by Ivy Adams
“Wow, Pipes, you really fell for him.” Cassidy looked a little stunned, like she couldn’t imagine Piper actually finding real love. Or maybe Piper just imagined it, since Sebastian’s words were still fresh in her head.
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter. It’s over between us.” She did her best to look like it was for the best.
“Why?” Mei looked confused. “If you care about him—”
“It was never supposed to be a big deal,” she answered breezily, praying they couldn’t hear the hurt behind the attitude. “Just something to pass the time while I was in France.”
“That doesn’t mean things can’t change—”
“Oh, come on, Mei. You understand rules better than the three of us put together. You can’t change them in the middle of something, even if you want to. It’s not fair to the other people involved.”
With that, Piper leaned back in her seat and concentrated on her M&M Blizzard like it was the most important thing in the world. And for those couple of minutes, it was. Focusing on it was the only thing that held her together when she wanted nothing more than to scream about how unfair the world was. How unfair Sebastian was. How unfair love was.
But it didn’t take her long to realize she’d totally killed the mood, even though she hadn’t meant to. Her three friends were staring at her like they didn’t recognize her anymore, and she knew it was up to her to get things back where they belonged. Back to the Piper she’d been ten weeks before. So with a flip of her head and a forced grin, she said, “Speaking of guys … Izzy, how’s Tanner been?”
Izzy stilled, a spoonful of melting ice cream halfway to her mouth. Again, Piper saw panic in her friend’s eyes, though she still didn’t have a clue what Izzy was so nervous about. “Wh- why would I know how Tanner’s been?”
“ ’Cause you worked on his parents’ farm all semester, silly. Duh.” She tried her best to sound enthusiastic. It was really hard. Especially since, for the life of her, she could barely remember what Tanner looked like. But she needed something to talk about other than Sebastian. She needed the distraction, and God knew there were only so many Blizzards a girl could eat. “I bet he’s better than ever!”
Izzy didn’t say anything, just sat there, frozen, as the ice cream dripped slowly off her spoon and onto the table. But Piper was determined to get things back on an even keel, so she added, “I can’t wait until Mond—”
“What is wrong with you?” Izzy hurled the question across the table at her. “Tanner is with Germaine. He is. Always. Going to be. With Germaine. No other girl will ever have a chance. Even an idiot could see that. So why can’t you?
“And what kind of girl goes out of her way to steal another person’s boyfriend, anyway? It’s demeaning. Isn’t it bad enough that you kissed about a million guys in France and then bragged about it for the whole world to see? Now you want to fool around with Germaine’s boyfriend as well? Don’t you have any pride at all?”
Piper felt all the blood drain out of her face. Shock coursed through her, along with a sense of shame she’d felt only once before—when she’d kissed that boy on the dance floor of the club in Paris.
She glanced around at her friends and realized she wasn’t the only one who’d been sucker-punched by Izzy’s outburst.
“What is wrong with you?” Mei demanded, staring at Izzy.
“Nothing’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with her?”
Mei reached out and put a hand over Piper’s. “She didn’t mean it,” she assured Piper. “You know how Izzy gets when she eats too much processed sugar.”
“Forget the processed sugar. I think she needs an antipsychotic. So not cool, Izzy,” Cassidy said.
“Where did that even come from?” Mei demanded.
Cassidy’s arm wrapped around Piper’s shoulder, as if to shield her, and Piper felt tears well up in her eyes. She blinked them back. There were some things that made you cry and some things that hurt too badly to cry. Izzy and Sebastian seemed intent on teaching her that lesson.
She started to tell them not to worry about it—she’d had enough drama—but before she could say anything, Izzy was already up and moving toward the door.
“Oh no, she’s not getting off that easy. I’ll be back in a minute.” Cassidy followed Izzy out of the restaurant.
“Don’t let it get to you, Pipes,” Mei said after they watched the door slam behind Cass. “Being stuck in Paris obviously made her suffer some kind of psychotic episode or something.”
