by Jordan Marie
It’s Logan.
“Where are we going, anyway?” I ask him, doing my best to not think about what that revelation means. I can’t have Logan…
“We’re hiking.”
“Yeah, but where to? I thought this was lunch. I am on a time limit here, you know.”
“You said you had more time today,” he reminds me.
“Well, yeah, but I was thinking a couple of hours, not all day,” I grumble, trying to keep my panic at bay.
“I’ll get you back in time, Angel. I promise.”
“Logan—”
He turns to face me and, using our joined hands, pulls me in closer to him.
“I need you to trust me, Torrent. You don’t know me that well yet, but you need to know that I would never do anything to hurt you. I joke, babe, but I do care about you.”
I look into his eyes, his face, and I memorize it. From the slight curl in his reddish brown hair, the slight scar on his forehead and the groove under his eye that shows he smiles often. I take it all in and if I were to ask myself later, this would probably be the exact moment that I fell in love with Logan.
“Okay,” I whisper, feeling like my heart is in my throat.
It’s a feeling that stays with me, even when we reach the top of the mountain and a waterfall comes into view.
“How do you feel about skinny dipping, Angel?”
That groove under his eye deepens and his eyes twinkle.
Maybe this is when I fall in love with Logan.
Devil
“I am not skinny dipping with you, Logan,” she says, shaking her head, but for a minute I catch a look in her eyes. She may say no, but I think she wants to say yes. It’s not much to hang my hat on, but it’s there.
“I could make you like it,” I tell her with a wink.
“Probably,” she agrees.
We stand there looking at each other and I know she has to feel the pull between us. Hell, I can even tell her body is reacting to it, but she doesn’t reach out.
“Ready for lunch?” I ask when it becomes clear that she’s not going to give in. I feel more than a little stupid, but I’m not giving up. I want Torrent, and I want her in ways I’ve never wanted another woman.
“You did promise something better than peanut butter and jelly,” she says, smiling at me. There’s a sadness in her eyes that I don’t like.
“That I did,” I respond, leading her over to a clearing by Grotto Falls. Grotto is a hike that I like to take often. It’s not that far from the main road and though I hate the busy nature of the Smokey Mountains, I do love the scenic areas. It’s also why Diesel decided to relocate our crew here. He wanted the privacy the mountains offered him and thought it would be a good place to raise Ryan.
Once we make it to the clearing I spread out a blanket. There’s no one here today, which is good. During the peak season for hiking there’s usually quite a few here. I’m thankful I seem to have it and Torrent to myself. I sit down first and look up at her, reaching my hand out. She takes it almost reluctantly and sits down across from me.
“What’s for lunch?” she asks.
“First, a little something to wet your whistle,” I tell her, handing her a cold soda from the small cooler tote I’ve been packing.
“Oh… Dr. Pepper…fancy.”
“Only the best for you, Angel. Next the appetizer.”
She looks at the candy bar I handed her and laughs.
“Snickers?”
“In case you get… Hangry.”
“You really are insane, Logan.”
“Eat up before it’s time for our main course.”
“I can hardly wait to see what it is,” she says, shaking her head.
“Tell me more about you,” I urge her as we unwrap the candy bars.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything. What made you decide to become a nun?” I ask. I should have waited to spring that question on her because I asked it mid-bite and she chokes and starts coughing. I lean over to maybe slap her on the back or something, but she motions me away and gets the cough contained. I open up her soda and hand it to her to drink.
“Did you seriously just ask me that?”
“It’s a legitimate question. I mean, there had to be something to trigger your decision. Maybe you watched too many Whoopi Goldberg movies.”
“What?”
“Sister Act?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Logan.”
“You’ve never seen that movie?”
“I don’t really watch a lot of movies.”
“Oh… Okay. So tell me something else. Anything. What was your childhood like?”
“Good.”
“You’re going to have to give me a few more words than that, Angel.”
“How about you tell me about your childhood first?” she says instead.
I study her for a minute and decide to give in. I want to know more about her, but maybe if she finds out more about who I am she will finally realize she’s safe with me.
“What do you want to know?”
“Where did you grow up?”
“New Orleans.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” she laughs. “Was your mother a voodoo priestess?”
“Fuck no,” I laugh. “But those women scare the fuck out of me.”
“It’s not very manly to admit a woman scares you,” she points out.
“Christ. Have you seen some of those women? I swear it’s enough to make your balls shrivel up.”
“I don’t really know about that, since I don’t have that particular part on my anatomy.”
“Thank God for that, woman.”
“You’re horrible,” she laughs. “Okay, so what was your mom like?”
“She’s truly one of the best people I’ve ever known in my life.”
“That surprises me,” she responds, pulling her legs up against her chest. Her gaze studies me and I leave myself open. I want her to be able to see everything. I don’t want secrets between us, and I know that keeping them is not the way to make her feel safe with me.
“Why is that?”
“Well, you’re a biker. Every biker I’ve ever met has childhood issues.”
“Have you met many bikers, Angel?”
“I’ve known my fair share.” She shrugs, and something about the way she says that piques my interest, but I decide to let it slide for now.
