by Mia Archer
Probably a good thing. If she needed CPR right now then we’d really be in deep shit.
“Ma’am? Could you please step aside?”
I looked up and blinked. A golf cart with a flashing blue light had pulled up next to the pit. A couple of guys also in campus polos but with hats that identified them as EMTs were at the edge of the pit climbing in.
Reluctantly I let go of Alyssa. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to hold her and let her know everything was going to be okay even if I wasn’t entirely sure that everything was going to be okay. I hated seeing her like this. I hated feeling like I was out of control.
By the time they reached her, though, it seemed that they might not be necessary. Before I could truly let go her eyes fluttered and opened. She looked up at me and smiled.
“What happened?” she asked.
I fought the urge to cry. I was so happy that she was back in the land of the living. If her eyes were open and she was talking then it couldn’t be too bad, right?
“I’m not sure what happened,” I said. “You fell and hit the rope and then fell into this foam pit. Can you tell me what happened?”
Alyssa frowned and shook her head. “I must’ve overdone it or something. I felt lightheaded and everything went black. The next thing I remember I woke up and you were holding me. Not a bad way to wake up if you ask me.”
I shook my head. “No way. You’re not getting away that easily. I saw what happened. You work yourself out way more than this in the pool every day and this doesn’t happen in there.”
I didn’t mention the time I was pretty sure something like this had happened in the pool. At the state swim meet. She’d been wobbly when she got out of the pool and her having some sort of attack where she nearly passed out in the water would explain why she lost control long enough to be disqualified.
“I’m fine, really,” Alyssa said. She stood and looked to the EMTs heading towards her. Blinked and turned to look at me.
“Who the heck are they?” she asked.
“I think they’re medics. They called them over when you went unconscious,” I said.
Alyssa gave them an angry wave as they got closer. “I don’t need any help.”
“She doesn’t mean that,” I said. “She needs someone to have a look at her.”
“I do mean that,” Alyssa said, waving them away again. “I’m fine. I just got a little too carried away when I was going through the thing and it did me in. Please, leave me alone.”
The two EMTs or whatever the heck they were exchanged worried glances. They looked back to Alyssa.
“Ma’am, have you been drinking tonight?”
“What? No!” Alyssa said.
I rolled my eyes. If they wanted to get her to go and get a once over then that was the last thing they should’ve been asking her. Stupid college and their stupid policy of making sure no one under the age of twenty-one had a drop of alcohol touching their lips. As though that was ever a realistic goal.
“Alyssa, you work out harder than that in the pool twice a day every day of the week and you know it,” I said. “Please. Get yourself checked out.”
She stared at me and I wanted to take a step back. That was a cold stare. The sort of stare I wouldn’t expect from her. The kind of stare that made me fall back against some of the foam, and let me tell you it was a good thing the stuff was there to catch my fall.
“I said I don’t need any help,” Alyssa said. There was something odd to her tone though. Sure she looked mad, but it almost felt like she was pleading with me. And even though I hated myself for doing it, I wanted her to feel better. So I caved even though I still had that sneaking suspicion that something was very wrong here.
“Fine,” I said, a little bit of ice creeping into my voice as well. “If you don’t need help then you don’t need help.”
I waded over to the other end of the foam pit and climbed out. Maybe it was petty, but if she was going to be a bullheaded idiot and insist that nothing was wrong and she didn’t need help then I wasn’t going to help her get out of the foam pit. Meanwhile it seemed like the medical types weren’t quite done with her.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to check you out? Losing consciousness like that could be very seri…”
“I said I didn’t need any help! God, is everyone around here deaf?” Alyssa snapped.
“Fine. In that case we’ll need you to sign a paper saying you refused care,” the other medic, or whatever the hell he was, said. Now he was sounding a little snippy too. There was just snippiness to go around for everyone today.
“Um, that’s great and all,” the kid in the university polo who’d come up to check on us originally said. “But if you’re going to do all that then could you maybe do it outside the foam pit? We have a line building up out there and we had to stop this thing.”
Alyssa waded out and signed the paperwork the EMTs handed over to her. She practically threw the clipboard back at them and they gave her some dirty looks as she was walking away. Not that I could blame them. They were only trying to help and she was acting a little out of character tonight.
Then again she was obviously afraid. They didn’t know her well enough to see that, but I did. I could see it in the tightness at the corner of her eyes. I could see it in the way her eyes darted around as though she was looking for something that might hurt her, only I knew now that whatever it was was inside her.
I was pretty sure she knew that too. My stomach turned, and not in the good way it usually did when I thought of Alyssa.
I stepped up to her, suddenly feeling hesitant for some reason. “So are you…”
Alyssa sighed. She suddenly looked more exhausted than anything else. “I told you I’m going to be fine Sarah,” she said.
“I don’t believe you on that for a minute,” I said. “But I was actually about to ask you if you wanted to go back to the dorm and maybe watch a movie or something?”