Piper nodded, and though she appreciated Mei’s and Cassidy’s efforts, nothing they did could take the ache away. She’d been trying to play a part, trying to be the Piper she’d been before the IKC, but she hadn’t fooled anyone.
For the first time, she wondered if her mom was right. Maybe the problem was with her. Maybe she’d brought this on herself. It was easy to blame Germaine for all the shitty things she did, but now that she’d lost Sebastian—and maybe Izzy—it was hard not to believe that the fault wasn’t really her own.
Izzy’s words mingled with her mother’s until all Piper could hear was the criticism in them both. She’d left Paris ten weeks ago to get away from everything—from Kiss the Pig, from her mother, from Germaine. She’d thought that running away would make everything better, would make her better. And while she’d loved her time in France, now that she was home, she was beginning to understand just how stupid she’d been.
Ten weeks ago she’d been miserable, but she’d also had three best friends to help her deal with that misery.
She hadn’t had a boyfriend, but at least her heart had been intact.
She hadn’t liked her life, but at least she’d known what to expect.
After Izzy’s blowup, she couldn’t even say that she had that. Any of it. And worse, school started on Monday, and there was no doubt in Piper’s mind that Germaine would be lying in wait, a fresh arsenal of weapons just ready to be unleashed. Running away hadn’t solved anything. In fact, it had just made things worse.
The International Kissing Club had been her Worst. Idea. Ever.
Chapter 26
Cassidy
“What the hell has gotten into you?” Cassidy demanded as she followed Izzy to her car. “Piper didn’t deserve that. Besides, what does it matter to you if she wants to go after Tanner? Since when do we care about Germaine’s feelings?”
Izzy looked miserable, but that was no excuse for taking it out on the rest of them. Cassidy was pretty damn miserable herself. She’d been living with a void in her heart since she’d watched Lucas walk away from her at the airport.
Ever since she’d been home, it had been like she was caught in a riptide—slowly being sucked under no matter how hard she tried to break the surface. She’d been pretending, for her mom and her friends, that everything was fine, that she was the same old Cass—quick with a joke and a snappy comeback—when what she really wanted was to stay in bed for the next year to mope and feel sorry for herself. Izzy looked like she was having the same problem.
Climbing into Brittney’s passenger seat, Cass said, “Tell me what’s wrong with you, now, or I’m going to have no choice but to kick your ass. Because I know something’s up.”
Izzy deflated right in front of her eyes. “Don’t be mad at me, Cass, please,” she said. “I didn’t mean to snap at Piper, I just … I don’t know. Sometimes she just gets annoying. It’s like she forgets the rest of us have thoughts and feelings, too, that don’t revolve around her.”
“You really expect me to believe this is about Piper? I don’t think so. And it was really crappy of you to take it out on her.”
Izzy sighed. “I know. I’ll call her later,” she agreed. “I thought that when y’all got home from your trips everything would fall right back into place. But I guess that was a little unrealistic, since you guys left hoping everything would be changed.” Then she sighed. “Well, everything certainly feels different. Not better, though.”
“What do you mean? What’s different?” Bu
t even as she asked, Cassidy knew exactly what Izzy meant.
Everything did seem different now, and no, it wasn’t better at all. This weirdness that was going on between the four of them bothered her. A lot.
“Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Cass, but I don’t want to go there,” Izzy said. “I’ll find a way to make things right with Piper, but for now I can’t talk about it.”
The radio filled the silence for a while as they drove. Cassidy tried to think of something to say, but nothing was there. She’d been through a lot these past few weeks, and she figured the others had as well. It was no wonder they couldn’t get their groove back—they’d experienced all kinds of crazy stuff through the years, but they’d always done it together. This was the first time they’d ever faced things alone, and now that they were back in Paris, their pieces no longer fit.
Brandon Flower’s “Crossfire” came on the radio, and despite everything it took her right back to Lucas and reminded her of something she’d been wanting to ask Izzy since she’d landed. “Izzy, were you in love with River?”
