by Vera Quinn
When I first left with B in the middle of the night I was just scared. I had my stash of money that both my mom and aunt pounded in my head to always have. I can almost hear the words now. “A woman always needs a little mad money stowed away just in case. You never want to be beholden to any man or stranger. I don’t care if it is five dollars keep it with you at all times.” I am so glad of that now. Mine was alot more than five dollars but it served its purpose until I could get on that plane to Tyler. Micah met me, and we flew back together, and Aunt Deb attained access to my inheritance by the time we arrived home. Aunt Deb gave me all the liquid assets the ranch had available and I hated taking it, but I wrote her a check out of my account for it. I didn’t have time to get to the bank and that would have set off all kinds of red flags for people looking for me and I know it is just a matter of time. Micah gave me all the cash she had also. One good thing about working on a horse ranch all my life is we have always kept a large amount of cash in the safe at home for emergencies. Something that Micah does also being on the rodeo circuit. That left me with a big nest egg. When we left from Bass Haven Horse Ranch it was to a bus stop in Mt. Pleasant and B and I rode a bus to Alabama where I met up with the man with some documentation, so B and I could disappear. We stayed in Alabama for a few days, so B could play and wind down some, but at the end of the third day we boarded another bus for Florida. I have never been so glad to be off a bus. As soon as our feet were on the ground I caught a taxi to a quiet hotel. B and I both needed a couple of days of sleep and relaxation without having to worry. The next thing on my agenda was a disposable phone and buying a car. Our time in Florida was a whirlwind. After two days in the nicer hotel and familiarizing myself with the area I found a more economical place to stay. The car I bought was a compact, but I made sure it was a higher rated one on safety recommendations and it was five years old, but the mileage was low on it and the mechanic I took it to said it was in decent shape. I had the regular maintenance done on it and bought new tires. After two weeks, I made the phone calls to Aunt Deb and Micah. I missed them terribly and they tried getting me to come home again but I wasn’t ready. I felt guilty, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around putting my daughter in danger of being around her dad. His Dad and Gram had both been murdered. I am not being two-faced about it. I wasn’t letting, B, be around Callie and her family either. Callie’s good friend, Sarah, had been killed because of her association with the Feral Steel MC. My mom wouldn’t let Micah and I be raised around the violence and I don’t want B around it.
I think about my mom and I wonder what she would think about the coward I have become. Mom was one of the strongest women I have ever known. She and Aunt Deb. They took life by the horns and owned it. Micah is the same way. I am trying to be that way. Elizabeth Sylvia Bass, my mom, was a woman to be reckoned with when she didn’t get what she wanted. She and Aunt Deb ran the ranch with help from Micah and myself. Mom had a life before us, she said it was like she was two different people. Diamondback, my dad, was mom’s weakness but once she found out she was pregnant with Micah and myself she left him behind. She left her party girl ways with all the bikers behind her. Diamondback called mom Liz and mom said when she was with him and the Rebellions 4 Blood MC she was just Liz. Not a small-town girl who had been contained by her parents. Mom said all she cared about was the next party, the next high, and the next biker. Mom had slowed down a bit by the time she got pregnant with us and it had just been her and Diamondback. A pregnancy test later and she left the MC and came back to being Sylvie. That is what her family had always called her. Aunt Deb said Elizabeth and Sylvia both sounded like an older woman’s name and she started calling mom Sylvie when they were young, and it stuck. That’s how Mom described to us the two different people she was in her life. The young impetuous party girl and then the responsible capable woman that we knew. She owned the decisions she made and apologized for nothing. Aunt Deb was almost the same way except there was a part of her life that was never mentioned. All Micah and I ever heard was Aunt Deb had been married when Mom returned to the ranch pregnant. Aunt Deb married straight out of high school to her high school sweetheart. I can’t tell you his name because the only way Aunt Deb ever referred to him is by the asshole who will remain nameless. The nameless man tried taking over the horse ranch Mom and Aunt Deb inherited from my grandfather and until Mom returned to the ranch that was fine, but the man never wanted to let my Mom return. He wanted Aunt Deb to take my mom to court and sue her for her half of the ranch saying Mom abandoned it to become a party girl. The thing is my Aunt Deb and my mom had agreed that Mom was leaving. Mom and Aunt Deb were best friends along with being sisters and they discussed everything. Mom had always been a free spirit that was smothered by her parents’ control. Not that my grandparents abused my mom and aunt, but their leashes were very short. Mom wanted to experience something different in the world besides the ranch. I think Mom and Micah are alike in that way. I’m more like Aunt Deb and satisfied with what I know and love. The man gave Aunt Deb the ultimatum either him or my mom and Aunt Deb picked Mom and gave the man a divorce. Aunt Deb said he cheated on her anyway so good riddance to bad rubbish. Family first, always. That’s what keeps me putting distance between Dra and us or Dra and B. Dra has made it abundantly clear to me that he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I am good with that.
