by Vera Quinn
“I am not in love with Dra, infatuation tends to fade after raising our daughter alone and Dra was ashamed of the time we spent together. I guess history has a way of repeating itself.” Do I love Dra? That is something I won’t even admit to myself. At one time, I could think of nothing else but being with Dra but now it seems like a distant dream.
“Maddie, you can deny to me that you love Dra but don’t deny it to yourself. You are a Bass and we do not run from our problems. We face our problems head on and kick them in the ass. Now that being said, I understand you had to take the time and assess the situation and come up with a game plan and you have done that, so I am hoping that means very soon B will be coming back to her room at home and she will be growing up on the ranch just like you and her Aunt Micah and just like your mom and I did. If it’s not broken, then don’t fix it and we have seemed to have survived just fine.” Aunt Deb is right, and home is exactly where I want to be with B.
“I agree, and I am working on it. Any more words of wisdom or have you used them all?” I laugh.
“I am going to tell you one more thing that your Grandma Bass used to tell your mom and me. Love is like the seasons of the year. Spring is the fresh new beginning where all things are just blossoming, and friendships turn to more. With summer comes the heat and the fun times. What woman doesn’t like some sizzle in her life? Then comes autumn and fall. The sizzle cools off, but the different layers of your relationship are like the assorted colors of the leaves. Just beautiful and the temperature of your relationship is something that is manageable. Then damn winter comes. Yes, the snow can be beautiful, but the slush afterwards is a big mess and let’s face it, in the coldness of the winter things die.” Aunt Deb takes my hand and squeezes it and I look at her again and she finishes. “This is where you are right now, and you know Dra may not be there with you, but you need to make up your mind.” I don’t get what Aunt Deb is getting at. “You need to decide if you are going to let the frost kill what you feel for Dra or if you are going to hang on for the spring to get here and let it blossom again. I know you could get hurt again but if there is any way for you to have even a friendship with Dra, is it worth it, or is it just too dangerous for B? You just need to decide and stick with it. I don’t want you to have any doubts. This will contain the hurt or at least try to.”
“Aunt Deb, the decisions were made for me. Dra made them all. I don’t even know why he was outraged when he found out about B. Dra told me he did not want children and he also told me we should have never happened.” Aunt Deb is shaking her head.
“Maddie, Dra told you he didn’t want children as in a thought of the future and not in a here and now. Some people think they don’t want children until it happens. Your sister Micah has said many times she doesn’t want children, but you and I both know, that is not how she feels, and one day Micah will be a good mom.” I agree with some of what Aunt Deb is saying.
“Are you saying that it was wrong of me to run with B?” I know I have had my doubts but hearing someone else say it makes me feel a burn in my chest. It feels a lot like guilt.
“All I am saying is I think you may need to reconsider now, instead of later. I know you, Maddie, and you have a soft heart and once Dra confronts you I don’t think you will stand your ground with him and if you are going to give in I think it is better to do it now instead of dragging it through the courts. I also want you to know no matter what your decision is I will stand beside you and support you. I love you and B, and I am always here.” I think about Aunt Deb’s words. Will I cave? Am I doing what is right? My mind is muddled with so much to think about and I am exhausted.
“I am still worried about the danger. I am so worried about my baby girl being put in danger. The lockdowns and fighting. Is it really a life I should give to B?” This is always my concern.