Izzy did a startled double-take, obviously surprised by the question. “I don’t know,” she answered after a moment. “I guess I thought I was, but after everything I’ve found out about him, I don’t think I ever really knew him. Why?”
Cassidy exhaled and told Izzy the whole story about her and Lucas: from the beginning at the airport and learning how to surf, sailing on his family’s yacht, and finally running away from him like an idiot when he told her he loved her. All the way to the miserable end when he’d kissed her in the international terminal.
“Holy crap, Cass,” Izzy said incredulously when she’d finished. “Do you think you’re in love with Lucas? Because if you’re not, I think I could be.”
That was the million-dollar question Cassidy had been asking herself since she’d watched him throw down that boarding pass and walk away. And she still didn’t have an answer.
“How do you know if you’re in love with someone? I mean, I think about him all the time, so much that I can’t concentrate on anything. And when I was with him I felt like I couldn’t breathe if he didn’t touch me or kiss me, and then when he did it was like everything in my world was focused on that one moment and nothing else mattered.”
“And you don’t know that you’re in love with him? Did you even hear what you just said?”
“I know …” Talking about Lucas hurt; thinking about the way she’d treated him hurt even more. “Do you know what I told him when he said he loved me? That guys only say that when they’re trying to get a girl in bed. He’d done nothing but be nice to me and I was a total psycho.”
“But a lot of guys would only say that to get laid. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference,” Izzy said, her tone taking on an edge.
“But this time it wasn’t hard. I think that’s what scared me the most. I knew he meant it. Now, look at me—I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating—I’m a total nut job because this amazing guy says he has feelings for me. Can you imagine what I’d be like if we’d actually slept together? Being away from him after that would have been the worst thing ever.”
Izzy became very still. “No, Cass, sleeping with a guy who loves you—even if you had to leave him—isn’t the worst thing that could happen. The worst is sleeping with a guy who never talks to you again and posts pictures of his latest conquests on Facebook for you and the whole world to see.”
Shock held Cassidy immobile for long seconds before she said, “Holy shit! Are you saying …”
Izzy closed her eyes for a brief second. When she spoke it was barely a whisper. “I slept with River.”
“When? Where? Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Just before school started, at that stupid keg party. I didn’t tell y’all because … I felt stupid, especially when afterward he never called. I thought he cared about me. I thought maybe we might even be in love. But I was way wrong. So I’m probably not the best person to ask how you know when you’re in love. Because what I felt for him was nothing like what you’re describing for Lucas. And if Lucas feels the same way, then he would never hurt you like River hurt me.”
The truth of Izzy’s words hit Cassidy full on, along with indignation for what happened to her friend. Rage at River and her father and all the guys like them rose up in Cassidy like a hot geyser about to spew. “He’s a total bastard. Wait till he comes home for Christmas break—I haven’t given anyone a good ass-beating in months, and he sounds like he’s next in line.”
Izzy laughed, but it sounded rusty. “Thanks, Cass. You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s not for you, it’s for me,” Cassidy assured her.
“I just have to learn to pick a better guy next time. Anyway, that’s why I was acting so weird before you guys left. The whole stripping off my clothes and jumping into the pool, it was because of him.”
“Why didn’t you say something at the time? I always thought that if one of us … you know, lost it, we’d tell each other.”
“I just didn’t want to hash it out with the whole group. I mean, it wasn’t at all what I thought it would be. I thought it would be intimate and make me feel important, make River really see me, but instead it made me even more invisible. The next day he went off to college and forgot all about me. Would you have told us?” She shook her head. “No. You wouldn’t have admitted that to anyone.”
“We love you, Iz. We would never judge you for something like that. We would have been first in line to hunt him down and bash in his Hummer. And if you want, I’ll get Mei and Piper on the phone and we can go do it now.”
“He drives an Escalade. But thanks for the thought. And I’m not quite ready to share this with the others yet, anyway. You won’t tell them, will you?”
“Of course I won’t.”
