by Mia Archer
Not that I wasn’t going to overdo it when I was in the middle of the most important race of my life!
I paused for a moment as I wavered back and forth trying to hold onto my balance. The nearest thing I could grab onto was Coach Scott so I grabbed her shoulder and held on while the room spun around me for a moment and all the sound in the room seemed to dull until it disappeared and it was just me all alone with the spinning room and the only indication that reality was still there was my hand clutching the rough material of Coach Scott’s polo shirt.
“Alyssa? Are you okay?”
Sound slowly returned and I looked up to Coach Scott who was staring down at me with obvious concern. I smiled, but I wasn’t sure how well I was doing at covering up the fact that I was mildly terrified. I always got a little scared when that happened even if I always brushed it off after the fact.
“Sorry,” I said. “Guess I was just a little woozy after the race.”
Coach Scott put both her hands on my shoulders and locked eyes with me. “You sure about that? If you need to see a medic or something we can…”
I waved her away. “No, it’s okay. It happens sometimes when I’m a little excited. We’re good.”
Coach Scott didn’t look like she exactly believed me, but I was able to take a couple of steps without falling on my ass so she let it drop. I didn’t want to ruin this perfect moment by going over and spending a bunch of time having a medic looking me over just to tell me that I was fine and I’d gone a little hard in the race.
Of course I did. That’s what you were supposed to do in the middle of a race!
I looked down at the other girls who’d been in the race. Most of them looked disappointed, but not angry or anything like that. That figured. They all probably knew going into this that Sarah and I were the ones to beat.
Sarah.
Huh. Now that was weird.
I looked through the crowd trying to find her. I figured if anyone would still be out there somewhere it would be her. One other girl was still in the pool finishing the race but there wasn’t a chance that was Sarah. The two of us were too closely matched. She would’ve been right behind me. It even said so up on the big board that finally came to a complete and total stop as the last girl hit her pad and the race came to an end.
That meant Sarah had time to hit the pad, right behind me if the times were any indication, and get out of the pool and disappear.
I frowned. I’m not sure why I felt concerned for her, but I was worried. She wasn’t here which meant she was out there somewhere and she was probably taking it pretty hard. I knew I’d be pretty upset if I’d gotten this far only to lose at the last moment. Especially when I knew that the only reason I wouldn’t be going to state is that I happened to be in the same conference as the next best swimmer for my event in the entire damn state. If one of us was in any other sectional we’d both be going to compete against each other at the big show.
Damn. I felt an overwhelming urge to find her. To make sure everything was okay even though I knew it was probably anything but.
Coach Scott appeared out of the crowd and went to wrap me in a hug. I allowed her that moment and even smiled.
“You did it!” she shouted. “I’m so proud of you! I knew you could pull this off!”
“Thanks,” I said, trying not to sound distracted. I scanned the crowd again to see if Sarah was out there and I’d just missed her. A part of me hoped she might at least come up and congratulate me or something, but nothing.
“Come over here,” Coach Scott said. “They’re going to present the ribbons here in a moment…”
“Are they doing it right now?” I asked. “Because I kind of have something I need to do…”
Coach Scott looked at me like I’d grown a second head or something. “Of course you have to come over here and do this right now. They always do the ribbons right after the race.”
I sighed. I should’ve been stoked about getting this ribbon. I’d worked at it forever. The problem was the only person I could think of was the one other person in the pool who’d worked forever to get to this place and now she wasn’t anywhere to be found.
They did it at the end of the pool where all the starting stands were set up. The announcer called out the first four runners up and they each got a nice white ribbon that said they’d come close but they weren’t going to the main event. Thanks for participating. Better luck next year.
A ripple ran through the crowd as the person handing out the ribbons got to the stand right next to mine, though. The stand where Sarah should have been. It was empty. Sarah really was nowhere to be found.
“And the next goes out to our second place finisher, Sarah…”
The announcer seemed to realize what the rest of the crowd already knew. Sarah wasn’t there. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She didn’t appear out of the crowd to accept the red ribbon.
“Can I take that?” I said on an impulse. “Pretty sure I know where she is.”
I knew where I’d be, at least. We had our swimming sectionals at this same place every year and I was pretty familiar just from exploring when I wasn’t swimming. I knew a couple of out of the way spots that were kept unlocked where someone could go to hide if they didn’t want to be found. I assumed Sarah had done the same thing. A lot of girls went exploring out of boredom between events. There was a lot of time to kill on the qualifying day of sectionals.
The lady handing out the ribbons looked down for a moment and frowned, but she ultimately handed the ribbon up to me. Then the announcer moved on to me.
“And finally, the sectional champion in the 100 yard butterfly and the girl who will be going on to the state meet to compete is none other than Alyssa Thompson!” the announcer said.
It was a little awkward because I already had the red ribbon in hand. I’m sure there were a few people in the crowd who assumed I was Sarah because I’d taken the red ribbon. Whatever. I held the shiny blue ribbon up and allowed myself a brief moment where I wasn’t worried about Sarah or where she’d disappeared to. Not that I truly understood where this sudden concern came from anyway.