After B and I left Florida we went up the east coast and landed in New York where we stayed a couple of months, but it was just too busy there and I could never find a job and it was just too expensive to live. I traded my used compact for a new SUV with a four-wheel drive and we made our way to Salt Lake City, Utah. We spent the rest of our time there. I loved the scenery and the small town living but the first cold spell and I knew it wasn’t for me. I was born and raised in NE Texas and I could not adjust to the weather change. I could have stopped anywhere along the way from Utah for more than one night, but I decided it was time to travel back to Texas. I stayed far away from Colorado. I took the long way to Texas going through California and all the southwestern states. I don’t know if I was taking up time or I wanted to see what was out there, but it became tiring. The traveling with a toddler, eating fast food, staying in out of the way motels, and always looking over my shoulder. Holding my breath every time I heard a motorcycle. The guilt is eating away at me more each day that I am keeping B away from Dra and away from her extended family. That’s what helped me make the decision to come back to Texas. I’m going to stop running and hiding. I have spoken to an attorney at a firm in Dallas and it is time to stand my ground and fight for my daughter’s safety. It is time for me to be the woman I was raised to be. I just need a few months to establish a place to live and get on my feet and then I will call Dra and let him see B. I know I have been selfish keeping B away from Dra, but I didn’t think he wanted any children. It’s what he had always said. I know, I can’t keep a straight thought in my head with all these conflicting emotions. I don’t want to think I was being vindictive. No, I know I wasn’t. I just can’t imagine putting B in any kind of danger since the first time I heard her heart beat she has been my focus. The first time I felt the flutters from her kicking I cried for the miracle inside me. I was determined to give B only the best of life, and now, I am just not sure I have done that. I know riding in the back of a vehicle going from one side of the country to the other is not right for a toddler and I need to establish a solid foundation for B to grow in.
I see the Dallas city limit sign and I feel like crying. I am so relieved. I have missed home and I know this is not exactly home, but it is familiar. I want to see Micah and Aunt Deb, but right now it is too risky. I want to see Callie and my niece and nephews. I want to make things right with her. I hate having a misunderstanding between us. Callie would never judge me, but I know she disapproved of my decisions. I hate the feeling of disappointing anyone. Micah has always said that I am the goody two shoes that always worries about what people will say and think. She’s right on both. I have
always been the peace keeper in our family and I have always tried to do the right thing but this time I am doing the right thing to protect B, but other people are getting hurt in the process. B is being hurt in the process by not having a relationship with her dad. I look in my rearview mirror and B is sound asleep. She looks so much like her dad, it’s no wonder that Dra knew just by looking at her that he was her father. B’s features are like her dad’s and they share the same color of eyes, gray eyes that seem like they can see into your soul. It’s funny how B’s eyes soothe me, but Dra’s eyes haunt me. I see the Hilton ahead and I am hoping my luck holds out and I can get a few hours of sleep before B wakes up and is ready for breakfast. I found out early on it was easier traveling at night while she sleeps but I feel it all the next day when she has all her energy and all I want to do is sleep. It’s alright, I’ll live with a few hours less of sleep because the reward of B’s smile is so worth it. Today I will take her to the park and let her run some of her energy out and tomorrow find us a place to live. Tomorrow I go back to being Maddie Bass. I just hope after all this, I remember who she is or who I should be. I’ve lost myself along the way.
