by Kamryn Hart
My jaw locked shut. I lost all fight as Koren moved back.
He was right.
“I’ll watch over Trace and your mother,” he repeated. “I’d do it whether you had asked me to or not. I’ve been watching over them. I’m trying to find a way to be with Trace without all the secrecy. Because I need it to be possible.”
If Caspian becomes king, it’d be possible.
“I hope you’re right,” I said.
Koren pressed his ear to the storage room door and then opened it a crack, checking the area before letting me out and bathing us in light. He was jittery. He was probably worried because we had gotten pretty loud for a moment there. I should have been worried too, but I was just tired.
“You should see your mother and Trace before you leave for whatever the hell you were talking about,” Koren said. “They miss you more than you seem to realize.”
I tried to ignore the needle pricking my heart. It was growing more painful by the second. “I’ll do that,” I said.
I couldn’t walk away fast enough.
CHAPTER 12
CASPIAN
I TOOK A BIG breath once outside of the double doors leading to the throne room, steeling myself for what was to come. I hesitated when my hands touched the stained wood. The guards stood to the sides, giving me a wider space when I didn’t immediately enter, so I pushed through. If I had been alone, I might have been stuck at the doors. In some cases, peer pressure was helpful.
The throne room opened up to me, and I froze on the long dark-blue carpet leading the way to the king. He was talking to some werewolves, his advisors. When the doors shut behind me and let out a low boom that reverberated for less than a few seconds but long enough to announce my presence, the king looked up at me. His eyes hardened.
“Leave us,” he said to his advisors with the flick of his wrist. He said it loud enough that I would hear the authority in his voice from clear across the room.
I walked slowly and with deliberate steps as the advisors rushed past me. The king sat back in his silver throne, arms resting on the armrests, back straight, jewel-encrusted silver crown on his proud head. He was immovable and symmetrical, an intimidating sculpture.
When I reached the foot of the throne, I knelt down on one knee. It was supposed to be a sign of respect, but for me, it felt more like giving into the weakness in my legs.
“What could you possibly want now, Caspian?”
“Permission to go to Howling Sky, my king.” My gaze was glued to his polished black boots. Silence engulfed me, but I still didn’t look up. I simply waited for a response.
At last, the king laughed. “You want to run away then?”
“No,” I said as I gritted my teeth. “To train without distraction. I have a powerful werewolf to beat on the next full moon after all.”
“Can you stomach it? You know the Alpha Challenge ends in death. Or have you forgotten that part? One of us will die. Did you think that through? I suspect you didn’t.”
I tried to bring my gaze higher, to look up from the fine leather of his boots to the expensive fabric of his breeches. My head bobbed up and then down. I settled for the silver bottom of his dark-blue robes.
I’ll win and find a way around killing you, I thought.
I cursed myself for being unable to say the words out loud. It was wishful thinking. It wouldn’t happen. I couldn’t make it work. I knew the Alpha Challenge would have to end in death.
“You’re not fit to rule a kingdom,” the king informed. “You knew your place before. Everything was as it should be until the Lost Princess riled you up. You should be guiding her Caspian, not giving in to her wild fantasies. Do you understand how much it pains me to know that I will have to put down one of my own sons?”
Rage flared up inside of me, and I lifted my chin. I stayed on one knee, but now I was looking the king in the eye. Defiant. “Am I truly your son? This is the first time you’ve said so in how long? Why say it now?”
I was mortified when I realized tears were burning my eyes. I held them back. I couldn’t let them fall, not in front of him. Not in front of anyone.
Weak. Weak. Weak. Weak.
“All I’ve ever wanted to do is please you!” I roared.
“A part of you,” the king said quietly. There was no fire in his words. He was all ice. That was all he ever was since that day. “The other part of you has been trying to usurp me since you were old enough to understand anything about the world around you. It all started with Aerre Tansim. Maybe I should have killed him back then.”
I tensed. I didn’t like how easily he gave the threat, without the barest hint of a menacing tone.
The king continued, “But Aerre did nothing deserving of such a fate. He sent you away over and over again. It was my own son bending the rules years before we became a kingdom of shields. I let it play out as a father hoping for the best. I saw your tenacity and that you would never stop. I did my best to focus that relentless drive of yours when you defended Aerre and his sister, when you came to me with what Zecke had done. It was unacceptable. I agreed with you. I’m furious to this day because I’m not against you, Caspian. I never have been. But some things can only be done—”
“In the shadows,” I finished.
“Consider withdrawing your challenge, my son. I would allow you to. I accepted your challenge wholeheartedly and with conviction because a king can’t look weak in front of his kingdom. Those who challenge me must die. But if you withdraw your challenge, formally renounce it in front of the kingdom, explain that you were wrong and have no intention of fighting me, I will let it go. I have no desire to hurt you or your squad. Things can go back to how they were.”
“What about Sorissa?” I asked. “What will you do to her if I withdraw my challenge?”
“She can’t be tied to the four of you in any way. It’s detrimental, unhelpful to everyone. You need to reject her. You and your team. That’s all it would take. This… claim was the result of only a few fleeting kisses after all.”