“Hate to break it to you, but my old man is a pistol who retired from the army and still gives everyone around him hell, and I had the sweetest mother ever to take a breath.”
“Had?” she asks, quick to pick up on my words. I like that. It shows she’s really paying attention.
“She passed away two years ago. Breast cancer.”
“Oh, Logan, I’m so sorry.”
“Life is hard, Angel. She was a good woman, she got a shitty draw that she didn’t deserve, but she fought like a warrior. Cancer is a fucker that doesn’t give up sometimes.”
“I know,” she whispers, her face sad.
“What’s your story, Torrent?” I ask, knowing she has one.
“My brother. He had a brain tumor.”
“Motherfucker.”
“Yeah, it was bad,” she answers. Her voice catches and I see the cost of those memories on her face. I reach out and take her hand, needing to touch her. When she doesn’t pull away, I press my luck and gather her up and pull her into my lap. I hold her close. “It broke my father. He became someone I didn’t recognize for a while. Luke—my brother, got so bad there at the end. He couldn’t talk to say anything to us. He didn’t have control over his body. Even touching him brought him pain. The night before he died he would get so scared if we weren’t right beside him. He couldn’t talk, but his eyes followed Dad everywhere,” she whispers, tears rolling down her face.
“I’m sorry, Angel. I’m so sorry.”
“I never saw my dad cry until then, Logan. And he didn’t just cry… He emptied his so
ul out with tears as we said goodbye to my brother.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I continue to hold her, stroking my hand up and down her back, trying to bring her comfort. Inside I can’t help but think this is another sign that Torrent is meant to be mine.
Torrent
Two Weeks Later
“I want out of here,” I growl to my old man. I don’t get to see him often and the fact that I’m in a confessional at midnight talking to my father through a screen is a bad sign.
“There’s been a complication, Torrent.”
“No. There can’t be complications. When I agreed to this you said it would be a couple months at the most. You promised you would get this shit handled. I am not spending my life in a convent, Dad.”
“I need to keep you safe, Tor,” Dad says and his voice is laced with worry. A month ago I would have listened to that and backed off. But that was before Logan. Everything has changed now.
I need out of here.
“Then lock me down at the club. You’ve done that before. Just get me the hell out of here,” I hiss, so frustrated I want to scream.
“I can’t do that yet, Tor. I have to find out who the mole in my club is, and I can’t do that if you’re there.”
“Dad—”
“No, Tor. You know I always try to let you have your way, but not on this. You can hate me if you want, but I need to make sure you’re safe.”
“I don’t hate you. I’m just not really fucking happy.”
“Don’t say fuck, Tor,” he grumbles and it makes me snort with laughter. “You’re in a holy place.”
“You’re a freak, Dad.”
“Never claimed to be anything different.”
“If I stay you have to push to get this crap figured out. I need out of here.”
“You can’t see it, Tor. But I am pushing. I also need you to stop playing with fire.”
“What?” I ask, my heart beating harder in my chest. I don’t know how he knows, but intuitively, I’m sure he does.
“That fucking biker that’s been sniffing around you. End it, Tor.”
“Dad—”
“I want better for you, but even if you end up with a club member that’s fine. The Savage crew are—”
“Don’t. Most people talk about us like that.”
“That damn bunch deserves it. They’re a bunch of nomads, junkyard dogs that have set up shop and got adopted by a crew out of Kentucky. They’re worthless. I don’t want my baby girl mixing with them. Besides, you know Wolf would kill a motherfucker stupid enough to lay a hand on you.”
“I’m not Wolf’s property. I’ve never seen Wolf like that,” I sigh. I’m tired of this argument. It never seems to go away.
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t claim you years ago. The only thing that’s stopped him is the fact you want a life outside of the club.”
“The only thing that’s stopped him is me, Dad.”
“We’ll talk about this later, but you need to cut loose the fucker sniffing at you. Do it today, Tor.”
“Dad—”
“If you don’t I will, and you won’t like how I do it. There are people looking for you, people in my own fucking circle. You have to keep your head down.”
He’s right. I know he is. But the past two weeks have been the best in my life. I haven’t been able to go away with him again, but we’ve been meeting at the park across from the convent. I do it while I’m supposed to be saying my devotionals and it’s been the only thing that has kept me sane.
Logan is a little cocky, but I like it. He’s kind of cute, if that can be said about a man who oozes testosterone out of every pore in his body. He’s dirty—deliciously so and I always leave him wanting more. Dad’s right. I am playing with fire. We almost kissed the other day. I can’t keep doing this. And Dad’s not lying. If he is the one to put a stop to it, I won’t like how he does it.
“I don’t—”
“Do it, Tor.”
“Fine, I’ll do it,” I say, my stomach instantly tightening and leaving me feeling sick.
“Good girl. I’m not sure when I will get back here, but I’ll get word to you next week and let you know if I’ve had any luck.”
“You need to hurry this up, Dad. Because if you don’t, I’ll pull myself out of here.”
“You always were a pain in my ass.”