“Now that B is known to be Dra’s daughter hasn’t that ship sailed? Anyone that wants to get to Dra, that would use his daughter against him, will know they can still use her even if Dra isn’t in B’s life. I have brought it all to your attention so now it is up to you. All I am saying is decide and stick to it, so B is not caught in the middle. I think I have given you enough to think about today so let’s go rescue Micah. She looks like B has worn her out.” I look at my sister and my daughter. They are in the sandbox and B is putting sand all over Micah’s jean covered legs. It is a funny sight considering Micah hates sand anywhere on her. Aunt Deb and I walk towards the two and when B sees me she comes running. I bend down and she runs into my arms. I put B in her normal spot on my hip and she looks around me at Aunt Deb. I think B warmed up to Micah faster than Aunt Deb because my twin’s and my looks are so similar. Micah and I are not identical twins. We have our similarities that stand out like our hair color and eyes but there are some differences too. I think our personalities have the most differences, but Micah is a little taller and her legs put mine to shame. She’s always been the athletic one and I have been the book nerd. Neither one of us is very tall but she has me beat by an inch at five feet four inches. We are both taller than Callie and Aunt Deb. B is playing shy but when Aunt Deb puts her hands out to her B jumps at the chance to play. It is time for us to get back home and I see the signs of B needing some down time. I whisper in B’s ear and she smiles at me and then lays her head down on my shoulder.
“I need to get B home for bath time before dinner time or she will be a total terror to get to sleep tonight. She loves her bubbles to wind down,” I tell Aunt Deb. Micah has walked up on the other side of me.
“Do not lie on that little angel. There is no way she could be a little terror.” Aunt Deb plays with B’s hand as she is saying it with a smile.
“Tell me that after you watch her for me and she is hyped up on sugar. Not a pretty picture. I asked B if she was ready for our movie time.” Aunt Deb and Micah both wait for me to explain.
“Is that a mom code for something because I don’t get it,” Micah says.
“Every evening when it is time for bed we turn a movie on and rest our eyes together,” I answer Micah.
“I can’t believe you use the same thing on B that Mom used on us. Just rest your eyes for five minutes and then we can play, was Mom’s thing. That’s so not fair.” Micah is laughing as she says it. We both love to talk about our childhood when Mom was still alive.
“I thought the same way until my little princess turns into a little monster when she is too tired to go to sleep at night because she is overtired. The movie helps her wind down. I can’t wait until you are a mom and are left to deal with a toddler. You’ll see.” I am half laughing but I am serious. I have been dreading this minute since we met this afternoon, but I know it is time to say our goodbyes. I wish we were going back to the ranch with my aunt and sister. I know that is not happening so no reason to prolong this anymore. It’ll happen. I just need to be patient. I look down to my daughter. “B, tell Aunt Deb and Aunt Micah bye for now. We need to get home,” I tell my very tired daughter. B doesn’t say anything she just gives them a short wave of her hand. Aunt Deb and Micah both step up and kiss her cheek one at a time and hug me.
“As soon as that damn lawyer calls, get me on the phone, so I can haul my ass up here to move you both home,” Micah tells me. I give her one of my looks.
“Micah, I swear your children will have the worst potty mouths. Please, watch what you say in front of B, so she doesn’t start with the swear words.” Micah is not fazed at all.
“Afraid your princess is going to tell someone to kiss her ass?” Micah laughs.
“Enough Micah. Not all people want their children to have a trash mouth, like you missy. Clean it up and respect what your sister is trying to do with her daughter.” Aunt Deb is speaking in the voice that both Micah and I both means do not back talk. It’s one of those motherly voices only she and mom had. It has left me silent many times growing up. Micah just rolls her eyes.
“You two are no fun at all. I am supposed to be the fun aunt,” Micah whines. “Later
sister. I am taking my potty mouth to get me an iced tea somewhere.” Micah turns and walks away. This time Aunt Deb rolls her eyes.
“Drama queen,” Aunt Deb says to Micah. Micah keeps walking. Aunt Deb looks back to me. “Call when you can. Take care of B and yourself. Love you both.” Aunt Deb kisses B’s cheek again. B is already getting still so I know she will be asleep as soon as she is buckled in her car seat.
“Be careful on the way home and I will call as soon as I get an update. Love you,” I tell Aunt Deb and I feel the tears in my eyes. I hate saying goodbye. I miss home and my family is home. Aunt Deb turns and walks away. I know it is time to get back to the boarding house. I turn and start to walk back through the park. I make it to my SUV and I hear tires squeal and I don’t think much of it, we are in a big city. I get my keys out of my back pocket and click the locks and that is the last thing I remember before things go black.
