by Lili Zander
We look for her everywhere, our hearts in our mouths, frantic with worry. We wander up and down Lake Ang and Lake Tuli. We even shift and take to the skies, flying over the camp to see if we can spot our mate.
But it’s no use. She’s nowhere to be found.
Finally, when the first wave of detsena has swarmed over the ground, we run across Bryce McFarland, the human woman that our mate is somewhat friendly with. “Have you seen Felicity anywhere?” I demand. “She’s not at home. We’ve been looking for her all evening.”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. “Listen, I don’t like getting in the middle of your lovers’ tiff,” she mutters, sounding uncomfortable. “But yeah. Felicity’s fine. She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“Why?” I don’t understand. We haven’t been around much in the last few days, it’s true, but I thought we were okay. This morning, Luddux had promised to explain everything. She’d seemed to accept it then. What in the name of Caeron has happened in the space of one day?
“I have no idea,” she replies. “I didn’t ask.”
“Bryce McFarland, please take her a message from us,” Luddux says, intensity radiating from him. “It’s very important that we talk to Felicity.”
“How the fuck did I end up playing go-between?” She sighs. “Fine. I’ll pass on the word.”
We wait and wait, and wait some more. The moons rise, shining bright, their light hiding the millions of stars in the sky.
The hours tick on. Night turns into day. The moons set; the sun rises, and there’s still no sign of her.
At some point, shortly after dawn, Belfox knocks on our door. “We have to go,” he says, his voice urgent. “This situation with the Firstborn is spiraling out of control. We’re running out of time.”
“Not yet,” I reply. There doesn’t seem much point in hiding the truth. It’s perfectly obvious why we aren’t moving. “Not without Felicity.”
“Bast,” he swears. “Forget your mate.”
“Never,” Luddux says flatly.
I don’t know where she is. I don’t know what we did wrong, and why she’s refusing to see us. But Luddux and I have always been united in this. If we go, she goes with us.
There are increasing signs of activity in the camp. People are walking to and fro, calling to each other. It sounds like Dariux is gearing up to make a speech. Maybe Felicity will be in the clearing?
She’s not there.
I barely register what Dariux is saying. Some half-baked plan to hold the Firstborn hostage. Does he not realize it doesn’t matter now? Without Felicity, I don’t care what happens to me.
Halfway through the speech, Luddux stiffens. I follow his gaze to see Herrix and Belfox slip away, shaking their heads at us.
It’s over. They’re going to leave without us, because they have to. We’re going to stay back, because we have to. And because of that, Luddux’s daughter is going to die.
The sun is almost setting again when the door opens and Felicity enters the house. By this time, both Luddux and I have consumed nearly a full bottle of aether. The room swims around us, and for a moment, I’m not sure if she’s really standing in the doorway, staring at us in shock, or if it’s all a figment of my imagination.
Luddux focuses blearily on her. “Where have you been?” he asks, his voice vibrating with anger.
“What are you doing here?” she responds carefully, staying frozen in the doorway.
He ignores her question. “I’ve never asked anything from you,” he says. “I asked for one thing. I told you I’d tell you everything. All you needed to do was listen.” His face twists bitterly. “But you weren’t here. I sent Bryce McFarland with a message. We begged you to talk to us. You never came.”
“So talk now,” she says quietly. “Tell me what you were going to say last night.”
“What’s the point?” he snarls. “It’s too late. You ruined everything, Felicity.”
He marches to the door, brushing past her without looking at her face, and goes down the ladder. I get to my feet to follow him. Luddux is in no condition to be alone. I need to get him to shelter before the detsena emerge.
“He’ll come around,” I tell Felicity as I pass her. “We’ll get past this.”
Except we never do. When I get Luddux back to the house, she’s gone again.
22
Felicity
PRESENT…
I tell them everything I kept hidden, and so do they, and when we’re done, I’m not ashamed to say I’m fighting the desire to burst into tears. Poor Lud. “You have a daughter?”
Lud nods, his face etched with misery. “I should have told you everything from the start,” he says. “But I abandoned her, Felicity. You told us once about your father. I thought…” His voice trails off.