“Like father, like daughter,” I laugh. I put my hand up against the screen and he does too.
“Love you, baby girl,” he mumbles and I smile.
“Love you too, Dad.”
He leaves and I stay where I’m at. I don’t want to risk going out and hugging him, even if he is wearing a priest’s robe. All I need is for Elise to come in and ask me why I’m bear hugging a priest. The bitch would tell everyone and then I’d have to kill her and I have enough on my plate.
Like how to say goodbye to Logan, when it’s the last thing I want to do.
Devil
“You’re late, Angel,” I tell her as she walks toward the bench I’m sitting on.
Our bench.
I’ve been meeting Torrent here for the last couple of weeks, and we’ve not even kissed. I’ve not touched her since that day I held her in my lap, except for holding her hand a couple of times. Still, I’ve enjoyed my time with her more than with any other woman I can remember. She’s got a wry sense of humor that keeps me on my toes. She’s sarcastic and witty and when she laughs I swear I feel it hit me deep inside. She feels like pure sunlight when it shines on you after a week of rainstorms.
I’ve been a lover of women my whole life, but I’m not stupid. Eventually, I knew I’d find the one that I wanted to keep. I didn’t want a club girl. There’s nothing wrong with them; I never wanted to claim an old lady who had been hardened by the life we live. I never wanted a woman in my bed who also warmed my brother’s bed. That makes me a bastard, I freely admit it. It doesn’t alter the truth. I wanted something special when I decided to settle down and Torrent is definitely something special.
There’s only one major problem with her and that’s the vows she’s made for her life. She refuses to talk about it, and so far I haven’t pressed her. But the other day we almost kissed and I saw the want in her eyes. She wanted my lips on hers. It’s time I start pushing her, because I don’t have a choice. I want her and I’m getting damned tired of holding back.
“I started not to show at all,” she says and right away I can tell she’s different today. Colder. There’s no welcome in her eyes, no smile on those cherry lips, and not one hint that she’s happy to see me. The abrupt change from this to the way she treated me yesterday is jarring.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, knowing something is.
“What could be wrong?”
“Because you’re coming off like an ice queen ready to freeze my damn balls,” I tell her bluntly. Torrent might be wearing the garb that says she’s innocent, but she hasn’t been acting that way with me and I’ve never pulled punches when talking to her. I’m not built that way. I am who I am. She seemed to have accepted me like that, but today I can see her visibly blanch at my words, as if they shock her…or she finds them distasteful… finds me distasteful.
What in the fuck has changed?
“Do you have to talk like that?” she whispers, looking around as if she’s embarrassed by me. I don’t know why Torrent is acting like this now, but I know I don’t like it.
“You didn’t have a problem with the way I talked yesterday,” I remind her. “Or the day before, or the day before that—”
“I did, but that’s part of the problem, Logan.”
I resist the urge to close my eyes when she says my name. Hardly anyone calls me Logan, and I’d be lying if I said that I don’t enjoy it when Torrent does. I like my name on her lips—probably too much.
“I didn’t realize there was a problem,” I mutter, because apparently there is. She’s not even sitting down this time. She’s standing in front of me wearing that damn n
un garb—this time in black—and wringing her hands.
“What are you doing here?” she asks and her face looks almost panicked. I don’t like it at all. Torrent should only be smiling.
“Having lunch with my girl,” I tell her, hoping to joke enough so that she relaxes. Immediately I know that strategy isn’t going to work.
“That’s just it, Logan. I’m not your girl. I’ll never be your girl. My life is planned out and there’s no room for you in it.”
“You can always change your life, Torrent. Just because you made plans in one direction, it doesn’t have to stay on that path.”
“What path would it take? You expect me to give up all of my plans so I can warm your bed?”
“Would that be so bad?”
“Do you really expect me to give everything up to crawl under your sheets a couple of times?”
“I was thinking more than a couple,” I joke, and again it’s clear now is not the time to joke.
“And then what? What happens to me once you got to corrupt the innocent little girl and move on?”
“Maybe we need to take a step back and breathe here, Torrent. We can start by you telling me what’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours.”
“I’m not taking a step back. What’s wrong, Logan? A woman starts talking about the future and you get nervous?”
“I didn’t say that,” I growl, getting tired of trying to be patient and logical here. If she wants a fight, then I can fucking give her one.
“That’s what I heard,” she yells back. “I’m out of here.”
I grab her wrist when she goes to turn away from me. She will not dismiss me. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m damn well going to get to the bottom of it.
“We’re going to have this out.”
“We’re done talking…” she argues back. “Forever.”
“No, we’re not. First you’re going to tell me how yesterday you were sweet as pie and today you’re acting like a raging bitch.”
I barely get the words out and she slaps me across the face. I let her, her anger feeding mine, but then I pull her to me and slam my lips onto hers. I kiss her hard and fast. I kiss her like the punishment it’s meant to be. My tongue pushes to get in her mouth and when she doesn’t immediately open for me, I wrap my hands in her hair and yank hard. When she gasps out in pain, I press my advantage, plundering her mouth, conquering it and not letting her say no to me.