I pull into the drive and find a parking spot close to the front entrance. I park my SUV and reach across the front seat and unlock the glove box and take my 9mm out and take the clip out of it. I grab my back pack in the front floor board and put it inside. I look in my mirror and I see hollow eyes looking back at me. The bags under my eyes are puffy and my face doesn’t even look the same as it did just a year ago. My eyes no longer hold the look of innocence in them, they have the look of a haunted woman. Haunted by regrets and what ifs. My face is slim as is the rest of my body. I’ve lost all the curves I gained after being pregnant. I’m all boobs. I don’t even have any junk in my trunk to go with the boobs. After some home cooked meals, I know my butt will come back. My backside and I have been in a battle since I have known what catches a man’s eye. Micah laughs at me and says she wishes she had my butt. She is always telling me men don’t want flat, they want luscious. I don’t agree. My dishwater blonde hair has lost its shine and my blue eyes don’t have laughter in them anymore. I guess I grew up during our long trip. My clothes hang on me. I hate to shop so I have just started wearing sweats, yoga pants, and leggings depending on the weather with a big t-shirt or hoodie and my old chucks. B on the other hand is growing by leaps and bounds. She has the cutest chubby cheeks and when we go to a store I spend all my time finding her the cutest little outfits. I remember when I used to love shopping like that for myself. Micah always told me that I never met a department store I did not want to conquer with my credit card. Those days are gone. Now, I am in and out. Life of a single mom and that thought takes me to where I am now. Too many thoughts in my head. I get out of my SUV and open the back door and grab B’s bag. I take my keys and wallet out of my bag and put them in the side of B’s bag and look around at my surroundings. It has plenty of lighting and no one is around. I see the security cameras and that makes me feel relatively safe. I get B out and shut the door. B lays her head on my shoulder but stays asleep. I beeped my doors locked and walk into the front doors and up to the guest check in counter. I give them my fake driver’s license and my prepaid credit card. Fifteen minutes later and B and I are in our room with the door securely locked. I would love a hot shower and if B will just not wake up then that is on my to do list. I would love a nice long hot soak in the tub, but I am afraid B will wake up if I don’t get in bed with her. I already have B in her jammies, so I tuck her under the covers. I am sure to fill her cup up with water and put it beside the bed on the nightstand. I grab my pajamas from my bag and take a quick shower. I don’t even take the time to blow dry my hair before I am climbing in the bed next to B and kissing her on the head and that is the last thing I remember before I am drifting off to sleep.
Chapter 4
Dra
I wake up and feel Sunshine curled up to my back. I don’t know why this woman doesn’t get the message that we are over. I don’t want to be an asshole to her. Sunshine has been good to me in her own way. To tell the truth, I only let this thing between us happen because I had a weak night. A night of conflict and pain that Sunshine’s touch took away. For a little while anyway. To tell the truth I have been lost for a while now. I was, or maybe still am, in love with Callie and the hell of it is, I had her but the loyalty to the Troubled Fathoms MC took her away from me. Then there is her sister Maddie. So young and so sweet. I took her innocence away because she is so much like Callie that it was like having a piece of Callie with me. I am a twisted damned to hell soul. She haunts my dreams. When I am asleep and awake and now this.
The minute I saw Betsy, I knew she was my daughter. No, I felt it. It hit me center point in my chest. Devil thinks I reacted in a bad way, but I think I held my shit together damn good. I should have stayed and taken care of things then and there, instead I listened to everyone and got Sunshine out of there. I don’t know what I was doing taking Sunshine to meet Callie. I know it was petty. I wanted Callie to see I had moved on and had no intention of going after Maddie. I still don’t know if I believe what Callie and Devil said about Callie thinking I knew about Betsy. Maddie never struck me as the type of person to lie or to be so devious. It goes to show how much we didn’t know each other.