His mask was breaking. His eyebrows creased, deepening the shallow wrinkles that showed his age. He knew there was more to this claim. Sorissa’s kisses were powerful. I couldn’t resist her before, but now I felt the nearly uncontrollable need to bite her and claim her—especially after what she pulled on me last night. Phantom Fangs gravitated toward Sorissa as if we had been bitten, as if we were the wereas. It was unheard of. A claiming bite didn’t work like that, but the Moonlight Child didn’t play by the rules. She didn’t tear skin and make demands. She gave soft kisses and gently persuaded us. Except for when she didn’t. She could be plenty fierce.
“I’m not withdrawing my challenge, and I’m not giving up Sorissa,” I growled. I stood up, finding renewed strength in my legs. The king didn’t feel so large when I was eye level with him, thanks to the few elevated steps separating me from his throne. “She chose us. You said she gets to pick her mate. She’s picked four candidates. So, did you mean it?”
The king went rigid. “Of course I meant it. I’m not King George ve Paz of Paws Peak. But you know Phantom Fangs isn’t beneficial to her. You know you’re being selfish.”
“She is magnificent. You should try listening to her wild ideas. You might be surprised. She’s not just bringing change because she’s the Moonlight Child. It’s the way she was raised, her very own fiery personality. She’s not from this world at all. Have you noticed? If you got to know her, you would realize that as well. You’d also know she’s stubborn as hell and unlikely to change her mind.”
The king sneered. “She certainly has Phantom Fangs wrapped around her finger. Caspian, think about it. You’ve seen her power. Imagine the cubs she’d mother.”
“Why is it all about the new generation she’ll apparently bring about? What about now? What about her? What is she going to do with all that power inside of her?”
“She’s a werea,” the king said, his words clipped. “Wereas support their werewolf mates.”
I shouted, “What about Mom?! Did you love her, or was she only important to you because she came from ‘good breeding’? Was that why it took you so long to be mated? Because you were waiting for a good breeder? You should have had many more cubs than the one litter, than just me and my brothers. You should have had many more potential heirs to the throne. Oh, but that’s right. Older generations are stripped of their titles just like I was to make way for a new generation. How old do your most recent cubs have to be to have that honor? Full-grown? Because I was five when Mom died. You didn’t officially shut me out then, but that was when it started.”
“That’s enough,” the king growled.
“The Prime War has taken so much away from us. Wereas have always been uncommon, rare even, but Wolf Bridge has been hit especially hard, the vampires too. They were already struggling to keep their males safe just like we were with our wereas. That made the war more vicious because everyone saw an end in sight, total extinction of a species. That’s the reason why Glory Valley launched the Hellfire Strike and blew up most of the fucking world, isn’t it? I don’t even know how big the world used to be and no one dares to explore the badlands unless they have a death wish. They never come back because there’s nothing out there. There’s only this little patch of rainbow left in a world stripped of color.
“You wanted something different once. You wanted to unite Paws Peak peacefully after Howling Sky was blown to Hell. You left with Mom, fully prepared to sign a treaty Paws Peak agreed to. Then the carriage was attacked by vampires. Mom died. You never made it to Paws Peak. Paws Peak withdrew and left us on our own while Wolf Bridge drowned in grief.
“The list goes on and the fact remains: war never ends. Maybe that’s what the vampires finally realized, and maybe they want to challenge that statement like you did once. If enough of us want peace, maybe we can have a future.”
This time, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop the ache in my chest, the squeeze, the feeling of suffocating without ever reaching the blackout, without ever being able to fade away.
“I’m tired of all the killing,” I said. “I don’t want any more cases like Mom. I know you don’t either. I know that’s why you’ll force Paws Peak to submit and make King George suffer for his selfishness. You’ll never allow him to keep his position if you do get your hands on Paws Peak, if we assimilate them like you want. You won’t allow him to live either. And I don’t blame you.
“Crimson Caves, Paws Peak, they’re all our enemies. I hate them as much as you do. But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t sneak into kingdoms and kill another species’ last hope like Phantom Fangs did. I killed that vampyre for Mom. I thought it was justice. I thought it was right, but I have never seen anything more pathetic than that male vampire. I’ve tried over and over to forget about it, but I can’t. If I keep moving, it’s just a shadowy memory locked inside the back of my mind. It’s bearable, and that’s why I’m still moving, but if I give in and think about it, it fucking gives me nightmares. It’s only been two months, and most of the time I’m okay, but each time I kill, I feel like I lose myself a little more. I’m going to break one of these days. I can feel it.”
I was on the verge of hysterics. Gods, I kept all this shit locked inside so I wouldn’t snap, but I had gone too far now. I admitted all of it, and I just wanted it to stop.
The king roared, and moonlight engulfed him. His dominance brushed over me like a fierce wind, quieting the tremors consuming my body. It still took me a few shallow breaths before I was able to breathe normally again. He was calming me? I thought he might have been using his moonlight to rile me up, to break me for good, but no. This was the same comfort he had given me years ago when I was a child.
When my mother was alive.
“Never speak of this again,” the king said. His voice was somehow soothing even though it had a ragged quality as the moonlight receded. “Go to Howling Sky. Just go. If you come back for the Alpha Challenge, I will face you. If you run away, good riddance.”