“You thought I’d judge you for it?” My throat feels thick with tears. I take Lud’s hands in mine. “How could you think that? My father’s still alive. He’s in Los Angeles. He had a thousand ways of contacting me, but he never once did.” I lean against him. “You were exiled. Sent here to die, with no ability to contact anyone. What happened sucked, but it was not your fault.”
Something just occurs to me, and I breathe in sharply. “Oh my God,” I whisper in utter horror. “It was my fault. Had I been there that night… Had I not let Herrix sway me…” I gaze at them, my heart sinking in my stomach. They had come to find me, to tell me everything, to ask me to leave with them. And I, like a fool, had thought they were coming to say goodbye, and because I couldn’t bear to have my heart broken, I’d hidden in Bolox’s treehouse so they couldn’t find me.
I did this. Had we been able to leave with Belfox and Herrix, his daughter might have survived. “It’s my fault that she’s going to die,” I say out loud, my blood turning to ice. “Oh, Lud. Can you ever forgive me?”
He kisses the top of my hair. “There’s nothing to forgive,” he says quietly. “I don’t think Herrix ever planned on taking you. He had nothing but contempt for anyone who wasn’t Highborn.”
Xan nods. “He knew we wouldn’t leave without you, don’t you see? That’s why he came to see you. He thought that if he planted a wedge between us, we’d leave without you.”
“But you didn’t.”
“You are my life, Felicity,” Lud says simply. “You are my heart. I can’t live without you.”
I start to tear up. My poor mate. His daughter is dying, and he’s stuck here, and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.
“Can you at least tell her what happened?”
Xan shakes his head. “Belfox and Herrix took the communicator with them.”
Damn it. “What about the ship that crashed,” I ask, grasping at straws. “Was there another communicator there?”
“No,” Lud says heavily. “I asked Thrax to search the area. There’s one that might be fixable, but there are no spare parts here. Well, not any we can use.”
I look up, alerted by the change in tone. “What does that mean, not any we can use?”
He sighs. “Dariux is your friend,” he says. “I don’t want to affect your opinion of him. Thrax thinks that he can scavenge what he needs from the ThoughtVault.”
I stiffen. “And Dariux said no?” I’m going to kick his ass.
They exchange looks. “We didn’t ask.”
You’ve got to be kidding me. I jump to my feet. “Come on,” I tell them firmly. I might not fight for myself, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Lud go through this alone.
“You might not be able to save her,” I tell him. “But you can at least get a message to her.” I take a deep breath. So many nights, I wished for one message from my dad. One email, one phone call, one birthday card. Anything. Any sign that he remembered I existed. “Trust me,” I say softly. “It’s going to matter to her that her father cared.”
They know I’m choking back my tears, but they don’t try to tell me not to cry. They just hold me in their arms, and comfort me, and promise to be with me forever. And thi
s time, there’s no doubt in my heart that they mean every word.
We’ve talked through the night. It’s dawn, and the sun is starting to rise, the sky slowly filling with light. Dariux is sitting on the bank of Lake Ang, staring into the distance. He looks up at our approach. “Do you have Zunix’s ThoughtVault with you?” I demand.
He takes in the three of us. “Technically, it’s my ThoughtVault now,” he replies. “But to answer your question, yes I do. Why?”
I cross my fingers behind my back. Come through for us, Dariux. We really need you to do the right thing now. “I need to scavenge parts from it.”
He raises his eyebrow. “Start at the beginning,” he says. “What’s going on?”
I give Lud a sidelong glance. I can’t tell Dariux about his daughter; that’s my mate’s secret, and if he wants to keep it, I won’t protest.
But to my surprise, he speaks up. “I need a communicator,” my mate says quietly. “My daughter is dying, and I want to send her a message before it’s too late.”
As if those words uncork a seal, the rest of the story comes pouring out. He tells Dariux everything. Receiving the note from the healer just before he tested positive for the mutation. Spending sixty-five years wishing he’d only checked his messages before he got into line. Herrix and Belfox’s offer, the latest note from the healer, telling him that Mar’vi’s dying. And finally, knowing that they’re gone and that he can do nothing to save his child.