Maddie has been on the run for over nine months now. I have called in favor after favor trying to get eyes on her and Betsy. I have hired private detectives and there is nothing. Every time she is in our grasp she takes off again before we get there. It’s been months since we have heard anything. The last lead was in New York and no one knows why she would be there. She has no ties there and she was using an alias and when she left New York the alias disappeared. I have someone watching her Aunt Deb’s and Micah’s bank accounts and there is nothing unaccounted for. I don’t think Callie would help Maddie financially because of the paper trail and if I put a trace on the Feral Steel MC accounts then Oz or Tito will find it. The Troubled Fathoms MC cannot afford to cut ties with the Feral Steel MC but if we don’t get a lead soon on Betsy I may be forced to approach Krill about it. I know my brother will back me on this. He was ready to go to war when he found out about Betsy. He’s as obsessed with finding her as I am. We both lost our Dad and Grams in an explosion from a dispute over land and we both value family. Hell, the whole Troubled Fathoms MC felt our loss and they want Betsy here where she belongs, with her family. It will happen, and as soon as I find Maddie, I will put my plan into motion. I have contacted an attorney and I know I am in for a long fight but anything worth having is worth a hard fight and my daughter is worth it all. I will be bringing her home and she will be staying.
“You ready for another round this morning? You were insatiable last night. I told you we could be good together if you would just chill out about this Maddie thing. Just because she has your kid doesn’t mean we can’t be together. I’ll be a good mom to your kid. We can hire one of those nannies. I have some friends who can help out until then,” Sunshine says in a sleepy voice. I knew last night would come back and bite me in the ass. Sunshine and I had been apart for the last two months but last night I hit the bottle and she was available and willing.
“Not happening. Last night changed nothing. You are not moving back into my room and we are not together. Last night was nice, but all it was is sex. You got yours and I got mine and today we go our separate ways.” I know I need to be straight with Sunshine and if I ever want Betsy here with me then this needs to stop. No more club girls for now.
“You don’t mean that. You know how good we are together Dra. I’m still your ol’ lady. I have been giving you time and space to miss me. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stand seeing you with the other women here at the club. We can make a family. Just give us a chance,” Sunshine whines. “I still have the cut you gave me, so we are still official.”
“No, we aren’t anything and I have made this very clear. I want the cut back, but you conveniently never have
it with you. If you mean trying to get Krill and the rest of my brothers to fuck you is giving me space, then you have never understood what this club is about. If I had not already made it very clear that we were over then none of my brothers would have given you any attention.” I look at Sunshine and I see what I am saying is not getting through. “When I find Maddie and Betsy then I am bringing them back to Colorado and that leaves no room for you in my life. What we had was good while it lasted but it has run its course. I never promised you forever.” I can see the pissed off look in her eyes. I won’t make this situation something that it isn’t. I also am not lying to her and giving her false hopes.
“Maddie does not have what it takes to be an ol’ lady. That meek little girl cannot give you what I can. You know it, she knows it and I know it. I know exactly how to satisfy you Dra. If Maddie had been what you wanted and needed you would have made her yours already.” Sunshine is pushing her tits up and trying to look sexy, but today it is not working. “Set me up in an apartment and you can come and see me when you need me. I’m not selfish, I’ll share. Your daughter needs you. I will be there when you need me. You can have Maddie and your kid living somewhere else. I know you are not going to separate your daughter from her mom. I understand you need to set them up close.” I know I should nip this in the bud right now. This is only going to be trouble, but Sunshine is right, I don’t know when I will find Maddie. Maybe I’ll keep Sunshine around until I can get Maddie back here. There’s no need in denying myself what I need. Maddie is the one that is in the wrong here.