I basked in the crowd cheering for me. I studied the way the light danced and reflected off of the blue ribbon. It really did look impressive. I allowed myself to enjoy the smell of the water and the sound of everyone cheering and roaring around me for one moment before I stepped down and dove into the crowd.
“Where are you going Alyssa?” Coach Scott asked. “Your parents are on their way over here to congratulate you.”
I looked across the pool in a sudden panic. My parents. Sure enough there was mom with dad dutifully following behind her. She was coming around the far end of the pool and looking over at me alternating between beaming at me and frowning. I wondered what I’d done wrong that brought on that stupid frown. Even when I’d just done everything she’d always hope for when she pulled me into those stupid summer swim programs she wasn’t happy.
That figured. Suddenly I had even more reason to want to get the hell out of there. So I did just that. I dove into the crowd on the swim team side of things where parents weren’t allowed and got lost in the crowd. Already I could hear them getting ready for the next race, and I was forgotten. My moment of glory really was fleeting, but it had been fun.
Now it was time to track down the pretty girl who was robbed of her moment of glory and make sure she was all right. If it meant escaping from my mom for a little while longer in the process then that was just fine with me.
3: Comfort
Alyssa:
My flip flops slapped against the soles of my feet as I made my way down the hard tile floor. I’d thought about not even grabbing those, but there was danger in walking down smooth tile in bare wet feet. I’d seen more than a few girls go for a spill when they thought they were perfectly okay, and there wasn’t a chance I was going to do something stupid like ruin my chance to go to the state championships because I slipped and broke something.
I could still
hear the roar of the crowd in the distance. The pool doors were kept wide open during sectionals in an attempt to make the heat at least somewhat bearable, though the crowds of sweating parents sitting in the stands cheering for their kids showed just how ineffective that was.
The rest of the school was sort of spooky though. The lights weren’t on except for a couple that were probably kept on all the time in case of emergency or something. The entire place was deserted and silent like something straight out of a horror movie. There wasn’t even the usual noise from girls exploring the school like what I always heard on the first qualifying day of sectionals.
Most of those bored girls had lost their races and didn’t get to compete today. They were probably all at home having fun while I was out here padding through the darkness listening for the sound of…
There it was! I heard sniffling off in the distance. I smiled even though sniffling and crying wasn’t a good sign. That meant someone was out there having a really bad day, and I was pretty sure I knew exactly who was having that bad day and why.
I paused for a moment and wondered if I should even really be doing this. After all, the last person in the world Sarah probably wanted to see right now was the person who caused her to cry. It’s not like it was my fault I won that race. The faster person won and I wasn’t going to feel bad about that.
Not too much.
Still, it was sort of my fault. I could see where she would be mad at me even if we had gotten along when we were chatting with each other at the beginning of the day. At the same time I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to go to her. That I needed to say something. And so I ignored that little voice in the back of my head telling me this was a bad idea and followed the sound of crying.
I rounded a corner and smiled. I’d been right. Sarah was down at the end of a little out of the way dead end hallway on the other end of the school from the pool. I’d caught a couple of people actually making out back here one year as though everyone who came here didn’t know about this hiding spot.
My cheeks colored thinking about that. Why did the thought of making out with someone down here suddenly send a chill running through me? The only other person here was…
Sarah.
I pushed that thought away. Dangerous thoughts. The sort of thing I didn’t want to think about right now. Especially when she was hunched over against the back wall with her head buried in her arms sobbing for everything she was worth.
Again I wondered if I should approach her or if I should just let her alone. Give her a moment to cry and let it all out. That voice that told me I needed to go to her and comfort her was getting a hell of a lot louder than the voice that was telling me this was a bad idea, though, and so I put one foot in front of the other.
I got right in front of her and she hadn’t noticed I was here. Then again she was crying pretty hard. Not quite knowing what to do, I bent down and sat beside her. That finally seemed to get her attention. She looked up at me, her eyes red and puffy. She immediately started trying to get herself in order, but there was no hiding the fact that she’d been having one hell of a good cry.
Besides, even with those puffy eyes she looked so pretty. Only that was going to that place that I wasn’t quite sure of, so I chased those thoughts away as soon as they occurred to me.
“I brought this for you,” I said, handing over the second place ribbon.
Sarah regarded that as though she might regard the sort of present the neighbor dog was always leaving on our front lawn. It didn’t occur to me until I’d held the bright red second place ribbon out to her that being reminded of her loss might not be the thing she wanted most in the world at that moment. But she took it from me and tried to wipe a tear from her eye.
“Thanks,” she said. “Guess they gave you the blue one?”
“Um, yeah,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“Well I’m sort of the reason you aren’t going to state?”
“Never apologize for being who you are,” Sarah said. A small smile came to her face. “Besides. You beat me fair and square an then you came looking for me. I suppose if anyone was going to beat me in that pool I’m glad it was you and not one of those cows from West Central.”
