by Ivy Adams
Guilt slammed into her all over again. She was lying to Sebastian and he was buying her presents? Could she get any lower? “You didn’t have to do that,” she finally stammered, tucking her hands in her lap, so she wouldn’t be tempted to reach for the gift. He always gave her the most amazing things.
“Take it, Piper. You know you want to.” He reached for her hand, rubbed a thumb over it. “Besides, I made it for you and I want to know what you think.”
Excitement thrummed through her. Sebastian had made something, had taken the time out of his overloaded schedule to create something just for her. Guilt or no guilt, she had to know what it was.
Expecting a sculpture, she opened the bag and pulled out a small journal. Shooting him a questioning look, she flipped it open and realized it was a photo album, not a notebook. On the inside cover, in Sebastian’s artist’s scrawl were the words, For the girl who showed me a Paris I’ve never seen before …
Her hands shook a little as she turned the page and saw a beautiful black-and-white nighttime photo of the Louvre courtyard, the beautiful glass pyramid taking up most of the background. The angle on it would have put the photographer right where they’d been standing the first time Sebastian had kissed her.
The next photo was of the park where they liked to walk, followed by one of the catacombs and another of the steps at the Sorbonne, where they’d picnicked a couple of weeks before. On and on she flipped, through pictures of the Champs-Elysées, the Place de la Bastille, the Cathedral of Notre Dame. Beautiful, stark photos of all the places they’d visited and loved.
She had tears in her eyes even before she flipped to the last photo. It was the only picture in the album that was in color, and it was of her. Is this how Sebastian sees me? she wondered as she stared, in awe, at the picture. Was this what he meant when he told her she was beautiful? Looking at this picture of herself, wearing a long, flowy dress in shades of purple with the scarf Sebastian had bought her wrapped around her shoulders, Piper could finally see what he was talking about.
This girl with the big sunglasses and blue-streaked hair was beautiful. Confident. Happy. Strong. And in love, so in love as she grinned at the guy behind the camera. As she grinned at Sebastian. She’d always worn her feelings on her sleeve, but it still felt strange to sit here and see, in a photo, just how crazy she was about him.
“You haven’t said anything,” Sebastian said, sipping his wine. “Do you like it?”
“I love it. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” As Piper said the words, the guilt welled up in her again, and this time it was so strong, so overwhelming, that she knew she wouldn’t be able to swallow it any longer. She rushed on before Sebastian could answer her, before he could say anything at all.
“I have something for you, too.” She reached into her bag and pulled out the suncatcher she had made him. “But before I give it to you, I have to tell you something.”
She took a deep breath for courage and then blurted out the confession that had been haunting her for what felt like forever. “I kissed another guy. Two weeks ago, when I went out clubbing with some of the girls from school. I don’t know what happened. I was having a good time and then suddenly this guy I’d been dancing with just grabs me and kisses me. I shoved him away.”
The words were pouring out of her mouth, tumbling over each other in her haste to confess her duplicity. “But not right away. I let him kiss me for a few seconds first. I’m sorry. I swear, I’m so sorry. It didn’t mean anything and I’ve felt awful ever since. I promise it won’t ever, ever, ever happen again.”
“Whoa, Piper, breathe,” Sebastian said, reaching across the table and taking her hand in his.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, Sebastian. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine. Really. No big deal,” he said with an easy smile.
Relief coursed through her at his calm acceptance, his … “Hey, why are you being so understanding?” If Sebastian had kissed another girl, she’d want to claw his eyes out.
One eyebrow went up in the expression she loved so much. “You don’t want me to be understanding?”
“Of course I do. I just thought, I don’t know. That you’d be mad before you got to the understanding part.”
“Why? I thought that’s what you came to Paris to do. The International Kissing Club and all that.”
At his words, her stomach did a little flip, and not the good kind. “But that … that was before. I mean—I wasn’t trying to rack up points or anything, like when I first got here. I wouldn’t do that to you.” She ran a hand down his face. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“I know that. And don’t worry, Piper, you didn’t.”
“Are you sure?” she asked doubtfully.
“Absolutely,” he answered with a reassuring grin. “It’s not like we’re really serious, right? I mean, we’ve had a lot of fun together these last weeks, but we both knew it wasn’t going to last. You go back to America in a few days and—”
Piper knew he said more. She could see his lips moving, hear the low rumble of his voice. But she couldn’t make out any of the words over the roaring in her ears. Not going to last? Wasn’t serious? What did he mean? How could he say that, how could he even think it, when she would do anything for him?
“I love you, Sebastian.” The words came out fast as she cut him off midsentence. “I love you.” She paused, waited for him to say it back, to tell her everything he’d been talking about didn’t mean anything because he loved her, too.
Only he didn’t say the words back, didn’t say anything at all as he stared at her, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. And that’s when she knew. She’d made a terrible mistake.
He didn’t love her.
He didn’t want to be with her.
He didn’t want anything but to have fun.
She grabbed his wineglass and drained it in one gulp.