“I’m taking everyone,” I stated. “Including Todd and the Lost Princess.”
“So be it.”
I pressed my right hand to my heart and bowed. I didn’t look up again as I turned to leave.
I walked fast and steady. I couldn’t get out of there soon enough, but I couldn’t rush. I was still walking too fast.
I slowed my pace and looked over my shoulder. For the first time, I saw how tired the king looked. He slumped back in his throne and rested his head in his hand. His eyes were closed. A tear beaded in his dark eyelashes before breaking free, rolling down his cheek, and disappearing into his black beard.
Some pain was ephemeral. Some pain was eternal.
CHAPTER 13
SORISSA
“THERE YOU GO,” I said with a smile as I handed a haggard old man a steaming bowl of soup. His hands shook, and he ducked his head. I thought about offering him some help, but he turned away from me in a hurry. That was the reaction I kept getting from everyone I served.
Trace and I were dishing up soup for all the humans who came to the Stad Barn. It was one of the largest barns in the Tech Off Zone and where many of the newcomers were staying for the time being. The animals were out in the fields enjoying the good weather, leaving ample room in the barns. I hadn’t known there was so much green, fields after fields of it, inside of the kingdom walls, but I had only been to densely populated areas before now.
I was lucky I eventually ran into Trace when I went to the Tech Off Zone to help because nobody wanted my help at first. I tried to talk to humans, but they were scared of me. When I tried to talk to the guards, they ignored me. I wondered if this was because of the king and the Alpha Challenge. They hadn’t ignored me before. Maybe “ignored” wasn’t the right word. Nobody seemed to know how they should act around me and did their best to pretend to be busy so they could avoid me.
I ended up wandering around, doing what I could to help without anybody directing me before I found Trace. Well, Trace found me. She wasn’t working in the castle today. She told me none of the humans were. The king’s order was for all of them to go to the Tech Off Zone and help the new arrivals along with the guards stationed in the Tech Off Zone. I was happy to help. Thankfully, Trace was happy to tell me what to do. While we did, in fact, work with the guards, I noticed I was the only werewolf getting my hands dirty—so to speak. Mostly, the guards stood there looking pretty while regulating things.
I stared at the haggard old man. He moved as quickly as he could without spilling his soup, eager to get away from me. I started to wonder if I was doing more harm than good. Others had dropped their soup in their haste to get away from me. It was such a waste. Perhaps I should have been used to this kind of alienation, but I wasn’t.
I sighed.
“You’re doing great,” Trace said.
“You’re just being nice,” I replied.
She was the only human—the only one—who would talk to me. The guards would talk now that I had planted myself somewhere, but they shut up again as soon as I let them.
Trace was warm and welcoming to everyone. I really did like her. I didn’t like how the guards kept eyeing her though, like she was breaking some dumb rule by talking to me. I thought she might crack under the pressure, but she didn’t pay them any attention. Maybe she had found her bravery. She needed to if she was going to make things work with Koren. I was proud of her.
If I got a say in anything, she and Koren would be together soon, in the light where everyone could see them. No more hiding.
Trace smiled at me. Then she got back to work, helping someone who came up to her and asked a question. The line was short, almost gone, as a child dashed up to me for his bowl of soup. I put on my best smile, hoping for a better reaction than I had been getting. Just like I dreaded would be the case, the little boy shrunk back when his mother grabbed his shoulder and shook her head at me after she realized I was the one serving them. When I filled up a b
owl with steaming soup and held it out to the boy, he wouldn’t take it from me.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
I had never had the chance to see children before—not in person. I might have glimpsed some since my time outside of the woods, but I hadn’t seen one up close and certainly hadn’t interacted with any. Maybe I was wrong in assuming this child was a young boy, but I based it off of his short haircut and clothes consisting of a shirt and pants; I was the only female around her who wore a shirt and pants. I didn’t know his age either. The top of his head reached his mother’s thigh. He was wide-eyed and distrusting, but decidedly adorable. I wanted to make him smile.
“This is delicious,” I told him. “Do you like beef?”
His mother fidgeted at his side. She either wanted to run or snatch the bowl and then run. I wasn’t ready to give up yet.
“Want to try it?” I asked.
This time, the little boy peeked up at me, but he wasn’t convinced. I held the bowl with one hand and plucked a piece of meat out of it with the other. Savory juices ran down my fingers as I popped the morsel into my mouth and chewed happily, making an exaggerated humming sound.
That got a laugh out of the boy. “You’re the Lost Princess,” he said. “Princesses don’t do that. You have broth on your fingers.”
This time when I handed him the bowl, he accepted it. I dished up a bowl for his mother as well. As soon as she had her food in hand, she hurried her boy along. At least her boy looked back at me and gave me a big grin. That felt like an accomplishment.
“You’re good with kids,” Trace said, smiling. “That was well done. Sorry I didn’t help.”
“It’s fine. You were helping someone else. And I’m perfectly capable of handling things.”
“More capable than almost anyone else I know.”
That made me laugh. I was very out of place anywhere outside of my woods, but it felt good to hear her say that.