“He should at least be able to explain, Dariux.” I gaze at him beseechingly. “She deserves to know the truth before she dies.”
Dariux looks puzzled. “The woman you slept with,” he says. “Did she not have family whose blood the healer can use?”
Lud shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know,” he says. “It was one night.”
“She died sixty-five years ago,” Xan says. “And it sounds like she moved around a lot, right? Luddux met her in Zydna, but she was on her way to Kraush. There are billions of people in the High Empire, and official records aren’t perfect. They get lost. Maybe the healer just couldn’t find them.”
“He can’t,” Dariux replies intently. “But I can.” A slow smile spreads across his face as he gets to his feet, “What I have is a sixty-five-year-old copy of the Spymaster’s own ThoughtVault. Surax spied on everybody. Let’s see if we can find your daughter’s family.”
23
Luddux
PRESENT…
I hold my breath as Dariux navigates the ThoughtVaults, searching work records in Zydna and Kraush, travel records between the two planets, skimmer registration records… everything. His hands move in a blur as he scans the information faster than I’d have thought possible.
“Got her,” he says in less than a knur. “Sola’vi und Thornox ab Degha. She was born in Maarish. Two sisters, one of them bonded, one brother.” He clicks his finger to close the screen and turns to me. “Your daughter has plenty of family, Luddux. There should be no shortage of people that can give her the blood she needs. Let’s go save her life.”
There’s a lump in my throat. “Thrax isn’t sure he can restore the communicator without permanently damaging the ThoughtVault,” I stammer. “Whatever you’ve been searching for…”
“Probably doesn’t exist.” His expression is defeated. “Maybe I was fooling myself. I was facing a lifetime in exile, and I just needed something to hold on to.” He heaves a long sigh. “I think I’m ready to give up. Like the Firstborn said, the most important thing for us to do right now is to find a place to hide.”
“What were you looking for?” Felicity asks.
He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter now. What’s important is Mar’vi. Let’s go to the Na’Lung camp and give Thrax the ThoughtVault so he can get the communicator working as quickly as possible.”
Thrax takes the ThoughtVault from Dariux, clearly surprised. “You know there’s no guarantee that the ThoughtVault will work again?” he asks.
“Luddux has warned me more than once,” Dariux replies wryly. “It’s a chance I’m willing to take. Do it.”
Thrax goes into his house. We wait in the dining hall, too tense to talk. I should have written to my daughter right away. Xanthox had told me to, but I’d been too stubborn to listen to him. I told him that I didn’t want to give her false hope.
And maybe a small part of me had also been afraid that Mar’vi would hate me. That she’d respond with words of anger and reproach and blame me for what happened. A sentiment that I would understand only too well, because I blamed myself.
But Felicity hadn’t blamed me, and neither had Xanthox. They’d both seen what my guilt had prevented me from seeing. I was captured before I could go to my daughter. It was horrible, and I will regret it for the rest of my life, but the situation had been outside my control.
“Here.” Thrax’s voice startles me from my thoughts. He smiles widely as he hands me the communicator. “Works like a charm. Everyone’s going to be clamoring to use it, but I thought you should go first.”
“Use what?” Arax’s voice cuts into the conversation. He looks at what I’m holding, and his eyes widen. “Is that a communicator? Are you crazy? The entire Navy is patrolling the planet, looking for Raiht’vi, and you’re going to use tech?”
Bast. He’s right. If the signal is traced back to us, I’m putting everyone at risk. I can’t do that. I can’t risk the lives of everyone in this camp just to say goodbye to my daughter.
“Firstborn, if I may have a word?” Dariux says. He draws Arax out of earshot. The two men appear to have an urgent conversation, and then Dariux comes back. “One message,” he says. “The moment you send it, we turn off the comm. You can’t check for replies. Okay?”
I stare at the man. “Thank you, Dariux.”
He waves away my gratitude. “I didn’t do it for you,” he says. “I just hated to see my ThoughtVault wrecked for nothing.”