“Oh, Piper.” Sebastian shoved a hand through his hair, looking more aggrieved than she had ever seen him—and that was saying something, considering their first meeting. “I didn’t … I thought … Of course, I love spending time with you. You’re great. Amazing, really, and—”
“Don’t.” She shook her head, tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t show him how incredibly humiliated she was. But the look of compassion in his eyes when he stared at her told her that ship had already sailed. There was nothing left to do but get the hell out of there as fast as she could.
The walls of the cute, little café didn’t seem so cute anymore, especially since they were closing in on her from every side.
She sprang to her feet. “I have to go.”
“No, don’t.” Sebastian stood too, reached for her. “Piper, please. I didn’t know … I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She jerked away from him. “It’s fine. No big deal. I’m fine.” She was repeating herself, echoing his words from moments before, but she couldn’t seem to stop. “I need to go.”
He reached for his wallet, threw some money on the table. “Yeah, of course. Let me take you home—”
“No. Stay. Really. You haven’t eaten. I forgot I have homework—”
Her voice broke and she knew she had to get out now, before she humiliated herself even worse by crying in front of him. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips gently over his. “Thanks, Sebastian, for everything. I’ll never forget you.”
“Damn it, Piper.” His hands rose and fell, helplessly. It was a strange look on him, when he’d always been a guy who knew exactly what he was doing. “Don’t do this. I’m sorry—”
“It’s fine. Really. I’ll … I’ll see you around.” She reached for her purse, and as she picked it up, it brushed against the suncatcher she’d made for him. The tissue-wrapped packet plunged to the restaurant floor and the suncatcher shattered, the sound echoing within her as her stupid, unreliable heart shattered right along with it.
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Chapter 22
Cassidy
The bell rang at Mrs. Gatwick’s front door. “There’s your young man, Cassidy,” she winked. “Go on, then. Scoot. I’ll clean up. You just enjoy your last evening.”
Cassidy pushed away from the table and gave Mrs. Gatwick a hug. “Dinner was delicious, and you’ve been awesome, Mrs. G.” Her voice cracked a fraction. She’d been on the verge of tears all day, but she wouldn’t cry. Cassidy Barlow did not cry.
“M’dear, it has been my pleasure.”
Cassidy grabbed her denim jacket and sent up a silent thanks to Piper for forcing her to buy this long sundress and the things to go underneath it. She’d even gone out and bought a pair of delicate, strappy sandals and taken extra care straightening her unruly mane so she could leave it down. She felt a little foolish for getting so dressed up—she didn’t want to seem like she was trying too hard—but she did want to look nice, since she was never going to see Lucas again after tonight.
His eyes almost bugged out of his head when she opened the door.
“Wow, you look so pretty, Cassidy.”
“Thank you,” she said bashfully. “Since I didn’t know what we were doing tonight, I wasn’t sure what to wear. I hope this is okay.”
“You’re perfect.” He kissed her on the nose. Somehow the way Lucas said it, she believed it.
They drove through the streets until they came to the marina where his parents’ boat was slipped.
“Why are we here?” she asked as he helped her out of the car.
“Because my apartment is a hole, my flatmates are a bunch of surf bums, and I wanted to be completely alone with you tonight.” He stepped onto the boat’s deck, then lifted her down.
“I like your apartment—it has a great view of the beach,” she said.
“But not like this.” The Milky Way had nothing on the Sydney skyline twinkling along the edges of the dark harbor, the bridge and Opera House dramatically aglow against the night sky.
From behind her, his hands stole around her waist. She leaned her head against his shoulder. “At midnight, there’ll be fireworks near the bridge,” he said. “They do it for the tourists on weekends, but if you’re cold, we could go below.”
She shook her head. “No, let’s stay here.” Turning into him, she slid her arms around his neck. “So, what shall we do till midnight?” she asked, running her fingertips through the soft hair at his nape.
“I have an idea or two,” he answered, brushing his lips across her temple.
“Mmmm, because I’d hate to be bored on my last night in Australia.”
Lucas chuckled, all male cockiness. “If you start getting bored, then we’re not doing something right.” She did shiver then. “You are cold—I’m going down to bring up some blankets.”
He made them a pallet of pillows and blankets, and then they both kicked off their shoes so they could cuddle under the stars. “I got a phone call today from Quiksilver,” Lucas said after a few minutes.
“Seriously?” she asked, excited. “What did they say?”
Lucas’s smile was blinding. “They’re going to sponsor me on the circuit.”
“That’s amazing!” She rolled over and kissed him. “Have you told your dad yet?”
“No, I wanted to tell you first.”
She couldn’t believe it, but her eyes felt wet and everything looked a bit shiny. “Thank you,” she said, and kissed him again.
“Yeah, everything’s coming together. Except you’re going away,” he said. “Are you excited about seeing your friends again, comparing all those kissing stories?” He was on his side now, his head on his palm as he leaned over her and trailed his fingertip along her collarbone. She hadn’t known how sensitive her skin could be till this moment; it was as if all those millions of lights in the harbor were glowing within her just below the surface.