Alyssa gave me a little smile. It might not be much, but it was more than I’d hoped for. “Going back to the dorms sounds like a great idea. I could really use some time off after that.”
“Sure thing,” I said.
I put an arm around her waist and we walked out of the student center. Outside the sky was dark overhead and I could see stars twinkling in the distance even through the light pollution that usually made it difficult to see much of anything in the skies. I took in a deep breath of the college air. I listened to the opposite sounds of cicadas buzzing off in the distance mixed in with the distant sound of bass thumping from parties going on somewhere on campus.
I knew I should probably leave well enough alone, but I couldn’t help it. I still had so many questions about what had happened. One question in particular was burning brighter than any of the others.
“So is what happened in there related to what happened at the state swim meet?”
I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. That wasn’t the sort of question I should be asking. It brought up the pain of the swim meet and the pain of what she’d just gone through. It was like I’d taken every hot button that could make Alyssa upset and rolled it up into one.
She looked at me for a long moment. It was an unreadable expression, which wasn’t good. I’d grown used to most of her moods by now, and that I was experiencing one that I didn’t recognize couldn’t be anything good at all.
“You know if I wanted my mother here I could call her,” Alyssa said.
I blinked. It was like a slap to the face. Maybe one that I deserved just a little, but at the same time she didn’t have to go with the nuclear option.
We walked back to the dorm in silence. We watched movies in silence, and we were a respectful distance from one another the entire time. Which was one hell of a difference from business as usual.
But more than anything I was worried. Worried about Alyssa. Worried about what was going on with her.
Now I could add worry about the future of our relationship to that mix.
&nbs
p; Fucking great.
20: Falling Down
Sarah:
The crowd roared all around us. I stared up in astonishment. This was nothing like swim meets back in high school. Back there they only had a couple of small sets of bleachers maybe five seats deep on either side of the pool for the home and visiting team to sit on. Those bleachers were usually filled with sweaty parents dressed for the freezing cold outside.
It was always parents in those stands. Never students. The team never won anything so no students gave a damn unless they were on the team.
This couldn’t be more different. Here the viewing area was on the second floor and it ran all the way around the pool so there was a packed crowd all around us cheering. It seemed that swimming was a big deal here. As I looked at those packed stands, as I listened to the cheers washing over me, I knew I’d made the right choice in colleges! I couldn’t believe all that love coming down from people. All that enthusiasm. It would seem impossible if I wasn’t watching it happen.
“You ready to do this?” Alyssa asked.
I turned and grinned at her. “You heard what coach said before the meet. He expects great things from us. I think it’s time for us to deliver!”
“You know it!”
We were the middle two racers in a four person freestyle relay. It wasn’t the butterfly which was our main event, but we wouldn’t be worth much to the college if we were one trick ponies. We were fast no matter what we swam.
Well, except maybe for the breast stroke. My body could never figure out the coordination to get that to work for some reason. Odd that butterfly, the one people said was most difficult, gave me no trouble while the supposedly much easier breast stroke always twisted me into knots.
I patted Alyssa on the back as we squatted down behind the starting block. As we moved down I thought I saw Alyssa wobble just a little. She took a moment then put her hand down and she was steady again.
I brushed it off even though I’d been looking for signs of trouble from her ever since that night at the foam pit. I knew something was wrong with her and I’d been searching for any sign popping up, but so far it had just been little things here and there that could be explained away.
Like maybe she just lost her balance squatting down on the wet tile. It made sense. She seemed to sense me looking at her and she smiled.
At least she’d been in a better mood since that night.
The first girl, her name was Lisa and she was nice enough, stepped up to the block when the official called her up. The entire room went silent. Even the people up top looking down on us. It still felt a bit odd having that many eyes on us, but I could get used to that sort of attention!
“Swimmers, take your mark,” the official said.
Again Alyssa seemed to wobble ever so slightly. It was just a slight tremor but she squeezed her eyes shut. Was she doing that because she was about to take a spill, or was she doing it because she did that before every race? This was the first meet of the year and I’d never seen her preparing for a relay race before. For all I knew this is how she did it. My eyes narrowed and I focused on her.
The beep of the starter brought me back to reality. The cheering started up immediately as the girls leapt off the blocks in a line and sliced into the water. I didn’t pay attention to any of that, though. My attention was entirely on Alyssa as she stood. I wanted to give her a kiss for good luck, but refrained. It wasn’t that I was worried about people finding out about us. I couldn’t care less about that. I figured it would be an unnecessary distraction that might irritate Coach, though, and I had a feeling we were still on his list even though he’d acted like all was forgiven from that day we were late to practice.
I was relieved as she stood. No sign of anything going wrong there. She seemed fine. I hoped she was fine. She got up on the block and I got ready to jump forward and catch her if it looked like there was any sign she’d go tumbling down.
There was hard tile in one direction and water in the other direction. Either way it wouldn’t be good if she fell her.
