“Why not?!” he rasped, trying not to raise his volume in the presence of the baby, and climbed to his feet to face her. “I mean every word of it.”
“I am very aware of that,” Veria whispered, “and that is why I cannot listen to it.”
“Why!?” he wailed in frustration.
“Because you should have stayed! We should be married!” she yelled in a whisper. “But she should not change anything. You should have stayed and married me for me! Because you love me, not because you feel some regret for your decision or obligation to a child—”
“It is not that, Veria—”
“Then what is it?”
“I just want to make sure that you are taken care of,” he answered, placing his hands on her shoulders and squeezing them gently.
“I do not need anyone to take care of me!” she snapped at him. “Is that the only reason you would be with a woman?! Because she's helpless and needs rescuing? I am starting to realize that you are all the same.”
“You would not dare put me in the same category as Lord Rames,” Andon spat, dropping his hands from her shoulders.
“Yes, I would,” Veria stated plainly.
“Really? Then where is he now?” Andon challenged, cocking his head to the side. “Why is he not here offering to take responsibility?”
“Do you think that makes you some kind of hero, because you are 'offering to take responsibility' for some other man's affairs?!” she growled. “Bear in mind, Andon, that you left me, too.”
“I am trying to make up for that,” he muttered.
“Well, I am sorry, but coming back here and promising things that you should have given me long ago is not going to make up for it.
“Then what will?” Andon snapped. “I can't go back and change my decision, or what has happened over the last many months. So what do I do to make things right between us?”
“I don't know,” Veria said softly, shrugging her shoulder at him. “Maybe there is no 'us',” she said, and the words pained her to say and hear out loud.
They seemed to pain him, too, as he sighed heavily and let his shoulders slump forward again. “Please don't say that,” he pleaded.
“If we don't say it, we will both just keep holding on to each other as some possibility for the future, and maybe that's not what's best for us,” Veria explained. “Maybe our short history is too much history for any two people to—”
“Please, stop, Veria!” he begged, his voice urgent and volume rising. “I cannot hear this right now, on top of this,” he gestured to Irea in the bassinet. “I thought about you every day that I was gone. And no, I did not necessarily think that meant that you would fall into my arms the minute I returned, but it has to count for something,” he explained taking her into a deep gaze. “Everything I did, I did so that when I came back to you, I wouldn't be your servant. I would be a man you could marry with pride and dignity, with the blessing of even your power-hungry mother.”
Veria's mouth gaped, but she couldn't form a response of any kind. She knew it was all true. When anyone lied to her, her powers set off alarms in her head, crackling in her ears, like a fire, but there weren't any now.
“The important thing is not our history,” Andon whispered, tucking an escaped tendril of hair behind her ear gently, which caused Veria's heart to start racing, “the important thing is right now. Right this moment. Do you love me?”
Veria felt like she couldn't breathe as his eyes repeated the question silently, over and over, and searched for the answer in hers. His face inched slowly toward hers until she could feel his breath on her skin. Even if she had an answer, which she was certain she did not, there was no way she could have made her lips work to say it.
As if reading her thoughts, he said, with his lips nearly touching hers, “You don't have to answer right now. But can you do me a favor?”
She nodded.
“Think about it.”
She nodded again, leaning away from his advancing lips, but also secretly longing for them to touch hers. She was angry and confused, but filled with a reticent desire that didn't seem to listen when she tried to stifle it. She had felt this before, with him. It had been much of their short relationship—confusion, and sometimes anger, but deep lust and affection that seemed to transcend all the other emotions.
Was that love? She was, once again, uncertain that she knew what exactly constituted the feeling. The absence of it, outside of her love for her mother, and now Irea, had made her unsure if it was what she had felt with Andon before, let alone now.
Andon stood up straight suddenly, distancing his face from hers, and Veria felt like all her senses came rushing back to her body at once.
“Shall I bring Irea outside?” he asked.