They pulled into the driveway at Cassidy’s house. Every light was on. “I guess my mom’s home from work,” she said. “Why don’t you spend the night? We can stay up and watch crappy horror movies and sci-fi flicks that Piper always vetoes.”
“Sure,” Izzy said, “I’d like that.” She smiled a little. “I’ve heard pretty good things about Battlestar Galactica. Can we give that a try?”
When they opened the front door, Cassidy’s mom was waiting on the sofa in the living room, still in her hospital scrubs.
“Hey, Mom. Izzy’s going to spend the night, okay?”
“Hi, Izzy. Great to see you again.” Her mom’s eyes pinned Cassidy. “Cassidy Michelle, is there something about your trip that you’d like to tell me?”
Cass froze, her mind racing. If her mother was using her middle name, something was wrong. Very, very wrong. International Kissing Club wrong.
“I don’t think so.” She sniffed. “Hey, what’s that smell? Perfume?”
“Take a look in there,” her mom said, nodding to the kitchen, “and then think a bit harder about the answer to my question.”
Cassidy shot Izzy a WTF look. Izzy shrugged. Together they walked across the living room into the little yellow-painted kitchen and were greeted by a ginormous bouquet of white lilies sitting in the middle of the table.
Oh, crap. It was worse than she’d imagined.
“Wow, those are gorgeous. Are they for you, Cass?” Izzy asked.
“I guess so.” She picked through the fragrant blooms to find the card. Not that she needed to—she knew perfectly well who they’d come from. This many flowers weren’t in Mrs. Gatwick’s budget, after all. Seriously, had he bought out every last white lily in the state?
See you in March, American Girl.
Holy crap. March? That was only … three months away.
She tried not to let her confusion show when she told Izzy, “They’re from Lucas.”
“Who’s Lucas?” her mom asked from the doorway. Between the cloying scent of the bouquet and the condemnation radiating from her mother, she suddenly understood how people could be claustrophobic in a completely open room.
“Um, I think I should go, Cass,” Izzy said, “I have things to do at home, anyway …”
“No, Izzy, please stay.” Cassidy grabbed her arm like she was a lifeline. She so did not want to be alone with her mother for this conversation. “Lucas is a guy I met in Australia, Mom.”
“A boy from your school?”
“No, not exactly. He picked me up at the airport.” When she heard the actual words as they left her mouth, she cringed, knowing how her mother would take them. She didn’t need to look to know that her mom’s chin had almost hit the floor.
“A strange guy picked you up at the airport? My Lord, Cassidy, have you lost your mind? He could have been a serial killer for all you knew, or some pervert.”
“No, Mom. Not like that. Mrs. Gatwick sent him. Lucas is sweet and fun and thoughtful, a perfect gentleman in every way.” Her voice caught a little at the end as the dull ache in her chest throbbed with each inhalation of the lily-scented air.
“And you were dating him?” her mom asked.
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you say something?” Betrayal rang in her mom’s voice. “Not once in the past two and a half months did his name come up when we talked. I thought we were close enough for you to tell me anything.”
Cassidy chewed on her lip, upset that she’d hurt her mother again. She’d thought it was bad when she told her mom about getting the trip money from her dad, but the look on her mother’s face said this was even worse. “I didn’t want you to freak out, because it was no big deal.” That was a lie. Even she could admit to herself that the reason she hadn’t told her mom about Lucas was because it had been a big deal, bigger than she was ready to accept. And she could see her mom knew it, too.
“Hundreds of dollars’ worth of flowers doesn’t seem like no big deal,” her mom said. “ ‘See you in March, American Girl’ doesn’t seem like no big deal.”
“Oh my God. You read the note?” Cassidy couldn’t believe her mom would do that. All her life, it had been just the two of them. The Barlows against the world. They were in it together, and their entire relationship was based on trust. Trust that had never been doubted. Of course, she’d never given her mother a reason not to trust her until this whole trip had come up and she’d called her dad. Still, it hurt. They’d never had a fight like this. “I thought you trusted me.”