I snorted. “Yeah. What a stupid name, too. West Central. Like isn’t the whole point of being central that you’re in the middle? Not west?”
Sarah let out a little giggle of her own. I took that as a good sign. It meant she wasn’t too deep in depression or anything like that.
“I always thought the same thing,” she said.
We paused for a moment and sat there. I’m not sure why, but I reached out and put an arm around her as we sat in silence staring down to the end of this dead end hallway. There wasn’t a particularly compelling reason to put my arm around her, but it felt good. It felt right. And when she didn’t protest I figured that was a good sign so I kept my arm right there.
Though again that brought up thoughts that I wasn’t quite sure of. Thoughts that I tried to push away. I was just a friend out here comforting another friend who was having a bad day. That was it.
“Can I see it?”
“Hm?”
“The first place ribbon? Do you mind if I just look at it?”
“I don’t see why not,” I said.
I held out the blue ribbon with my free hand. Sarah snatched it out of my hand so quickly that I felt the urge to reach out and snatch it back from her. That was my ribbon. I’d earned it fair and square. I didn’t really want to share it with anyone else and I was feeling a surprising burning jealousy at the thought of another swimmer running her fingers all over my shiny blue ribbon.
I kept those thoughts to myself, though. That wasn’t very nice, and besides. This was Sarah. I could trust her.
She held the thing and looked at it reverently. Ran her fingers along the gold text announcing “Sectional Champ - 100 yard Butterfly.” Her mouth was open as she stared down at it, and I had no doubt she was imagining what it would’ve felt like to be standing up at the end of the pool having someone hand her this. Knowing that she was going on to state.
Then she frowned and shoved it away. Back into my hand. I took it carefully, not wanting to wrinkle the thing. This was something that was going to go up in a nice glass case that I could carry with me everywhere. Even if I stopped caring about everything else from high school I knew this was one memory I wanted to hold onto forever.
Part of the reason why I wanted to hold onto that memory so much was this moment I’d just shared with Sarah. I shivered, but she didn’t seem to notice what she was doing to me. Which was probably for the best. I’d spent so much time swimming and so little time socializing that I wasn’t quite sure what was going on here.
All I knew was it was a little scary. Scary because I didn’t know what these feelings were or where they came from or how to even deal with them. Scary because I knew after this sectional meet there was a good chance I’d never see Sarah again.
“Congratulations, Alyssa,” she said. “You really did deserve this.”
“You did pretty damn good out there yourself,” I said. “Don’t ever look at that ribbon and think you were second best. You’re the reason I pushed myself to do so well.”
“Doesn’t feel like I did all that well,” she said. She let out a long sigh.
I tried to imagine how I’d feel if I was in her situation. It was hard to imagine since I was still high on victory. I tried to imagine being on the cusp of feeling that high and then having it pulled away from me at the last moment because I was a fraction of a second too slow.
Yeah, that would suck.
I pulled her in close. “Don’t worry about it. Soon enough this will all be a memory.”
“Yeah, well at least it won’t be a completely terrible memory,” Sarah said. She looked up at me and for the first time since I found her she actually smiled. Only a little, but it was something. “Thanks for coming out here and finding me.
You didn’t have to do that, you know.”
“I guess I didn’t, but I wanted to,” I said.
“Yeah, but you missed everyone celebrating your big win!”
I laughed. “Honestly? As soon as I was down from the stand they were on to the next race and no one cared. It was a very brief moment of glory.”
I thought everything might be cool, but to my surprise Sarah buried her face in my shoulder and started crying again. This time she really let loose. She even went so far as to wrap an arm around me and pull me in close.
Not that I was complaining. That actually felt pretty damn good. Good enough that I felt a confusing warmth spreading through my body that wasn’t entirely unwelcome even if it was more than a little confusing.
This didn’t seem like a time for talking, so I was just there for her. I kept my arms around her and held her while the crying continued. It seemed like that was all she needed anyways. It was nice to know I could be there for her. I wondered if she’d do the same if the situation was reversed and I was the one who’d lost.
Probably. She seemed like a really nice girl. The kind of girl I wouldn’t mind getting to know better. It was a shame we were going to part after this sectional never to see each other again.
But it was a perfect moment sitting there. Sarah letting it all out. Me feeling just a touch guilty because I was enjoying her pressing against me considering why it was she was pressing against me.
Finally Sarah came up for air. She still hiccuped a couple of times, but the crying seemed to be going down. She disengaged from me and I felt a stab of disappointment that she wasn’t pressing against me any longer. Still, I suppose the moment had to end sometime. Sarah used her newly freed hands to try and wipe tears away from her puffy red eyes.
“Thanks,” she said. “I guess I needed that.”
I smiled and reached up to wipe one of those tears away. It was a surprisingly intimate gesture and I wasn’t quite sure why I did it any more than I was sure why I was doing anything with her right about now. All I knew is it felt right.