Veria nodded. “Sure, that sounds nice.”
He gently, but enthusiastically, scooped the baby back into his arms, and they headed back through the house toward the gardens.
-III-
Just as they were about to reach the door to the garden, Tanisca and Willis came rushing back into the house, catching both Veria and Andon off guard.
“Unfortunately, it is now raining,” Tanisca said, but she seemed to find it funny instead of annoying or disastrous as she normally would when entertaining guests. Willis also wore a wide grin as he shuffled in behind her and closed the door. “Dinner should be ready soon,” Tanisca added, “so let's go through to the dining room.”
“Who is this?!” Willis exclaimed, happily at first as he hovered toward the baby, but there was a noticeable shift in his facial expression as realization took him. “Oh, is this...?”
“No,” the rest of them said in quiet unison.
“I see,” Willis said somewhat awkwardly, a smile slowly retuning to his face as he wiggled a finger in front of Irea's face. “What's her name”
“Irea,” Veria answered.
“Beautiful name,” he cooed. “And how old?” he asked.
“About a month,” Tanisca replied. “She can join is in the dining room, if you'd both like. But I can't let my guests, my friends, go hungry. She's fairly used to being carried all day. Benefits of living with a mother and a grandmother.”
“Certainly, certainly,” Willis said. “A lucky girl indeed.”
They all proceeded to the dining room, Tanisca insisting that she should take Irea so Andon could eat his dinner. She cradled the tiny baby in the nook of one arm while sipping braiberry wine with her free hand and smiling as the food was brought out.
Veria was pleased to see a large slab of roast ox sitting on a platter full of a colorful array of root vegetables roasted and glazed with meade sauce. Eagerly, she waited for everyone at the table to be served their dishes before starting on her own, tasting the vegetables first, sopping up some of the delicious sauce with the fresh bread the cook always brought out with dinner.
“This is fantastic,” Willis murmured, echoing Veria's thoughts exactly. “Tanisca, I envy you, for many reasons, but for your cook mostly.”
“You will soon be the subject of much envy, Willis,” Tanisca said with a smile. “And I can help you find an incredible cook, if you want a woman's intuition on that sort of thing.”
“I will bear that in mind,” Willis replied with a courteous nod. “That is, if we choose to accept.”
“Accept what?” Veria asked, realizing she still had a small bit of meat in her mouth, which she swallowed quickly.
“Oh, yes,” Willis chuckled, “you weren't in the gardens when I told Madame Tanisca the news. Andon and I have been given an offer to join the Regalship by the King.”
“Wow, that's—that's fantastic for you, both!” she uttered, the news hitting her harder than she would expect. Andon would be a Lord...
She remembered his words to her in the library: Everything I did, I did so that when I came back to you, I wouldn't be your servant. I would be a man you could marry with pride and dignity...
She also remembered that Willis had seen a potential future in which
Veria would break Andon's heart. The confusion she felt in the moment made her queasy, and she jumped into the conversation to distract herself from getting caught in her own thoughts, as usual.
“A new Estate?” she asked.
“Ah, no,” Willis said. “The Guyler Estate.”
Veria's eyes flashed to her mother's face which was lit up with joy—the maniacal plotting joy that Veria was used to, but joy nonetheless. Tanisca had surely had a new plan for her from the moment she heard the news, Veria thought to herself. One that assuredly involved marrying Andon, whom she used to dismiss as a lowly servant, but would now be the Lordship of:
“The wealthiest Estate in the Regalship.” The words slipped from Veria's mouth seemingly of their own will.
“Yes, we were quite shocked at the offer, as well,” Willis chuckled. “But the King insisted I be rewarded for my decades of diplomatic service. And that he can't have the wealthiest Estate in the Regalship sitting vacant and uncared for any longer.”
“It will only be the wealthiest for a short while,” Andon joined the discussion. “Once Lady Ambra of Chadron produces a male heir, she will inherit her portion of the Foreshore Estate. Which will make Chadron the wealthiest Estate. Again.” Andon's eyes caught Veria's at the mention of Rames.