Chapter 8
Dra
I am sitting in the clubhouse talking with some of the brothers and shooting the shit just wasting time. Time until I can get on the road. The next few days are going to be difficult, but this run needs to be done. Sunshine is sitting on my lap and trying to get my attention away from what Raven is telling me. I admit my mind is not on the conversation, but it is also not on taking Sunshine to my room. It’s been the same argument with her the last couple of days. I’ve finally had enough and look at Sunshine. I am anxiously waiting on the word to hit the road and I think taking the edge off would help with all this anxiety. I am going out of my mind with worry and doubting everything I have put in motion. I don’t know what I am doing lately. “Could you quit grinding on me and hit your damn knees and do what you do best?” That makes Sunshine smile. She’s trying her best to hold my attention and she just got her way handed to her. It’s not what she was wanting but we both know she isn’t going to say no. Sunshine likes an audience. I see the look Raven is giving me. He knows this is not me but what he doesn’t know is I am not the same person I once was. Him and everyone around here better get used to the man that I am because the pushover I used to be is not coming back.
“My pleasure handsome.” Sunshine is smiling like I am her favorite flavor of ice cream and she is a starving woman. She stands up and I push my chair back and she bends down on her knees and goes for my belt. I smile at her and push her hand away and undo my belt and jeans and take my cock out. I stroke it slowly from root to tip. It’s not hard yet but he is getting there. I look at Sunshine and she is licking her lips. She positions herself between my legs and pulls her tank top off and puts it under her knees. Sunshine is braless, and her nipples are hard, and she smiles up at me. She takes my cock in her hand and starts to stroke it. She bends closer to me and takes my cock in her mouth and twirls her tongue around the head. She is licking under the head and my patience is running out. Sunshine knows what I like, and she is just playing with me right now.
“Quit your damn playing and suck my damn cock or I’ll get someone who will.” I know I am being an ass but right now I just want a release. Something to take my mind off the shit going on in my life. Something to stop the pain of not knowing my daughter. Whistler and Time are standing at the bar and both turn and watch Sunshine as she deep throats my cock. This is not something that usually goes on in the Troubled Fathoms MC clubhouse in the middle of the afternoon. There are times that our parties can be a free for all but a week day in the middle of the afternoon this place is usually quiet, so everyone is a bit shocked just like they are shocked that I am participating. This is not something I have done since I was a damn teenager if even then.
“Well isn’t that just like a damn biker. I thought you told me that you wanted Maddie and B here with you. You look it Dra.” I don’t know where Micah came from, but she is standing there with Sarge on one side of her and Krill on the other. I push Sunshine away from me and stand up and put myself back inside my jeans. I see the disappointed and disgusted look in Micah’s eyes. Krill has the same look in his eyes and I have no idea why. He’s not my damn parent. Hell, he’s my younger brother. Sarge has a smirk on his face.
“I knew you never deserved Callie and you don’t deserve Maddie,” Sarge says. I don’t give a damn what his opinion is of me. He’s a cold-blooded killer. Who is he to judge me?
“Says the man that broke Callie’s heart to begin with and is fucking her other younger sister now. What the hell do you want here?” Krill hasn’t said anything yet. I know he is biding his time. I say enough for both of us.
“Calm down Dra, they are here about Maddie and B. Hear them out and then they are leaving,” Krill explains.
“My sister is missing. Do you know anything about that Dra?” Micah yells at me. That is not what I was expecting for Micah to say.
“Hasn’t Maddie been missing for months now, or are you hiding something Micah? Have you known where Maddie had my daughter and been hiding it from me?” I see that Micah has figured out her mistake.
“I came to find out what you know. Maddie should have contacted me or Aunt Deb by now. Don’t mess with me about my sister Dra or I will end you. Do you know where Maddie and B are? Have you done something in the last week?” I see that Micah is genuinely worried but the hard feelings I have for this entire family are not going away from a few worried looks.