“I can’t wait to see my friends. I’ve missed them so much.” She laughed. “I’ve even missed Piper’s melodramatics and Izzy’s constant lectures on putting my soda cans in the recycling bin instead of the trash and Mei insisting that Jimi Hendrix is better than Stevie Ray Vaughn. They’re my family—I don’t think I realized how true that was before this trip.
“But I’m going to miss Sydney, too—the noise, the buildings, the beaches, the water—it’s all so different from Paris. So much to see and do and experience. It’ll be hard to go back to Saturday nights at Dairy Queen and beer busts in cow pastures.”
“What’s a Dairy Queen?”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “That’s the last thing I want to discuss tonight.” Lucas bent and kissed the soft hollow at the base of her throat. Cassidy’s eyes fluttered closed. She bit her lower lip against the soft moan that gathered at the back of her throat.
“What about me, Cass? Are you going to miss me?”
More than she wanted to think about. Eight weeks ago, she’d been counting the days until she could leave, but now she wished the hours would slow to give her more time. It was true she couldn’t wait to see her friends and her mom after so long apart, but the fact that she might never see Lucas again was like a punch in the gut. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him so, but the words got stuck between her brain and her vocal chords. Cassidy decided showing him would be easier.
Threading her fingers into the waves of his hair, she pulled him down, taking his mouth and putting everything she couldn’t say in words into her kiss. Her tongue slid against his, tasting him, while she breathed in his scent—sun, sea, salt, and sand—and tried to burn it to memory. Lucas rolled on top of her and she twined her legs around his, rubbing her bare feet up his calves, wanting her body as close to his as she could make it.
The kiss was tender. Their chests rose and fell together as their breaths began and ended with each other’s. Lucas’s hand slowly inched up her dress to brush the bare skin of her thigh at the same time her fingers slipped beneath his shirt to skim across the taut muscles of his stomach.
Then his mouth left hers, pressing feather-soft kisses down her jaw and throat to the neckline of the dress, kissing her through its light cotton material. Oh my God. The intimate touch burned against her skin. It was almost too much.
She knew she should stop this, that they were going way beyond anywhere they’d been before, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She wanted everything Lucas was doing, everything he was making her feel. And she wanted him to feel it, too.
Reaching for the buttons of his shirt, her fingers sure and confident, she began undoing them one by one. He slid her dress straps down her arms, trailing kisses across her shoulder to just below one earlobe. His warm breath tickled her ear.
“I love you, Cassidy,” he whispered.
Desire froze in her veins. Of all the beautiful words he could have said tonight, those were the last ones she’d wanted to hear. Her eyes flew open to find Lucas’s, shining and heavy lidded, gazing down at her as if she were the most perfect thing he had ever seen. Everything—the night, the moment, Lucas—suddenly seemed too perfect.
Too good to be true …
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
What was she doing? She couldn’t do this. She knew better. Hadn’t she learned anything from what had happened between her mother and father?
Her whole body tensed as her fight-or-flight instinct kicked in. She pushed Lucas away from her, the movement catching him off guard and knocking him back, hard.
“Cassidy, what’s wrong?” Bewilderment colored his voice.
She stood, straightening her dress, and searched for her shoes. “I have to go. Now.”
He grabbed her hand. “Cassidy, wait. Tell me what’s wrong. Did I do something?”
She jerked away from him, turning over blankets and flinging pillows.
Damn it, where were those frickin’ sandals?
Lucas stood and held her by the arms, bending down until she was forced to look at him. The confusion and hurt she saw in his face made her turn away. “Cass, whatever I did, I’m sorry. If I got carried away … I promise I would never do anything you don’t want. I love you.”
“Stop saying that,” she cried. “Guys only say that when they want to get laid. You don’t mean it.”
Lucas went very still, but he didn’t let go of her. The boat rocked beneath them, the mast and rigging jangled, echoing in the silence after her outburst.
“Listen to me, Cass,” Lucas said, his voice soft and calm, as if he were speaking to a frightened child. “I love you.”
She didn’t move.
“I love you,” he repeated.
She couldn’t breathe.
“I love you.”
His face wavered before her as tears spilled over the rims of her eyes. Screw the sandals.
She jerked out of his grasp, ran down the deck, and hopped over the rail before he could stop her. Lucas yelled for her to stop, but she kept running.
There was a ferry dock just down the street, its lights a beacon in the dark. She heard him running behind her but even barefoot she was faster. She ran down to the landing just as the ferry whistle blew.
“Cassidy!” The sound made her pause for a split second at the threshold, but she didn’t look back as she quickly jumped onto the boat. The worker closed the ramp behind her.
The boat pushed away from the dock and sailed into the harbor. The flash of the fireworks in the distance reflected on the inky water, their percussive booms covering up the sound of the racking sobs that were tearing from her chest.
Heavy gray clouds shrouded the tops of the central business district in the distance and rain dribbled down the windshield of the taxicab.
“Hope you’re not a bad flyer—it may be pretty bumpy on the takeoff,” said the driver. Cassidy stared out the window as he navigated the winding maze of roads that led through the sprawling airport to the international terminal. Her flight didn’t leave for another five hours, but she couldn’t stand sitting around at Mrs. Gatwick’s making small talk anymore. She just wanted to go home.