Only everything seemed fine. Alyssa snapped her swim cap one final time and turned to give me a thumbs up. Lisa was already on the back stretch coming towards us. She was pretty damn fast. At least half a length ahead of everyone else. I grinned and finally allowed myself to really get into the moment. It looked like we were going to win this without any trouble. Especially with me and Alyssa bringing up the middle!
“Go on Alyssa! You’ve got this!” I shouted, my voice adding to the echoing roar filling the natatorium.
Alyssa held her arms out in front of her superman style. She followed Lisa in as she approached the wall. She had to be in the middle of her jump by the time Lisa was almost on the wall, but her feet couldn’t leave the block until Lisa’s hand touched the wall. It was a delicate dance, but it was something we had down to a science after years of competitive swimming.
Her hands traced down until Lisa was almost to the wall. Only instead of pulling her hands back and then rocketing forward into the water Alyssa stayed poised on the edge of diving in for a moment. I paused in adjusting my goggles and looked up at her. Wondered what the heck was going on. She should be going now.
Lisa hit the wall. Then finally some movement from Alyssa. She moved forward, but it wasn’t in a dive. No, it was more like she was rolling forward. She smacked the water at an odd angle and didn’t come up right away. When she did she floated to the surface completely limp as though she’d lost consciousness and started to roll over.
I didn’t think. All the instincts from that lifeguarding class I had took over and I was in the water. Sure I didn’t have a float to keep both of us up, but she seemed to be out of it and besides I was a powerful swimmer. I wrapped my arms around her and scissor kicked to the side of the pool where I held onto her and made sure her head was above water.
A moment later more people were there at the side of the pool with a board.
“How did she hit the water?” the guard asked. “Any chance of a neck injury?”
“Water’s pretty deep here so I don’t think so,” I said. “Better safe than sorry though.”
The only sound in the pool now came from the splashing of swimmers who were still running their race. Everyone on the upper level had gone completely and utterly silent which made for an eerie setting as the lifeguards on duty put the board into the water. I guess everyone realized something was going on.
Then I heard something that chilled me almost as much as what was going on with Alyssa. Someone screaming “my baby!” up in the stands. That had to be her mom. The poor woman. I couldn’t stand her, but I also couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to be up there watching something terrible happen to your child and unable to do something.
I was able to do something though. One of the guards was kind enough to toss me a float and I helped them load Alyssa on, glad that I could fall back on the familiar drills that I never thought I would actually use, let alone use on someone I cared deeply for. Having that training and those motions to go through helped distract me from just how worried I was, at least.
We got her out of the water and the lifeguards, the ones who were paid to watch over the pool during a meet, took over from there. As though on cue some EMTs burst through the door. I was really worried. Alyssa had regained consciousness around this time the first time she passed out and fell over into that foam, but she wasn’t showing any sign of that now. At least she was breathing regularly. It didn’t look like she’d inhaled any water.
I stayed right beside her as they loaded her onto a gurney and pulled her out towards the parking lot. The entire time I heard screaming from the upper level, but I didn’t care. I was here with Alyssa and that was what mattered.
As we were rolling out towards an ambulance Alyssa finally seemed to regain some consciousness. She looked up at me and her eyes fluttered. She reached out to take my hand and I grabbed hers. I tried not to think about how weak her grip was. I tried not to worry. I need
ed to be strong for her.
“Um, miss?” one of the EMTs said.
I fixed him with a sharp look. There was something about his tone that I didn’t like at all. Something that said he was about to say something stupid that would piss me off when I was already in a delicate state. He looked young. Maybe still in college. Maybe he was one of those premeds who did the ambulance thing to get experience or something.
Either way, he was an obstacle.
“What?” I growled. “And before you open your mouth you’d better not be telling me I can’t get on the ambulance with her. She needs me.”
The EMTs looked at each other then back to me. The older one, a woman with silver hair that was cut short, shrugged then smiled and gave me a wink.
“I won’t say anything if you won’t,” she said.
I didn’t think there was a way for my smile to convey the full measure of gratitude I felt in that moment. So instead I smiled and nodded and climbed into the ambulance.
I felt a small pang of guilt that I was getting to ride in the ambulance while Alyssa’s mom was still in there worried about her daughter with no idea what was going on, but it was only a small pang. The important thing is that I was here with my girlfriend holding her hand. She’d slipped back into unconsciousness again and all we could do was sit in silence as the ambulance started up and carted us off to the hospital.
No, the guilt over her mom being left in there was nothing compared to the burning guilt I felt knowing that all my suspicions had been right and I should’ve said something much earlier. Damn it.
21: The Hospital
Alyssa:
Lisa was coming in for the finish. I held my hands out. Blinding light hit me along with a dizziness the likes of which I’d never felt before. The whole world seemed to float. Or was I floating?
The race. There was a race going on. I needed to be in the water. I wasn’t going to get disqualified again. I wasn’t going to repeat what happened at that stupid fucking state meet where I ruined everything. This stupid dizziness wasn’t going to control my life.