“Like I said,” Willis reiterated, “we haven't decided if we will accept or not.”
“I don't see why you wouldn't,” Tanisca pressed, though her voice was cheery and cordial.
“I'm not convinced we are the best stewards for such a large Estate,” Willis explained. “I am out on diplomatic missions up to three quarters of the year, Andon will be joining me on many during his apprenticeship.”
“Well, you will have a staff,” Tanisca said. “You will just need to hire a manager to take care of the operations while you are gone—the Estate certainly has the funds for one.”
“Do you know any?” Willis asked, seemingly overwhelmed with all the talk of running an Estate.
“I have done the managing here for quite some time,” Tanisca answered, “but when I first met Gordon he had a manager for the Estate. Unfortunately, he was an older fellow, and probably no longer alive. But I believe he was recommended to Gordon by a guild of sorts. There is certain training they generally go through, and some light inspection by a Regalship verifier, to make sure there's no ill intent, you know.”
“Do you think you could find the guild information for me?” Willis asked. “I would feel much more comfortable about all this if I had a trusted manager to care for things in our absence.”
“Of course!” Tanisca enthused. “My pleasure. I am positive the initial correspondence is somewhere in Gordon's records. I will look tomorrow and notify you as soon as I find it.”
“Thank you, Madame Tanisca,” Willis said with a polite smile. “You are an invaluable resource and friend.”
“I do my best,” Tanisca replied with an acknowledging nod.
Veria felt a shudder go through her body, and something about the air around her felt different...wrong. There was a lie, a deception, something false in the room. She could feel it. No, not a lie, she thought. A desire that wasn't there to start with—it was fabricated, or foreign.
She knew her mother had wanted the Villicreys as allies. Now they were set to be the wealthiest, most powerful allies she'd had since joining the Regalship twenty years ago. She just had to convince Willis it was the right move. Veria snapped her head to look at her mother. Her face showed nothing, but Veria knew it was her...how could Willis not sense it? Because it wasn't an outright lie? Because it was just a manipulation, an amplification of a want he had already considered?
“Andon,” Willis stated, “I think we should visit the King first thing tomorrow and put his mind at ease. We should accept.”
There were signals for Veria that this statement was the result of manipulation, but they weren't the same as when she was lied to—none of the snapping sparks and popping embers, no steaming heat or swirling dizziness. There was a strange mustiness to the air in the room...she felt like she couldn't breathe it. It was thick, wrong, misplaced, and something in her head every time she took a breath said 'this isn't real!'
“Lady Veria,” Andon said, his eyes focused on her and filled with concern. She had no idea how long he'd been watching her. “Are you alright?”
She realized she had one hand on her chest and on her throat and had taken to gasping for breath.
“Oh goodness,” Willis said, standing abruptly. “Is she having a reaction to something in the dinner?”
Tanisca looked at her with concern, but hers was certainly more mild than the Villicreys. She was smart enough to figure out what was going on, that Veria was sensing the planted desire of her doing. “She's never had one before,” Tanisca said calmly.
“Andon,” Willis said, shooting a looking at his son, who didn't take his eyes of Veria the whole time. They took her in with intense regard, as if he were trying to solve the mystery of her problem with his mind. “Andon,” Willis repeated. “Now,” he ordered.
She could only liken the sensation to being drowning in a lake one second, then having the lake completely drained in the next. The sensations of the thick air, her panic over not being able to breath it, the unsettling feeling from her mother's maneuvers, all washed away, flooding out through her feet and leaving her drained. Her heart steadied, her breath steadied, she was totally relaxed.
She had felt like this before.
It was natural state.
And Andon had been the one to do it this time.
“Would you like to get her settled in her room, Andon?” Tanisca suggested. “It has been a tiring day for her, being a new mother and all. You remember where her room is, don't you?”