“I’ll share mine if you share yours.” I give Micah an evil grin. I know I am being an asshole. Micah cocks her head to the side and looks at me. I know she is trying to get in my head. She won’t see anything. I don’t feel any guilt for anything I have done. Sunshine walks up beside me and puts her hand on my arm. I know Sunshine’s game. She wants Micah to think that she still has me. I hope that is what Micah thinks.
“What is your end game Dra?” Sarge asks me. I don’t like Sarge. Never have so I just stare at him without answering. “Don’t you have anything to say Dra? I mean do you want joint or shared custody? Maddie is not going to live in Colorado. You must have thought of that. Are you going to meet Maddie halfway two weekends a month and two weeks in the summer? How do you see this ending?” I glare at the asshole.
“What makes you think that I won’t get custody and maybe it’ll be Maddie that is making the trips? I have been denied from my daughter’s life for two years,” I say because I just can’t keep my mouth shut any longer.
“So, your big plan is to take B away from Maddie and let this whore raise her? That is not happening Dra. I will send you and this skank to hell first! Do you hear and understand me, Dra? I am not threatening you, I am telling you the God’s truth! Do Not Test Me!” Micah steps towards me but Sarge grabs her arm and pulls her back to him. Krill moves between Micah and me.
“Micah, you need to leave so you can calm down.” Krill looks at the man standing beside Micah. “Sarge, get her out of here before things are said that can’t be taken back,” Krill says in steady quiet voice. His eyes come back to Micah. Am I missing something here? Does Krill have feelings for Micah? No. Micah hasn’t had much contact with any of us.
“Krill, I am going out of my mind with worry over Maddie and B. Please if you hear anything at all give me a call. I am going back to Texas and meet with a private detective I am hiring.” Krill steps up to Micah and cups her face with his hand. I watch closely. Micah doesn’t step back or even flinch. I hear a growl come from Sarge. Krill never takes his eyes off Micah and Micah keeps her eyes on Krill. I am missing something here.
“If I hear from Maddie you will be the first one I call. You have my word,” Krill says to Micah. Micah reaches up and takes Krill’s hand and kisses it. What the hell? Sarge’s hand goes to Micah’s shoulder and he pulls her back to him.
“Time to go Micah,” Sarge says with a gruff voice. I don’t miss the hostility in it. Sarge takes Micah’s hand and leads Micah back out the door. Micah doesn’t say anything more. I know Micah is worried. Krill’s eyes follow the two.
“What the hell just happened here?” I ask Krill. His eyes come to me. “Tell me you are not involved
with Micah. She is not good for you Krill.” Krill hardens his look at me.
“My office, now!” Krill doesn’t raise his voice, but his voice is sharp and to the point. I get up and follow Krill into his office. “Lock the door.” Krill sits in the chair behind his desk. The desk that has been here since Pop first set up this office. I lock the door and then go on the other side of the desk and sit in a chair and wait to hear what my brother has to say. He just stares at me, so I decide to speak first.
“I am going to need a week off starting as soon as we leave this room. I’m not going to answer any questions about the issue either. It’s personal and I need the time.” I know this is not going to go over very well. Krill has no reaction. He just stares at me.
“Where is my brother that had such a good head on his shoulders because I am telling you, the last few years you have gone to shit?” Krill is not showing any emotion as he says it. I lean forward in my chair barely able to hold my anger in.
“I lost the woman that made my life worth living. When that explosion took Gram and Dad, it also took away the woman that I love. My life has been turned upside down and I am doing the best that I can,” I tell Krill. How can he even question me about this?
“I am tired of your damn pity party brother. Man the hell up and quit being a whining little bitch.” I stand from the chair and lean across the desk and glare up in Krill’s face.
“What did you just say to me?” I wait for Krill to take it back, but Krill doesn’t miss a beat.