Felicity gives him a dry look. “Of course you did,” she says.
His lips turn up in a small smile. “Send your daughter the message, Luddux.”
24
Felicity
PRESENT…
Bolox and Narix are still in the Lake Ang camp, so after Lud sends the message, we fly back there for what might be our last time.
“It feels bittersweet, doesn’t it?” I ask. “To know that this could be our last night here.” I look around the house that Xan and Lud built for me, the sunny bedroom, the perfectly designed kitchen, the ladder to the roof. “I’m going to miss this place.”
Lud’s been kind of quiet all evening. Arax has banned the use of the comm for a good reason, but I can guess how hard it must be for my mate. He’s never going to know if his daughter got his message. He’s never going to know if she was cured.
I still haven’t told them I’m pregnant. I’m not sure what Lud’s reaction is going to be, or even Xan’s. We’ve kept secrets from each other, and it nearly caused our relationship to fail.
We’re slowly recovering. Slowly moving past the misunderstandings, past the secrets, past the hurts to come out somewhere stronger. Better than before.
But are they ready to hear that they’re going to be parents?
We prepare a meal together. Just as we’re about to start eating, Xan frowns. “I’ve been wondering about something,” he says slowly. “If you really believed that we were going to go away from here without you, what made you give us a second chance?”
Because I found out I was pregnant. And I had to try to make things right. For our baby.
I take a deep breath. No more lies. If our wounds are ever going to heal, I need to be honest with them. And if they’re not thrilled about the baby, then we’ll deal with it together.
“I learned something,” I reply, wiping my palms on my pants. I swallow hard. “I’m going to have a baby. Our baby.”
Their faces go blank. “You’re with youngling?” Xan’s voice sounds strangled.
I nod, unable to speak. Are they happy or is the news too much o
f a shock? Too much to absorb, given everything that’s going on in our lives?
“How long have you known?” Xan asks.
“Um, for a while now.” This isn’t the reaction I hoped for. “I realized right before we left to find Dariux.” I take a deep, nervous breath. “Are you mad at me?”
“Mad?” Lud finally speaks. “Why would we be mad? This is the happiest day of my life.”
He lifts his head up. His eyes are swimming with tears. Putting his arms around me, he pulls me into an embrace. “A second chance,” he whispers into my ear. “Felicity, my love. Right now, I’m the happiest man in the world.”
His lips curved into a joyous smile, Xan insists on carrying me back to the bedroom. “I can walk, you know,” I tease as he carries me across the threshold. “I’m pregnant, not an invalid.”
“You are so precious to us, little one. We cannot care for you enough.” He places me on the bed and kneels, removing my shoes. He and Luddux both undress me like I’m a doll. One kisses my forehead, the other my belly. “You should rest,” they murmur.
“Later,” I tug them closer. “I need my mates.”
They strip so fast they almost tear their clothes, but when they come back to me, they’re nothing but gentle. Lud works between my legs, lapping at my pussy until I cry out. Xan lies beside me and gently strokes my face, my breasts. He puts a protective hand on my belly and kisses me deeply.
I pant my climax into his mouth, but it’s not enough. “More,” I gasp. “I want more.”
“We will give it to you.” Lud nuzzles the inside of my thigh, his stubbled jaw scraping my sensitive skin, making my insides clench. “We will always give you what you need.”
“My turn.” Xan rises from my side, and the two of them switch places. I grasp Lud’s cock as Xan starts to lick.
“Little one,” Lud breathes. He reaches down and traces my lips with his fingers, then they stray lower, to brush against my nipples, and then still lower to rest against my belly.
Little sighs escape me as Xan’s tongue explores me, swiping lazily up and down my slit. I shiver with pleasure and concentrate hard on jacking Lud’s cock. My mates are obviously reluctant to take me in my current state, but I won’t be satisfied until they’re both inside me. Viola said that Harper was having plenty of sex, and given that Vulrux is a healer, that’s not happening if he has any reason to believe it’s not safe. I’d be damned if I’m going to go without. I’ll just have to make them as hungry for it as I am.