Veria knew it was so no one would press her on what had happened, likely exposing Tanisca's misdeed.
Andon nodded, stood from the table and came around to Veria's seat, lifting her easily out of it, and she was powerless to stop him. She was relaxed to a state she could only think of as conscious comatose. She was awake and alert, but so calmed by the natural state being placed on her, she had no will to do anything.
When they reached her room, Andon placed her gently in a sitting position on her bed, then dropped to a kneel next to her.
“You sensed something?” he asked.
Veria nodded.
“Madame Tanisca...she did something?”
“Yes.”
“I figured as much,” Andon muttered. “She needs more allies in the Regalship. If I take you out of the natural state, do you think you can breathe?” he asked, placing a comforting hand on her knee.
“I think so,” Veria answered, and she felt the serene calm escaping her as soon as she had given her answer. “I didn't know you could do that,” Veria said.
“I didn't know you could do what you did either,” Andon chuckled.
“I didn't choose to do that, it just...it just happened,” she muttered.
“It's still impressive,” he stated with a soft smile.
Veria wanted to know more about his training, but she knew it would open up questions about her own, a topic she was trying to avoid around the Villicreys.
“I agree with your mother, even though she caused this. I think you should rest,” Andon said.
Veria nodded and laid her head down her pillow, staying on her side so she could look at Andon, still on one knee by her bed.
“We will be leaving soon, I am sure,” he said, his voice dropping to comforting murmur. “It is almost dark and we are apparently going to the castle first thing tomorrow.”
“Aren't you going to tell your father that was my mother's doing?” Veria asked.
“Maybe,” Andon shrugged. “It is a good idea either way, and he was already considering accepting, so I don't think there is any reason to potentially harm their friendship.”
“Look, Andon...” she sighed.
“I don't think I like the sound of that,” Andon said.
; “I hope you are not doing this, accepting this position in the Regalship, just because of me,” Veria said, sitting back up.
“Well, no Veria, it is not entirely about you,” he said, “but the thought did cross my mind that it would make our situation much easier.” He grabbed her hands and squeezed them.
Her heart fluttered, but her body dropped and her face fell.
Willis' words still sounded as clear in her head as the moment he had first spoken them to her, months and months ago. You will break his heart.
“I can't...” she started, not sure what words to use to let him down, likely because deep down, she didn't want to. But if she loved him at all, like he had asked her earlier, she would let him go, as she did before. Maybe this was the moment Willis had seen? He said she would not choose him. Was this the choice? And Willis had created a self-fulfilling prophecy by telling Veria about his vision? Either way, she knew it was selfish to proceed with Andon knowing what may happen. And just as she did not want Andon staying just because of a baby, she did not want the news of their impending promotion to the Guyler Estate to influence her decision, either.
He pulled his hands slowly from hers and stood, looking down at her.
“I see...” he muttered. “I see.” He turned and slowly walked away.
“Andon, I—”
“Goodbye, Veria,” he said, and he disappeared from her sight, into the hallway. As she heard his footsteps descending the staircase, she felt she could could cry. She was already filled with doubt—she was always filled with doubt when it came to Andon. Certainly not for the first time, part of her wished they had never met.
-IV-
Months passed, and Lord Rames had not held to his statement about visiting monthly. Veria couldn't say she minded at all. The quiet, routine days she enjoyed with her mother and the quickly growing and changing Irea were providing her a level of focus necessary for her to train and study, and had helped her recover from the recent round of emotional struggle with Andon fairly quickly. Occasionally, though, her mother would bring up the topic of Andon becoming the Lordship of the Guyler Estate, but Veria usually just ignored her. Everyday, it seemed like both her and Irea grew, she in her powers and her daughter into a different baby altogether. She now held toys, babbled and cooed at them, smiled and laughed, and rolled over in her sleep, and had started to try to roll over in her waking hours as well.
The Second Talisman: (Book II of the Elementals Series) Page 3