once had nothing and now seems to have it all?”
Shaking my head, I take another sip from the hot mug and remain silent. He’s been raring for a fight since last night and I’m not about to give him cause to kick me out. Not yet, anyway. I came here at London’s request to get Sage some help. And hopefully make amends. I’m not about to fuck it up by losing my patience and falling for his bitter attacks.
I try the lighter approach. “Nah, for a guy who sucks at guitar playing.”
Sage knows I’m joking because his lips quirk up at the corners in a smile and he flips me the middle finger.
“Hardee-har-har. You’re so funny for a dumb ex-jock.”
The air turns a little lighter with the humor injected in and we watch London off in the distance riding around in the penned corral. I want so badly to bring up the topic that still mars the space between us, but I’m not sure where to begin.
From the looks of it, Sage hasn’t lost any sleep over it.
I steer the topic to something less brittle for the moment, hoping to save face and ease into our conversation and the apology I need to make at some point.
Over the years, once I realized and hashed out my feelings toward Sage, I’d rehearsed over and over again what I would say to him when the time came. When I got up the courage to tell him that I’d screwed up all those years ago and never meant to hurt him.
But there was always something preventing our reunion from happening. I’d be back stateside for only brief moments while I was enlisted and only had time to visit my parents. And then when my enlistment period in the Air Force was over, I moved to Georgia for a while with Lisa and then decided to go to the smokejumper academy for for
est firefighting. I was stationed in several locations until I returned to the Smoky Mountain area.
This career decision was a huge source of contention for me and Lisa and was really the last straw in our marriage. It really didn’t matter what caused it, because the relationship was bound to end sooner rather than later. The only thing that mattered now was making sure Taylor was loved and cared for and we could figure out the co-parenting shit.
And figuring out a way to repair and salvage the relationship that I once had with Sage.
“You’ve stayed close to London,” I hedge, checking out his reaction with a side glance over the rim of my coffee cup. “I’m glad you two could remain together.”
Sage makes a loud scoffing noise. “You’re such a liar, Cam. Get real. You’re fucking jealous that we’ve had a thing all this time and it’s had nothing to do with you. And I bet you’re dying to know whether I fucked her with another guy who wasn’t you.”
I inhale through my nose, counting to ten like I learned so many years ago in my special ops training when working underwater. It helps you to remain calm and in control of your anxiety and fear. Or in this case, my anger.
He’s just trying to get under your skin.
I lift the corner of my mouth in a smirk, rolling my eyes.
“You’re so wrong it’s not even funny. I’m not jealous, Sage. I’m relieved.”
My comment seems to throw Sage, whose mouth gapes open wide in surprise. His face scrunches and tightens in disbelief.
Quirking my eyebrows, I turn in my seat to face him.
“I’m serious, man. I walked away and left her hanging. I was an asshole of epic proportions. And I’m glad that once you got out, she had someone who was there for her. To take care of her and be there for her through everything.”
Sage chuckles and he stands, walking toward the edge of the pool, his back to me.
He looks pretty good from every angle, especially his backside – considering all he’s been through. Still tall and lanky, but bulkier now with tattoos wrapped around his arms and calf. I haven’t seen his bare back, but I’ve heard he has a full masterpiece in vibrant colors across his shoulder blades.